Listen with Intent
Let's talk about listening with intent. So, Sam was probably trying to listen with a lot of intent in that experience, to be able to turn into the teapot, so we want to talk about zones of listening, your goals of listening. What's a goal for your listening in that moment? And your habits of listening, okay? Maybe ones that aren't so good. So, when it comes to zones of listening, we covered this a bit in the leadership for new managers course, but it's really appropriate here, so I want to re-fry it for you, because hearing it multiple times is only going to help you. Does anyone remember the three zones of listening that can just kinda just give us a quick overview of it? That was here for those courses, was in that course?
So, stuff is like only what you hear about yourself. Yeah, like your eyes are covered.
It's like your inner voice.
It's only that voice in your head or in your body.
Tunnel vision or "tunnel" is like your focus on that one thing and all the noise a...
round you is not, but it's not only--
It's just me and you and everything else kind of fades away, yeah.
And "global" is like everything.
Trying to get all of the data, all of the feeling, all of the knowledge that's available to us, trying to pull it all in, what's inside, what's in the other person, what's in the room, what's in the space. Now, I would like, whether you or with someone else, what are the benefits or draw-backs of each of those? Go from self to tunnel to global. Yeah?
I think starting with the self, the benefit is that you would have a high degree of introspection and self-understanding, but, then, the detriment or the risk would be things outside of yourself that you're not considering.
Absolutely. That is the exact. You nailed it. That's the light and shadow of that one. What about the tunnel? Tunnel listening?
Depending on what (mumbles) which is great, but there might be something of more importance outside of the tunnel that needs your energy and focus.
Yeah; you're kind of missing the point. Sometimes, when we get into tunnel listening, we lose track of time and, then, we didn't prioritize properly, so we kind of like got lost on one thing, but really, there was other stuff you should have covered to really get the most value, but because we were so locked in, we didn't feel the time, 'cause you can kind of feel time, right, yeah? Everyone kind of feels it a little different. Some people have a hard time feeling time, but you can feel it. How about global?
I think global is having a great situational awareness around you, but I think the draw-back can be that, you might lose that intimacy with yourself or the person in front of you and get distracted with the things around you.
It can get a little overwhelming, sometimes. It takes a lot of energy, I would say, to be present enough to be in global listening, so I would say I would encourage everyone to be in global listening as much as possible, while knowing it's impossible to stay there all the time, so if you know you're going to have to do a lot of global listening for a key thing, maybe allow yourself some introspection time before really tuning out, getting in your zone before you really have to really own, so, before I come and teach in a workshop, I go and hide from people because I need to be with myself, first, to just really recharge my batteries and really get connected to me, so I can really hold on to that as I'm trying to stay connected to an entire room with everything I'm doing, right? So, think about managing that energy and those zones. That's really important for coaching, especially if you're going to bounce between these three any time you're with someone, so, if you end up in self and you should have been in tunnel or global, just calling it out and, then, pulling yourself back. Have the trust and confidence that you can move your listening around. Hopefully, as I've been explaining it, you've kind of been tuning in to all three of them, just naturally, so try to be able to play the game. This one's cool because you can practice it literally every moment of every day. Sometimes, it's hard to get enough reps practicing something Like flying an airplane. There's a lot of high cost to practice flying an airplane. You can use a simulator, which is very helpful. It's made people crash planes a lot less, but actually flying a real plane's really challenging. Practicing your zones of listening and flipping between them; that's free and available at every moment, so I'd really encourage you, today, going forward is "Think about this, call it back, bring that intention back up and play with it". You'll become a master very quickly. Okay. So, what are you listening for? Well, understanding is one, so we call that "bottom lining". That's being able to say back to someone what they just said, including only the most salient nuggets and letting all the rest go, because you don't want to just parrot back to someone. That's what little kids do. "You don't want to parrot back to someone; that's what little kids do". Right? It's awful. But, if you don't give enough back, someone will think you didn't hear them or, maybe, you didn't hear them, so it's the art of bottom lining. As you've been noticing, have you noticed some people? I don't do it every time, but sometimes when people ask a question or have an idea, I'll bottom line back to them what they said, like the key of what they said. Has anyone had me do that to them today? Do you remember that experience? How was it? How did it feel?
It felt like you were actually listening and that you got the main message of what I was trying to convey to you, to be able to then coach me and give feedback.
People feel heard when you use this skill and when they feel heard, they're ready to move on to whatever you want them to do next. If you skip this step and don't acknowledge or bottom line, people will be thinking "Have they heard me?" They'll be holding on to that point, because they're not sure you got it. Really smart, fast people tend to skip this step and, then, people get frustrated around them, because they don't think they're listening, but they're listening and moving on, but they're sometimes going so fast, they're not really staying connected, okay? This will change your life and it will make you a great coach because you're going to bring people with you, right? You're not going to break, you're holding hands and you're moving and you're not breaking connection. It is so simple but it is easy to just gloss right over, so practice, practice, practice. Are you listening for feelings? A lot of times, people are talking and it's like "Womp womp womp womp womp wah". It's just words to me and, inside, I'm looking "What is the feeling?" That's what's more important. So, I'll say I'll give what's called an "empathetic presumptive statement", so "It seems like you're feeling frustrated" or "It seems like you're feeling really satisfied right now". People are like "Yes" because they didn't really care about me getting the details; they wanted me to understand what they felt about it, and, sometimes, the feeling is the place you need to in the coaching; not the technique or the specifics or you might be listening for insights. I call these "spike words" or "super words". There's certain words people say that have a lot of information in them, a lot of code in them, a lot of charge to them, okay? So, I'm listening to you and, then, you say the word "I was devastated" and you keep going "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah". I'm like "Whoa, boom, 'devastated'". That's an insight. "Something happened and it made you feel devastated". Now, whatever that thing happened was, was maybe you just didn't get recognition from your boss on hard work you did for a project, and you're just like you say it casually and you move on. I might pause you and bring you back and be like "Wow, 'devestated'? What's that like for you?", right? What we learn is recognition for them is huge. Huge, huge, huge, huge, huge. So, now I know that and I can go deeper on that. That's a spike word or a super word. Always be listening. People will just give them to you, but you got to catch them and you got to double click on them. As we go, if there's a word that really stands out, you can even pause me or we'll check back in on this and tell me if there's a super word or a spike word that really gave you insight about me or made you feel something or know something.