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Build Your Influence, Build Your Business

Lesson 13 of 27

How to Profile Your "Mark" - Part 1

Shari Alexander

Build Your Influence, Build Your Business

Shari Alexander

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Lesson Info

13. How to Profile Your "Mark" - Part 1

Lesson Info

How to Profile Your "Mark" - Part 1

We have talked a lot about what to look for and what to listen for, and then we started to connect the dots on those influential hooks, and how we can start incorporating what we've observed into our influential presentation, and back up those intentions. Right now, we're going to go through a very content-rich part of this segment, so get ready to take notes. You have your field guide, then you have this information in front of you, so these slides are going to be kind of text-heavy. I apologize for that, but there's just no getting around it, so get ready. Okay, so as I mentioned before, the cold profiling, the whole purpose of profiling really came from studying a lot with the CIA agents that I have interviewed, and I was interested to discover that they use the Myers-Briggs type of personality type profiling, and they have to do it all through observation. Now, clearly, the CIA has different ways of observing their mark. Some legal, some not so legal. But it's through interactions ...

of what they've observed of their mark, as well as what their mark has done online, or in the news, and they watch all of their mark's behaviors. So I just want to segue a little bit into even though we're talking about observing people in the real world and conversations, I don't want you to miss out on all the influential information you can gather online, on social media, what people post, what people say about themselves. You can still pick up on influential vibes. Thank you to the wonderful, privacy-less internet. All right? So make sure if you do have a mark, or you know their name, and you can connect with them online, definitely check it out, because you can build much of your profile from that. Okay. So we have our influential map. This is basically the map that we are walking through throughout the presentation. We've covered influential vibes, VAK, so now we are on the personality profile, and the reason why I put all three of these kind of at the same time is you have to choose when you can focus on that as your first step. Sometimes, it'll be very easy to figure out somebody's personality profile first, other times, it's going to be very to easy to identify the VAK first, but before you travel down to your persuasive presentation, you need to check off these first three steps. So we are now in this part of your influential map, for those who are following along. There are 16 different personality types in the Myers-Briggs formula. If you don't know your own personality type, I highly recommend that you check out the website. It's 16, 1-6, It's one of the most fun ways to take the test, and I find that their evaluation is really thorough. It's how you interact with people in a professional setting, how you interact with people in a more personal setting, and in relationships. It's really great, so recommend that website. So there are four different columns through which you can figure out somebody's personality type, and you begin with deciphering whether someone is an introvert, or an extrovert. Typically, this is the easiest one for most people to identify, but I wanna make sure that we cover some of the personality traits of the two different types. So the extrovert is energized by the outer world, so they actively seek opportunities to interact with people. They like getting out there, they like doing stuff. The introvert is energized by the inner world, so they're more of the thinker, they can be recluse, but it doesn't mean that they stay away from people, but they just might have to need a little bit of nudging before going out to a party, because it's a draining activity for them. They get drained by being around people and then they need to recharge their batteries up again, versus the extrovert gets recharged while they're around people, and they get more agitated when they are alone, and they don't have people around them. The extrovert is clearly considered to be a people person, loves big groups. The introvert likes one on one discussions. The extrovert feels comfortable in groups, introvert is drained. Extroverts can tend to be boisterous or assertive or aggressive. Extroverts also might talk quicker. The introvert, on the other hand, can be considered to be, or perceived to be quiet or shy, soft-spoken, maybe even a little recessive or passive. They talk a little bit slower than an extrovert, and perhaps even a little bit quieter, it's not as full of a voice, and the extrovert is talkative versus the introvert, thinks before they speak. We talked about the pace. The extrovert is an impatient listener. They tend to interrupt, because they feel like this is a bit of a tennis match going on. It's like, oh, you say something, I think of something, so now I'm gonna lob the ball back to you, and this is what's fun about it, versus the introvert is like, dude, can you let me finish what I'm saying? And they allow people to finish their thoughts because then they consider their response, and then they share. So already, you can tell how when people have two different personality types, there is potential for communication conflict, which this is important, because if you identify yourself as an extrovert, and your mark is an introvert, then this is where all of that mirroring that we have talked about thus far for rapport building really comes into play. Because if you lean into your familiar extroversion, it can be