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Work/Life Balance

Well, I just wanted to say thank you so much everyone for participating so much. And we're at the last little bit here where we're gonna talk about how to wrap it all up in in terms of balancing your life. We have one mawr mom that we're going to listen to who's gonna kind of start us off two more. Well, when we're on, we haven't heard from I'm Don Davis, the other half of Bob and Don Davis photography and design. I wanted to share a little bit today about balance. It's one of the questions that I get asked most frequently. How do I find balance with my Children? My home, my business, my husband, my marriage? You know, it's a really great question, and it's something that I strive for every day. It's a work in progress, and it's one of the things I used to beat myself up over. And I want to encourage you to be kind to yourself and be easy on yourself and and enjoy the process and where you're at today. Rome wasn't built in a day. Our business wasn't built in a day. Joy and jewels they ...

didn't build. There's in a day, either. It takes time and it takes passion and desire and just try to find a little bit of fun and every day and network and learn from each other. Do these creative live workshops take little bits and from each and everyone and make it your own? Because not one person has it down exactly right? And if we could take bits and pieces from everybody that we see and put it together in our own life and make what works for us, it's OK. It's OK. I like that. She sort of lets us forgive ourselves for some of those things where you feel guilty about not spending enough time with your kids or with their other priorities, because your work starts to take over nothing. You felt that way. So today we want toe last thing you want to discuss him. We want this to be just sort of like a group discussion, because I don't have all the answers. I certainly always like, Don said, It's a work in progress, struggling to figure out time and balance. But I have some ideas that I want to throw out, see what you guys think and I think it goes back to the conversation we had yesterday about what's important to you and what's your Why and why are you doing what you're doing? If you have those clearer in your head, you could make better decisions about where you're spending your time and what your priorities are. So I like this quote. If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there. So we're gonna talk. These are just quickly. I'm going to run through Talking about the debate stayed home Mom versus Working Mom, seeing the big picture people management, time management, Project management, change management and stress management. A lot of management, but just those are just some tabs of some things that I have some ideas about. Work, life, balance. So this is my daughter's room, which he does not clean. You find the check. Can you find the child in this room? So, what story you were I was telling my sister had gone out to dinner with my boyfriend, a body of hiss, and we're all talking about what we did. I told him I was a photographer and I said, Well, what is your wife doing? He said nothing. Well, she's a stay home, Mom, and I just felt like I won't tell her that you said then And so I told my sister about that. And I think she said I can you tell me that story on creative life? I think I want to use that because there's this whole debate about stayed home Mom versus working mom and how that working mom is such an ironic term because moms are working. And there's also this joke where the ad asked, Dad comes home houses a disaster. There's no dinner that looks like a picture. And he said, What happened here today? And the mom says, Well, you know how you ask me all the time wouldn't do all day. I didn't do it today, So I just think that there's just that there's a lot of stress and guilt associated with the response of its responsibilities that you carry as a mom as a parent, and how do you incorporate that into the rest of your life? So we just wanted to serve open that discussion up? Well, I think there's a lot of guilt for people who have kids and then they want to work or they need to work. And then, like, I think I, like Tamara, had said before on one of their videos, not to make guilt a habit and to be able to see beyond that. And I think this kind of discussion trying to figure out why you're doing what you're doing and how to prioritize your work and your family is important because I don't know, not being a mom like it's not a struggle that I have immediately. But I see it in friends and see it in my sister and I and I try to help all the time of friend of figure out with you, Teoh. And I'm curious like how what other people have thoughts about that in terms of, um, are we done with working? Mom? Um, just just about even, just like the connotations that come up when you see that, like, do you think that that's an ironic term? Or do you think that that's even a valid versus to say, state help Mom vs Working moms? I mean, aren't they the same thing? Pretty much. You know, it's even harder to when you have the layer of were your work? As at home, My office is at home. Stay at home working, Mom. Yeah. So I'm working. I'm working on a business, but I'm also having kids bussed in. And, you know, what do you find is like, the really when it boils down to like the number one thing? If you could change just one thing about that situation, what would it be? You know, I don't know. I think, um I think it's still like you said, It's totally working, partner. I'm always polishing it. I wouldn't want Do you like working out of the house, or do you think it would be helpful to like Yeah, definitely. Do I have had some times where, like, if I had a studio, this wouldn't be an issue, but it really allows me to be very flexible to be at home, to be close to the school, Teoh, run kids to piano lesson and come back and work a little bit more to be available for them and to go start dinner and then go back in your room or editing and then go back and stuff off the burner. I need to do that. Then it starts to just sort of consume my life because you think, Oh, I'll just do a little bit here a little bit there and then you get sucked in or you're you're feeling guilty because you're not spending time with your kids or your feeling guilty because you're not spending time on your business. And so I need to figure out, like, how to be wearing am. Does anyone feel like they are good at it? You know that I don't have a family at home. Three pets. It seemed that taken off a lot of energy and attention. E. I do work from home, our studios in her home. So I get distracted by home on one of the things that I have found in the past is when I have had work that I need to get done. There's a coworking space in the town near us, and you can just rent a desk for like, $15 a day, and you go in and it got WiFi and what not use go and just work there and his power through some stuff. You work with other creatives. They're caters to that, like Mike Micro, small businesses that would be great, but child care is a huge issue. I mean, that's what I want to get. Something about that my my husband owns his. I mean, he runs his own chiropractic practice. He has no time for, you know, I mean, he granted he has a great schedule where he only works 3.5 days a week, and when he's at home, he's extremely supportive. And in that way, like and you know, if I have to get something done, then he'll be there. But he's not always there, and there are times during the day when he's gone, that I would love to have a block of time. Teoh be uninterrupted and, um, you know, finding good child care's hard. I think there's also that debate about how much are you paying for childcare, for how much