How To Deal With Negativity
So how do you deal with it? So I'm just gonna go through all of these each again on dh go through there dealing with it so we can't please everyone same thing again, there is no need to um you keep working on yourself in your goals and your dreams the people who matter will stick around the ones who don't are not meant to ride along on your journey so you should not let that affect you for too long it always hurts like I said, but don't ever let it affect you for too long so you know, don't worry about pleasing everybody because has never, ever happened um, same thing here they know nothing about you it's exactly what it isthe since most insults and personal attacks come from strangers or people who know little of you, then again are again, you should not worry or care of what they what they think so you know yourself and what's in your heart what you, what your desires are and what you're trying to go, you know, you know, those people will eventually become like a vapor. They're just ...
they come flick you off the road, but you get right back on and they're behind you and you keep going forward, so just try to remember that they know nothing about you and that it always be that way success I gain, the more successful you become, the more negativity you will encounter. Like I said, you need to look at that as a sign that you are on the right track. Yeah, so not looking at is it about as this as if it's a bad thing it's actually good it's a it's a positive sign. Okay, so it hurts. I have had people attacked me for no reason, like I said and at first I was hurt and confused, but I started to figure things out over time, be prepared for it, develop a thick skin don't let things like this get to you or bring you down and use that is the motivation, and I not dealt with all of that. I wouldn't have pushed myself so hard, I probably wouldn't have I know I would enough, I would have just been like trotting along. It was always those people that came along and, like traumatized me and I'm not just talking about little little insults insults on facebook. There was times I've called lawyers like it got bad, like defamation of character kind of thing just things got really out of hand and soul it wasn't it wasn't a little like we'll pour me know it was it was some serious stuff happening at times, so I use that as my motivation, insecurities their insecurities it's highly likely that if someone is giving you a hard time they're reflecting their own security's like I said and to help help you not get to discourage upset from it remind yourself that um if you change your outlook and your view of that person who might be giving you her time it will be a lot easier to help you ignore them if you stop and think about what what is you know why're they soul like why do they have such a problem with me or my work you really think about that there's something deeper going on with that person so if you just remember that it'll help youto avoid the the you know avoid less drama confident people seeking those who look up to you for advice, inspiration and encouragement it does wonders and keeps you motivated on of course not everyone will answer or have the time but keep reaching out to your role models it's really worth the effort I get a lot of people that message me on a daily basis I get e mails I get facebook messages and you know wherever other other social sites I get wherever and I just can't keep up and so if you guys have ever reached out to someone they haven't responded my fellow people like why I wrote you a year ago you never answered and I don't remember like I don't know I can't keep up and it's it's don't ever take that personal in people like when I talked about lee jeffries yesterday of contacted him three times, he's never responded, I can't take a personal he's busy, right? So it's just, um, it's, just what it is, so just remember that so I'm going to really quick. How do you think social media then has changed the way that you experienced negativity both from the, uh, receiving it standpoint? And also then how do you deal with it? Because I know that there's there's a lot of issues with people who respond badly to negativity and perpetuate the cycle because it's so easy on social media to just john down something in the heat of the moment and let it go on and that can have repercussions. So how do you think social media has changed the way that you deal with negativity? Um, well, I don't understand what you mean, I'm sorry, I'm trying to figure out like, what do you like? How has it changed my way? I respond to it, yeah, exactly, because it's a lot easier for people now to actually get to the person like, you know, back fifty years ago, if somebody didn't like, you know, clint eastwood movie well, they would tell their friends, and that was it now they can go to his facebook page, is twitter and say you suck right directly to his face. So now so you receive negativity directly from people as opposed to just yeah, imagining it's out there. Yeah, and you have the opportunity to respond to it, which is a big one, that a lot of people deal with it badly. You have any thoughts on that? When I see the thing is, though, like, that's, all I know, because that's, when I started that's what I did over it into that so the way I mean, I