very off-putting to your introverted mark. So this is where you can consciously, subtly change your communication style, in order to achieve the greater goal of your influential intention. Okay? So based off of what we've seen here, who considers themselves to be an extrovert? Okay, some people aren't quite sure, and it's okay, and I will say this, and this possibly is a question that's already popped up. Can you be both? Yes, you can. There are scenarios in which you are more extroverted, and scenarios where you're more introverted. You generally speaking, will lean a little more towards the other. Some people are definitely extroverts, some people are definitely introverts. Myself, every time I've taken this test, when you see the grid of where, like here's extroverted, here's introverted, here's the line in between. Every time I've taken these tests on all four of these different columns, I am like right near the line, so I understand how sometimes it can be difficult, like I think I'm a little bit of this, but I'm a little bit of that, as well. I personally consider myself to be an extroverted introvert. So I enjoy this, what I'm doing right now, and I love speaking to all of you, but I crash at the end of the day, and I don't wanna talk to anybody. I just want to sit with thoughts as I definitely need that recharge time. And that's true of social engagements for me, and parties, or even just going out to the bar. It's just like, if I've been out to the bar once this week, I've met my quota. I'm good. Well, talk to me next weekend. So you definitely can have those different qualities. Chris? So we had a question come up from Short Cinema, and a few other people have been voting this one up, and I just wanna get your take on this, but they say, "Given the growing criticism "of the Myers-Briggs test in the last decade or so," some people say that there's no evidence behind it, or that the results depend quite a bit, depending on self reporting, and being honest. Short Cinema just wants to know, have you seen any shift away from this test, and have you seen, in particular, the government agencies updating their aspect of the Myers-Briggs? Are people looking to look at some other tests at this moment, or is Myers-Briggs still the standard? Okay. From my interviews, Myers-Briggs was referred to, if the government is changing away from Myers-Briggs, I do not have knowledge of that, and so I certainly can't speak to it. In regards to the test, when people are doing the self assessment of the Myers-Briggs test, yes, it does require people to be first of all, self aware and honest, and that's why I don't give people the test to take. Part of the course, first of all, I'm not licensed to do so, haven't gone through their program. Second of all, that's not really the point of the reason why I teach this personality profiling type, because what we are talking about is observed behavior, and the reason why I find this to be so very helpful is because it gives me focus in my observations. So when I'm talking with somebody, I know what check marks to check off in my mind. Are they detail-oriented? Do they care about harmony amongst the people that they are with? Are they more talkative? Are they less talkative? It helps me figure out how they, again, represent their reality to me, through their communication, and this gives me a very clear grid to kind of follow through in my mind to determine, because all of this serves the wrapping paper in which we're going to put the influential message in. Does that make sense? Mm-hmm, absolutely. So it's more based off of our observation. Now is this science, of what I'm talking about? Is there a definite way to determine that this is somebody's personality type? Heck, no. That's why we refer to this as the art and science of influence. There's so much art to this world of communication. I like being able to have my left brain turned on of this is the check marks that I know I can go through, but then the right brain gets to turn on and play around with, okay, so now that I know that this person is my canvas, how then can I pain my influential intention upon this canvas? This is the medium through which I'm working with. Make sense? Okay. Great question. So now that, if you've been able to identify your mark as an extrovert or introvert, it's very helpful to know how to influence that personality type. So for an extrovert, you definitely want to present them with opportunities to interact with others. So when we, Chris, do you consider yourself extrovert, introvert? Introvert. Introvert. Same as you. Kind of outgoing in some situations, but introverted. Okay. So when we had the book club scenario with Chris, we were a little hit and miss on his interaction with the people. So if he were extroverted, we could say, plus, you get to meet all these wonderful people, but we had to kind of frame it as to how he would interact with them, of the stories versus the teaching side, and so there's some nuances to that. Also, with an extrovert, how to influence them, you want to give the extrovert ample time to express themselves. So if they're an expert, I mean, if they're an extrovert, and you're an extrovert, the two of you are going to have this extrovert-off battle between each other, because your natural tendency is oh, I totally get that. I agree with you, and you wanna pipe in. But you're cutting off the extrovert, and so you wanna just give them time to fully express themselves, and not jump in as you might naturally want to. Also, be an attentive listener for them, because they love that. You want to be able to pick up the pace, and match their speech speed. And then social proof is very effective for extroverts, so not only give them an opportunity to interact with