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Personal Recipe for Best Conditions

How do you set up your own life? To be able to not only control those eyes irritation and impatience and in security, the negative manifestations. But to truly start to feel better every day and to start having a better relationship with yourself every day from my thought process. If I can set myself up to feel as good as I can every day I am going to be that much more control of being irritated, impatient and feeling need to impress other people or all those other sort of manifestations. I want you, Teoh. Certainly figure out your own personal recipe for what this is. And when I see recipe, this isn't like health and energy. We're actually gonna cook part, but everything you need to do on a day to day basis to try to get yourself in an optimal state to feel good all day long. If you've ever seen me speak before, I actually care a great deal about this. I put a lot of emphasis on it. I knew coming into these five days on Creative I've in a row that I was gonna have to have my recipe do...

wn strong and Creativelive has been. I've had Kee wah tofu and kale for breakfast. Every morning you have us. I like I like just the perspective of sustaining my physical body. I'm not even at the emotional warmth part just the effort of sustaining my physical body. I'm having a ton of water. I'm having really good high protein foods. I'm having clean raw foods. I'm eating my bananas for my dopamine, but not in public, cause that's weird. I'm having avocado for dinner almost every night because I know that also triggers really good feel good chemicals. I'm taking the research and then putting in together for this kind of recipe. So before I chat about that second, I wanted to say, As I talk about creating your own personal recipe, I want address the little point for people who feel very, very busy and have a lot of demands on them and a lot of people vying for your time. One of the things to consider is that to do any of this taking time to make sure you set yourself up to the optimal, not only for yourself, but for everybody around you. It does take some time. You're probably We were just talking about this. You're here for five days, almost a week. You're away from your baby's. You missed them like crazy. I'm so sorry. Don't trigger anything, But you missed them so much. But you're also very much recognizing that this is something that you will be able to dio that when you come home and you go camping in the woods, you have this much more time and stuff to give them right. So it's a little bit of a hit, but, you know, you're giving them more in this vein, I think it's really common if you if you're somebody who you're working till five that day and you know that the kids go to bed at eight and you only have three hours with, um, the idea of stopping by the gym to do 30 minutes of some sort of exercise seems wrong. That means you only have 2.5 hours with, um, you can't do that. So you're not gonna go to the gym that day? Just just a rough example. Um what what I have resolved for myself and my husband and I both do This is that almost each and every time I will go and take that 30 minutes whenever it is. Maybe it's during the day in the morning. Sometimes it's at that gym because I know I would rather give them 2.5 hours of my very best engaged content peaceful self than three hours of me. Annoyed, irritated. I know that they're gonna do much better with the time that I could give him my happiest place and we joke all the time. Where you going for when I was out the door. Where you going For a run right now. You gotta bring home money like that. It's known in our household, Um, we can always give more to others when we don't feel so taken from ourselves. I live by that. I believe that I didn't used to always. I know I've seen it play out time and time again, how true that is. So even though it feels tough to do that, it feels tough to make that choice. I know that if I care more about my relationship, people around me and I care about giving them the better version of myself. But I do have to do these things each and every day. So my personal recipe is based off of consuming, expending, connecting lightning and boosting. Let's jump right into that. And I'm not talking about just consuming beer and pizza and chalk. I mean, pretty specifically this a pretty focused list of these are the things I try to do each and every day so that I can be set up to have a lot more energy and feel in a better place. Um, consume. I eat mostly real foods. It makes a difference in high feel all the time. Avoid sugars, most carbs and processed crap. If you ask me for a bag of Cheetos and last four days, I'll say no because I will crash on Day four at this time. Um, expend. I try to get at least a minimum of 45 day minutes. A day of cardio. Cardio doesn't mean I'm going in a full sprint. It means I'm walking slowly while talking on the phone, sometimes for 45 minutes on getting out. My business calls strength training three times a week. I don't know how many