are you making? You're just paying somebody else to watch, you know, raise your just. The money comes in, it goes out. And then so what is the point of? I think having a lot of this is a good conversation for that exact thing cause I'm joining said that to me before, and I say but you have to look at the bigger picture like maybe it's just leveling out now. But if you're giving yourself a chance to move forward and grow your business, surely at some point it will have been worth your while. And I think the part that is that parents started with is how much time away from your child will make it worth your while and the end of their You have this amazing business, but you never saw your kid like, I think, having finding that balance and figuring out when it's OK. Teoh Outsource child here, as opposed to being with your kid yourself and when you know you need to be, there is a new never been part of a coop of child. Maybe you can go up very brief time because I did that for a while, and that was a really fun Where, UM, we have a group of moms and it's a point system, so it's not a financial system, but it is a point system, and you share and you know, all of the moms and you know all of their kids. And so it's Sometimes you have the kids, and sometimes they have the kids and for a long time it worked really well for me now that my girls were older, I don't use it anymore. But for younger kids, it was really great. And there's lots of baby sitting co ops. You could just look it up online and find either one near you or grow on yourself. So let's move on with this whole idea of seeing the bigger picture. We're sort of talking about that right now anyway. But I love that what they're seeing way. Always say your life is never on hold at what I want to say about that. Just really briefly. Is that how many of you have ever said to yourself like I'm gonna do that when I lose weight? I'm going to do that when I make this much money. I'm gonna do that when I own house by house win. I've done that and I think that for a long time there I was thinking reason like I don't have Children and I was to think, Well, I will do that when I have kids and then likely legacy. Well, what if I never have kids like doesn't mean my life hasn't even started. I was talking to bring about that way. We were laughing. If I died tomorrow so weird, she just never did a thing. That's not true. You have to think about the things that you have done. Your life isn't on hold. It's not waiting for you to make this much money or for you to lose that much weight. You are who you are right now. And the only thing that actually exists anywhere is this very second, like where we all are right now is the only thing that actually really exists. And that's gone. That's going again now, coming in. You know, I'm saying, but it's not, Actually it isn't. This is even more appear. It is the matron, right? But do you know what I'm saying? It's one of those things where I think we have this habit of always thinking future and what we're going to do and trying to work towards gold and oftentimes forget it was actually happening right now around us. And thank you so much about I'm gonna wait for that thing and completely missing what's happening around us or not appreciating what's happening around us. So I guilty of that a lot. I need to start thinking my life is is it just is it's not on hold. You're not waiting for the thing. You live where you live, you own what you own. You are you Are you married or not? You have kids or you don't have kids. And like I think the hardest thing people have is accepting where they are, what they had, being happy with, what they have, right? I think there's always a balance between now and preparing for the future and how do you do that? And I think the whole idea establishing priorities because of the goals that you set because of the purpose that you have will help you to do that. And I like accepting that life is a journey kind of what you're saying. Just enjoying the ride. I mean, I think for me having kids has made that a lot more poignant because I realized like, Oh, she's no longer three she's no longer for she never will be. So you know, and I think that that maybe that's why people become photographers when they have kids, because they're like, I gotta capture that present establishing partisan. The notes you had said establish priorities on a regular basis, and to me, that meant, like what she is Joyce saying that she were changing constantly. Talk about that for a second that your priorities are always changing, depending on what your goals are, what you're doing in the next step that you're taking. None of you are talking either, and I don't have all of the answers. This is just something I'm thinking about, like how to make sense of my life because being a business owner is a piece of my life is not my whole life. I haven't been doing this my whole life. I have a whole previous life that I did other things. And so how does this fit into my life and had to fit into your life and your kids and who you are as a person and who you are is a mom. You know, one thing about goals changing is that if you if you are not focused on really what you want to do at that time, sometimes life will change him for you. And you know, life really can change on a dime, and you've got to you've got to establish where you want to be at that time and be happy with it. Much like Don said, be kind to your zone of another dad quote. He used to say, If you don't make the decision, the decision will be made for you. And he didn't mean necessarily that he was gonna make some decision for me. But if you're trying to decide, should I should I send a video in a creative live or not? Should I should? I should not. Oh, the deadlines passed. Well, what's the decision that was made for you? You're not descended. It you're not gonna go, you know? So I think even just making a decision, whatever you make will propel you forward. You know, whether or not to be before speaking of preparing for sure. Okay, So, um, one of the things to manage their people management. And there's all kinds of people in your life your family, your friends, your clients, your vendors and what the most basic need in life is to be in relationship with others. And some of those relationships were more intense and other relationships. So some aspects about that is setting boundaries and I think that's really critical. We were talking about photo shop work and do you charge for that photo shop work? And I think that if you can't set boundaries, this is what boundaries with clients Wait a lot of times in the past we would do all kinds of extra work because we wanted to make the clients happy. We wanted to try and make more money, and they were finding that we're actually making less money because we're spending more time doing all these little things because we had no boundaries. We didn't say no to the clients. Am I allowed to talk about specific books and authors? There's a really great book by Regina Leeds. It's called One Year to Unorganized Life. And, um, one of the things that she touches on is Is that that exactly that the ability to say no and what she says not This is not an exact quote, but she says something to the effect of If you can learn to say no, it adds value to the times that you say yes and high Regina. I don't know if she would be watching this, but she wouldn't be, but um, I might share it with her later. Um, but I just feel I've been working on that. I think that's so important, especially for stay home moms and like for me, specifically, I My my number one priority is always my family, And I haven't put into because I've learned the hard way that if I don't say no, then I'm gonna be sucked into something that isn't worth my time, takes away from my family, and then I