How to Speed Read People
all right, we're on day 12. How to speed read people. So I want to start with something a little different today. I want to start with the Golden Rule. Everyone knows the Golden Rule, right? Treat others as you would treat yourself now. I like the Golden Rule, but I don't think it actually tells the whole story I have. There's something way more that we can dio than just the gold role. So I want to introduce a new concept, which is the platinum rule. It's a little better than the gold rule Golden Rule, and that is treat others as they would treat themselves right. Why would you treat someone else the way that you want to be treated when we want to treat them? How they would treat themselves according to their personality traits and their values and their intelligence is, And that's what today is all about. It's about treating others as they would like to be treated. And I love this quote by William James, A great many people think they're thinking when they're merely rearranging their ...
prejudices. So we're here in the bond section of path to connection. We learned first impression making deposits fracking to get a little deeper. And now we're in speed reading. We learned The Matrix had optimizer personality and now we're gonna turn it on others. And the skill that we're going to use this whole lesson is number 17 the platinum rule So treat others as they would treat themselves. We learn different people skills rules throughout this course. And we want to make sure that we're interacting on the level that they want us to interact on, not the level that we want interact on. How do we speeding people? There's a couple different steps first, second and third were in both of these all in a row. I want you t. I want to teach you how to read their nonverbal cues So a lot of personality comes out nonverbally And I didn't get to talk about this at all in my power body language course, we talked a lot about confidence and sales and persuasion. We didn't get to talk about personality and by language, so I'm really excited to share this new data. We're also gonna listen for verbal cues. What are the words? They use one of the stories they say where the stories they tell us what's the pacing? I think when you were picking up on Laura's introversion, we it was her pacing is she had a very slow pace, should a very calm pace. And so we're gonna talk about that well, how they speak and what they say. And then, lastly, we have to use skills 89 and 10. So people schools 89 and 10 being relentlessly curious, wanting to discover what someone's personality is. Number nine. Being a master listener to be able to truly see someone we can't engage in wishful hearing. We have to really hear them for what they're saying and see them for who they are and number 10 being nonverbally attuned. When we show up someone that we're listening, they're much more likely to open up with us and give us true and authentic answers, which helps us speed read them more accurately. So you're gonna see a lot more smiling. Ah, lot more wide gestures and higher confidence stance, especially because they're around people. Extra words love people. If they're around you there, another person and they're typically a little bit more more confident. They like that um, verbally. They're much more vocal. They use a lot more words and they are cheerful. They have a much more upbeat tempo and pace how to optimize them. This is a little bit from yesterday when you meet a high extrovert. What can you dio toe optimize interaction with them? Camaraderie. They love to celebrate with people they love to be engaged. Oh, my goodness. Asking extroverts on a master question or question or a killer conversation starter and they light up there like, yeah, I want to tell you all about it, um, and let them lead. Sometimes that's the case is sometimes they have a lot of questions they want to ask you. So maybe you have to be a master answerer. Lo extra version. So on the low side, how to spot them, they engage in more distancing behavior. So distancing behaviors when we talk a lot about the power body language, it's when you're nervous or something makes you anxious, and your body actually wants to physically distance ourselves from it. We can't even help that we do this. We can distance ourselves by taking a step back literally so you might see more introverts will literally be just one step back from the conversation makes them a little bit nervous. We can also distance ourselves by having the head tilt or tilting our head back. We learned peering down your nose and power by the language is kind of a judgmental gesture. It actually is a distancing behavior that someone is just trying to assess the situation. They engaging, more distancing behavior because they're trying to understand the situation ahead of them, and I typically have less movement. That's because when we're nervous around, people were inhibited with our movement. Verbally, they're usually listener in the Observer. They have a lot less verbal cues unless they're engaged. How to optimize them, take lead for them. Most of the time, Introvert is very grateful. I know that I am Lyman survive events. I'm situational introvert. I am very grateful when someone else takes the lead for me in those places. High conscientiousness. So how spot them high content is. People typically lean in the way that we know these. By the way, these observations we've been videotaping and recording people, then