of you do strength training started. Training has been a surprise for me. We talked about this and helping energy course. I only started really doing this about a year ago. Nine months ago. I'm amazed at what simple 20 minutes a day, three times a week will do for making you feel strong everywhere in your life. Not just physically carrying things, but make you feel strong, like more in control and and better able Teoh to be in charge of things connect. I need to have a meaningful exchange with someone somewhere, somehow, Almost everyday. And, um and what I find we talked about the word draining. If I'm having just high level conversations every day, that drains me. If I could go a little bit deeper. That's why I want to do this workshop. This This is why I love this top. If I could have this kind of talk about something that we all care about at a level where we strip away the self consciousness and we really discuss how so much of us are the same at these levels. This is replenishing to me. I get an extraordinary man effort out of this, and I know that, um, lightning them, whatever that issue, whether it's going to church or spending time refueling your spirit by sitting in the woods quietly doing meditation something where you are lightning the oh, I believe that's the word that's on you every day. Um, what is the phrase? Were not human beings having a spiritual experiences but spiritually beings having a human experience? I believe that strongly, regardless of what you believe we know there's more inside us than tissue. Um, so, uh, boosting, you know, daily mood foods. I mentioned my banana and my avocado and so on and so forth there certain foods. And again, we went into this in great detail during the health and energy course. But there absolutely is food that you can eat that puts you in a better mood, literally kicked kicks in your dopamine and your serotonin actually have an article about this on all on life dot com, the new website that just came out just in an article about some of this food mood stuff and refreshing yourself. Liquid therapy could mean different things at different time. Specifically, I drink a ton of water often for a whole bunch of reasons, but energy be able to clear my system and have a lot of energy. I know that if I go the whole day and have one water that day, I'll be exhausted. It has an effect. So this is just my This isn't to say you go do this. Have you thought in these areas things like consuming, expending, connecting, lightning boosting refresh. Have you thought about what you can do for yourself To set yourself up optimally every day to be someone that's better to be around? Not to mention how you feel. Have any of you guys ever done this? Tomorrow I will say that I started working out. Finally, for the first time, I was, like, 12 years old about a year ago and, you know, just 30 minutes a day. Not every day, certainly. But Ford, 34 days a week, sometimes five. And that there is something there. I just, you know, keeps you saying, I mean, you feel better and I don't know. It doesn't help here. Doesn't help. Yeah, that's something about there's something there than even a little strength training to Not much, but yeah, there's There is I would vouch for that. Absolutely. In terms of and Stephen, I will say that all the time like one of one of us will be frenzied and overwhelmed. And how about going on? And the joke is, go out and find Steve happy tomorrow somewhere around Mile to go find her burger back on. And that is what it is. There's a lot of that. Obviously, exercise has an incredible amount of benefits for me. My number one motivator is mood management number one motivator every time. The other side benefits are great. But it's that yes, so whatever this recipe is for you, I would love for you to take a few minutes. Teoh, look at this slide to think about it and to just say take a stab at it. I don't know what are five or six things I could be doing every day that I just go through days. I mean, we talked about functional versus driving. I functionally would move through my days. How could I thrive in my days? How could I thrive in my interactions? Well, maybe I need to start a little bit with self and figure out what it takes to make me a happier, more content. Maurin livened person less irritated, less frustrated, less impatient, etcetera. So whatever your personal recipe is, I believe that you don't just consistently receive great energy like stable moods. Patients, amore, lightened state. You generate it. You generated for yourself. And you do have to take responsibility for generating it yourself. Mindfulness. This is another term like self care that we hear Ah, lot And some of the times we hear in a really beautiful, deep, meaningful way. And sometimes we hear it like a commercial. Unfortunately, um, I should preface this part by saying, I am not a Jedi knight. I'm not Yoda. I am not even a jet order. But a simple definition of mindfulness is simply the art of maintaining moment by moment, awareness of our thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, physical