feel immensely guilty later. So I think that is a huge one saying No saying no. And if you're saying no to a client, you're saying yes to something else, right? This one burn closes another opens for sure with saying, I'm saying no to clients and then, like especially that was my day off. Didn't want an appointment on that day, and it would ruin the rest of my day that make me grumpy. You know, my kids would look at me like you're being a jerk. You know, my wife would just look at me like, why don't you saying it was a foreign concept? But I had the same problem. And I still struggle with this because you were asking me Julie about bordering sessions at night because that's convenient for people with kids. And so I would say yes in some of these order intentions at night. And I remember one time I had to miss something of my kids and I was really upset. But I was like, You gotta go to this order session and the woman for God like she didn't even show. And I was so livid with myself for not reminding her. First of all, that's my fault, but secondly, for not establishing better priorities of bitter boundaries. And maybe what I needed to do in that situation was to say, I do ordering sessions at night, if only on Tuesdays and so Tuesdays with the night said, I do ordering sessions. You can't do this Tuesday and we have to do next Tuesday, not just any night like general way convening for you. No problem. At least something that's gonna create a boundary, which you know, kind of moves into my point about respect for respecting my own self and then and then having expecting other people to respect my boundaries to my kids, to respect my boundaries, meaning sometimes especially for like for this past couple of weeks, we've been trying to put together this workshop for Creative Live, and it had to just tell my girls, okay, But right now I'm really gonna have to work a lot extra time, but so so that they understand what I'm doing. I can explain it to them, and then I'm gonna play with him a lot on home. But I think sometimes two things come in chunks, you can see things and chunks were maybe you are working on a big project and you're you're missing time with your family. But how are you balancing that out there? You're going to go on a vacation later or what you gonna do? So just I need to start respecting my time better and projecting that to people who are around me, because because I work from my home and because I can do things late at night after my kids have gone to bed or, you know, basically arrange my own schedule. Then I find friends and family who aren't really respecting the fact that this is I do work, you know, this is this is time that I have to take, and I need to learn how to better establish that. Kind of like this is work. I know you like physically leave your house and have a to 1995 and I don't. But that doesn't mean that I'm not working really hard. Appreciate it. Sorry. That about the workshop with Jeff. Exact Jodi about how they talked about their very deliberate about their hours that they have. And that has really got me thinking like I've always said, sort of. Here's my work days in the week and here's my day off, but it really slides. And so, um, I've been trying to be better about this is when I start. This is when I stop and, you know, this is when I take lunch, you know, it takes discipline. Teoh do that, especially when you are your own boss. And take it when it's your day off you go. OK, I'll do that. I can work. I want to finish that project. I'll work a little bit, and then it ends up being a lot. Whatever I think to and when you are able to establish those kind of boundaries and have, like office hours even if you work out of your house, I think it fosters more respect to from your clients. And they think that has that one more step of this is a real business. I think you know when they go to the store is closed or not like, Yeah, it's clothe same. Anything sending emails after hours. I've been trying not to do that part of the store. You don't send emails after nine o'clock because your clothes, and if you are a good point going into email conversations with clients, I go up in 9 oclock in. So then it's only email coming back and forth. Why? Because that's true. That means you are working, you know, because we are a lot of our businesses online when I think it's more professional, too. And if you're getting an email at nine o'clock at night from a professional, sometimes you wonder. You know what a full time job it says. I here's this person doesn't have a real officer probably sitting in their bed. That's exactly what you are saying that you hadn't thought about it like that. It's really a very good model, a role model for your Children because you'd have a display of yourself. You're saying to them, Mommy will play with you at five o'clock as soon as I'm done with this project and a five, even if you're not done, you put it away and you go play with them or have them help you with dinner. And at that point, they realized they need to have that kind of discipline to because they respect you and they want to be just like you when they grow up. Well, that's actually a good is entering junior high next year, and she's had more and more homework for more projects, and I've been having to teach her how to manage her time so that she's not doing her project. I mean, the last proportionate to do. She is up late the night before doing it, and I just thought, I don't want I don't want her to have those kind of habit. I want her to learn how to it because it was very stressful for her. So it's interesting as a mom, like realizing like, Oh, I'm influencing this human being by the way I live my life and it really puts in Europe to your face, you know? So, um, yes, There are a couple people in the chat room talking about this now. April dirty photography says I find that working out of my home she doesn't have a home studio having my workspace at home. I feel like I'm always working as I do stuff when I edit but the kids to bed, then at it. So there's no defined work and then walk away in the evening. So how would you address that? Because for people with young Children, when you're spending time with the Children, then at night is your any time it's true. And actually that leads us to our next week. Mr. Thing about relationships just I wanted to say that it's important to keep fostering your relationships and to be okay, to ask for help. To not just always feel like, you know what? This is my thing and do it myself to be okay to reach out. Yeah, personally and professionally, I think it's easy to get like two mired down. I got no family work, can't do anything else, and then you have no friends. That's the question that was being asked online Has to do with time management. I think prioritizing tasks is critical to managing your time effectively. We've been talking about that. One of the thing I was thinking when she was saying supper at it. Kids at it. What about an idea of block scheduling? Have any who tried block scheduling? Do you know what I mean by that? It's sort of a light bulb thing for me, and it doesn't always work for me, but because again the discipline thing and people could do it in different ways. Who was it That was the four hour anyway, the block scheduling idea. You can either do it by the hour, like at 10 o'clock, check my emails in at three o'clock, check my emails again because I think about those things that are sort of a time suck e mails, and you feel like you're being productive. But you really just doing busy work and you say who who emailed me now. But if you put that away and you do it in blocks of time, then that will help you manage that time. That's when reduces anxiety to please. If you're just wondering like, oh, she checked my email you know, I'm gonna do it at