Lessons

Lesson Info

Preparing for a Session

getting started. Once you become approved as an hour, they unanimously photographer headquarters will usually send out some information to your coordinator to let them know that they do have a new photographer in the area. But it is also important for you to contact the area coordinator. Also, ask him how they do their rotations, how they send out their information and to find a photographer, things like that. It's really important to kind of build that support network and get to know the other photographers and the coordinators in your area. Download all the information you need from the now we laid down to sleep website print and prepare all your forms. Sometimes the photographers have a little bad with. Just now I lay me down to sleep information in it that they're able to pick up. They know that the consent form is in there. They know that they have extra brochures and their business cards air in there so they don't have to prepare it all. It's already prepared, so just make sure y...

ou have all that documentation that you need and know exactly where you're going. Whether you have tow, figure out the hospital map quest. It, um you do need to get there and, um, and again, you got your bag and you're ready to relieve. I think it's something that the more you prepare yourself for your first session knowing that it may be one of three hospitals knowing where to get there, how to get there, really looking at the equipment guy that we give you and determining what should be in your bag so that when you get that first phone call there, no matter who it is, there's going to be an element of fear and concern, and it's a little overwhelming. So we want to make sure that you are well prepared and that you're ready to get out there and the MAWR preparation you put in the front end, the better your first session will go. And as I said, the sooner you do your first session, the easier these sessions becoming. Most likely, you will have shadowed a photographer already. You know, before you take your first solo session by yourself, so you will kind of really know what is going on, and you know you will be prepared. And on a lot of the country's, though that we're serving, they're going to be the first photographer to approach this. So, you know, you might be an individual going out and building this entire organization in your community in your country. So let's talk about the session check. Click list A few. All of these things, by the way, are located on the website. This entire program, for the most part, is located on the website. All of these check loads checklists are available in downloads, so we're just gonna quickly go through these. Obviously, you need to have a camera, some sort of flash system and support equipment. We also have to have the parent consent forms. Those have to be signed before we do the work. We have to have the parent's permission to actually create these images. And then, of course, we have to follow proper safety procedures. We're gonna talk a little bit about props. If you intend to bring something into the hospital. We actually recommend that you don't We prefer, unlike with Cheryl session, where I had a black backdrop in turtlenecks and things like that. It was made very clear to me very early on in this organization by a nurse that in fact, we used a couple things, and I remember the nurse turning to me, saying, What are you gonna do with those? And I said, Go wash them I was gonna put them through the laundry and she said, I think you should throw them away And that was a big red flag to me because what she was saying is there was a situation here that she could not tell me about due to HIPPA laws, but that there was a situation that I needed to be aware of. So we do not recommend you bringing props, blankets, anything. Keep in mind that the family, they have things in the hospital room. They do have blankets that have been given to the child. Usually they have outfits that have been given to the child. If the family is not prepared, they will have stuffed animals, flowers, and we'll talk about photographing those things later. But it's really not necessary nor appropriate to bring anything in we In the beginning, a lot of photographers wanted to bring stuffed animals to give to the families and things like that. But remember, that's not part of their story. That's something we're trying, it's not. This is not staging. This is really about what they have and working with it, what they have. So we really, truly try. Not Teoh. As it says here. If anything comes in contact with bodily fluids, they should be given to the family or thrown away. Don't take them home. Just remember, hot water does not destroy all viruses, so it's just it's just don't bring it. We'll also talk about things that you should have that now I lay me down to sleep brochures. You need to have business cards, if you can. We prefer you to print. We have a template for you and you can easily put to No, I let me down to sleep even on your own printer, just something that separates it from your business. You can get alcohol wipes and swabs from the hospital. They have them right there, and you could just ask for a pack. I always grab five or six and stick him in my camera bag because you are going to be swapping down your cameras and your lenses after at the end of every session, you will be wearing gloves. Also, some photographers spring. Put a little bottle of Vicks vapor rub in there camera bag. Ah, baby, that has passed away many times can have a very overwhelming smell on. And it is something that if you have trouble with that, putting a little Vicks vapor rub right here kind of eliminates that odor and makes it a little easier, because when you're working with the baby's, you want to make