intelligence and environment, or actively managing rapid, rapid context shifting. I speak a lot in business courses about single tasking versus multitasking. I've been saying that for years that what we do when we multitask is simply train our brains to go very, very shallow and not be able to dig deep into something and really be there because we're constantly doing email and cooking dinner and talking to a friend and you know, responding to attacks and teetering. We're doing all these sort of things at one time, and if we were to dive to someplace, tell me you guys haven't had this experience. You sit down and you have to work on something. Maybe it's editing. Maybe it's writing something out. Whatever it's going to create about 90 minutes of focused attention, that's what you need to give it to have the task to be done and you sit down with the intention of doing that. And four minutes later you're on Facebook and you didn't go there. You don't remember consciously saying switched tabs. You don't remember that occurring what that is, is your brain trained to go shallow and jump shallow in job challenge? That's what we do, a multitasking. I go everywhere. I am rapidly shifting context because this is where I'm happy now because this is what you've trained me to do. The actual term is neuro plasticity, which means things that we constantly dover over again. We actually retrain the way our neurons work in the brain to start doing it that way now. So what mindfulness does is it allows us to say, you know what I'm watching myself open 64 taps and I'm supposed to be just right in this one article. Why am I over here? Not why match dot com I married. This is whatever it is you find like you're just you're just going. Being able to be mindful is to watch yourself jump from the phone to the this to that to that and say, Silly little person, you're just let's be writing that article. That's what mindfulness is in terms of a day to day experience. What I find is mindfulness is the complete opposite of the experience that electronic saturation cultivates within us, is it not? It's exactly the opposite we're told in this day and age, to be mindful, to be present, to be here now, also, with all these electron ICS. It doesn't go together. We talked earlier about that feeling of feeling conflicted. I want to be president. Want to be here with you? I want to just dive deep, and also I want to check Twitter. It doesn't go together that you feel conflicted. That's part of what that ISS so practicing mindfulness, saying there's a day luge of information coming into me every day, and I want to be mawr aware of what I'm actually doing and where my brain is skipping to, Um, that's the great observer that we can be for ourselves finding the gap between who you are and that they lose of thoughts in your heads. So part of what that is is just kind of, and I use that kind of. That's how it feels to me like you go up high, imagine if you just step outside of your body and then you go up, I and you just look down your floating on the ceiling you're watching. You're watching another person action, that inaction. That's what awareness is, and you're slowly noticing more and more not only your own thoughts and your behaviors and your actions, but how What you think they think affects your actions, how we're so connected to each other, that just my thoughts on what you're probably thinking will change how I respond to you. And you didn't do anything. You just sat there. You just sat there, but I suddenly think she tells her head a little bit. When people tell their head, I know from past behavior that that means they think I'm ugly. Well, you know what you know, and it's suddenly my behavior towards you starts changing. That's we do that all the time. 24 7 in and out. And it's just the mindfulness aspect is just sitting there in washing yourself. Do it with affection that that part's important with affection. Because you already have all the yucky messages. You don't get out of those with affection saying, Oh, there she goes again, thinking someone thinking shoes out of you know that that's what that is so mindfulness. One of the other great upsides of being mindful is being able to reboot your brain for all intents and purposes, actively focusing on nothing. It's such hard work, is it not? It's very, very hard work. The only way it becomes less work and more pleasure is practice. I did for I want to try. I wanted to practice my meditation every single day, and I've done meditation for years here and there. You sit down for an hour, go to a meditation center, try this, but what I started wanting to do is every single day, every single day, and I gave myself a minimum of 10 minutes, and I did it. But the first, a couple weeks, we're literally my If you were tapping into my brain to be, like, really just it here does it here. But all that stuff had business there. I mean, that was what I just kept trying to stop. Stop saying that. Don't say anything. You stop saying you don't think e That's what meditation was for me, and then