three. And you could sort of put it out of your mind focused. Or if you have an album design that you need to finish and you've allotted from 5 to 7, we're working on album designs. Then you can put that out of your mind and focus on say, you even loaded, you know, noon to three to play with your Children. You can really focus on your kids because you know that it fine you're gonna be working on your album so that when you chunk it out like that, you could be more accountable and also be more focused in President. But tell them the but the days instead, Yeah, his hours don't work for me very well. I'm not disciplined. I depended. Do my walk scheduling in days. So I would have, like, domestic Wednesday where I just would refuse to do anything work related on Wednesdays. And that's the day I would do domestic stuff. You know what? We wash the floor and do the laundry and whatever else needed a grocery shopping, just stuff that had to happen to keep a household running. And so when that when it was Monday in floor Look disgusting. I'm like domestic Wednesday. Not know where about the floor right now, because I know I'm gonna do it on Wednesday. Now again. Do I do it on Wednesday? I should not always that way you can put these things into practice. I think they will make your life a lot less stressful. And I think that's the point about the anxiety. So right, because you're not looking at the floor on Monday thinking like actually clean it. Actually, I really should clean it. You think I'm going to clean it Wednesday, but then you have to actually do it. I mean, that's true. It's all about discipline. I'm a I'm a list maker. I love that I start that way starting morning and and that's been really helpful for me and then prioritising that less to like what things happen. Secondary talked about. So it sort of satisfying. Yeah, check it off and I haven't read this book before, but I have heard of this book. It's called It's called the Live Brogger, something like right now at Ethan. And it's the whole tax has it. We eat the life you get the drug, and it's the whole idea is like, if you have this whole list of things that you have to accomplish and wanted, things on your list is to eat a live frog, and you are like dreading that task. It's gonna cause drag on all the other things. So the first thing you do is eat frog, and then you could get through all the other things. Let me just check it off, pretending you didn't dio me like I was gonna take it off. Okay, so the about time management procrastination, and I think that that's a you know, a lot of times the energy around procrastinating is actually worse than just doing the task. And, you know, something is overwhelming. You don't know how to do something. You just drag your feet. I'm doing it. I don't want to do that so you can break it down into little manageable chunks or say, Okay, I'm gonna work on this, eat the leg with your 10 minutes. So for my kids, when I want them to clean their room when I asked him and they get overwhelmed like loathe pictures gone, But it's just a disaster I tell them. Break it down into little chunks. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna look for the Barbies. Where are the Barbie? Picked that up, let alone takes a long time. This is true. And put the bodies away. Now the room is that much cleaner. The Barbies are gone. Now we're gonna look for close. Where's all the clothes? And you know, if this is a clean clothes were put on the bed. If it's not, will put it in the hamper. Hang the clean clothes. Now the room is that much cleaner, you know? So it's so then they can see. Okay, that's not hard. I could pick up a Barbie, right, And we can do the same being with our work where we have a task, you could manage one thing and then which goes to my little button here about the myth of multi tasking? I just don't buy it. I think I used to think I was like, Oh, I could do this. And this and then my, they have, like, six browsers open, and I would be writing an email in six hours later. E mail is still and done because I'm not focusing on that task and that everything is done poorly because where she sends emails, the wrong people that only have one way have a really great Buddha quote. Actually, it's It's 1000 great ideas. Choose one. And I mean, that's like an idea thing, but it's could be applied to tasks to. And I often used to think that multitasking was best way Teoh accomplish things and they had books written about how you shouldn't do it. You should choose one thing. Finish it. I'm horrible at it. I need to stop, like trying to trying to, like, you know, cut down my piles all the same time. I need to just finish a pile, finish a pile hot right, and I remind me of a story. One time I was I thought I was gonna spend 1/2 an hour with my daughter Millie, and I told her, Okay, we're gonna play for half an hour, and she was all excited with Set the timer we're gonna play. But during the time I was playing with her, it did get up to, like, put something away. But then I came back and were playing and I got distracted a few times for most of the time I was playing with her, but when we were done with 1/2 hour, she said You didn't even play with me. You didn't play with me at all and I'm like, I play with you for the minutes and you know? But she remembers that I didn't play with her because I was multitasking. I wasn't just focusing on her. So now when my kids talk to me, I tried to put everything down, look in their eyes. What are you saying to me? Because I want them to feel very important. I don't want them to have a memory of me not being available to them that I was just No, Mommy was always working, even when I wasn't even if I didn't play with her for 29 minutes in the one minute I looked away. If that's her perception, I mean, that's what. So anyway, one of the things that help sort of with the block scheduling I get incredibly distracted by Facebook messages. Email coming in. Well, I've got a great called antisocial on around antisocial, just set it up for 60 seconds and it shuts down social. I can still go to my browser and get research or go to my lab, whatever. But I can send stuff on Facebook but won't download new email. I can reference existing email, but I can't down. No new can't send and it just shuts down. Parental. A little thing pops up after 60 seconds and says, Boom, do you want to tweet your productivity on? Do you want to restart? And I go? Yes, I'm now that I'll take two minutes check to see what's new started again. No, no, you continue your time. You can sooth. I think I got another act like it shuts down your Internet connection entirely. You can do anything Internet way have to resort Teoh and the only way to reset it. If you we really need to break it, I have to reboot. So it's a significant step to reset it for people with real problems. Hey, well, work. Can you repeat social? It's called antisocial. That's hilarious. Really good. Oh, I meant 60 minutes since we were talking about focusing and multi tasking. I think I'm gonna move on to project management, which is sort of like a subset of time management working on your business instead of four. Your business is that so it's not running you instead, right? So focusing skills and one of those things, I think the anti social, great focusing skill. At least it forces you to focus on what you're doing, at least not on social networking things and learning to be aware of time that you're spending on activities that aren't productive or busy work activities and learning how to focus. And one thing that I've done is I started to get a lot myself, time for something. So like, for example, we're trying to get ready for creative lives, and that's a new thing for us, right? Cause it's not a part of our normal workflow, although we do workshops that this