sure that you're strong and you're confident. And if you're struggling with, you know, a smell or something that's causing you to be concerned, the parents are gonna feel that. And remember, this is their beautiful child, regardless of smells or the look of the baby. This child is their child, and they love this child, and they and I know you said that just the care that a photographer has with that child is really important as well. A couple reminders don't wear overwhelming perfume or cologne. You must wear gloves. This is another thing that our photographers struggle with. They are uncomfortable. They A lot of times they feel like it's rude to, you know, put on gloves as if this was a mechanical thing that you don't want to touch the baby. Every nurse and every doctor will put on gloves. Since that parent has been in that hospital, it's the norm. It's not offensive at all. There will be fluids present on some of these babies. They could bleed through the nose, They could have fluids in the mouth and other areas. So keep that in mind. There will be body bodily fluids and you want to be safe at the end. You're gonna throw those gloves away. You're gonna wash your hands. You are going to swab down every piece of equipment that you've used. You do need to disinfect your equipment, backing up your session. We're gonna beat that up the whole time because immediately the minute you get home, the number one priority is to get that backed up in a couple locations is our preference. Because sadly, in seven years and thank heavens, it's very, very rare. We have had photographers who did not back up their sessions and the card was corrupt or they backed it up on one place and the drive failed. And we have lost families images. Now, to this day, we have not had any family, have any legal issue with that. But it is so devastating when a family trust you to come in there and capture the last moments. Many cases they don't do it themselves because they feel like we're getting a professional, and that's the hardest. When I hear that, when I sadly one of the ones we had a deal with last year, the family was so upset because they said we didn't take any pictures because you were, and that's just heartbreaking because we couldn't do anything to fix it. And it was just a photographer error, and it was one of those that it should have been addressed quicker. But this family, because the photographer was so upset it took weeks and weeks and months and months just to get the photographer to respond. So not only did the family lose the images, we put them through months of of desperation, not knowing where that child was. So if you do have a problem, just be honest. Just let us know because we can deal with it and we will deal with it. But we don't want to hurt those families, then this is also really important that you had a consent form that the family had to sign that has to be uploaded. It's a very simple process toe log this session. And I think Cheryl noted that the logging of the session, what that does is it keeps records. Of all the families we've served, we know we've served thousands more families than we have record up because for the photographers, that seems to be the one thing they struggle with the most is, you know they'll do the work and they get them to the families. But that's simple task of logging that session of saying I went here at this time with this family. It is such a lifesaver to us. But when it comes to funding and grant raising, this is something that could make a huge difference. If we could show companies that perhaps would provide grants that we've served thousands and thousands of families, and here are some of the responses, I think we'd be more likely to get the support we need. In a perfect world, we'd love to eliminate the membership fee. I mean, that would be ideal, and that was originally what we had thought is this will help us get started, but at this point, it does not look like it will be in the near future. But logging the sessions could be that thing that someday makes that possible. Now, when you're preparing for your session practicing your introduction there, a couple parts of this that I think are the hardest part. Sometimes walking in the room is just the most. It's for me. It's the most emotional part. I think you know you're nervous going in and I don't care if it's your first session of your 100th and 50th. It's It's still there's this level of you don't know what you're walking into and and every photographer will tell you they've made this mistake. And this is the mistake I made right out of the gate with Cheryl. I walked in the room, and the first thing that came out of my mind mouth was Hi, how are you doing? Who says that to somebody who's losing a child? I mean, And when it came out of my mouth, I just remember my ears started burning and I was, Why would you say that? And Cheryl doesn't remember that at all, but I vividly remember cause right after that, I followed up with my son, and I just I felt like I was falling off a cliff here, and I was not even in this session part yet. So So understand that when you walk in the room, but you're going to acknowledge the situation, you can walk in and introduce yourself. Hi, My name is Sandy Push. I'm a representative. From now, I lay me down to sleep. I'm very sorry that this is happening to you. I do want to explain a little bit about what we'll be doing today, and I know that sounds abrasive, but you have to understand, these families are basically in shock and we're not. You don't have to give a whole lot of information. Empathy is something that you can show just in your actions, your reactions, your quietness. And our goal is not to give a long speech on what we provide because they've been briefed by the hospital. Our goal is really to get to