I just kept making myself sit down and try again. Eventually, I started finding everyone says, Never lie down when you met a take your policy. I actually find that I don't false statements very wrestle for me. So it's also figuring out what makes the most sense for you. But what you're doing when you're actively closing down your thoughts, is rebooting. It's exactly like shutting down your computer when it starts acting squarely on what's going on. It won't stop. I'm just gonna shut down, wait 10 seconds and started again. You know, it's de fragging. It's frying your cookies, whatever it is. The cooking's most of us. The part of part of the reason one of things I recognise when I kept trying to meditate and failing was that I didn't know how to shut my brain off because I was so trained to it constantly being on, not just because I was thinking a lot of things and doing a lot of things, but also because I had become and many of us are addicted to. That feeling of adrenalin of court is a court is all running through my body, the stress hormone basically feeling like I had to be on because any things about to happen any minute because it always does, like you are in that state so often that you can't just sit there. It's like taking a car and ramming it down the highway into a guard rail. Smash. Now stop. You're supposed to slowly start to break until you come to a stop slamming into a guard rail. It's not a really healthy right, do it. That's what meditation is supposed to be, letting you slowly move into it. Most people don't sit down and meditate, and within 1/4 2nd or just blank, you slowly move into it. But you haven't allow yourself over and over a little bit of time to do that and give yourself the allowance to fail for a few weeks and say This is just part of it. You shouldn't be adding pressure there. But I'm telling you, in terms of boosting creativity and maximizing your creativity, it's an amazing tool. Some other upsides to it, of course, is that literally changes our brain. I talked about neuro plasticity. It's an entire area in neuroscience that says that what we the way that our neurons fire together, they start toe wire together. That's the concept. You start firing this way, doing this, changing the habit trigger. This is what I dio payoff. In terms of mindfulness, you start to rewire the way you think. Which is You start to say, Hey, brain, how that we don't surf all the time. How don't we jump into a 1,000,000 things all the time? Why don't I train you What it means to be quiet because you don't know and you won't know for a while, but we're gonna work on this Increase positive feeling. The more calm you feel inside, the less irritable and impatient you're on mindfulness gives you this meditation gives you. This reduces fears. This is interesting. Science and studies have shown by scanning brains during meditation that you literally are shrinking the part of your brain. That tells us to be fearful that that it lists those response. It's your reducing the portion of the brain that manages responses to fear and stress. You're actually becoming less afraid. That's awesome. I just got real excited about, But that's it. That's the thing. Everybody, What's your hurdle? What's your hurdle? What's your problem? Why can't you succeed in business? Why can't you close more sales? Why can't you just go out there and wing it? I'm afraid you don't say that. You go through eight different words until you get to that, but that's what it is, so you actually will have that part of your brain activate less often because you're shrinking it. You obviously can increase your focus. Undoubtedly enhance your relationships because you bring a calmer person to everything you do. Improve your parenting skills. I can go on and on and on, but I think that's a lot. The left self aware we are, the less kind we seem to be. This is something I've absolutely noticed for myself, the less I'm paying attention to how I'm might be what what behaviors are doing, how I'm interacting with people. I also noticed that I'm not being is considerate of them because I'm just doing what I want and that affects my relationships. It's the more self focused we are, the less empathy we feel and the less empathy we exhibit to other people, we can teach ourselves to be happier. We actually have the capability teach ourselves that. Be happier, to give more, to be more present in relationships, to appreciate more we can teach ourselves. But to sit there and say, Well, I should just be that doesn't make sense. None of us should just be that we get Do we get to teach ourselves that I was headed experience recently where I went into a Starbucks. I had the kids with me and I was in a really friendly state. Had a bunch of 10 on my plate messages going crazy for things coming at me, saying, Where's the need the file? I need the doctor or any of the photo. I'm walking in with my kids and I walk up to the lady at Starbucks and she's in the same state. I don't know what about, But she looks like a mirror image of me, and it's and she's like, What do you