Vanessa Van Edwards
Vanessa Van Edwards
3. Harness Charisma
Why Do We Need People Skills?28:48 2
Detox Your Life19:50 3
Harness Charisma16:48 4
Captivate Your Audience09:44 5
Create Spark17:17 6
The Art of Conversation10:07 7
The Power of Surprise12:12 8
How to Be Memorable14:03
How to Light Up a Room15:03 10
Personality Matrix12:08 11
Optimize Interaction and Design Your Personality08:51 12
How to Speed Read People15:35 13
Conquer Your Fears10:29 14
Create Deeper Bonds and Human Motivation13:21 15
How to Get Along with Anyone15:51 16
Create an Action Plan for an Unforgettable Life06:47
they were talking about harnessing charisma. Chris is pretty sexy. It's very one of my favorite topics to talk about and what we're gonna do. First, we're gonna talk about the science of charisma. What makes someone charismatic. Then we're going to talk about mastering your presence. How have that powerful impact when you first meet someone and we're going to develop your personal mission statement, which is one of my favorite things to do with people, But we always start with a warm up. So in today's warm up, I want to ask you a bit of a challenging question at home. I want you to write your answer in your workbook. The question is, how are you most misunderstood by the world? And if this question seems a little overwhelming for you, the caveat is, how do you What do you wish people understood about you? So I know this is a hard one. I'll start with mine. So people often think I am an extra. They're like, Oh, you love being with people all time and I do love people, but I can't be wit...
h people all the time. So one of things that I wish you well understood about me is that I do love people. But I also really, really need my alone time to sort of refuel and reengage is what we talked about in the last segment. When we start the path to connection and and the first half this course we're going up the path to connection, we're going up to make that really deep, strong relationship. That initial meeting, someone all you really want is for them to understand you. You want to be able to put out who you are and them to see who you are. Four of you are and be okay with that. So, in our hook, which is where we are now, we've already cleared the way. Ah, yesterday we learned how to detox and set our boundaries and be with the right people. And so today we're gonna talk about once you're with the right person, how do you captivate their attention? So let's talk about the science of charisma. So this study and I think this is a fascinating study. They wanted to see if charisma is contagious. They wanted to see what makes charisma. And so what they did is they asked the question what makes an influencer? And they had people rank 59 different personality traits. Competence, warmth, charisma, influence, persuasion. And out of those 59 traits, the first winner was charisma. It is one of those things that we all want that is very rare. To have two minute everyone wants toe have, and that's their own unique brand of charisma doesn't have to be an extroverted could be a quiet power. So the important thing to know about charisma and why I spend the very first big day on it is because charisma pays off. It is worth the energy and attention. People with high levels charisma have higher performance in the workplace. They're also in more leadership positions. Typically, charisma is the first trade we rank when we think about a leader. We also have this myth which have been talking about, which is that you have to be naturally extroverted, attractive or out, going to be charismatic. But on Lee, pretty people or outgoing people can be charismatic, and that is absolutely not true. So charisma comes in many different flavors, and studies have shown that we can raise our natural charisma levels. You don't you do not have to be born with charisma. You can absolutely learn it, which is what we're gonna be talking about today. And this comes down to our fourth people skill. So there are 33 different people skills we're gonna learn in this course. And as we go, they're going to get deeper and deeper and deeper. And this is number four, which is purpose and intention that knowing who you are, what you stand for and why you're here makes you charismatic. The most charismatic people live with purpose and intention. And so, in your workbook, I have outlined a couple of different prompts for you to think about your personal mission statement. I broken down how you can think about what your personal mission statement is for from everything from what is your legacy toe what you want to be remembered for. I would have to say that my biggest fear would be dying without leaving my mark or, um realizing that I have not influenced in a positive way that people around me in my lifetime So one of the things that we don't really think about, what personal mission statements is that that's a very private thing you could never find out in a casual conversation. Now what is your biggest fear is a pretty deep question, but you can see if it why he's here is he's wanting every day to leave his mark to possibly affect people around him. We know just by that answer why he's here, his legacy, his personal mission statement. So I want to ask you the question. What do you want to be remembered for today? In this course and after this, your challenge today is going to be developed to develop your personal mission statement to answer all those questions that we talked about. So I want to start with this one, which is a little bit smaller than what is your legacy. So what I want you to do after you answer those prompts asking your challenge today is I want you to write this next to your matrix. So in the back of your workbook, you're gonna have a blank matrix. And this is your matrix where I want you to write down your intelligence types, which we've already talked about. And I want you to write down the ideas you have for your personal mission statement. So my personal mission statement is to help people uncover their inner awesome. When I am trying to make choices on a daily basis. When I'm