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How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence

Lesson 7 of 16

What Is Self-Doubt

 

How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence

Lesson 7 of 16

What Is Self-Doubt

 

Lesson Info

What Is Self-Doubt

Understanding self-doubt. First of all, it's a learned behavior. It's a learned behavior. You don't come out of the womb doubting yourself. In fact, if you look at any kid, I'm sure somebody's done a study of how many times kids actually fall down before they are able to stand up. They just keep going, keep going, keep going. We teach them to doubt themselves. You were taught to doubt yourself. You were, whether it was from school or from parents or from siblings or bullies or whatever, you were taught to doubt yourself. You were happily going through life and then you started to worry about what people thought or you had somebody that was hypercritical and then you realized, oh, I gotta gut check myself. We experienced with our son where he went to camp and there was a bully. It was a disastrous situation, but I'm not gonna go there 'cause you don't wanna hear that sob story of mine. But he was bullied for three weeks straight and the kid that I dropped off who was exuberant and full ...

of life, the kid that I got handed back after three weeks was like a shell of a human being. And what he said is that he got picked on all day long. It started out as like the butt of the joke and kind of making fun of him and then it's a pile on in terms of that and then they started screwing around with his stuff. What he internalized is, I can't be myself. If I'm myself I get that. And because he's stuck in a cabin with these kids you can't hide like you can as an adult. And that is a really good explanation for what we do and how we learn. You have a couple things that happen to you and you start to internalize that, oh, I just better shut up. Oh, I just better shrink. Oh, nobody wants to hear what I have to say. Oh, people like that, act like this. And so you learn this and when you repeat any behavior it becomes a habit. Let me show you what happens. So remember, we're gonna continue to build here. We started by talking about how you can't control the feelings that might rise up, right? You can't control, like if I call on you and you have the quick nerves, you can't control that, it's totally natural. You can't control what's gonna necessarily happen in your life and business. So you're gonna have feelings that rise up. These feelings trigger you to think. That's an action. You start to overthink in reaction to being afraid that you're gonna fail. Right there, I'm just relaxing. You overthink for the good stuff, but don't overthink for the bad stuff. Like my reactions, the Hector moment. I didn't overthink (mumbles). I just did it. And when it's good stuff is when I overthink. Because you doubt yourself. You're getting triggered by the fear and by the doubt. This is an action. I want you to understand self-doubt is not a feeling, it is the actions that you take in response to these whole array of normal feelings that we have. It impacts how much you sell or whether or not you sell. It impacts how you talk to people. It impacts whether or not you put your work out there. It impacts what you price things at. So what happens is you overthink, then you start to doubt yourself and now you're stuck in this loop. And when I explain the signs of habit loops and how they get encoded in your brain, this is gonna make so much sense and be so liberating because this is the trap that we're all in. You get triggered by your feelings and then you choose an action that keeps you trapped and keeps you trapped in self-doubt. If you're nervous, same thing happens doesn't it? If you're feeling unsure, the same thing happens. If you feel like a fake, the same thing happens. All triggered by these feelings that are perfectly normal. If you feel overwhelmed you start to overthink. If you're afraid of getting rejected. Maybe you had a horrible breakup. Maybe you lost somebody that you love and now you're terrified of rejection. The second that you sense it's coming, start overthinking. And here's the good news. Any behavior that you repeat and you'll repeat that stuff all the time, so do I. It's a habit and we can change it. So how does self-doubt affect your life? We've kind of talked about that. Let me tell you how it's affected my career. Number one, I spoke for free for three years. So after that (mumbles) talk went crazy, people started calling and asking me if I would speak and it never even occurred to me to charge because I was just so interested in sharing the idea about the fact that you can change anything with five second decisions and I was so busy researching the science because I had so many people writing me that I thought this was a great opportunity to explore it with a live audience and learn more and see how people are using it. So I had this experience and you guys are gonna love this. I think everyone of you is gonna relate to it. At the time I had just started with CNN and Mandy and I had launched our first company which was a little content aggregator. It was like a BuzzFeed for moms, which we eventually sold. What happened is I gave a talk and it was at a huge women's conference. I think there were 10,000 women that attended this. Was it in Pennsylvania? I don't remember, Texas, somewhere like that. There were these main speakers. Hilary Clinton was a main speaker and this incredible principal from Philadelphia was a main speaker and a noble prize winner was a main speaker in the big room with 10,000 people and then I was one of the speakers and I'll never forget this 'cause I had the biggest breakout room of my life to date. It was 2,000 people. So I go, I give the speech. It goes totally fine. I leave. I'm sitting at the train station to catch a train home from Philadelphia to Boston and a woman comes up to me and she walks up to me and she goes, oh, oh, your Mel Robbins, right? I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. She said I was in your session. She said it was fantastic and then she goes, you know I was a speaker too. I was on a panel in the morning. She says, can I ask you a question? And I said sure. And she says, did you get your check yet? And I said check? You got paid for that? And she says, you didn't? And she said, oh I'm sorry and she starts backing up going I just assumed 'cause you were in the big room. And it was this really interesting moment where I thought first of all, you are such a freaking idiot number one. Number two, it never even occurred to me. And then I started to look into the business and I think a lot of you totally undervalue yourself especially because it's art, especially because you're a creator, especially because it's deeply personal. You will not get what you don't ask for. You just won't. And so a lot of what I'm also talking about comes from figuring out, how do I build a business then in something totally different? How do I price myself so that I'm not paid like a chick? How do I position myself so that I build the kind of trajectory that I want? So everything is figure outtable and then from there it's about you trying and you pushing yourself and you catching yourself when you have these Hector moments. I spoke for free for three years. I waited to start doing courses for almost two years 'cause I was convinced, oh I gotta have a PhD, I gotta have a certification, I gotta do this, I gotta do that, I gotta do the other thing. I actually was nervous about whether or not I could record my own audio book, but in my gut as a creator I knew why the hell would I give anybody rights to something I can record myself? Why would I do that? If you're thinking about doing a book, number one sever all audio rights from any deals that you do. That's number one. And number two, record it yourself. Seriously, you can upload it to Amazon through ACX and get 40% of the royalties yourself. The world has changed so much that it's also so cool that you're here because this next chapter is also about you taking control and being smart about the decisions you're making as business people. I have been actively talking myself out of doing live events, actively. You're not ready. Nobody will show up. What are you crazy? Where would you have it? What the hell would you talk about? Live events, what? How many of you are talking yourself out of stuff right now? Yes, absolutely. That is how self-doubt impacts your life.

