Persuasive Words That Work


Build Your Influence, Build Your Business


Lesson Info

Persuasive Words That Work

So when you were talking about the timeline. Yes. You set your timeline let's say for two weeks. Mmm-hmm. And if that timeline, you don't hit that timeline, what are some things to think about when getting that new, when setting your new timeline? Right. So sometimes the timeline is dictated to you. So yesterday we had a section on persuasive presentations, persuasive speeches. Yes, persuasive speeches, and so you have a succinct timeline to make certain things happen. You have your 45-minute speech and so, you have to use certain techniques within that timeframe. If it's that you want somebody to become a new client, and you've given yourself a two-week window, and let's say that that hasn't happened, then the whole point of understanding that influential intentions are flexible, I find that to be very empowering. Because sometimes when we have our first meeting with the client, and then they don't buy, we just go, "Ugh, alright, let me go find somebody else, rather than fin...

ding opportunities to still potentially persuade that person if we think they are a great fit. First thing that I always look at, if there's somebody that I really want to be a client of mine, and I get a no for whatever reason, I follow up with them and say, "Completely respect your no, and completely understand. So that I can do better in the future, can you tell me what some of the obstacles were that I just simply wasn't aware of?" Mmm. And it opens up a whole new conversation. Plus, it helps me be better at my sales process, and second of all it opens up an opportunity for us to continue a conversation, and I have even gotten clients based off of that "I got a no" conversation. Because they feel open and receptive enough to share those objections in that conversation, when for whatever reason they didn't before. And it actually then presents me with the opportunity to alleviate some of those objections, because now they're giving them to me and I go, "Oh, I totally understand how that's your perception. I, then that's a miscommunication on my part. Let me further explain what this actually is." They go, "Oh, okay," because they didn't ask the questions in the process initially. So I find that a no isn't a hard no every single time. A no is not right now. And so you can look at your timeline and say, "Okay, if it's not right now, maybe in two months it could work, or maybe in six months, knowing that we still have plenty of opportunities. As one of my speaker friends Patricia Fripp says, is that "Opportunity doesn't knock just once. It knocks continuously, and it's a matter of are you going to open the door or not?" So you just have to find where the knocking is. Where's the noise coming from? Chris. I can see how not taking a no as just a no instead of looking at it as an opportunity for the conversation would probably also help with rejection, like just feeling that nervousness of, "I don't want to get rejection." Do you have any other tips around that? Because I know that can be really difficult. Sure. So, I find that when I go to through this the field guide, and this entire influential process, it gives me, it puts me more in an analytical, objective, clear focus mind, meaning that even though sure I feel some of those nervous emotions, they are not overpowering. Because rather than having a hazy vision of what should be and a clear sense of emotion of how I feel, I then have, after going through the process, I have a clear vision. Okay. Of how I want this process to be, and then those emotions kind of subside because I've built up so much confidence knowing that this is the path that I want to walk down on. Okay. And then so when rejection comes, first of all I already have different tips and techniques and tools that I can use to maybe even turn that rejection on its head, but when that rejection comes, I go, "Okay, maybe that plan didn't work. Let me come up with a new plan," rather than rejection and death. (audience laughs) Right? Yeah. So, I find that this process of the field guide really helps me get in a more proactive, take control, I have more power than my emotions might make me feel right now, and that helps me walk in with more confidence, and be able to handle a no when it comes around. Okay. Yeah, great question. Alright. So, we have talked about what to observe about your mark, and that's the foundation of influence. We have talked about connecting those dots, of how to start our persuasive presentation of what is influential for this particular mark, and today I just want to give you some of those, you know, the flair of influence, of how to really land the deal using some things that we've learned in the field of psychology and neuroscience, and of course a lot of these techniques come from the wonderful interviews that I've done with some wonderful people of the dark arts of influence, and so today we're going to bring them into the light. So our first section today is on persuasive phrases. Persuasive words and phrases, there are certain phrases that have just simply been proven to lead to interesting results, and tap into interesting parts of our brain whenever we are in a discussion with somebody, especially and influential discussion. So the first one is the power of "if." "If," it's a beautiful word, and we certainly don't use it often enough. Usually when we are presenting an influential intention, we are coming at it from an either, depending on your personality type, it's either going to be a very logic-based approach, or a very creative feeling type approach. And sometimes your logic-based approach if they are also a logic-based mark, sometimes your feelings-based approach will work if they are a feelings-based mark, and as we've learned we sometimes need to be flexible in those. When we present something in more of a left-brain hemisphere, of here's the facts and figures, and we get sort of we come up against that initial wall, we feel that kind of rejection, please know that you can turn to the magic word of "if" and say, "I understand how you see this. I understand your point of view, but what if this did work? What would that look like? What if that wasn't an obstacle? How would we go about it? And if we did move forward on this project, what would be the next step you see happening?" There's something about this word "if" that let's us temporarily suspend disbelief, and tap into our imagination and it gives your mark the freedom to imagine possibilities, because typically in a sales scenario, or many of our