guess from from the changing part of it years ago, yeah, it was a lot harder for people to tweet at you or whatever it was, right? And I think now nowadays, everyone's looking for, like, lime lights, they all want to be, you know what I mean? And so a lot of jealousy and stuff it's kind of I feel like it's it's really strong, like from years ago. Compared to now, I think people are in a different mindset and there's a lot of negativity going around, I don't mean to sound soul about it, but andi, in the good sense, though, social media's help me the whole way through that's, the only thing that that's the only reason that I've gone toe arrive I'm not because if I had not had that and I wouldn't have you know what I mean none of this probably I wouldn't have been here right now so it's a good thing in a bad things so you just got to take it together, right? Yeah great yeah um and the last thing about the critique is a gain see critique like I say it is important seek critique from people you aspired to look up to. The critique is much more valuable to you I've read some critiques from facebook groups for example um you know, sometimes I was shake my head because I I don't even I don't even just like I'll go in the group and I'll watch all these new guys you know say they're all brand new there learned they're all learning and I understand it's good for students to share feedback for each other but there would be, say, a picture of a girl and, you know, say she's posing like I don't know just doing something, whatever and then someone else will come along and they're both new and they're both not understanding maybe you know the creative side of it there going based off of rules and don't cut off limbs and whatever they've heard and then one person will tell the other person like you know oh they'll be like a whole list of things on this photo and I'll be sitting there looking at the photo what's wrong with the photo the photos actually have been photo and this person is seeking advice from people who are just repeating what they've heard other people tell them or the rules so just take that with the grand assault and remember who you're getting the critique from and uh that's that so we have a lot of questions that are coming in a lot of discussion to be had uh do we have anything that you guys wanted to bring up here in the room if you don't weaken start here online andi will get to you in just a second then send ricks wonders whether you've ever had to deal with people stealing your ideas or stealing your photos or copying your photos how do you feel about that and how do you recommend dealing with it? Yeah, I have a lot in the beginning I used to I just get so mad I just freak out and not teo I've I've calmed down over time with it because it's just what happens we all borrow ideas we all get inspired from things and that's normal were artists and we all have to start with some kind of inspiration from something when I like I said I would get really crazy before and just be like you I you're copying me that like freak out about it, but now I'm like a you know I can't what am I going to do right? It is just something you're gonna have to like let go of eventually and when people would be like just ignore it I would be like ignore it like our it did happen to you don't tell me to ignore it and I would just, you know, freak out and like but now I'm like, I don't know I still see it happening, but it's just, um it just comes with the territory and I stealing my work physically like I mean, taking my actual work and using it people have done that and it's still happening and it's actually getting worse I have to email like sellers online or taking my photos and using it for yvaine to sell items and I've found my work people you know why? Because I have the following I do I have people like amanda, did you see this? And they're sending me things that I I just I that that is a whole different ballgame because they're stealing a photographer's work for for profit or whatever they're trying to do but so there's no two ways of your work getting stolen I think you just need to deal with it when it's really necessary like I mean if it's straight out flat out to the tee copying then it's good to confront the person but when it's just little things I don't mean it's just you know they're getting inspired and I've learned to calm child so yeah, it doesn't bother is bother me as much. So yeah, like in the back like, have you ever been jealous of someone like one of your competitors? Like how you deal with that? Because sometimes I deal with that and it's I found it to be a little yeah course I do, yeah, of course I do I I will, you know, inside I'm like, you know, and it's usually it's not really, I don't call them my competitors is people who I'm inspired by and we are kind of on the journey at the same time and maybe I sometimes I think like, you know, I need to progress this fast is that why aren't I doing that and it's not like I don't I won't sit there and hate them for it. I just need to know what they're doing because I got to get there to and so it's good way to do it like that instead of letting it fester and get to you in that sense use their progress to motivate you got a couple really good ones here that are sort of related doug on design how do you get past the