want, like for you not be a mod? The state I was in, I brought nothing to the interaction. And in fact, it probably made it worse for her and me. Because now we had this. If I had walked in there, just meditated. I did yoga and running. My Children were like angels flapping on tap. And she was like, What do you want? I've been like, you're right there. OK? Yeah, that's fine. What you want? I'd love a coffee. How are you doing? I'm not doing well. How are you doing? And we could have kept going. And I could have made a big difference in her day in her experience, because nothing she said would have sparked me because I would come from this more calm, quiet place. And it would've been kinder to her instead of just saying Oh, yeah. You want to go? Eso breaking it down? How? We have simple mindfulness. I can't meditate an hour day. I'm not gonna run off to an Ashram. Don't expect me to open a Zen meditation center. I've got a busy life. Don't tell me. I've got to do one more thing. Okay? You don't have to the simplest ways to be more mindful in your day. Um, this is something I I started doing when I felt so aware of the adrenaline pumping through my body, I would leave work. I'd had to shoot That day, I race home. I'm on the phone, on speakerphone, carefully. On the way home, I park the car running the door. Baby sitter had to go on paying runner check as she's leaving, the kids are looking cross project. And then and then my husband comes home and he's like, Hey, you wanna go out to dinner? I'm like, Oh, sure, that's about to run out to dinner. We sit down and now I'm supposed to just the president, mindful with my family, I don't feel that way. I feel frenzied and pulled upon and overwhelmed. So we sit down and I started a 62nd process, which is just going through my six senses. I said I would actually make myself discover where iwas so I would and do this with me for right now if you can. So we're sitting right here. This is 60 seconds and literally what do you see? Use good adjective because you looking at me. But you have to say out loud. But so what do you see? And what I would do is actually, like blink and focus, because I could be in the most beautiful environment in the world, but I wouldn't see it. What I see is my little phone in my screaming kids. So what do I see? Step back and actually look at what do I hear? Hear people laughing. People were at ease. People actually living this life right now, they're not just on a treadmill or going, going, going, you know, what do I feel? I feel seat around here. There's actually a cushion. It sounds crazy, but I didn't get any of that because I wasn't there because I was going. So it sit there and I go through every one of my six senses for about 60 seconds, and at the end of just a minute, I was there. It's like I fell back into my body and I sat in my seat and I felt so much calmer. I saw the people in front of me. And like I love you. People were out to dinner together, Okay? But I would have to transition somehow if I didn't have it before I got there, I had to create it. And that's simple Mindfulness. seconds. All your senses. Where am I right now? And who am I with And how does this feel? Um, Number two focused consumption. I mentioned that everything's coming to us all the time constantly becoming more aware of it. I will never watch a local TV newscast, never because it's not news anymore. It's just sensationalism and murder and horribleness and that they're screaming at me. If I want to be in touch with the news, I will find cleaner. Resource is to do so. I signed up for Skim. Have you guys ever heard of skin S K I M m. They send you daily Digest of the news every morning and then they explain to you what's happening. It's really fun. Eso they'll send you something like today. This happened here That's really something just awful on that would, you know. But then they explained that parameters of it in a way I probably wouldn't get because I wouldn't read the full article or I just get the sensationalized news source coming at me. Eso I focused on my consumption and there's things I will cut out because I knew I am. Ah, lot of people tell me they love like Dexter and shows like that I'm like, I could never watch people tearing themselves staring a part of body limb by limb. I know what that does to my psyche, so I'm going to focus on that and not be able to do that. The other thing is, um, I'm over here. Has anybody here ever read the book? Little B? Do you know that book, Little B? Yeah, The one with a girl that came from Africa and I came to Okay, It's a beautiful book. I'm trying to think who wrote it. I think I've got the three offer. I can come up with it, but the book is called Little B, and she and when I mentioned, like focus consumption, I don't ever watch horror things. Andi, I think I read this line in the book and I was like, That would be why I don't I never knew exactly why didn't other than I just don't see it. She wrote this that she'd come from this horrible situation where there had been attacks and, um and obviously a murder in the