the point where weaken do the work that we need to do and get out So the family can have the time that they have left. It is helpful to review the training manual to get that information as well as to pack your equipment and have that ready. I mean, I tried. We tried toe, we have a list. That's sort of the Now I lay me down to sleep list so that when we're going, we could just check box it and believe me, even though I've been shooting for years 24 years, I mean, there was an occasion where I got all the way to the hospital and it was a far was like an hour and 1/2 drive and forgot my C f cards. And I believe you, Helen, you had to bring him to me. But I was horrified. I mean, I just would never do that. And I just, you know, hour and 1/2 later, we had to have that happen. So it can happen to anybody. Um, and you need to be prepared. Now. I have one cf card that never leaves my bag. It's not even in my card case. It's just it's tucked in the bag. So that worst case scenario, that would never happen again. So, you know, I have made many mistakes and just be careful that you have everything. A list is very helpful. And then just make sure that you have the prince and the forms downloaded things. We suggest that you dio, of course, turn off the cell phone. Nothing is more interruptive than being in the middle of a session and having your cell phone ring and breaking that mood. Um, asking nurses questions when you get there at the nurses stations, anything that they you need to know about the family about the baby, Um, it's important just to try to get as much information from the nurses as possible. If you're coordinator hasn't already got that information on the phone or the coordinator wasn't aware of certain things, it's again just really important to ask. Um, wash your hands, wear gloves. I think Sandy's kind of really gone over bats and how important that is and definitely cleaning your equipment. So, um, I know you know you did. You didn't used to do with it for a while until the one nurse was talking about it. So, you know, it's something that we learned by experience and we're here, you know, sharing that information with you and let you know that That's really, really very important. Families. Excuse me? You're not gonna be offended by you wearing gloves. I don't think I would have ever been offended by Sandy wearing gloves when she walked in. I was just grateful that she was there and things that we should just that you're not dio, um, having long conversations with the nurses or the families or the nursing staff. I think Sandy went into a little bit about the nursing staff and hanging around stations. But again, with the families, you know, you may be a photographer that has had your own loss, and it's not appropriate to share. I think that you can empathize with them and show that again through your reactions and how you deal with the family sharing personal stories. Yeah, I think I discovered that one right there on the bringing props. Of course, you know, we have a lot of families that want to donate stuff to the photographers in their hometown, such as Beanie Hats or, you know, gowns, little little stuffed animals. Um, some photographers do take them some do use them. We suggest that you not if the families do want to donate something like that. We suggest that you send them directly to the hospital. Hospitals know what families need, what's, and they're there to be able to provide that to the families to. And then if the families choose to use them in their session, the nursing staff has already provided that to them, especially like preemies. There's not a lot of creamy clothes out there for babies. And, you know, some of the, you know, organizations and families that make the little primi outfits. It's wonderful just to get those directly to the hospitals and the preemies that we do with our this big. I mean, it's hard to even imagine an outfit, a clothing item that is this big that covers a child. So it's not something that you would find in a store or could donate. They have to be specially made as well, and the hospitals have those. And then the big one is sharing your personal religious beliefs. I know that we all have our own beliefs and my views may not, you know, coincide with another photographers or another families, and it's just really important that you kind of really leave that out of conversation. You're there to help the family provide them with memories that will last lifetimes. And, um, it's just and I think, a Sfar Aziz. How we feel with the religiousness is a quote that I wrote years ago. But now I lay me down to sleep is an organization that is open to serve all families that suffer the loss of an infant. We appreciate that your participation and now let me down asleep, maybe a spiritual matter. But it is not appropriate to share any personal religious information, philosophy or literature with parents. The language of love and sacrifice is universal. Now this is something that we wrote after having experiences. We actually had a member that was sort of process led lighting to our families. They would bring in religious materials and, at the end of the session, provided to the family and invite them to church. And it's it's really inappropriate. And as I said earlier, no matter what brought you to us, most people we find there is a spiritual connection on, and I think we each have our own reasons that we do this. You don't know the families affiliation on Do you don't know what their personal views are, and it is not appropriate t even especially at that time when they're so fragile. And that is again why the hospitals or if they see this, they will shut us out of the hospital. We came very close to one photographer, completely eliminating us from the hospital because of that, and we had to prove