thinking about courses I want to do or books I want to write, I always ask myself and my fulfilling this mission So we have our legacy amount on a daily basis. We have our legs are legs are the daily mission statements that we stand on. So our legs is our daily mission statement. That is, when you wake up in the morning or you go to an event, why are you doing what you're doing in that day? So my question is, what is your daily mission statement for today? When you woke up this morning, I'm gonna ask him to give you a little bit to think about it. So I want everyone to answer. What was your mission before you walked in here today? What was your mission at home before you decided to turn on this video? What did you want to learn? What did you want to do? Who did you want to connect with now? Daily Mission statement could be anything they could be generating new business, helping someone learning from someone having fun, trying something new, getting a phone number. If you're dating or going to a club. They can be anything, and they can be small or big. But I want us to get in the habit of no matter what we're doing, starting with a daily intention or a daily mission statement. So I want you to do that every single day. And here's why. Here's some intention. Science. We hear a lot about intention, but we rarely hear a how to implement it. And b why it actually matters. So setting intention is like warming up your brain if you think about it. So the prefrontal cortex not to get too sci fi on you, the prefrontal cortex, the part of our brand. It performs executive functions. So it's a part of our brain that helps us talk to people. That helps us do things. It helps us complete tasks. But the problem is it actually takes a lot of work to get that revved up correctly. So jumping into a task is like playing a sport without warming up, setting an intention for an activity, whether that's training someone with that's meeting with a client with that's being at coffee with that's going on a date is like warming up the part of your brain that you need to perform best. So the reason that we do these is because it sets our intention. It gets us warming up, and you could do these anyway that you want, so we're doing them together now. But I want you to think about what works best for you. So for you that might be sitting down the beginning of a week and look at your calendar and writing in your daily legs for each event. That might be the way that you want to do it, or you could do while you're getting ready. You don't have to write anything down, but you know that you're part of your getting ready. Routine is thinking about what your daily legs is for that activity as you get dressed as you do your hair as you put on makeup, whatever you're gonna think about your daily legs, it could also be during the commute as you travel there that no matter what, whenever you're on the commute, you're on your way to an event you're gonna think about what your intention is for me. I do this every morning when I brush my teeth, I brush my teeth every morning and before I go to bed. And every morning when I brush my teeth, I think about what my daily mission statement is for that day, because the habit that I do every day, it's a really easy way to set my intention for the entire day. You can also do this while journaling. If you like journaling, and that's how you express you. Do them all beat me the week of the being of a month. So anyway, this works for you. I want you to find a way to implement it into your life, to get your brain in that right place. All right, let's move on to Step five, which is the second aspect of charisma. So the first aspect of setting intention and the second aspect is triggering dopamine, So dopamine is the pleasure chemical, which we're going to talk about in a second. So skill number five is to make people feel rewarded, positive and delighted when they are with you. So one of things that charismatic people do really well is they make people feel felt. They make people feel their presence, which we've already talked about a couple times today. And they know how to trigger people's reward centers if you want. Remember this the way you can think of it as they know how to turn people on, right? Charism cares that he will. They know how to turn. People turn people on and here's what's behind it. The science behind that pleasure feeling. You know that person where you meet them and you just feel so alive and excited to talk to them. What they're doing is they're triggering your dopamine. So dopamine simplified is a neuro transmitter that's released when we experience pleasure or rewards. So it's the neuro transmitter in our brain that if we win a race or get a gift or see someone we love, it's released in the brain. It makes us feel that pleasure. So what? I want to learn how to dio we're gonna be doing this throughout the course is learn how to trigger people's dopamine so they feel excited to be with us. It's actually quite a simple thing to do once you know how to do it. The first way is with names. Names is the very first thing that we love to do that triggers are dopamine so compared to other people's names. Upon hearing our own name, we have greater brain activation for my science G xs in the frontal middle and superior temporal cortex for my science geeks. So when we hear our own name and I'm awry machine, our pleasure centers light up. We love here in our own name. We hear other people's names up and really happens. So just saying people's names and learning name science is very easy. We had a trigger dopamine. The other thing is that remembering someone's name has been shown to make people more likely to help you and more likely to buy from you. So names for business is essential. It is an essential part of doing business. But here's the problem on people say Yeah, I get it. Names are important, but it's very difficult in the moment to remember names. So I want to give you a three part trick to remember names very quickly. I ready. Here's how it works. First, you want to activate the audio part of your brain, so you