The Myths and Truth About Confidence
Let's talk a little bit about confidence. What are the myths, what are the truths about confidence, okay? So there are three myths about confidence. Three, first of all, the first mistake that we make about confidence. We think it's a personality trait. It's not a personality trait. So, personality traits, being introverted, being extroverted. Interesting, there's new research out that shows that most peoples' personality actually changes over the course of their lifetime. You know, you might start out introverted, then you kinda span more towards being extroverted later in life, vice versa. The other thing about personality is that it is... Let me see how I wanna say this. There's a really interesting TED Talk by this super cool professor from the University of Cambridge that talks about how your personality is not actually fixed, either. So for example, he was an introvert, this guy that gave the TED Talk, this professor. But when there's something that you really believe in that mat...
ters to you, you can act out of character in order to further it. So, he's an introvert, it just drags all the energy out of him to get in front of a class and profess. But because it's something that matters to him, he can push through being introverted, act out of character for 45 minutes, and profess, and then of course he's completely gassed for the next three hours. Because introversion extroversion has more to do with what drains you, and what energizes you. I'm married to a super introvert. And he gets drained by being around a ton of people. I'm an extrovert, I get energized by being around a ton of people, and if I'm alone, I'm drained. So, you know, it's confidence isn't something that is attached to your personality. And a lot of us make the mistake of thinking, oh, that extroverted person has a lot more confidence than I do, no no no no, they're just louder, okay? (audience laughs) I was super extroverted and bossy for a very long time, did not believe in myself at all. The bossiness was coming from the insecurity. And there's a lot of folks that are very introverted and don't like to be the center of attention, because it's uncomfortable or because it drains them. But they really truly believe deeply in what they're thinking and what they do. So it's not part of your personality trait. Now, the second thing, it's not fixed. So just 'cause you have some confidence now does not mean you're gonna have it later. It's not fixed at all. And the other thing that's interesting is it's not everywhere all the time. So you might be super confident when you walk into the kitchen, like I'm super confident, I can walk into a refrigerator and just, 'cause my mom grew up on a farm and I come from a long line of farmers, and I can open up a fridge and make you anything without a recipe, 'cause that's how I was raised. Very confident in my skills in that world. There are other things that I'm not confident at all about. So it's not like if you're a confident person somewhere, you're gonna be confident everywhere. Let me show you the truth about confidence in general. Confidence is a skill. It's not a trait. It is a skill. The other thing is is that it is active. Meaning, if you stop working on it, you're not gonna have it. And the other thing about it that's kinda cool is it's situational. So again, this goes back to the thing that there could be things in your life that you're super confident about, and things in your life that you're just not confident about. And, you know, you see all the time people that have bad things happen to them and they get knocked off their game. You see people that, you know, whatever. They lose a race they're running, or an election, or they lose a piece of business, and they used to be confident, but now their world is rocked.