we're building whole new thing. And so we'd say, OK, Tuesday from 5 to 7, we're gonna work on creative life, and so we would focus on that and not do anything else. Just hone in on that thing, and then at seven o'clock I would go in, except for drink wine way, take a lot of runs. Okay, Theo way. The other thing that I found that I thought was a really good idea was to note and maybe this is a no brainer. But note the times that you're most productive. Like Virgil, She's actually really productive at night because she sleeps in. And I'm really productive in the morning because I'm always up right lane. So my body clock is I actually get a lot done in the morning, have a lot of energy in the morning, and by night I sort of fall apart and she's the opposite. So it's funny because a lot of times, you know, I'll wake up in the morning and have, like, you know, 10 emails from Jules and Cheese asleep, and then she'll be up at night and have all the responses for me. We never actually talk to each other because we never awake at the same time. But I think just being aware of your own body clock to will help you focus. I like this note that you put about writing things down. I started doing that that have when I got the new lesson life when it has that reminders section, and now I use it obsessively like what you were just saying is to write, but I feel like if I don't write something down immediately, I'll forget it. Now I know there was something else, and it seems like think of a thing. I write it down and it actually helped produce a lot of anxiety for me because then I feel that I have to remember all the things that I have to do, and it might just be like a little thing like I have to get cat litter and then I forget it and that Yep, yep, that's an important thing. E need to get better. But it's not something that maybe I would put you like. It's not business, necessarily thing, but it was something that's important that that, you know, floating around right. It's an anxiety producing to come home to know Kat. It's not possible for your brain to stop thinking both those things unless you're able to record them in some system that you think that's trail. David Allen has a fantastic system and getting things done, and it's all about having a system that you trust to track the things you need to do. And as long as you're not recording them are tracking them. Your brain doesn't forget you're consuming cycles, whether you're consciously thinking about them or not. Good point then probably, I would think, would take away from some of your creativity to your you know, have that anxiety and that you're bringing his constantly taking over things that it's nervous about forgetting you can't be relaxed and maybe allow more creativity to flow, which is, I think, for us, really important to think about as artists, you know, physical boundaries. We've talked about this a little bit already about having a studio, and if you do work out of your home to, maybe you create a space that just your space and even if you don't have a separate room for an office, but just a spot that is your spot that hopefully or go to that studio share. I thought that was a great working. Even I have a friend who's a photographer who just goes a cafe with Internet, and she likes being around the people that they're not there for her. But it's still a lot of rest reason, and she and in the so she gets a lot of work done because she's not distracted by laundry or whatever. She she make the different physical boundary for herself. I have and in our house, in our bedroom that I was working before. And, um, it's kind of I mean, our house is fairly compact, so you know when when I'm in the other room like, I can hear what my kids are doing in stuff. But I felt so cut off from them like I stopped working back there because I got a laptop and it allowed me to just be with my kids and be working at the same time. But I don't know which one better, because I had guilt for being around the corner and being away from them and separated from them. But I got more done. But now I'm, like, distracted all the time, so I don't know. I don't know. I don't know which one. Yes, you do. What do you think? I don't I really, honestly don't know. I'm starting to consider going back like creating a space again because the comment on online in the chat room that's not gonna go about how she's, you know, cooking, dinner and editing, and I just I feel like there has to be separation. There has to be some separation because if you're especially when you're a work at home, Mom, it's It's really hard to just psychologically, um, have that separation because you're in your house all the time. And, um, you know, I'm starting to think maybe that I need to kind of re separate. I would agree with you. I think I think re separating it is a really good idea. When joined Juliet were tiny, I was writing that we didn't have computers E. So I had a pad and paper and I was writing and same thing they were They were in the playroom and I wanted to be with them. And so I figured, OK, I'll go do that. And so I sat in the playroom and I was doing my writing and they were basically all over, you know, And so I felt like I was being really good. I was playing with them and always always well, with the world. And then finally I was a little distracted. I took a little toy and I just kind of joint during. Are you playing with me? Mommy, I'm like, Yeah, you know, And and then I realized I wasn't doing them any favors by being there, you know? And so and I wasn't getting anything done. And so it was. It was a lose lose. And so I thought, Okay, this could be a win win from now on. And so when I went to play with them with them, I was there 100%. And when I was writing, I was doing that 100%. And really, that was the best of both worlds. And you can do that. They have a good workflow system. See how he said, And, uh, workflow and systems. It's different for everybody in how you how you function and what works for you. And there's lots of programs out there for workflow. We've talked a lot about shoe Q and pick Taj and shoot you. What it does is helps me contain all my leads, all my clients, any kind of communication that's happening with them because before, I mean, if you don't have a system like that, you need some sort of system to track all of your clients, and you don't want to forget a guest book that you know like, Oh, the wedding is next week and wake up to print the guest book. You need those kinds of things and Choo Choo works really well for us, has built in reminders, has built in work flows. And then, um yes, so that's creating those kinds of systems. And I think that the part about it that's hard is that it takes a little while to set up. And sometimes it's so challenging to set up procrastinate, right? Because I don't know how to set this up. I'll just do it the old way, the limp along way, and then you end up wasting more time with unless you just create a system that works. Jane Sanders. It says that if there's something that you do the same to the same way every time, just create a system for it Or, you know, like a signature email or something like that, so that you're not doing again and again, kind of like the actions that Jules made. Just what incident? You know, one click and there you go. You frightened it or whatever. So it's sort of like an action for your workflow danger. Really huge insistence. Big system which I appreciate. You know, that goes right along with economizing your time and one of the things is like that doing a preset where you're not gonna do the same thing over and over. It's set for you with one click, but also when you're doing errands or you have things to do during the week. What I like to do is I have a day where I'm at home and I'm not gonna go running out to the