that we weren't, you know, a religious affiliation. So just be very careful. There have been times where, you know, I've met with families after we've served them months and months after, and you know, we've had conversations about philosophy in life, but that's when it becomes a personal relationship and is not as a representative to this organization. And you might be in a room with the family, and they may be performing a baptism, and you may be filming that baptism shooting that baptism. And usually the families have their own religious items, such as little Bibles or the crosses that they want wrapped into the child's hands. And, you know, you really need to take that lead from the family as to what they are wanting you to photograph and how they're wanting you to photograph it. So when you go to a session, obviously, as I said, the first ones, the hardest, basically the first part really is actually meeting with the hospital. You'll walk in, announce who you are. It's very quick process. Usually they've worked with us before. So they assume, even if it's your first session, that you have that experience and they will give you the basic name of the family, the room number there. In many times I walk up and they say Room 103 and that's it. There's not a lot. So if you have concerns or questions and if you're new, that's OK. That is a good time to address them. Those nurses would love to know, you know, if this is new to you, and they would love to answer those questions about the family or what to expect. Once you enter the room, you can offer your condolences and very briefly explain what's going to happen. We don't go into detail. I don't talk about. I'm gonna photograph the hands and the toes and everything. I just explained that I'm going to do breakdowns, and if there's anything special that they want to let me know, I also at that time quietly address. Who would they like to be involved in this image? Would you like your husband and yourself? Are there any relatives or siblings that we'd like to involve? That gives the family a little bit of time to process that we have had. We could give you volumes of stories of, you know, Mom that doesn't want her mother in law in any images or they don't want anybody but themselves. And yet there are relatives saying, My turn, my turn, you know, and you have to be very aware of those emotional connections and kind of pay attention to what's going on. We have to explain the consent form and make sure that the family will either father or mother or legal guardian signs the consent form. Before we can do this session, we have to have that done, and that's that's probably the second most besides walking in. The second awkward part is doing paperwork before this session. Family is not going to read it. Usually they just sign again. It's all kind of a blur if they do read it and have questions, please to answer it. But you want to make sure that you are aware of the fact that you know this document is a to protect you and be to protect the family. And it is important for us to have that make sure you can read the handwriting. That's a huge one. Families who were upset that you know, many times and I took me a long time to learn this, I would get home and I would look at the consent form, and I did. I couldn't even read the name. And a lot of times you'll be dealing with people from other countries and, you know, they don't speak English. And so it's something that you have to address there as well. You cannot have a nurse sign it off. You cannot do this session without that consent forms being filled out. So when you're working in these environments are gonna be working in very tight spaces. I can assure you that you need to understand your lighting. You need to understand the options that you have, because you could be working in a room as small as this rug here, and that would be the best that you would have. So the last thing that we recommend that you do is photograph the consent form, and that way you have a digital copy of it as well. And the release form. And I also like to photograph. They always have a name tag of the baby's name on the bed that has their date of birth date and wait. We like to incorporate that into the slide show, so we'll talk about details later. But you want to get anything with their name on it, just so that you have something that if you lost your paperwork, you would have a direct tie into that family. We also provide, as I said, this template for the now I lay me down to sleep Business card. It's free to download, and you could honestly, if you needed to print it on your own printer. We're not suggesting you spend a lot of money, but there are a lot of great companies out there that can produce an inexpensive business card there, customizable. So you do have options are photographers are required to provide the session and the digital files on a CD. However, the DVD slideshow will talk about later is optional, so you could remove that off there. If that's not something you're going to provide when you do this, make sure you give several business cards out. If you just hand one to mom, it will get lost. And she's still usually in the hospital in bed. Could get lost. We tried a hand, one to Mom, went to dad, went to Grandma, went to Grandpa. We pretty much handed to everybody in that room so that somebody holds onto that. Because the first problem that a family is gonna have without that is there gonna be calling the hospital saying Who was my photographer? Then the hospital has to call headquarters, and then headquarters has to figure out from there. And if that photographer hasn't logged their session, there's no connection there at all. We even suggest you give one to the nurse because they will keep a file on the family. And that way you know, there's