The Power of ‘No’
no is a full sentence. Isn't that so fun to say out loud? It's a lot harder to do in real life. I can completely relate. I love to say yes. I hate confrontation. I want everyone to be happy and I want everyone to like me and that will be my detriment. Have you found yourself fully at capacity, totally overwhelmed, juggling a million things and then when you took a second to look, you realized that none of what was on your plate was anything you were actually excited about or passionate about. And it was all because you said yes too many times in situations that you secretly wanted to say, no, don't you hate when that happens, we need to talk about the power of no and how, even though it is challenging in the moment, when you've got to say it, when you just got to say that word, it is one of the most beneficial things that you can do for your productive lifestyle. Here's my pep talk about saying no. We are also fascinated at our ability to say no more often, that we have put this two le...
tter word high up on a pedestal to pedestal. So high up it is in a place that we have not climbed yet and therefore cannot get there to be able to use it. We cannot even visualize ourselves having the audacity of using this resource because it feels so out of reach. Yes, you heard me right. The inability to say no has much less to do with kindness and everything to do with imposter syndrome. When we refuse to say no, when we mean it, we refuse to be fully expressed versions of ourselves. We refuse to accept who we are and how we feel. We refuse to take the high road and instead do the things that shorten our lives. You're probably thinking no girl, You're crazy. I really am. Just like you said, I don't like confrontation. But is that really true? We all struggle with saying no and we'll actually find any reason not to say it, not just to be more likable and go with the flow. We also avoid saying no so that we can use this opportunity to complain and be dissatisfied with the status quo. We choose to stress about to have to do is and got to deal with because that's what we think we deserve. So while you're not saying no, because you think you're doing the right thing by someone else, you're actually not. You're building up your animosity and regret that is cancerous inside you rather than moving on and making it the best for all involved. When you say no, you are actually doing a favor to those who ask you to do something that you have no reason to make the time for, because there are now more likely to get someone else to help them. That is a much better fit. When you say no, you're saying yes to yourself. So it's no surprise as to why the opposite is happening. Too many yeses to others. Too many nose to oneself. Now, the basis of this class is to give you work from home life balance. So let's talk about why saying no is so important to that. It's very unlikely that someone forced you to take this class. You are here for a reason. You decided to take it because you feel compelled to be able to set yourself up for more in life. This is about what you know about yourself and what you intend to do about it. That's very powerful. Do you know how many people refuse to listen to themselves, to know who that person is so well that they would go out of the way and do something for them as if it were somebody close to them, somebody that they love in this journey, in this process, you're discovering your weaknesses. But when you find those weaknesses, it does not make you weak, it makes you self aware. And self awareness is how you get to know when you truly need it. There's no way that any part of this class is going to be useful to you, if you do not get acquainted, get get chummy with the word no, and actually use it in the situations that it is going to be advantageous to you instead of thinking about how hard it's going to be all those times that you're probably going to now have to say no knowing what you know now reframe it as to how you are saying yes to yourself. Everyone else seems to have no problem saying yes to themselves or at least that is our perception, so why not? You here are a few ways I think will help you get acquainted with no start using it more often, so you can say yes to yourself in a work from home life balance situation. One thought is to add some boundaries to yourself and your email. One of the things that I like to do is keep an email signature, I actually also have an email auto responder that lets people know how often I check email so that when they reach out to me and they're asking me if they can get my help on something or get me to reply about something, they can now have a managed expectation as to when they will hear back from me were saying no to constantly replying to emails and yes to the focus time when we are not in our inbox next. I want you to find something on your calendar that you had to do recently that really didn't have to be you. Is it going to pop up again in the future? Is there some way that we can think about what a better strategy would be for that task or for that event that doesn't include you doing it. Start saying yes to yourself and yes to any other parties involved by reframing the expectation of what will happen here and saying that you will not be doing it. But being helpful in transitioning to what the next scenario could be and then hopefully this scenario going forward so that it doesn't come back to you, this is a big one. Practice this response, let me get back to you. If you can't get into the groove of saying no right away at the very first moment that you know the answer is no, that's okay. We can get there as long as we are not in the habit of saying yes right away. Either saying yes right away or probably I'll have to find out is a really good way to string people along on something and then you ultimately become held accountable for it when you respond in a way that you may be interested, but you don't want them hanging on a probably yes or let down immediately with an immediate no saying, let me get back to you indicates that you are going to check other areas to be sure you can even do it. That could mean your calendar, that could mean your significant other. That could mean a multitude of different things. The reason I like this is not because we have to check with other people. That actually may feel good for most who need to be held accountable by others and that's fine. I actually like it because it indicates to others that you have a system for how you do things. You have a system for what you say yes to you have a system for what you sign up for and you intend to check on that system in order to be sure that you can show up at 100%. I always want people to feel the way that I want to feel about how I do my best work and that is that I come at it proactively and systematically I will get back to you means there is a thing I'm gonna check that's going to indicate whether it's the green light or the red light and I'm going to let you know yes or no. The next time you hear from me, this one will throw you for a curve ball a little bit consistently. Ask people how you can support them. One of the biggest reasons I think that we want to say yes all the time is because we feel lacking in how we have been supportive. Up until that point, I've really done nothing for them or I haven't shown up enough or I know that he's been busy and I haven't even tried to assist. We put that on ourselves. If we want to combat that, then let's do it. I'm always asking people, how can I support you? How can I support you? What am I what are you working on right now that I might be able to be helpful with? It doesn't mean I'm asking for a homework assignment. It's saying I am willing to show up for you if what you need is something that I can fit into my life. Right now. We're not guaranteeing a yes when we ask how you might be supportive. And finally just ask questions anytime somebody is asking you to do a task or asking you to help with an event or asking you to do something, ask questions, get the quantifiable. The other downside to saying yes right away is that sometimes we don't exactly know what we signed up for and that is bad news. We want to know all the details, okay. When and where and how and what's expected of me and what does success look like? Tell me everything. Because if you don't have the details of this stuff, I shouldn't be saying yes to you anyway because it sounds like you still got some things to figure out. But if I ask you questions, I'm much more likely to know whether this is a fit for me or not or I'm going to know if you're just trying to offload something on to me that you actually have no idea what you're doing on. Questions are a beautiful thing. I can 100 guarantee that when you hit your stride with the power of no, you're going to find an extraordinary advancement in your work from home life balance. No, I cannot continue this lesson anymore. We must move on. So now that you've removed no from that high up pedestal, you've got it in your back pocket and are 100 qualified to use it at any time. It's time to talk about how to make time for everything you want to do.