store to pick up one thing or deliver something or whatever. So if I have things that I want to deliver, I will do them on one specific day and then I'll kind of route my actually, we have a guest. Oh, hey, there you go. But that way, and I write a list just that, because I will never remember what to do next. But it just kind of make a map for myself and make it efficient to where I'm going and why I'm going there and then just drop things along the way or whatever. And that sort of like block scheduling. Exactly. So you're blocks scheduling that this is gonna be in your delivery day or your Aaron day or write whatever, right? Right. And I'm not running out every single day for one little anything. I want to talk a little bit. Have I thought I just want to share some of the things that people have been saying online. I don't mind. Some of them kind of go back a little bit. All right? Okay. Cool. Um, so J. Holmes 09 says, this is I guess this is part of the boundaries piece. But she says so. One of my biggest problems is that I will schedule a day schedule out of date. But then my sister calls asking if I could take care of her kids last minute. It happens frequently, and I have trouble saying no. Any help? I think he should take those kids. A good uncle relationship s so I don't know if that was a here. She was my brother. You did that. They adore him, kid. He's trouble, Mom. But he did say he's only college. And he did say he's a planner. And he said these two weeks before I start work out. Guy, do this. This this and every day is scheduled, but time with his nieces is important. That's right, me through that day off, anything else, Kelly Cicero says on disses much along the same lines as the What was it called the anti Social? Yeah, it was. Christiana got a great tip from Philip videographer Chris Jones, who recommends setting an egg timer during which you do not pay attention to the phone, Facebook or email. Then take a break. So it's an old school tie. My own an egg timer. E. Hear about these egg timers. You have one. What person? Teeth. You put it in the bathrooms that do not come out. My kids didn't get with my I phone instead. Me. Where's your phone? I have to read for 30 minutes. 30 minutes. I don't get my foot, J. Holmes 09 says Joy owns an egg timer. I e. B in your kitchen. In the kitchen. Clean. Emily Evans Loan. Hi, Emily, says Joy. Do you think it's important to include your husband in what is going on in your business? More as a way to include him in your life. In all aspects of the same question goes to Jules with her boyfriend. I find it is important to keep my husband included to keep from feeling isolated. Well, I'll throw out to everybody. Actually, I have calendar because I really horrible about telling my husband one things were going on on Dime the Planner and know when everything's going on. So in our kitchen we have a whiteboard calendar, and I right, not just the new stuff like that happens once a year, but every week we have dance on Thursdays. We do. You know, we view this on this state because he forgets all the time and I get really gravity. When he asked me, What are you doing this afternoon? So if it goes on the white more then he knows and he hasn't checked it. Not my fault. But then everybody has kind of, ah, you know, it's a that's the family count. And I go, you know, once a week and ours is a little more digital. We have a shared Gmail calendar so he can see what I'm doing. I could see what he's doing, so at least when we're both online, we can see what's going on. Brian, I do the same thing, so he always knows when I have a wedding are you know, when I have guitar, what band we're seeing next don't have in our shared Google my husband's analog so way win something tapping out for, like, more involvement as in like saying I had this client who did this, That and the other thing, even though they're not involved in the business at all because that Julie had mentioned that before that you, your husband, you feel alone sometimes in things because he doing something else. And I know that there's husband, wife, photography teams. And then there's a lot of moms who were doing it on their own, and their husbands do other things. Yeah, they talked about that as well. Do this, you know your business needs, yes, but he's got a full time engineering Japanese, you know, away. And you know that kind of thing at times. So, yeah, you are kind of like by yourself. And he's a very good Sherpa for everywhere, the occasional when wet wedding or the green Halloween thing carries lots of equipment. So their time did you say, Hey, we want to come to this with me or that kind of thing you're sitting watching to rewatch last night. I think it's nice doing this. Have something to write about. You have somebody who knows, like I try to keep him involved in what's happening just in terms of like how it affects me personally, not necessarily ever been asked business aspect with parts of my business that will affect me personally. I like to use him, someone to talk to about it so he feels involved. And then when something goes on, he's not complete, like who are you talking about? Like, what was that? And so and I like to ask him the same thing. I'm I know a lot about what's going on him and his work to just because I want him to be part of my story and I want to be part of his story. And just because we don't work in the same place doesn't mean we can't support each other. So I think it's there, and that's a personal thing, how much you do or don't want to involve the other person. But I think because it's hard for us to have our own businesses, it is our baby. It's a it's a big deal, so I think Teoh, bring other people who are important to us into it is important. It does give your first set of I sometimes because he's very analytical and completely outside, especially where only who are these people? Okay, let me see. Oh, well, you know, and he puts it into more of a engineering. There's lots of spreadsheets. Yeah, definitely. My husband is my business resource. That's pretty much his extent of his involvement in my in my business, but But it's it's really valuable because he is an extremely talented business person. And so, if I have something, a question on something, I will I will consult with him. It's sort of another person that you're close to with a different skill set, with your best interest in mind, too. And it goes back to the whole idea of fostering relationships. That's it. You know, that's one of the relationships that's important to you. Then you need to prioritize that, and how better to then, you know, I know we were saying not to multi task, but toe have be able to have a little bit of overlap with your business and someone who cares for your like joy was saying is someone who has your best interest in mind. Sometimes you need event and then they can say, You know what? That's not all you are your fish, you that you have all these other great qualities and then bring you back around and realize you're right. You know, because running a business is stressful and you want to have the person who loves you on your side on your king. You know, my, um, helps time with my business and all website stuff. But before he's just recently quit, his job is now also working from home. So he's much more accessible, which is great. But before he was doing when he was working away from home, um, I would have him just I would pick a bunch of photos that I wanted to put on my website, and I would have him go through them and pick the best ones. And it was really interesting to see what he would pick over, and he would go through such a great shot in it, and it brings a little energy to what you're doing when you kind of go through and you get really critical. Somebody come through even just a best friend