this another step to, you know, finding oh, working with hospitals. Okay. Um, so you're area coordinator? Most likely is going to feel that call from you and your area coordinator is going. Teoh, get the information from the hospital from the family who ever they have contacted? They're going to get the name in the relationship of the contact person. Most of the time, they're going to have the room number for you. The families. Last name. You're going nowhere to go. You just have to check in with the nursing station. And again, they will, you know, direct you Which way to go babies Location again on that floor most of the time. Very coordinators gonna find out. I know. As an area coordinator, I'm gonna try to find out as much information for my photographer as possible. I'm gonna find out the families last name. I'm gonna find out the nurse's name. I'm gonna find out that nurses contact number or the families contact number. Whoever has called, I'm gonna try to find out the baby's condition for you. What gestation? The baby was born on that the baby is still alive. Or if the baby has already passed what condition the baby was born with. I'm going to try to give you as much information as possible. And if it's a condition that I have not heard of or that I know it's a severe condition, I'm going to send you a link, or I'm gonna have you go to the website and try to find the link of that condition so that you are aware before you walk into that room. The last thing I want to do is send a photographer into that room unprepared, um, again, baby's condition. Babies that are born still. And I don't think I ever realized this until the first time Sandy and I had done a session together. Babies that are born still may have peeling skin, missing skin, this colored skin. The lips will be very, very dark. Fingernails will be very, very dark. I was shocked, honestly when I when I first found that out and again. It's just trying to prepare you guys as much as possible English speaking family. That's very important. If the name sounds a little foreign, I will try to find out if that's an eagle speaking family. If there will be somebody there that you know can help the photographer with the translation or even try to find the photographer that does have the experience with that certain language. Some, such as Spanish parents, it's again. It's so important, you know, it will mom and Dad be present? We do have several families that you know they don't want to be, is the photographs with the baby. They just want the baby photographed alone. And in that case, I will try to find a photographer. That will be an easier session for the photographer not having the deal with the mom and dad directly. And they are able to be in a room alone with the nurse or with the family watching to do that session. Some families are from out of state, especially in Denver. We have families coming in from New Mexico, families coming in from Wyoming. Oklahoma family might be arriving later that evening, so we want to make sure that everybody is there that wants to do photographs. Or who wants the fan the mom and dad want photographs with. And I don't want you waiting at the hospital for 4 to 6 hours, waiting for family members to arrive. Certain siblings. I know that one of the things I regret the most was not having a session done with my older Children there. I did not know what to expect, and again, I'm able to share that story with other families. If you have older siblings, you know, get him in the photograph. It's It's your only family portrait that you're ever gonna have with that baby and contact information. I think you know, Sandy made that clear with the consent forms of, you know, handing out your business card mixture. You know who the family is that you're serving, that they have your contact information. You have their contact information and you know you hear anything else. And then again, working with hospitals again, fielding the calls, I'm going to find out from that nurse. If that call it that family is urgent or if it's a non urgent situation, some nurses might say, Well, the family is going to be removing life support tomorrow afternoon, I'm gonna find out. Do they want the images before the baby is removed or they want the images after the baby's removed again, we we try to, you know, say, do one session. We don't want you there again. I don't know how long a baby is going to survive after the baby has been discontinued, so we don't want a photographer there, you know, all day and all night. Our photographers are available from 7 a.m. to p.m. And that's kind of a general guideline. Um, we need everybody to remind whether it's a photographer of the on call coordinator to remind those nursing staff that the photographers are volunteers. There is not a certain time that we can be available. We will try to accommodate the family as best as we can. But again, they're volunteers. You guys have your jobs, you have your businesses, you have your families, school events for your Children and a. And this has to come after all of that. So again, we remind the you know, the nursing staff that you are volunteers and we are on call from the hours of 7 a.m. to p.m. You might have a situation where the baby might. You might have been notified in the morning. The baby might be passing it. Midnight's Could you be available? That is up to you as a photographer. If you can be available at midnight, when that nurse calls you back and says the fan, the baby has passed. Can you come in at this time? So that is up to you otherwise, you know, we recommend that, you know, they go ahead and take care of the baby, and the photographers could be there first thing in the morning. And safety is, of course, an issue. We don't want our photographers down in, you know, city. Not not