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The Myths and Truth About Confidence

Lesson 4 from: How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence

Mel Robbins

The Myths and Truth About Confidence

Lesson 4 from: How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence

Mel Robbins

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Lesson Info

4. The Myths and Truth About Confidence

Confidence is not a personality trait; it isn't fixed and it's not omnipresent. The truth about confidence is that it's a skill you can learn.

Lesson Info

The Myths and Truth About Confidence

Let's talk a little bit about confidence. What are the myths, what are the truths about confidence, okay? So there are three myths about confidence. Three, first of all, the first mistake that we make about confidence. We think it's a personality trait. It's not a personality trait. So, personality traits, being introverted, being extroverted. Interesting, there's new research out that shows that most peoples' personality actually changes over the course of their lifetime. You know, you might start out introverted, then you kinda span more towards being extroverted later in life, vice versa. The other thing about personality is that it is... Let me see how I wanna say this. There's a really interesting TED Talk by this super cool professor from the University of Cambridge that talks about how your personality is not actually fixed, either. So for example, he was an introvert, this guy that gave the TED Talk, this professor. But when there's something that you really believe in that mat...

ters to you, you can act out of character in order to further it. So, he's an introvert, it just drags all the energy out of him to get in front of a class and profess. But because it's something that matters to him, he can push through being introverted, act out of character for 45 minutes, and profess, and then of course he's completely gassed for the next three hours. Because introversion extroversion has more to do with what drains you, and what energizes you. I'm married to a super introvert. And he gets drained by being around a ton of people. I'm an extrovert, I get energized by being around a ton of people, and if I'm alone, I'm drained. So, you know, it's confidence isn't something that is attached to your personality. And a lot of us make the mistake of thinking, oh, that extroverted person has a lot more confidence than I do, no no no no, they're just louder, okay? (audience laughs) I was super extroverted and bossy for a very long time, did not believe in myself at all. The bossiness was coming from the insecurity. And there's a lot of folks that are very introverted and don't like to be the center of attention, because it's uncomfortable or because it drains them. But they really truly believe deeply in what they're thinking and what they do. So it's not part of your personality trait. Now, the second thing, it's not fixed. So just 'cause you have some confidence now does not mean you're gonna have it later. It's not fixed at all. And the other thing that's interesting is it's not everywhere all the time. So you might be super confident when you walk into the kitchen, like I'm super confident, I can walk into a refrigerator and just, 'cause my mom grew up on a farm and I come from a long line of farmers, and I can open up a fridge and make you anything without a recipe, 'cause that's how I was raised. Very confident in my skills in that world. There are other things that I'm not confident at all about. So it's not like if you're a confident person somewhere, you're gonna be confident everywhere. Let me show you the truth about confidence in general. Confidence is a skill. It's not a trait. It is a skill. The other thing is is that it is active. Meaning, if you stop working on it, you're not gonna have it. And the other thing about it that's kinda cool is it's situational. So again, this goes back to the thing that there could be things in your life that you're super confident about, and things in your life that you're just not confident about. And, you know, you see all the time people that have bad things happen to them and they get knocked off their game. You see people that, you know, whatever. They lose a race they're running, or an election, or they lose a piece of business, and they used to be confident, but now their world is rocked.

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Ratings and Reviews

Michal Levi
 

Let me start by saying I bought a book of hers and could not get through it. I just tuned in live today out of curiosity.. with low expectations. BUT WOW. THIS WAS FANTASTIC! As someone who teaches professionally (and has won teaching awards), I have to say I was in AWE of what a great teacher she was. Also, while she is not a licensed therapist, which some have complained about, she is so gifted in this area. WOW she has a talent! Watching her with individuals from the audience was moving, informative and inspirational! UTTERLY AWESOME! Truly glad I took the time just in case there was any value to it. THERE WAS IN FACT A LOT OF VALUE! Thanks Mel! Hey, I may even try to pick up that book of yours again. BRAVO!

Go2 Norway
 

Wow! The science-behind-typical-human-behaviors that fuel self-doubt AND clear ways to understand how to acknowledge those, and move into confidence-through-action. Easy and interesting ways to remember the points! Marvelous presenter skills -- a real model, and inspiration. Actual coaching sessions within the class to make it real. Mel is totally herself, and vulnerabilities become her strength in real-time, which class participants also lived out in real-time as well. Very memorable. And, the explanation of anxiety as a high energy state matching excitement more than calm was significant, as well as the myths about confidence (such as confidence is not about a personality; rather, action). Well organized, made sense, and I will integrate multiple parts daily! THANKS, MEL!!!

Wild Flower Murals
 

I'm training to be a life coach and have been a public muralist for years. I've been researching creativity, self initiated empowerment and positive psychology from various angles for many years- in hopes to make it accessible to many. I initially came across Mel's book and was wholly impressed by how effective yet simple the 5-4-3-2-1 book was. I am so glad I took this course, it is the best of the best of the best!!!

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