coming through and gives you that a little more energy. Yeah, Objective. Yeah, I like that. And we do have a question in the chat room 18 and last says I really find all these. I really find all of these helpful, but do you have any tips on when your husband just doesn't believe? Or there is 100% in my idea of starting a photo business? I'm a full time mom. I don't work, and I feel that it's a money issue percent against her, starting with it. He's not. He's not 100% behind a 100% against. It's not 100%. I've had conversations with a lot of moms who are in that situation, So I'm really interested to hear that because they're just they're asking the same questions. You know, they get frustrated because they're trying to run this business and they're passionate about it on. The husbands aren't supporting it. They're saying you're pouring money into this and it's not coming back, and I mean, we're not. We're in a different situation, and I mean, I'm not much help to them, but it's interesting that come up. OK, so I think that that is where you're gonna need to take this business with the real business perspective. And are you making money on this business? Are you pouring money into it? And it's not coming back. Why are you doing it right? If you're paying someone else to watch your Children because you're working on this business that's failing or not working or not making the money so you could go back and spend time with your Children like maybe it's not the right time to do it. Or maybe you need to come up with a business plan. I mean, if you were gonna start any other business, you need to get a loan from the bank, and you need to prove to them why this business would be successful. And I think doing things like this and learning a little bit more about business, taking some business courses or business consulting we've been talking about some really great resource is Yeah, I think Joyce saying is so many people like myself when I started my Stargate business, or solely because I loved photography, and I was unhappy with the career that I had and I wanted to try something different, and I had I just got lucky, I think, because my sister was working at a P with the time and we knew a lot of people getting married. So I happened to be able to book a lot of weddings without the previous experience. But I think that people who start any kind of business, not just photography with the true business background or marketing background are starting in. A good, solid business. Base will be successful and more successful than someone who is a photographer who is even a more talented photographer, a few a very talented photographer but a terrible business person more that likely than not. You'll fail. But if you're very talented business person and that's a pretty good photographer, you will probably be a lot more successful. And I think if it's issues like that, rather than like butt heads with your husband and just kick and scream, I think Joy has some good advices. Toe come up with very solid, realistic business plans that you can present to say, Look, why not? I have all of this proof of his reasons out of this research. I guess. Of course, any business is a risk. But I've figured out our costs and we can do it and maybe setting some deadlines for yourself to say, Look, let's give it a try for six months and revisit and see where we are every month we're gonna have we're gonna look at the numbers and see where we're at and just be very mindful about what's not working on what is working, Why we're spending money here is that coming back and if you're not a good business person, so those kind of things sound so intimidating, like it would to me, you know, maybe you invest first of all in a business coach or have somebody help you with that to create that plan, thinking more long term, right? Because then, if you can't get there anyway, there's a group called Believe It Score. That's a small business counselling, and they try and team you up. The people that we actually started with when we used it are actually from an advertising agency there. There add people so they try and match you up with people in the same field, and it's, I believe it's scored out organ I'm sorry. I don't know what score stands for guilty about that, but great help, because when we started, I was just an artist and I didn't know how to make a business out of it. And these people actually like, said, they make you do a business plan. They tell you how to do it, they tell you how to get funding, and it's all free. It's like eating frog. I think you do have to eat that from first, you know, And I would be curious for the woman who asked the question for her. Teoh, rather than just butt heads with her husband the whole time. But to tell you I don't know if you go right back to them or not. But I would say to ask her, rather than just getting immediately defensive, Teoh have a have a serious conversation with her husband about why what is his apprehension about it? Is he Does he feel like he brings in enough money and he wants her to spend more time with their Children? Like what are his fears about her starting a business? If it's making her happy and feel fulfilled, there must be something about it. That's that's hes hesitant about it. So getting down to the root of why he's opposed to it and maybe being able to then come at it from a different place and not just getting defensive and upset. So and I think this conversation is great, I really love that. But outsourcing is another one that I just wanted to touch on what I think is really critical and outsourcing. I think people think, Oh, outsource your editing or outsource here business things, but you could outsource anything. If it is long as you don't want to do it, you can outsource it, or someone else can do it more effectively while you are, then spending more time. That's the whole court of working on your raisins instead of for your business. So, like you've been outsourced somebody to grocery shop for you or, you know, clean your house. That's a pretty easy one. And my thought is, if you could make $100 an hour and photography, it's worth it for you to pay someone $30 to clean your house. Otherwise, you are paying yourself $30 to clean your house. I mean, and you need to know your costs to figure that out. But I think that if you don't love doing it, you should outsource it if you can, and Onley do the things that is going to propel your business forward, only do the things that only you can do. So you only you are the photographer. I mean, if you have associate of photography, that's different. But I mean on your business, only you could do your marketing, the things that are the touch points like when we were talking about connecting with the people, the people, that that's the thing that only you can dio. You should focus on those things and outsource the rest. Yeah, like that. So I'm going to move through this change management. The only thing that remains the same is that everything changes. Have you not heard that quote so everything. We've been talking a lot about this making decisions and how it's so hard to keep up. It feels like things are going faster and faster all the time. Even with you, especially with technology, you get a Facebook page in two days later. It's completely different and you don't know how to run your page anymore. So keeping up with that or you're block and having to continue to flog, and so I think that that gets overwhelming. So how do you manage those changes? It makes you feel out of control, Makes me feel out of control, are trying a little true, Um, so making decisions that I think it goes back to the eating the wrong kind of thing, for example, if we do something a certain way and it's not that effective, but I don't want to spend the time to fix it or