taking their personality tests and noticing non verbal patterns, and we're continually adding to this research actually is very little research on non verbal behaviour and personality type. So we noticed people who score high in conscientiousness they tend to lean in now leaning in is approximates thing. It's closing the space between people and it means they're super engaged right when we lean and we're like, Yeah, tell me more. Tell me more so high content of people they want to get more. They want to know everything. They typically are very good. They make a lot of high eye contact. They want to see you. They want to know you again. They want to know all parts of you. They want to take in as much as possible verbally, they're purposeful. They actually use less words and more purposeful with their words toe optimize them high efficiency. If you're gonna be dealing with a high conscience person, especially in a work situation, they love and appreciate efficiency. They love to be goal oriented. Know what you're both working towards and they like fairness taking turns. Your turn, My turn, Your turn, My turn low conscientiousness, nonverbally relaxed but low consciences. They're easy going there. Flexible. They typically have very relaxed body language there usually inflate their very comfortable in their space, their comfort with themselves, and they smile a lot more. On average, they take it as it comes. They take it in stride verbally. They're easy laughers. You know, those people who kind of giggle they laugh quite easily, actually love being of those people typically, because they are low, contentious. They just find everything amusing, but they're like, happy to roll with it. Their brain likes new information and they can be yes, people, Yes, people. I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean that they typically will start with agreement. Also really start with like Ah, yeah, as their processing. They say yes, they say positive A lot the way to optimize it Never agenda eyes them. I don't know if agenda eyes is a verb, but we're gonna make it a verb. They do not like having an agenda or schedule placed upon them. We're working with a client and you're trying to put time. Let's on them. You might get pushed back from them because that's not respecting the way they like toe work most. It's absolutely essential. You want to be really careful on the agenda. Hi, openness is how to spot them nonverbally. I find this fascinating that people who are high openness, they actually do a lot more overhead gazing overhead. Gazing is when they're looking at you and they're kind of looking over their head. They tend to think like it's almost as if they have all these options in their head, and they're like, Where do I want to go? It's almost as if that's what's happening when you watch a high, open person speak bath, what they're doing. They also like close proximity. So close Box MX is the distance between people. They will close the distance on you. If you like your space and you have someone who's really coming into your space, it's probably because they're high open. They're just curious. They just want to know you. I just want to ask you a lot of questions. They just keep coming closer. Um, toe optimize them. They love to be entertained, right, People who are high in curiosity and new experiences. They love hearing about new experiences. They want to hear about all the new things you're experiencing so their brains can experience in them with you right. We know that stories make our brains feel like we're there with you so high openers they get kind of a substitute dopamine when they hear about your exciting stories, tell them stories and appreciate their stories, so you might have a story off with a high opener if you're also a high opener. This happens with me a lot, so I'll be telling stories and chatting and I'll be telling a story and I'll tell a story. And I told Started also story. And we're just, like, vibing off each other. Stories about travel or excitement we both love the experiment were like getting high off of our mutual curiosity. Low, open nonverbally. They tend to engage in blocking behaviour and lip. Pursing blocking is when we cross our arms over our body. It's when we block or self protect our torso. We can also block bike holding our hands. This way we can also block with objects, so holding something in front of us to block it feels self protective, holding our purse in front of us almost as a barrier. That's a blocking behaviour we do when we're nervous. We don't even realize it to try to protect ourselves. It's almost like a security blanket. We use our hands or objects to protect. Um, lip pursing. So lip pursing happens when someone it's not quite sure they wanna let loose. Optimizing the best way to optimize someone who is low open is to be gentle, right? Don't push them too hard and to find their spark. Hi, open people have lots of sparks. They're very, very passionate. They get really like I talk about scientific studies if I'm talking about like puppies, you know, like I just get so excited about them. So for Logan people, there's they might have less passions, but they do have very strong passions. So try to find their spark. What gets them going? That's the way to really optimize them. Let's talk about agreeableness. Hi, agreeable how to spot them. They're typically not ours and high touch. So they're like Yes, yes, I hear you. I feel you. I I get you right. We learn