nice areas at midnight. I mean, we tried. This is only a guideline, so you can make your own choices, but we do want you to consider safety. Also. Want to make sure it's very clear that a lot of times you'll get a call that seems extremely urgent. A nurse's like they're taking the baby off support in an hour. We need somebody now. That doesn't mean we have a volunteer. As Cheryl said, that's gonna drop everything and go there. And so it is very important to be able to articulate to the hospital that there are other options. If the baby has passed away, in many cases, they'll get a better session because there are no tubes. There are no wires. All of those little things that are going Teoh make the session harder are gone. So one thing that I do want to make sure is clear when I did Cheryl Session. Obviously, I have the opportunity to photograph Maddox while he was breathing or while he was on support. And while he was not on support and for many for the first year to I wanted to give that to everybody. And then we found ourselves at hospitals where I'll never forget a very difficult situation where we mom wanted both. She wanted to hold him after and he was in, you know, he was unable to be moved. And so we went down there with the intent to photograph him while he was in the bed and then after he passed away. But we ended up staying at the hospital for over eight hours while we watched. This little boy just had the hardest time letting go, and he was gasping for air. And it was horrible in every time the nurse would come in and we would think he was gone. He would, you know. And of course, it would startle Mom and she would break down. And it was just a horrible situation. And and I so badly wanted to get out of it because, first of all, we are volunteers do not have eight hours that they could wait for something like this. Second of all, it's really not appropriate to be a part of that. It's very traumatic on the parents to see their child struggling, and, um, in the end we waited and we only literally only got a few images of Mom was so exhausted. She basically just just get out. I don't want to do this and it was very hard on all of us. So we want to make sure that when you go into this, it is not necessary. Nor do we even recommend that you that you recommend that you can do both sessions. It is appropriate to do one or the other. If you feel like you're being pressured, that they're saying you know this baby is not gonna make it, you need to be able to be confident and say, I understand I cannot get there. I have other obligations. But after the baby passes away, we photographed babies. In our case, we photographed babies days after they passed away, but in most cases within 12 hours, the baby still look beautiful, and there's no reason why that can't help. And that's what I'll convey to the nurses being one of the on call coordinators, I will convey if I cannot get a photographer there while the baby is still alive. Will the family except images after the baby has passed? And that is something that the nurse, all I don't know, she'll go check and she's like, Yeah, that'll be great. So then I know that I'm not in a rush. Of course, I'm always in a rush to find a photographer, but I know they don't have to have somebody there within the next hour. I know that, you know, after the baby passes and it's later at night and the family has kind of taken it all in, we can get somebody there afterwards, you know, to help that family, too. And then we do have ah, guideline on the 25 weeks gestational age guidelines. This is something that Sam and I really kind of struggled with in the beginning because, um, again you might have your own beliefs about what gestation the baby is. If the baby's a baby from conception. We were photographing so many young gestational age babies and, um, like 18 weeks, 17 weeks, and it was something that our photographers were doing also. And we lost a lot of photographers because of that young gestational age where there really wasn't very much of a baby to photograph. Maybe just a little foot or a little hand was all you could make out. And again, we want to provide the service tall families. But we really struggled with what is a good gestational age. So we came up with a 25 weeks gestational age guideline on, and we've really kind of tried to educate the nursing staff that you know, here's our guidelines, but if you have a younger gestational age baby like I will ask Denver Health or PSL Hospital all the time. They may call and say we have a 20 weaker, but she's beautiful. The family would really, really, really love photographs. Of course, we're going to try to find a photographer to help that family, but it's going to be up to that photographer whether or not they will do that young gestational age. The reason that is, says Cheryl mentioned, Some of these babies are not formed totally as a baby, and it's very hard to make out any features So we really have to really make sure everybody understands is that 25 weeks is only a guideline. You will also get parents and this has obviously for us. It was very startling. But headquarters gets it all the time where somebody is calls headquarters just absolutely livid because they've lost a baby and what they perceived that we're saying is if your baby isn't 25 weeks, it's not really a baby, and that is absolutely not our stance. We do not buy, you know, everybody as a Cheryl said. They have their own personal beliefs as to when that baby is official. But it's just a guideline, and we have to explain to those parents that it's just a guideline and your 18 week old Bay or 18 weeks gestation Baby was absolutely a baby. It's just a matter of the condition of the baby, and it took us years to get hospitals to understand what was appropriate and what wasn't