Oh, I am so excited to do this today because created barriers is a big deal, and I think it's something that immobilizes us, it paralyzes us. And yet, it's just part of the process and so, you know, usually when I met trade shows or photography governs is there, you know, the talks are supposed to be geared around photography, and we will be doing session like we'll do a photo shoot today and we'll talk specifically about photography, but I love this like, digging deep side, and so I just want to thank the audience members that air here because I feel like it says a lot for you saying you flew in from the midwest from chicago, from florida, and I feel like just coming to this talk is you acknowledging that you've hit a creative barrier and that there is no shame in that, that there is nothing on ordinary about that and that I believe that in you being here and us being together, we're going to experience breakthrough today, otherwise they wouldn't like I'm so I really I really believe ...
it, and I feel like there's, just so much for you sitting here and then everybody that's watching from the audience because I've there's something so isolating about hitting a wall and feeling like maybe you're the only one that's hitting this wall or if you were supposed to really be a success at what you want to dio, you would never come up against this wall and none of those things there to real because everybody hits walls no matter how successful they are, so I want to just start by sharing a little bit with you and those you know, those of you that are watching who I am and where I come from and some of you know a little bit about my story, but I just for those of you who don't? I picked up my first camera when I was thirty years old, and I just turned forty this year, so I'm so excited to be in my forties officially, but I'm I picked up my first camera when I was thirty and my daughter was about two years old at the time, and I have this photo up here because this is this is like one of the key photos that cause me to fall in love with photography. This was the first time and she high pasqua lean hi blaze that they're watching right now so she's twelve now, but this it was er when she played with a balloon for the first time and I loved it and I I didn't know anything about photography I really had spent the last ten years in the riding in the speaking world and I had written a book for women that's called beauty restored and it was based on my own story of being date raped in college in my own recovery and restoration from that so that was kind of my life for ten years is going around and speaking the women on how to breakthrough emotional barriers that's what is so excited talk about created barriers so I just, you know, I never I never expected photography to come into my life and it was really on it was it was two years into that speaking circuit when when I was pregnant with aidan and I know like for those of you who are watching, I like if you don't know me, I'll just tell you like I go like we dive in deep, but then we come up for every promise, so I just want you to know who you're listening to today. So about two years into that speaking tour with my book I was pregnant with aidan are second and I was at a women's conference in tennessee and I started feeling like something was going wrong so I flew home and sure enough, within a short in that time aidan died during that pregnancy and the I'm the loss and the grief from that experience just shut me down and I know all of us have been sound weighs like had that moment where we just feel like shut down by the pain, and I didn't want to speak to women for the time I I'm I felt like I couldn't write because writing is such a spiritual acts for me, and I just felt like I was frustrated with god. I was angry at god and I had all these things happened in my life that I'd somehow been able to turn around and make for the better, but I didn't want to do that with eight, and so I kind of shut dion and it was during that I'm next year of really grieving that I would like I would lay on the couch basically and past glean would play right here on the carpet on the floor, and I remember one afternoon this afternoon, sunlight coming through the window and it was so beautiful and it hit her and illuminated her, and I thought, oh, I need to take a picture of that. I need to grab that, but I knew nothing about photography and someone in high school told me you had to be really good with math to understand photography, and I'm just like I'm telling my daughters like we home school, her kids and she's doing sixth grade math right now, and I have no idea what's going on I'm so thankful for brian but for actions like just make me insane and so I always figured I wasn't smart enough to learn photography but I'm but what? We're going to talk about this today because you know how you get to that place where everything everybody has told you you can't do is just not working anymore and you have to like push through for yourself and that's what I felt like I had hit I felt like I I have to just push through and figure out how to use a camera because I can't like stay in this place of being stagnant anymore so I went to costco when I bought my first dsr and I you know, I it was film back then and I started taking pictures of pass clean this is one of my favorite pictures of her she was playing with the garden hose out in the backyard and I just love this idea that even though I couldn't hold on to eden's life I'm and even though there was there's there's things in life you can not do anything about that. There are still things in life that you do have a choice over and we're gonna talk about choice today but I was like, I want to preserve pasqua leans life as much as like him and so that's where photography started for me I never planned do photography for other people I never had to, like, do speak about the geography to people. But that's. One of the beautiful things about breaking through barriers is like we break through one barrier. And all of a sudden the whole new arise and opens up that we never thought it could be possible.