village, and she'd seen the worst things possible. And then she was in England and she's looking around and she starts seeing how an entertainment they have horror films. And she said, You would never create horror for entertainment if you'd lived through it yourself, and I thought that was that's it because why are we finding pleasure in this horrible way? We treat each other when that's actually existing in the world right now and causing so much pain. So for me, the idea of understanding your own self and how your energy gets affected and focusing your consumption accordingly can have a big impact on on who you are to other people. Elektronik Leash parameters Call my phone. My electronic leash, for many reasons keeps me a line to everything that is telling me it needs something from me. Thea. Other thing I've noticed, absolutely, and I'm sure you guys have had this experience is I'll be out with friends and having a nice time. Everything's going well and I'll check my phone and I get a message. That's less than something I wanted to hear right then, for whatever reason, maybe it's negative feedback. Maybe it's somebody being me, I don't know, but I'll notice that it will literally like a leash on a neck jerk me from where I am into the space that I didn't want to go to. I didn't have to go to eso. I'm a more aware of what my parameters are when I'll have my electronic leash available, and that means literally setting hours for when I want my phone on and off, Um, 10 minutes a day. If you can't meditate for a very long time, 10 minutes gives you all those benefits I talked about. Significantly. Five minutes actually gives you a lot of those benefits on Lee a day I have to APS that I love, well, several APS that I love on your IPhone. There's free APS. Simply being is a Siris of free meditation walk throughs that you can time with. It gives you time. It has a guided meditation. You can put your pick. Rayna's a nature sound. Headspace is another one. Take a break is another one I use in turn Insight timer. That's my favorite insight. Time. Recite GHT inside timer. It's not a guided meditation but allows you set a timer and then just go away and come back when it's softly. That's, you know, the times that there's also, ah, journal on there so you can track your experience. And then, lastly, the nighttime ritual this has been, um, if you are somebody who has any problems sleeping at night or you wake up with anxious, anxious thoughts where you wake up at three AM thing Has anybody ever done that? Everybody's done that. Um, if that is something that you've experienced in your lifetime this exercise, it's 23 minutes. But I literally will lay in bed and I'll start from the top of the day, walk through the whole day, get to the bottom of the day, not judge it, not jump out, but simply what I did. A Gotta get the kids ready for bed that we hear you hear that I had a meeting if during the meeting there was interaction I didn't like. I don't get lost in that interaction. I just It's more of like going through the whole day. At the very in the day, I literally close the door on it. I closed the door and say That day is done and that weird little between that and my 10 minutes a day I have eliminated any sleeping issues because a lot of that was anxious and thoughts that were still going. Sometimes I want to slam the door shut, but other times you just gently closed. It's just a simple nighttime ritual that brings you a lot of peace in terms of going into bed. I want to also note the power of detachment. I've been talking a lot about seeing yourself about becoming more aware of your actions and how they affect your relationships and what your responsibility can be for making those relationships transformed from functional, toe thriving active ones that you really like. The power of detachment is a really powerful concept. Many people, when they think about detaching their emotions, it feels like you're being dull, defeat, dispassionate and checked out, when in fact, what you're doing is allowing form or heightened wisdom, more richness of emotion. Does that make sense not to go to the anymore, but you guys get that? You're there with me. Boom. The three brains want to run on the three brains. I covered this on health and energy. Do you remember the three brains? Do you guys remember? What do you remember about it? I want you Teoh. First and foremost, I want you to consider and do this. Maybe on our break. What do you really want in a relationship? Pick one, pick one relationship your life and just say, What do you really want from it? Perhaps its relationship with your mother. And you want to forgive a rough past. And what you really want right now is to have time together to know each other today for the rest of your lives together. Now, that's what you really want. You get tripped up on always those stuff, but that's when you really want What do you want with maybe your spouse? Maybe your day to day and you feel like you barely see each other and you barely know each other. And what you really want is to have a companion