self criticism where the only positive attention you're getting are people who know you and just want to support you? You ever have that issue where the people that are saying that they love your work are all people that I love you as a human being and just want you to be happy? Yeah, how do you get past that like doubting whether they're sincere? I don't have dealt with that personally great, like I don't actually I always in the back of my mind I I always keep that thought I'm like well, probably just saying that so I'll just say it gracefully thank you, but like I said with the critiquing of your own work, um to remember just because everyone's going and on it's really good to sit back and look at your own work and play your own critique partner or whatever, so, um yeah, when people when people do that, I always always I'm like yeah, right like I just think in my head yeah, right like he just trying to be nice, I don't say all that, but it's there it sits there yeah never goes away, yeah, go away, get on, then rob love so what do you then do if you don't see how good you are yourself, but others do have you had that experience I'm like that right now that's how it is right now I'm I'm that's exactly what it is like I don't know I just because maybe because I know the whole process of say like this image for example this is like probably one of the most popular photos I've taken and the whole the whole likes all the steps that I went through to take it and stuff um I know what it wass and so I'm ripped that image apart and but everyone else thinks is so pretty and whatever but I that little thoughts are always in my head and everything everything every all of my pieces that I look at I'm like oh yeah it's all right it is I'm just like that and I do I'm proud of certain photos I'm not going to pretend I'm not but everything that I've ever done I still have that thought of critiquing and ripping it apart and that's what artists do anyway so it's healthy it's bad and it's good it's good to kind of do it and it's um it's bad if you you know you dwell on it too much just kind of think about how you can prove and keep going move it a good one from eighty far in england you talked about how you have photographers that you look up to you so if a more established more experienced and more knowledgeable people tell you that your ideas won't work well that there's no market for what you want to do should you listen to them or just carry forward with your own dreams and aspirations what do you do when the people you look up tio are those source of negativity so okay, so when I started that's what I did, I I contacted a lot of photographers I knew nothing, okay? Like I didn't know the industry, I didn't understand anything was working. I didn't I knew nothing. I was just learning, but I would talk teo photographers like wedding photographers, for example, because I didn't know what drink, what direction I was going, I would talk to people who are shooting babies or doing family photos. So those are the people that I looked up to when I started, because I didn't know what direction I was going, and a lot of them told me that I just told that over and over and over again. Um, there's no money in fashion, you can't do that, you need to shoot babies. No, you've got to start shooting pets. You know, weddings is where the money is that and this is where I started veering off into all these directions, trying tio uh, listen to their advice and hating every minute of it, so I I was unhappy and I was like this's really, I don't I don't know if I want to do this. I came along with the questioning if I should give up kind of thing, and after a while, I I started just doing my own thing and I was like, you know what? I don't care if I have to keep my day job and keep doing this stuff because I love it, I'm going to do it and that's what it was, and it took me I nobody knows, but a lot of people who don't know me don't realize that I only actually quit I worked with autistic children for years I only like all that job about six months ago, I was still doing it so and I had I had I would work full time job and a part time job. As time went by, I would like all the part time job, then I went from the full time and I cut it down, I cut it down and I was working less les and I just was too scared to let it go. I had teo, you know how to keep something else like, like, what if I don't? But I let it go finally, and it took me a long time and so yeah, that's, the way that is so like you in the room, yeah we definitely got a lot of conversation still going on the chat rooms I'd love to ask a couple more questions, eric s do you keep any kind of journal of your good outcomes versus bad outcomes when you experiment? Do you and and I'll kind of expand that? Do you hold on and to your mistakes then and keep them in your heart? Or do you like, let them go and move on? No, I keep them, I do, and this is how I improved and we're work on getting better. I take a lot of mental notes, I will do a shoot often every time, really after the end of the shoot. I always think, uh, why didn't I oh, why did I always do it? And, um, next time, like, I just I don't know it's like they just store in my brain and I start to pay attention more attention to everything the next time like and then little by little