I don't know how to fix it, I'll continue to do it the wrong way of ineffective way because I don't want to change. A lot of people will just stay in a bad situation because that's what they know, right? It's too scary to change. So, actually making a decision to change I think there's even some relief in that decision. And once you make that decision, then you could take the steps to move towards what you're gonna do. So say we decide to use a different program. We're gonna move to light room, we're gonna instead of doing making the decision. So then What do you dio? You're gonna invest in light room and then we need to do you maybe take a class to help you learn it. And you make the time to do that because you know that in the end, this is a program that's gonna make your workflow faster. You could do batch processing or whatever, but it's gonna take you some time to switch over to this new workflow system. And that's, I think, where the resistance that were the creating plan to make those creating a plan that was the plan with the whole piece of, like making the decisions in creating the plan demand change when you learn to be proactive rather than just reacting to change because change is gonna happen. Yeah, it's true. I like what you said about. If you don't make a decision, it will be made for you. That that that's a dad Quote begin. Thank you. Some else quoted me putting down when I said you could make a decision actually threatening. What's the mom quote? If you make a decision, you could always change your mind. It doesn't make a decision. I think we're just gonna go on because this is the last one. Stress, manage. Just give peace a chance. So I'm gonna read through these and then any discussion about them. I think stress management, of course, is a huge topic. Right? And if your body isn't healthy, you really can't do anything. If you don't feel good, it doesn't matter what is happening. You don't want to do it. You could be the funnest event ever. I mean, I remember a friend of mine She gets so sick the night for her wedding I felt so bad. You know, it's her wedding day. She's so sick. And how do you know? How do you enjoy something like that? So keeping yourself healthy, which has to do with healthy eating, fighting and then the block scheduling and to, you know, maybe committing to a yoga class. So, you know, four o'clock every Monday, Wednesday, Friday you are at yoga and yoga is one hour. You can do one hour. It's, you know, and letting yourself just even allowing yourself permission toe have that time knowing that it's proactive. It's gonna keep you healthy and that way, therefore, you could do everything else in your life, which I guess is the exercise and scheduling those things at times that aren't gonna sabotage yourself. Yeah, way were talking earlier. I mean, if you try, Teoh do things in the evening, your life will always get in the way. But if you do them early in the morning, you got far more likely. It is that the rest of the day. Yeah, right. Deliberately schedule it in, make it part of your day. And it's interesting about exercise. I think it's sort of a cyclical thing that the more you exercise, the more your body wants to exercise. And the reverse is also true. Like the less you exercise, the more you like. But I don't want to write today. Forget it, you know? So, um, I like this next one. Choose Joy just deciding to be happy. And I like what you were saying, but this is your life, so you can choose to be happy with your life or your choice to what you're going to do with whatever happens to you. You might not be able to help what is happening to you, but you can choose how you will respond to that. Actually, on the way over here. On the first day, I was listening to K XP for like the first time. And if if non locals don't know OK, XP is the independent music station based in Seattle and great Music. It was this song by Mint Royale called Show Show Me, and there's a quote in the rap. It's sometimes the body has to feel stressed in order to appreciate the joy. And so for me like that was like, totally like, So it makes you kind of more accepting of stress. I feel well, I think there's techniques to learn how to choose joy. Have cheese happiness, you know, being more forgiving, being more grateful, doing a gratitude exercise, looking around at what you do, have no todo e. Say it at the end. I want to just read this one thing cause I like it and I don't want to mess it up. There's an old turkey legend about an internal struggle characterized as two wolves. One is negative and your self pity, resentment, greed, the others, positive hope, serenity, empathy, faith. According to legend, you get to decide which wolf wins, the one you feed. I just think that's really So I like the idea of stop negative talk because sometimes you talk to yourself in negatively, you know? Oh, I can't do this. And he says, You don't worry here, your mother in your head. My mother always said, E, Sometimes we say cruel things to ourselves. We would never say to other people exactly know why. Why would you treat your own self worse than you would treat it like? One, I think should treat anyone works. But do you know saying like I think that's a habit. It's just a habit, and part of it is like I think somehow we're growing up. We grow up thinking you have to be modest. You can't, you know, pat your own back, whatever. But I think it's OK to be your own cheerleader sometimes even to just forgive yourself out yourself to have made a mistake or, you know, be kind to yourself. And that will avoid the burnout right there. There, you last time. Do you want to Do you want exercise? I won't do it now, but what I want you to do is, um, and Internet people is a reverse bucket list exercise where before when we talked about all of the things that you wish that you would regret not doing. I want you to think about all of the things that you are happy, that you've done happy, that you have accomplished things in your life that you have so and to look at that. And so I think that that is a way. Thio Thio. Congratulate yourself, Teoh. Choosing it's like her reverse bucket list like you didn't taking time. Teoh. Appreciate yourself and being kind to yourself. So yeah, What? Being grateful? I think that's so important. Just a daily reminder to yourself to be grateful because we have so much to be grateful for. And so often we overlook that. And I'm grateful that we got to come here to create in my final round of applause. OK, wait. I think we actually had a final do way. Had one more video with what is one. Have advice for moms entering the industry. I would say that in front of relationships, that means find people you trust in the industry outside the industry, have a business mentor, people you throw ideas around with. I think the best advice I can give is to find a great mentor. Why reinvent the wheel? Learn from the people who are running a successful, profitable business, how to do business planning and projections in pricing. You get very clear about how you want to spend your time. I would not make feel tohave it because it helps nobody and actually does a lot of harm in the long run. Stress is gonna come and hit us whether we're building the right dream or we're wasting our time. Anytime you're working at building something, you're working and you're labor is a feeling you have to figure out what should go through your filter to create your business that makes you different from everyone else. From there, we could do whatever you need to do. Okay, Well, I'm stick with us. We still have to the too big Twitter prizes to give away on goals. Enjoy. We just want to say thank you on behalf of the entire creative life global community. Thank you for sharing your combined years of knowledge. Thanks for having us experience business