Class Description



AFTER THIS CLASS YOU’LL BE ABLE TO:

  • Use Mel Robbins’ five-second rule to stop negative thoughts and change your life for the better.
  • De-escalate anxiety and agitation.
  • Create mental scripts that help you overcome typical situations that get you into trouble and prevent you from acting.
  • Overcome your mental blocks and change the way you think about things.


ABOUT MEL’S CLASS:

Are you plagued by the imposter syndrome—thinking that your accomplishments aren’t real and that you’re secretly a fraud and a failure? Do you have crippling anxiety and bad habits that are ruining your chances of achieving your goals? Does your low self-esteem and negative past experience influence your thought patterns? Do you fall into the trap of self-pity that keeps you from seeing positive outcomes? If so, you’re definitely not alone.

If you want to get over these persistent, sometimes agonizing problems so you can gain a new perspective and make real, positive changes in your life, this course can help you do it. Mel Robbins is one of the most sought-after motivational instructors in the world. She’s been trusted by global brands to design and deliver life-changing, interactive experiences that inspire change, challenge thinking, encourage self-love, and accelerate personal and professional growth.

This class will help you:

  • Understand the science behind how self-doubt effects you.
  • Learn and discover ways to overcome self-doubt and have fewer negative emotions.
  • Build your self-esteem and competency skills.
  • Shed your irrational fears, stop undervaluing yourself, and quiet the inner critic.
  • Get out of your comfort zone, quiet the negative voices, and stop practicing habits of hesitation.
  • Stop hiding, being hypercritical, and feeling helpless so you can move forward and discover the path to achieve your creative endeavors.

Mel will give you concrete, actionable advice and steps you can practice to help you stop living with the constant worry that plagues and cripples your daily life. By showing you how to overcome self-doubt and build self-confidence, Mel will help you build the confidence you need to realize your dreams, whether it’s starting your own business, losing those 15 pounds that are weighing you down, or finding true love from a partner. After this class, you’ll better understand your patterns, what to do to break unhealthy habits, act with courage, self-compassion, and overcome self-doubt so you can get what you want out of life.