others, but demonstrate how other people have used this, how other people have enjoyed this. Social proof of what the pack is doing makes the extrovert wanna go, well, I wanna go do that, too. If that's where the pack is going, then I'm gonna go there. So make sure that you present them with that opportunity. You definitely have to keep your energy on par with theirs, because if your energy is low, and theirs is high, then you have this mismatch, and they may read it as you're disengaged, you're not interested, you don't like them, whatever it is. So you have to be able to put yourself in that state of okay, this is what we're doing now. Okay? And then give them clear, next action steps. Again, don't leave your influential close to be nebulous, like so, we'll take about that later. No, it's so let's set a date and a time to make this happen. Versus the introvert, how you want to influence them, is you might want to slow your pace and soften your speed to match their tone, so you already see how this matching and mirroring is so critical, and be patient as they take time to consider what they say. So they will pause before they speak. If you're an extrovert, and you hear that silence, and feel uncomfortable by it, and you jump in to fill the silence, then that introvert feels like, okay, well, I'll just let you talk. And you have cut off your opportunity to gather influential intelligence, because they are shutting down, shutting down, shutting down, and letting your extroversion just overtake. So make sure that you give them that time to think things through. Be comfortable with the silence, present them with options to consider. So they may not want the clear, definite path towards what everybody else has done. They may want to take time like, okay, well, here's two or three options. Let me think it through, and get back to me. Or let me think it through while we're sitting here, rather than a yes or no type of a situation. And then encourage them to share their thoughts. They may not be as giving and forthright as an extrovert might be, who feels very comfortable sharing their experience. So you might have to elicit and directly ask them, so what are your thoughts on that? Does that resonate with you? Are there any holes that I can fill for you in this? Is there anything that you don't understand? You know, how do you see yourself using this? Any of those to elicit them to start to speak. Okay? So now we're moving, yes, question? So with the introvert, you've got the options to consider. With the extrovert, you've got the clear action steps. So the close, earlier you had said, let's figure out a day and time. Would you say that with the introvert, or would you say something different? Well, it depends on the influential intention. So I guess with this one, I was thinking of with the extrovert, we're leading toward a definite meeting. I guess I was thinking about Chris' book club type of a thing. And this one, I was considering like, if we're providing the options. So for example, let's say I'm trying to sell packages to extrovert versus introvert, with the extrovert, I might say, actually, you know what? Option B, so many people have liked this. I think you're going to love this, and here's all the reasons why. Here's the fabulous things that other people have said about option B. I do have option A and C, but man, oh man, option B is just looking like a perfect fit for you, versus this, with an introvert, I might say, well option A is this, and here's the benefits to it. Option B is this, here's the benefits, and C, which ones do you find the most appealing? And can I answer any questions. You see how it's the same scenario, just different packaging. Yes? Now you mentioned that people can be both, and most people, I guess, have a little bit of both, but Lana wants to know, how do you know if a person is both an extrovert or an introvert, or how do you know if they're just, in that moment, applying to their environment there? How can you really tell which one of these to use, if somebody's kind of showing both tendencies? Right, so that is why we have to be so skilled as influencers to be present and in the moment, because if somebody is more extroverted, and feels more open on-on-one, then you're going to play towards that. Also, if they're an introvert, then you don't want to pitch them or sell them in a very loud, noisy type of coffee shop or something. You may want to go to a nice, quiet lounge. So also consider your space. That's one thing that I might talk about later that I didn't put in the slides is how to control your environment, your influential environment. And again, for certain personality types, which might be hers, they want a very clear, it's this or it's that, and in which case, I would say, I can't give you the answer that you're going to want, because there is going to be some gray area, and the beauty of why I say influential intention rather than goal is that it gives you that flexibility. So if you thought they were extroverted, and then all of a sudden, you're getting kind of more introverted vibes, or with any of these, you know how to influence that personality type, so you can change on the fly with them and adjust to them in that scenario, and how you know to change goes back to what we talked about in session one of those significant shifts. So if you start talking about, oh, everybody's loved this, everybody's loved this, and you're not getting any positive signals through their body language, that maybe they don't care what everybody else has done, then you can switch gears and say, "Well, let me explain all three options to you, "and I'd love to hear your thoughts." So just because you started down one path doesn't mean you can't switch gears if you're not getting the