that nodding as a way to engage people and agreeable people want to engage as much as possible. Um, they love high touch. They love the connection and that's how we engage us. We literally close the space between peoples with touch verbally. They're very compassionate and very responsive, right? They actually engage in the rock technique. Naturally. A lot of the time, a very high, agreeable person. We we optimizes, we open up, we connect with them. We showed that we want to be a team player, were transparent, and they love being asked for advice because that's a way of offering emotional support. And that's all a high growth people want to do. That's how they get fulfilled, is by helping lo agreeable how to spot them. So peering down the notes, we talked about kind of distance fever. They're very into, you know, checking out everything before they make a decision on will also see a little bit of contempt. We're gonna learn in two different in two segments. From now, we're gonna talk about contempt specifically, But contempt is a one sided mouth raise. It looks like this like a smirk and typically low Gruebel people. They'll engage in this market. They're assessing something, trying to figure it out verbally. They can use sarcasm and their default answer can be usually know. Right. So, um uh, no, uh, their default answers typically? No. Because they like to assess first, right. They want to see what's gonna happen. First or not, Teamwork is not their first priority. Let's do the last one. So high neuroticism how to spot them again. You gotta think I neurotic Woody Allen is like the highest of the high neurotic. If you're gonna, if you're gonna catch characterized someone fidgety, high movement hoppers, even I do it in this course. Have you noticed I try really hard to like plant, But I have a really hard time. I like toe move back and forth. It is because high neurotic people have more nerves and their nerves literally find their way out of the body through movement. So fidgeting, touching, trying to make sure everything is okay hopping back and forth, those nerves actually come out and body movement. That's why verbally they tend to be worriers. They want to discuss one thing many ways. They want to see all aspects of its They're prepared for anything that could possibly happen. How to optimize. They love reassurance. They love patients and you can also mirror or demonstrate calm. So you being calm helps them be calm. Lo neurotic how to spot them. This is easy. They're very confidence. They typically engage in power pose and launch stands Naturally, they make a lot of eye contact, and they love fronting because they're very secure and stable. Verbally, they are very good at balancing, listening and speaking right there, there to bond. They're there to connect, and they're good at balancing and matching you. How to optimize, showing them that same kind of responsiveness, verbal and emotional matching right. So if you have someone who is very calm and secure, meeting them on that level, it's a great way to build a connection because you're secure and calm with them. So how could spotting this behaved helpful? This is how you show support, noticing if someone is higher loan erotic. That's how you can say I yes, I'm here to logistically emotionally or be there for you. I think Jason was talking about people in your family who might be high neurotics, that what you need to know is, oh, they need my my support. They need to be stable on a rock. For them, that is exactly this. Work modes and emotional needs as well. This helps us gauge someone else's, how they work and their emotional needs. So the last part of speed reading people is called the fixed point theory, which is that you should start with a fixed point and then build on top of it. That's exactly we've been doing. All the videos is I've been showing a video, and I'm like, What's the one thing? Intuitively we get right away? That's actually I'm training to do the fixed point theory. I want to show you the order of what's typically easiest to assess someone, So this is them ranked. Typically, it's easiest to spot someone's extra version first, then agreeableness than openness. Conscientiousness. Neuroticism is the hardest spots used, the last one we can spot. So in your workbook I have a couple of different ways questions that you can use to tap into each of these personality areas. So let's say that you're sitting with someone new, like I think I get there extra version, thinking they're agreeableness. But I want to know conscientious. I have that in your workbook for you to do on your own today, a couple work work promise you can do on your own conquering your fears were actually going up into the final level on the path to connection being socially fearless. Stop feeling of fraud and making love to your fear. We're gonna talk about creating value. Gonna teach you the nine value languages is the other part of our core and the personality matrix how to create deeper bonds and how to understand human motivation. Your challenge today is to build a matrix of an old friend. I want you to see if you can talk to old friend. Give him a call, chat with them, said, um, email. See if you can figure out what their matrixes second is to build a matrix with two new people. So two new people could be a colleague could be a new friend. See if you can build their matrix, see how close you can get them and start with extra version until your comfort with the rest of them.