WHO THIS CLASS IS FOR:

  • People from all walks of life, even successful people, who want to overcome the self-doubt and the fear of failure that is holding them back and preventing them from accomplishing their dreams.
  • Those who want to gain more self-confidence so they can go after what they’re worth in their career.
  • People who want to develop stronger, deeper and more meaningful relationships and be their best self.

Lessons

  1. Class Introduction

    This segment welcomes Mel Robbins to CreativeLive.

  2. The Unique Challenge of Being a Creator

    Mel discusses how creators are particularly susceptible to the problem of imposter syndrome.

  3. Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

    Mel shares her experience during a TEDx talk where she was overcome with anxiety and felt like she didn't belong.

  4. The Myths and Truth About Confidence

    Confidence is not a personality trait; it isn't fixed and it's not omnipresent. The truth about confidence is that it's a skill you can learn.

  5. How to Develop Self-Confidence

    Mel discusses the confidence competency loop: when you try something new, you will either succeed or survive. Both success AND failure show you how to develop self-confidence.

  6. The 5 Second Rule

    Mel discusses how she came up with the 5 Second Rule. She shows how "in 5 seconds, you can change anything."

  7. What Is Self-Doubt

    Self-doubt causes you to undervalue yourself and negatively affects your life and career. But self-doubt is a learned behavior and can be changed.

  8. Self-Doubt Anxiety Has Plagued Creatives Forever

    Being in the creativity business is hard because so much of your work is personal. Mel talks about the science of habits and The Golden Rule of Habit: You can't change triggers, but you can replace the behavior.

  9. Self-Doubt Symptoms

    Mel talks about the four self-doubt symptoms: Hesitating, Hiding, Hypercritical, Helplessness.

  10. What Causes Hesitation

    What causes hesitation? When you hesitate, you're seeking validation, but validation only comes when you take action.

  11. Avoidance Coping

    Hiding, or avoidance coping, is triggered by fear. Mel discusses how to stop shrinking to avoid people, being a chicken about money or terms of contracts, and procrastinating.

  12. Hypercritical Personality

    Hypercritical personality is a self-doubt trap that can be triggered by a past failure. Mel talks about the importance of becoming the kind of person who spots the opportunity, fixates not on what could go wrong but on what might go right.

  13. Overcoming Learned Helplessness

    Triggered by insecurity and low self worth, you actively play the victim. Mel advises that we need to focus on the things that are going right, which is the key to overcoming learned helplessness.

  14. The Connection Between Anxiety and Self-Doubt

    People who are plagued by anxiety and self-doubt often have a negative tape about themselves running through their mind. It’s liberating and empowering when you start taking action and building momentum so you can gain a little ground.

  15. Student Coaching Session

    Mel answers questions from students on how to handle their own situations.

  16. The 5 Habits of Building Self-Confidence

    Mel talks about the five habits of building self confidence: 1.

Reviews

Marina Lowy
 

Let me start by saying I bought a book of hers and could not get through it. I just tuned in live today out of curiosity.. with low expectations. BUT WOW. THIS WAS FANTASTIC! As someone who teaches professionally (and has won teaching awards), I have to say I was in AWE of what a great teacher she was. Also, while she is not a licensed therapist, which some have complained about, she is so gifted in this area. WOW she has a talent! Watching her with individuals from the audience was moving, informative and inspirational! UTTERLY AWESOME! Truly glad I took the time just in case there was any value to it. THERE WAS IN FACT A LOT OF VALUE! Thanks Mel! Hey, I may even try to pick up that book of yours again. BRAVO!

Wild Flower Murals
 

I'm training to be a life coach and have been a public muralist for years. I've been researching creativity, self initiated empowerment and positive psychology from various angles for many years- in hopes to make it accessible to many. I initially came across Mel's book and was wholly impressed by how effective yet simple the 5-4-3-2-1 book was. I am so glad I took this course, it is the best of the best of the best!!!

Tim Wright
 

I absolutely LOVED this course and will probably watch it at least a couple more times to make sure I remember everything. Lots of fantastic content. I liked Mel Robbins before but am totally in love with her now. She is so open and honest and vulnerable while sharing the things she has learned and it is obvious she genuinely desires to help people make positive changes in their lives. Fantastic course. I HIGHLY recommend it!