that you can trust and be vulnerable with, And that has your back. And, you know, no matter what ever happens in this earth, this person you can count on, that's what you really want. That's maybe not what you have now or you've gotten tripped up on. But that's what you really want, maybe of a business partner that you guys have conflicts in terms of your work styles. But when you really want is to gel and connect together and run a phenomenal business that you're both proud of, So just take a few moments to say What do I really want and only pick one relationship? I think if you were to try to take this course and go fix every relationship in your life, it would be painful on it would be hard on you. Just start with the one relationship to re begin. Andi. With that in mind, consider this year the way you work every day from your brain. Any decision you make has to do with three brains that are going on. How you respond to any situation is the decision point. But it depends on what part of the brain is doing. The deciding and what I mean by that is we have three brains are cerebellum, which is our instinctive bring this our reptilian brain. We have our limbic system, which is our emotional brain and our neocortex or just thinking brain. Imagine this quick scenario. You're at home. You work from home that day, your spouse's out. Let's say for the sake of argument you are at home. You got kids. You've been cleaning. Things been crazy, your spouse walks in the door. Um, I'm gonna do it for my project because I'm a female. But I'm not for anybody on the bus. Circuses isn't my experience, But I'm working from home and my husband comes in and he slams. It already looks at me, and I feel like I've had I've been racing all day. I've been cleaning and cooking and answering, doing homework and trying to answer his emails and get my client work out. He walks any like since Whoa, I had such a hard day. I wish I could just stay here and hang out like you dio you have a decision point that you can make. It depends on which brain you're using and how the all blend together, how you will respond. You can act with your cerebellum, your instinctive brain, your reptilian brain. Your reptilian brain comes in first. That's the first responder, and what that's going to stay in that situation is like, what? You have no idea what I've done. You are No, no, no. You have all these words that I can't say on creative life. That's what your immediate reporting response would be. Your limbic system or your emotional system is the one that has a lot to do with how you are feeling right then and there on DSO. If you think about the fact that how you're feeling is your empathizing with your partner, you're noticing that looks like they've had a really rough day. He looks harried. He looks kind of out of it. What you might say is, Ah, you look like you've had a really, really hard day and you will say I know that there's a difference between what he said and what he meant. I do know there's a difference. What he said was bad words. What he meant was he was tired. He wasn't judging me. He was saying he was worn down, and so what? You might respond from feeling perspective from your emotional brain or your limbic system is. Why don't you tell me about your day? It sounds like it's been really rough last leisure, neo tort cortex or you're thinking part of your brain. This was tied. And that first question I gave you What is it that you really want? The neocortex is a logical part of you that says, I know what I really want and I'm in respond to what I really want. What you really want is a warm, close loving relationship with that person where you could be there for them and they could be there for you. And what that part of your brain might say is I know what he what he meant, because that's what I'm what I want to look for. That's what I want to see. And so when all these things are coming together, what happens? All things being equal is the emotional brain makes the call. You've got three brains deciding here. Your reptilian brain is just gonna go with instinct. You are a jerk. You do not know what I do every day. You do not appreciate me. And if you think you can, Number two is the emotional brain, and that's gonna be how you feel about that person and yourself. And if you've decided to respond to what they said or what you believe they meant because what the relationship you have the third part is that last logical part that says, I know what I really want. You can't even kick that neocortex in that logical kicker. If you don't know what you want, you're not gonna have a logical response because you don't know what you logically even want, which is why you have to start there. So all things being equal, that's what you're gonna find the three braids air working out where we have the cerebellum, the limbic system, the neocortex and the call and how you decide respond and how the rest of the evening goes. And maybe the entirety of your relationship has to has to do with how you emotionally feel and what you want to bring to that relationship.