signals that you need. Mm. And we have a similar question from Lindsey Hooper, who wants to know, what if you're in a meeting, presenting to several clients, and they're a mix of introverts and extroverts. Do you try to appeal to both in that situation? Absolutely. So again, that's why I love the field guide so much, is because this is your one stop shop for building out that type of influential intention. So if you are having to pitch to a group of people, that means you need to hit visual, auditory, kinesthetic. You need to hit the company's values. If you know your decision maker's values and vibes, then you need to hit those, and then you need to hit all personality types, so you need to be detailed, you need to appeal to the broader perspectives, you need to give them options, you need to give them direct next steps, you hit all of those, and all you have to do is open this puppy up and go, all right, how can I work this into my presentation? And it makes it so much more effective. Great question. Great, thank you. So our next column of the personality types is going to be determining if they are sensing versus intuitive. So for sensing types of people, they really pay attention to what they can see, they feel, they taste, they touch, or they smell, what they sense through their senses, versus the intuitive, who pays much more attention to meanings or patterns or impressions. So a sensing person might describe specifically what somebody said in a scenario. An intuitive might describe the feeling that they got from that person, without the direct dialogue. So that's just one little way that you can tell the difference between those two. The sensing people are much more present oriented. The intuitive are much more future oriented. So they consider the ramifications of actions much more than the sensing. The sensing also remembers facts and details very clearly, so they will tell you what was on that spreadsheet, versus the intuitive remembers the feelings and overall impressions that that spreadsheet was interesting, that spreadsheet was very positive, rather than, oh, yeah, I mean, the one thing that concerned me was in column B when we talked about the profit and loss, there was something that was missing, so we're gonna have to go fix that. So there's some very clear communication signals we can pick up on. Sensing people definitely focus on practicality. Intuitive types focus on contemplation. They really think about the whole picture of something, how it might affect the culture or the people, or the dynamics, rather than the sensing just wants to know is it gonna work or is it not? And the sensing people also experience something, experiencing something definitely wins over theory. So rather than talking about this thing that you're going to build, then give them a prototype. Or rather than talking about this type of picture that you're going to create for them, pull up examples from the internet. And for the intuitive, they really enjoy symbolism and abstract and theories. So if we talk about the meaning behind something, so in a picture, the sensing person might be very interested in how you're going to make the lighting look like this, and if you notice the nuance of what's happening here in my example for you, versus the intuitive is really interested in, and if you see how the lighting hits it just right here, it's almost like as if there's a feeling of peace and harmony, and I feel like there's so much symbolism in this picture if you look at, so there's two different ways to approach it. Personally, I am definitely an intuitive, So who considers themself to be sensing, in the room? Who considers themself to be intuitive? How interesting, and we have one undecided. Totally fine. And I'd be curious if we could keep track of our people in the chat, of who they think they are. Yes, question? Where's that line between sensing and being visual? Ooh, love it. Love how you guys are seeing these connections already, because once we go through this personality profile, you start to see certain correlations between the vibes and the VAK, that we've talked about before. That sensing people tend to be more visual. Now, that's not 100%. You still have to observe each section individually, but especially if you know somebody is sensing and they're visual, then you can give them screen shots on the screen, when you're describing something. But if you know that they're sensing and kinesthetic, then you might want to print out the pictures, and have them flip through it. And what about intuitive and visual? Intuitive and if they're visual, then I might paint a picture of what happens when they get it. I might talk about how, well, that'll be kinesthetic. I would get them to talk about what they see from it, and maybe engage them in how they feel about this project, and see how they paint the pictures visually for you. So I love where your mind is going here. You're starting to see all these different nuance. And isn't that fun? Like you could just sit and think about person, and see all these things and go, this is the map, this is where I'm going with this, and go! I love it. All right. So how to influence a sensing person. So you want to supply clear evidence to back it up with facts and details, so case studies, facts and figures, all of those things that I personally hate. If your topic lends itself to it, then bring visuals and physical examples. We've talked about that. Demonstrate the practicality of it. You know, how is this going to serve you? So their furniture may not be the most beautiful furniture in the world, but my goodness, it has certain functions, like if you open this up, then you can use it for that. That's a good indicator of sensing. How people decorate their space can