appropriate. And when Cheryl said that we lost photographers, I remember very vividly. We were called to do a session down in downtown and I had a photographer that wanted to shadow, and I got there and way were escorted to where this baby Waas and we knew it was Ah, small baby. It was an 18 weaker And so I wasn't sure how this was going to go in this photographer. We went to the room and I unwrapped the baby. It was in a covering in a sort of ah, paper covering and unwrap the baby. And truly this baby was just in a gelatinous state. It very much looked like just jello or ah, loosely formed body. There was almost nothing visual I could see. I could see where hands they were attached to the body, but I could lift a hand off and the toes. You have to imagine a foot that is the size of a pencil eraser. It's so small. And this photographer that was with me was horrified and and that was her first introduction to Now I let me down asleep, and at the end of that she said, I can't do this. There's no way. And so understand we lost a potential great member because she felt like that was just really out of her realm. And I tried to explain to her that this shouldn't have happened, we shouldn't have even been called. We drove both of us separately, Almost a Knauer to get there and to get there, and I all I could take is one picture of the feet of the one foot. And that was a waste of our time. And it certainly isn't. We're not projecting that that was not a baby. It's just that we really I had to go back and talk to the hospital and say, You know, in this case, it's not appropriate to call us. Um, you know, and I'm sad that we lost a member over that, because had she had an experience with a larger baby and older baby, she may be, would have had an experience closer to what Cheryl went through, where she attached to that connection of what we were really providing. So So we're not medical photographers were not trying to, you know, photograph deceased Children. We're trying to create beautiful portrait. So again, that was a learning curve for us trying to figure out OK, well, this isn't gonna work where we really, really needed to start communicating mawr with the hospital staff. And again, you have to remember what you're gonna be providing to that family. Would something like this have helped that family? And in this case, I being a brief parent, I could say no. This would not have helped so right And always remember that almost every hospital out there has cameras and they take their own images so they can Worst case scenario. That's when they can capture a Polaroid. It used to be. Now they have digital cameras. They could provide the family something in it. The family chooses to contact us. We have the d. R. A. Is the retouch artists that could try to create something a little more pleasing as well. And we've already gone through this again. We'll just, you know, hit it again to consent, authorization and release. It is very, very, very, very, very important. That is saying that that family has allowed us into their hospital room were there with their permission to take those images. So it is very important that you always carry one with you the hip a lot on this applies to the United States. Each country has its own version, but all of them have it. And this is the availability to talk about the patients what you can and can't say. And when we go to a hospital, there is a fine line there where the hospital knows we need a certain amount of information they cannot necessarily have. Give us all the information, but things that you learn or hear or see in those rooms are private and are not to be mentioned anywhere outside of their. We do want to respect the family's privacy, and you know, it's one of those things where you're a guest of the family and we don't want to take advantage of that. I know for us when Helen and I and Air and we would go to sessions after every session, it it was it's emotional to do this and after every session we made it a point to stop by and we would go out to ice cream and I know that sounds crazy, but I think we gained £30 the first year we did this because we had to have a place just to go let it go because the things we were seeing where sometimes unbelievable, the conditions in the the things that you just could never imagine and so we would go to a restaurant and we would just sit and talk and just kind of address all the craziness, and that was our diffusion. But really, when I started learning about hip, I started to think, You know, you have to be very careful, even just sitting in a restaurant, talking about a family and a baby. You don't know who's sitting next to you. It could be a relative. We weren't that far from the hospital. It could be somebody who knows that family, and it is absolutely not appropriate to talk outside of the hospital about those families. So if you are going to have somebody that you can trust that you could diffuse with and we expect people to do that, make sure that you're in a private area as a such as possible. Now I want to show a little video here real quick. This is actually a session that Helen and I did a couple weeks before the last tour, and this is actually from the nurse's perspective. We did a session with twins. One of the twins had passed away, and, um, the other one was still surviving, and I don't know that I don't think she survived. But at that time she was alive. And this is really this is a new interview we did really getting from the nurse's perspective what it is like to work with. Now I lay me down to sleep in the photographers, so let's go ahead and take a look. My name is Jodi. Can it? I'm a staff nurse here in Littleton Adventist Hospital, and I've been here for 10 years. The services of No. I lay me down to sleep impacted family because they're providing