Your 10% & Your 100%
- [Sheri] So, on this journey, from our 10%, which is one paradigm, to our 100%, which is another paradigm, right? This is the journey that we're going on. In between that 10% and that 100%, that 90% is peace, clarity, and courage. It's those nine principles. Get the exponentials I mean? 10, 100, 9? Okay. Worked hard on that. But that other 90%, and I love what Anna Quindlen says, "If success is not on your own terms, if it looks to the world but does not feel good in your soul, it is not success at all," right? Tenessa you've already said that, right? And this is what so many of us struggle with but it takes courage to admit that. It takes courage to admit that truth. And what I've realized is that we have these two roles, these two realities, that we have our personal self, and then we have our professional self, or this role that we play, right? We have this personal self and we have this role that we play. And what I've discovered with a lot of people is that, the role that we play...
rob us of the life that we really desire. That it just really rob us of the life that we desire. There's this deeper look that we have to be constantly be in tune with on our personal self versus the role that we play. And when I say the role that we play…I'm going to go a little deep with that. The role that we play as mother, husband, CEO, manager, director, pastor, friend, all of those things that we do. The roles that we play. And the challenge is that we put the roles on, and we go out into the world, and then we suppose to take the role off, and be our personal self again. But who gets a chance…when does it stop, right? When does it stop? Five minutes before we go to sleep and then we have a few moments? So what has happened is we constantly have this role that we play and we get this bigger, bigger gap between who we are. What I call our personal self versus our professional self. And then with our professional self, we spend so much time training that entity. You guys are here, right? Most courses like this, they're teaching you how to do better in something that you're doing. We do webinars, we watch shows, we read books, we take courses at work, we have IT training. We have all of these things that are constantly helping us do better. But what we really don't focus on is our personal development. And what I constantly say is, our personal development is what fuels our professional growth. It's what fuels our professional growth. We invest so much time, so much money, so much energy into what we grow and do professionally. But my challenge to all of us, my challenge to you online, is we have to pour and invest our time, our energy, our resources, to our personal development because I… And this is a guarantee that I will give you because for 20 years, I have yet to have it see it fail or I've yet to see in not work. Every person including myself that intentionally invests in their personal development, professionally, every time they get better. That role they play, mother, friend, sister, colleague, executive, entrepreneur. Whatever that role is, but what the other guarantee I'll give you. By osmosis, all that work that you put into your professional self does not translate into character building and the personal self. It does not make you better. Personal development guarantees that you are going to grow in your professional growth. But focusing on your professional growth first, focusing on that role you play, not a guarantee . I mean, how many of us know that grown person that still acts like a kid, right? We all have that, you know, that friend, right? That cousin, that family member, you're like, "Will you just grow up?" Well, they don't know how. And they're great at what they do professionally, but they're lost in who they're personally. So, our personal growth…our personal growth is so critical and it's a daily process. One of my clients, I'm so proud of her. She literally, just renegotiated a major contract with one of her clients but everything we focused on for the last six months has been about her personal growth. Because here's the thing, she had the skill and the talent. She had the skill and the talent. The character is what she had to build. She had the skill and the talent. She had the ability, the confidence, she had to build. She had the skill and the talent, the value in her own work, she had to build. She had to build those things so that a she could go in and negotiate this major contract because our skill and our talent can take us to levels of success that character our can't sustain. And I see that all the time. I'm a football…I'm a sports fanatic so you going to hear a lot of references to sports. I'm a sports fanatic and Eddie George, who is a former NFL player, he literally played 20 years of football. Won the Heisman, played in the Pros for many years. Went to the Super Bowl, didn't win. Went to the Super Bowl. Had an amazing career. Retired at 31. And in his own words, he talked about, that he was so lost when he retired at 31. Because he spent 20 years with one thing and one thing only. And when he retired, he knew nothing about who he was. He was lost . And in his own words, he talks about how, because there was this hole, because he didn't know who he was, because he was so empty, he started and he had headaches from football, and he wasn't sleeping well, and he was just so miserable that he took one Ambien, and then he took another one, and another one, and before he knew it, a major issue happened in his life that he finally had to stop and go, "Guess what, if I don't stop and figure out who I am, my life is going to be over. And I have a wife and I have kids and I've seen this play out over and over." Now, with athletes, and entertainers, and politicians, we see it on a big scale but it's happening with us every day. How many of us get to that point in our lives and we may not do something as drastic as self-sabotage in that way, but we self-sabotage in our own areas, in our own lives. Because we've spent so much time on the business of who we are that we don't focus on who we are. So one of the things that I want us to do is we're going to write our obituary. We're going to write three of them actually, okay? I know it sounds a little morbid but it's not. It's actually