sometimes tell you things. And be direct with them. Don't dance, don't beat around the bush. Have a well-thought out plan for them. So you really probably want to come in with an agenda of some sort, and even say, "So this is how I see this going," and walk them through, if it's a coaching type of practice, walk them through. Phase one is going to look like this, phase two is going to look like this, phase three is going to do this, and so want to walk them through that plan, and be prepared to discuss specific details. So if you're like myself and intuitive, and they are very detail-oriented, you just need to buckle in, honey, because this is gonna be a long conversation for you. I was a part of, I moderated a panel in Hollywood, not too long ago, of film financiers, people who finance films, everything from The Expendables to independent films, and there was one person on the panel who, I think we had three phone calls leading up. And I love this guy, keep in mind. We're good buddies and everything, but leading up to it, before I even met him, he said, "So I really wanna understand. "So how are we gonna be sitting? "And what specific questions are you going to ask me? "And okay, so if you ask this, "then I'm probably gonna say this, "and what's the timing going to be, "and how is the lighting going to be?" And I'm just the moderator. (group laughing) He is clearly sensing. He is clearly detail-oriented, while for me, I'm just like, dude, all you gotta do is come up and talk. Like that's just my take on it. But rather than getting frustrated by his detail neediness, I checked in, I said, this is what he needs right now, and I answered and went through all of those specific details. And it put him at ease, I mean, he was very nervous ahead of time, and afterwards, he came up to me on three different occasions and said, "I just wanna thank you so much, "I was really nervous about this, "you put me at ease, "I mean, that's such a great skill that you have "that I felt so comfortable. "Thank you so much," and so if I allowed my intuitiveness to kick in and be agitated by it, I would've missed a really phenomenal opportunity to be friends and colleagues with a phenomenal human being. So what I love about this Myers-Briggs part, or this personality observation is you get the chance to identify their personality profile, and knowing yours, you can see where the potential mismatches could occur, and adjust accordingly ahead of time, to make sure that you don't hit those brick walls. Question? Yes, could you please elaborate how the design of living and workspace affected by sensitive and intuitive? I'm sorry, does my visual person want to know about the visual cues? (group laughing) Is that what I'm understanding? I want to hear your take on that. And maybe the visual person wants some of the specific details about what to look for? Are we seeing how we can pick up on this type of information? Okay. Wow, I don't know if i can speak too much to that, just simply because I don't know much about interior design or anything, but I will say -- Well, not about interior design, but probably something that you would pay attention and would be the markers for you? Sure. So things that I might pick up on is that a sensing person, like I said, all of their, everything has function to it. There's nothing that's there for no reason, versus an intuitive might have a bunch of either knick knacks or there is a reason why they have this. I have this because it reminds me of an experience, I have this because it holds great meaning to me. Yesterday, I wore a turquoise bracelet, and that has great meaning. It probably costs 50 cents for all I know, but it's turquoise beads from the 60s that my mom used to wear, and that has great meaning for me. A sensing person may not have that. They might have much more practical types of jewelry that they wear. So off the top of my head, those are some of the things that I would look for. And with an intuitive, I will say, if you get the sense that they are intuitive, and they find meaning behind things, getting them to talk about the meanings and the symbolism behind certain things gets them in a very positive state, so it's another way to identify a personality type, and then leverage it with influential vibes. So we're hearing from the chatroom now, people sharing what they are, so I wanna give a little update on that. Fresh Start says that they're very practical, detail, future oriented planner. So they're intuitive. La La says, "intuitive and visual." Wendela says that I ride the line on the whole test. I'm kind of on the border. A few other people felt that way, as well. Spencer Wedding says, "I'm certainly intuitive, no doubt." J-Bone said, "I'm totally an extrovert and intuitive." And Momo says, "Like Wendela, I'm right in the middle," so people are all over the map in the chatroom. Great, exactly, and that's just a perfect microcosm of what you're going to experience out there, and as you go though the influential map, again, there's no right or wrong answer. The practice of observing this is really a win in and of itself, and if you come up with a theory or hypothesis about somebody's personality type, and then you realize, oh, no, I think I was wrong, totally cool. Just go down that influential path. So this is really about the practice of observing, and observing yourself, figuring yourself out so then when you are interacting with your mark, you can say, "Oh, we're going to have easy, great rapport, "because we're the same personality type," or "Oh my gosh, they're my exact opposite. "I'm really going to have to prepare my own energy "and essence for this meeting, "because it's going to not feel as familiar "or natural for me." So love that we've got a wide variety of people.