that's how you you craft your skill because you you start remembering all those little mistakes you made to yourself. Other people might not think so, and then you just, uh, improve yourself that way like it another one from steve perry, how do you deal with internal negativity towards other photographers and keep it in check? Because I think a lot of you know, a lot of negativity people say it comes from jealousy or from like wanting toe heel toe do something whatever wherever the source I think it's something that we do deal with like I think of myself I try to be a very positive person but even so I'll still look at a picture from somebody like come on I could have done that or why didn't they do this o r they shouldn't done that so how do you deal with your own negativity toward other people um you mean like okay so you mean where I look at their work and I'm thinking they could've did something better or I look paperwork and I'm thinking why couldn't I have done it like that let's go both both okay um when I see that I keep it to myself like I said the critique thing it's unwanted and unasked I keep it to myself when I see photos sometimes I'll see a photo and but I do this to myself too so I'm not gonna you know it I'll pull something or say somebody will pull something when they have a large following and everyone's just oh my god and I'll look at it I'm like what I don't what is there so because there's something I'm missing here right? But I keep it to myself I've seen nothing and even at the same time I'll pull something and it's like a thousand likes and going crazy, but then I will take sometimes I'll actually take the photo down like after, like, ten minutes I'm like, uh, no and I take it down so I deal with it it's just weird. I just keep it all inside. Um when it's somebody when I see a photo being posted it's like, gorgeous and I do, I get a little envious. I'm like, why? Why didn't I light like that? How come I couldn't? How do you know what I'll be like? Hardly editing it like that like it's people who I look up to, we know a lot of these photographers I admire all like russia and stuff and I see they're editing skills and I do I get envious? I'm like, where are they learning these skills? But like I said it just like I use all this stuff toe push me that that to even that I see their work and I'm like I'm gonna I need to get like that I need to be better I use it it's negative for a minute but then you use it tio escalate? Yeah, fantastic. So fashion tv from singapore has what I think is kind of a great sort of final question for this discussion how did you decide it was time to give up your day job and pursue your passion and photography? Like he said, you kind of held on to it for a long time, but you made that shift. What was it that really got you over the doubt, over that self fear that so many of us do really have and really get you to actually take that leap? And are you happy with how you took those first steps? Do you wish you had done anything differently? Yeah, I wish that I would have quit that job long time ago. I wish I did that a while, at least at least a couple years back, and I could've and I didn't, and, um, it was very, very scary because, um on lee recently I had I had been saving money for a long time, and I use a big chunk about money, thousands of dollars to purchase a home, and I let go of that job around the same time, and it was very scary because I'm like, I have a mortgage now, I just don't dug into my savings. Oh, my god, like, what have I done? But you know what it's been like since december that happened with the house, and I've been nothing but good, and I think sometimes we need to just leap forward because if you don't like I'm very I'm such a like I'm a grounded person I need to know everything in front of me or I start to freak out but this one time in my life always like I have to just do it and if if it turns out battle will get a job again, I guess because I have to and I have no, the thing is I have no regrets now I realize I have no time to even breathe right now imagine if I had still that job to deal with, so I just had to finally let it go and I realized like I had enough behind me enough support behind me and, you know, I started teaching workshops that was a replacement with that with having the job thing in seoul, I put all these other things in place and I just I just finally just jumped and it's been good and it's not a scary, is it as it seems, I won't tell anyone to like quit their job or just give it all up right now. But but just if there are people out there who who are doubting and still holding on to that you know, job or whatever it is that they're doing in their miserable, I'd really consider you know, looking into that and figure out other ways to make money if they're unhappy yeah, I love it. Thank you very much again. This was a subject that we do deal with a lot as artists, as people who are putting personal statements and personal reflections of ourselves out into the world. It's something that we do deal with a lot. So I really appreciate you. Yeah, this's, taboo, like people don't talk about it. I feel like it's really important to talk about stuff like this because other people are experiencing, and they think, you know that it's, just them and it's, far from the truth.