always want to repeat the name out loud. So when you meet someone you want to try to say, it's very nice to meet you. Li Oh, Jason, tell me about you. If you say the name out loud out loud once, two or three times is great, too. But I can find that it's a little bit awkward to say someone same Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, isn't it? It's like a little bit is a little bit weird. So even just once, it triggers the audio part of your brain. Okay, so saying it out loud. Back to them. Nice to meet you, Jason. You can also do this by controlling someone to someone else. Jason, meet Lee Lee. Me, Jason. That's a great way to say names out loud. Okay. Got the audio part trigger part two. And this was found by Dr Gary Small. You want to spell it out in your brain the way that you trigger the visual part of your brain, right? We're getting all the aspect. So that are learning is really solid. Is you envision how they spell their name in your head. So if they have a name tag. This is great because you can actually look at how it's spelled. But if they say, Hey, my name is Marie in your head, I want you to briefly flashed across the top of your head as if their names and lights that triggers the visual access key in our brain. And the last one is associate and anchor it. There's two ways you can associate Ankara. Name one. You can associate them to someone you know with that name. So, for example, if I meet a Sarah, I have a childhood friend named Sarah. I visualize her face, and that makes it much easier that next time you this Sarah, I associate it per with the Sarah that I already know. All right, The next topic that triggers dopamine in addition to name signs, we're gonna keep practicing that I hope we're all gonna know each other's names by lunch. Is this question here? What do you think is our brains Favorite topic To discuss which of these four options produces the most dopamine way. Wait, wait for it like I know. Is it relationships? Raise your hand If you think it's relationships, raise your hand If you think it's ourselves. You knew the answer. I Well, yes, it's ourselves. That's right. So our favorite topic to talk about is ourselves. So instead of what do you do, where you're from? How are you? Let's banish these guys vanish. Um, no more. Let's try. What personal passion project are you working on? Anything exciting happened today, sometimes just changing around the words off. A typical question gets people thinking in a different way, gets them out of the social script or have any trips coming up? What is your next week look like? Is it a busy season for you? Changing around the words you use gets people out of automatic default. Boring, horrible responses. I don't like boring whole responses. I'm allergic too boring. I love talking about how dull gives me hives, right? I do not like boring, so I want to stop using these boring social script answers. I have a complete list off all of my favorite killer conversation starters for you in the bonuses, and I have them even broken down by situation openers, emotional conversation starters, situational conversation starters that you can use to get the right conversation flowing to trigger that dopamine. So I want you to think about what's a better one when you sit down with clients. What is the best conversation starter that you can use to trigger their dopamine? To spur interesting conversation and to make you more memorable? Make that question purposeful. Set your intention for what you want that question to be. Here's a couple of So how's it going? Is usually the one that's typically asked in business meeting situations and also on phone calls. All of our people skills, as we talked about, can be applied in both digital life phone life and real life. So the same thing happens when you're writing an email. What's your opener in an email? Is it just how's it going or how are you? What's a better one that you can use? So instead of how's it going? Work on any exciting new projects you read my mind on that one or house fall treating you so far. So one trick that I like to use is sometimes, if you break down season to you, ask people a situational question. It breaks him out of their mental pattern and against them thinking about, huh? It's followed busy season. For me, it's spring, a busy season for me. That's another way that you could break it down. What's a better one instead of how are you or what do you dio? Let's try have any highlights today? Highlights and low lights are a great way to get people thinking other day gets I'm talking about themselves. It triggers dopamine. Or how do you know the host? I love it. So you guys are reading my mind? Yeah, So I like to share this quote at this point in the course by Maya Angelou, who says, without courage, we cannot practice any other virtual. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous or honest. And the reason why I share this right now is because it does take courage to try something different, right? It feels very safe to ask someone. What do you do, where you from? And occasionally when I'm in a situation or a survive event? I do fall back on those conversations errors because I'm too nervous to go deep. I can't harness that courage. So I do recognize actually speaking to what you were saying, Erica, that sometimes you risk trying something new. But it is worth the risk and reward. I want us to harness that courage by practicing it. So in action, this works great on first dates. Oh, wow. In my workbook, actually linked to my 13 favorite first date questions and why they work. They're great conversation starters. They work in networking events. They work at parties, client pitches and business meetings. I want you to use them in all areas of your life, including phone conversations and emails. I want to be purposeful about how you open those things.
Ratings and Reviews
I enjoyed this Fast Class version and am interested in taking the longer course. Vanessa provided a lot of handouts, which I greatly appreciate and found helpful. I feel more informed and empowered as I make a career change.