going to be quite eye opening. The first one we're going to write and we're only take about 20, 30 seconds so just put some bullet points in there. You don't have to write a full thing but just a couple of bullet points. If you passed right now, what would the obituary say? If it was right now, right now in this very moment, you can go ahead and just jot down a couple of things. What would that obituary say? What would it say about you, the person you are right now? What would it say? Just a couple of bullet points. And I hope you guys online are doing this as well because this is going to be a great little eye opener for all of us, right? So, a couple of bullet points, and we're going to share a little bit about that in a minute. Now, the second, remember we're going to write three of these, the second obituary that I want you to write is, if you passed right now, what are those couple of bullet points that a family member would say about you? Those someone that's really close to you, a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a child. What would they say about your life? The first one was what you would say about your life and what you would want people to remember about you. Remember, obituaries, when they talk about the highlights of the great things that you have been. The second one is, what would that love want? That person that's closest to you. What would they say about you? Couple of bullet points… - [Woman] You find people find it harder to write, you know, from their own point of view of….it's sometimes easier from the point of a loved one perhaps to see the positives of your personality or… - The hardest thing is when they start…when you start looking at it and then going, "Oh shoot what I would say is not what they would probably say." If you're really honest. - And you're counting on them. So you're not know yourself at that moment to come up with the… - And the third one, what would you want said? One of them is the reality. It's the truth. The absolute truth that would be said today . The second one, is what a loved one would say. And the third one is, what would you want to be said? What would you want to be said? Now, everyone get ready and grab the mics. And remember, if you don't volunteer, I will volunteer you. I want to know what are the differences in those three obituaries? What are the differences in those three? Who's going to volunteer first? I've got to have someone. There we go. Right here. - [Woman 2] Well, my first one looks like a job description, you know the things that I do. And the second one, is more about the soul of who I am. And then the third one, still working on, is a little more esoteric. And it…I think it's very similar to the second one actually but even more deep in terms of the real me. - So the first one is that right now, right now, what you do. The second one is more of the heart of who you are, and what you would want is more of the heart of what you are, is what came out of it for you. Wonderful. One more person. Right here. - Tell me your name. - [Shellina] Shellina. I think yeah, my first one sort of, right. It just sort of became like job titles or things that I've done, you know, more listy things, you know. And then second one, was more like who I am as a person I suppose, you know, not titles. And then third one's sort of… it's like trying to be a little bit more of the aspirational I suppose in some ways, you know. And combining some of the stuff that like sort of family would say but also… and sort of not quite done yet but yeah, it turns out it's more inspirational like, who would want to be remembered as. - Yes. And when you look at those, what perspective of your life... what that perspective has that given you when you look at the kind of the differences in these two, three obituaries? What kind of awareness did you get? I see you shaking your head. Pass her the microphone please. - [Dennise] I have this awareness right…. - Can you stand up first please? Thank you. Tell me your name. - Hello everyone. My name is Dennise. - Hi Dennise. - And I actually had this awareness recently because I was talking on the phone to a good friend and I said, you know, my tombstone's going to read, "Should've say 'no' more." And I just…I just don't say no enough and so my close friends and family would pretty much say she did everything for everybody. And so I'm working towards dedicating more time to myself. And that's about it. - So you're already on principle two. Healthy living is more than just a diet, yes. Yes. And how has your perspective change? Who in here from doing this exercise, there's a shift that came. We know Dennise is going to say no more, right? Who else's has something that immediately popped out for them? Yes, right here. - [Michelle] Hi. Michelle Hudson. For me, it was just the perspective of the vibe of it and what it felt was, the first one felt negative and that, you know, how I saw myself and then to change perspective to say how my friends and family see me. And third, of the potential of how I could see myself. So it was interesting to just kind of experience those negative emotions first when you're sort of an asshole to yourself and to, you know, then like and like, "Nobody else sees you that way though." - Yes. Oh, that's good. I say I told you it wasn't going to be morbid. Yeah, so I want you guys to be thinking on this. What are the three changes that you can make, that you can actually make the obituary that you generally desire, right? Because if I wrote…. When I first came to this, I knew that if I wrote the obituary that moment , it's not what I wanted my life to be. I know my daughter would have said, "She works hard." That's not what I want my daughter to say. I know my friends would have said, "Man, she goes ,and she goes, and she goes, and she goes." That's not I wanted my friends to say. And so I realized that if I…I had this idea of what I wanted my life to represent but I wasn't living what I wanted my life to represent. And so I had to take a moment and go, "Sheri, there are some changes you've got to make." Because the saddest thing in the world is to live a life and you look back and say, "That's not even who I am." Who they're going to remember is not really who I am. It may have been what I did, but it's not who I am.