Class Description

Learn the art and science of influence from Sharí Alexander. In Build Your Influence, Build Your Business, you’ll learn observation and communication techniques that will make you more persuasive and influential, in work and in life.

Influence is not coercion or manipulation – it is skillful communication that conveys ideas and elicits action in the most effective way possible. In this class, you’ll learn conversational persuasive techniques that forge strong business connections that are essential for persuasive communication. Sharí will help you develop effective ways to assert your authority and ensure you are heard and understood without losing the admiration and respect of your listeners. You’ll learn eye opening observational techniques that will help you decode influential signals that you have missed in the past. Then, she will walk you through the essential influential process that will help you close more deals, motivate groups, and build stronger relationships. Sharí will also help you hone your observation skills and more accurately read and assess others.

Watch Build Your Influence, Build Your Business and forever change the way you communicate.


Stephanie Platero

The course is really great! Shari does an excellent job expressing some of the complexities by providing examples. Super knowledgeable, articulate and her presentation is very interesting. If you are using the Creative live "live, on air" while watching this, the ads for creative live are really distracting. I used to watch a lot of the courses by RSVPing and investing my time to watch the presenters in its entirety (the benefit of RSVP'ing and being a user) but the ads have gotten worse and actually skip to various parts of the presentation and you lose out on some of the content. I assume this is to encourage buying the course but makes it so difficult to follow and be engaged.

a Creativelive Student

I was not prepared for all the wonderful information that was taught. It has helped me in business and then a surprise... helped me with family as well. Fantastic class. Love Shari! Roxanne

Mahna Mahna

Excellent excellent course. Highly recommend Shari and the content she presents. I’ve gone from influence Newbie to Ninja-ish. Lots of practical information that you can use in professional situations, personal situations, and everything in between. In the workplace - develop more effective relationships and influence people up & down the org chart. As a business owner – generate more revenue per sale and develop closer relationships with customers. On a personal level - iron out the bumps in the road (or the outright disasters) with your family and friends. Shari makes the topic of ‘Influence’ appealing, approachable, and easy to understand. And the workshopped ‘hands-on’ examples are PRICELESS – they go a long way towards getting you to implement these concepts for yourself. Spend the time and do the Influence Profile - you will see/feel/experience immediate results. And I do mean IMMEDIATE.