a service complimentary, if you will, to allow a family to preserve as much of the experience as they can in a very sensitive way in that, um, the offer closure they help with the closing process. And as you would know, there's a very small window where this service can be offered. And so it's very important that the staff be trained in the ways to access these services available and give this other gift to the family by offering them a foot photographic session by these well trained volunteer photographers. I believe a photographer should consider it volunteering their services. For now, I lay me down to sleep as an opportunity for their own personal growth. Put aside, if you will for a minute the opportunity for business and notoriety and just think what it would be like to have the opportunity to be invited by a family Teoh come and be a part of their most one of their most intimate moments. And what does that do to your heart? Um, to be given that opportunity is a privilege, and it truly is a sacred experience. So I would challenge and, um, challenge ah, person to look inside themselves and see if there's any way that they can picture themselves offering the service because you can't put a value in words on what they're willing to do. Yes, it's there's a lot of tears. There's a lot of soul searching involved, but ultimately you're providing a gift that can never be duplicated, and you have about an hour to do that. I just had the privilege of helping a photographer on Monday morning, and this is a very fresh experience in my mind and, um, free, Um, I just watched I was taking care of the twin sister of a little baby who had died. And, um so I was in the immediate vicinity, watching over my shoulder as the family held the body of the one little girl and I was truly worried and very much involved in the care of my sick little second baby. Um, I was very aware of Sandy and her associates who came into the environment. I listened carefully how they introduced themselves and how they just set toe work. They were very unobtrusive and very, very respectful. It really was a spiritual experience to be in that 15 by 20 space for the hour to an hour and 1/2 that she was there working her magic. And, um, it was a privilege to be there on watching. Learned parents were looking at me as a nursing practitioner to make sure that I know that I'm doing all the technical things right. But I was learning Justus much. Um, and I was a student as well, watching her approach to family and watching my coworker Rose work her magic as well. And, um, very much aware of the rules of various people in this very small space. The information I would pass on to other nurses about working with now I lay me down to sleep would be to watch and learn they photographers who our guests in our unit are, um, inasmuch on and have a much respect for the work we're doing with the physical body, as we have for the photographers ability, toe work with the family and the spiritual event that's just happened. So my advice to nurses would be to watch and learn. You are in an honored position at that moment for that hour. My advice to photographers who choose to volunteer their time For now I lay me down to sleep would be to, above all else, remember that it's a privilege to be there and whatever training you've had in your in your life wisdom that's brought you to this point, um, find a way to call upon the empathy that we all have inherent in our character. Some of us have more empathy and another. Some of us are called to be nurses. Others are called to be electrician's. But when you're in an environment like this, it would behoove you to calmly remove yourself to a quiet spot and think about what you know what it would be what it would feel like to yourself be in this situation. That's That's the definition of empathy. Being able to put yourself in the position of this family who's grieving in this small little space. Don't get caught up and feeling like you're being awkward or feeling like you're being, um, too overbearing or something. Just go with it. Probably your photographers have been drawn to this profession in the first place because of their ability to not see the obvious. And that's what you're doing here. Your pictures are of the tears and of the quiet looks between Mom and Dad that say, What are we gonna do next? Our lives have changed so much so that wasn't too long ago. But that was something that it was very interesting for me to hear the perspective of a nurse because it did take us a long time. In the beginning, Teoh gain their trust, and there were some that embraced it right away and saw the light mawr that did not. And now, as it has grown so much, it's it's the connection between us and nurses is incredible. They do They sit there in awe of what we do and you can see and it's wonderful. She mentioned Rose. The other nurse, Rose is like a pro. When we worked with her, she was rolling blankets and posing arms. And I mean, she was like, the best assistant I've ever had as Faras working with the baby because she had done so many. And she had seen so many that she was now reaching out and saying, Okay, well, this is the best way. When a baby is completely unable to move whatsoever, she found ways to tuck blankets under the bassinet to raise them so they didn't look so flat and and lateral and it was just amazing, you know, to see that, but that it wasn't always that way. So you really especially in the United States and Canada, we do have an advantage there. But for those of you outside in the other communities, you know, this is what will happen over time, you're gonna have people who actually consider it an honor to watch you and to see what you're doing. So So please do embrace it. I have not seen that video before, so that was really need to see that