influential intentions, they we come up against certain knee-jerk rejections, knee-jerk brick walls, where they're just like, "Oh, okay, they want something from me," and they start to filter things through that, and they look for reasons, we tend to, as just our general psychology, we tend to look for more reasons to say no than reasons to say yes. And that's mostly out of a survival place that what we are used to, what we know feels safe, so it's better to say no to things that are new and different, because what we are what we currently have is normal and feels comfortable, so the power of "if" means that you give them the freedom to tap into their imagination and think of those possibilities, and see how something might, oh, well, okay, sorry I was just thinking of an example of Ariana, what we were talking about yesterday, so when he with your mark, and the website issue, how can you see yourself using the word of "if?" I think I would I was coming up with ideas of example websites to show him. Mmm-hmm. That have even more content than he does, and organize it in a more effective way. So I would, I was thinking of saying you know, "What if your website could look like this one?" Mmm-hmm. Great, great, and also what if one simple change. Yeah. Could mean that more people are staying on your website? Yeah. Or getting more people interacting? What if this one shift had these big results that I'm promising you? Yeah. Rather than thinking, "Oh, there's no way that just changing the navigation menu is going to lead to any results," and you say, "But what if it did?" Yeah. It's almost like, "What do you have to lose?" Yeah. Because the potential for benefit is so great. Yes, Chris. So, as another example, just thinking this through, when I was talking with Erica on day one about going on a roller coaster, right, and I hit up against that hard, "I'm going on a roller coaster." Right. So instead, I could have been like, "What if we did, how would you see yourself growing? Or something along those lines to try to tap into her, the imagination of "if." Right. But also her growth mindset. Would that be? Right. Would that be a tactic to use? Yeah, or what if it were fun? Okay. Or if we did do it. Yeah. And it was fun, what would that feel like? Okay. Anything along those lines, of, I, that's a great, another great example of it. Okay. So, sometimes when you come up through that initial resistance, they haven't said the full no yet, but some of that initial resistance can really be diminished by using the word "if." And I love that it just lets us use our imagination. Another question? Well it's just interesting, because in the example that you gave, that seems very natural to me and like that would be easy for me to implement. Mmm-hmm. But in the example of if I'm trying, if I'm hoping to get a client to sign on to me, because it's a new thing, it feels harder. (Chris laughs) And I think it's because my initial mind, my initial sort of perspective on it is that I'm helping that person, let's say grow in that instance. Mmm-hmm. And I think initially my thought is, "Well I'm trying to push them to buy my thing." I'm not thinking of it in terms of, "Well, I'm helping them get to where they voice they want to be." Right. Yes. So I guess for, it's like clicking over and. Sure. Yeah. So, what you're noticing and I hope the people watching at home are also noticing this as well, is her emotions are kind of trumping the technique. Right. And so coming up with the mindset or perspective of, and you even said it. I don't know if you picked up on it, but this is a technique that will help them, that the intention is to help them. So if their initial resistance is, "Oh, I've tried so many things before, and it hasn't worked," then it's, "But what if this is the one that does?" Mmm-hmm. What would that look like? Rather than running around in the hamster wheel that you have been, what if this is the result? That you've been seeking? And so what if the influential intention, so we had talked about, my intention is for this person to buy the three-month package, or whatever that is. Mmm-hmm. And then I could also be, my intention is to help them get healthy. Right. And that, like you said, the emotions then are easier with the technique when I'm, the intention is to help them. Right. And it's through this three-month package. Right. It's not, it's not just that I'm trying to sell them something. Right, exactly. So these, and I love how you just phrased it is, that these techniques are to support your core intention. It's not that you're putting it, your intention doesn't change, of I want to help people, just because you start to use techniques. Your intention doesn't turn to the dark arts, just because you know how to communicate even more effectively. It means that you can communicate more effectively to create even more and better change for the people that you're working with. That's, I thank you for highlighting that, because I think that's a very important point for people at home as well. And the next phrase is "because." Because, because, because, because, because. (Students laugh) So, one of the more famous experiments was highlighted in the book Influence, by Robert Cialdini, and this is by far one of my favorite ones, because it's so simple, and it gets such great results. So what typically happens, especially as a leader, or somebody is requesting somebody to do something, we will unwittingly give commands. "I need you to get this report in by Monday. Could you get that report in by Monday?" And that already kind of creates this tension a little bit, of "Okay, you give an order and then I'm supposed to jump. You say jump, I say, 'How high?'" What is interesting is the entire dynamic changes when you use the word "because," when you give a reason for your suggestion, when you give a reason for your desire or for your need, or for your command. So, how different does it feel when somebody says, "I need you to get that report in by Monday, because if I don't get it, then we're going to fall behind and it's going to cost us X number of dollars"? Now there's a motive for this action. And sometimes when we try to shortcut our language, by just cutting to the chase, that can create some tension in the relationship that you may not even see until all this pressure builds up, and it's like, "I'll get the report to you when I want to get the report to you." Right? But when you can give them the reason for this action, people are more willing to take this action. And this was highlighted in Cialdini's book, and the scenario, the study was, people were standing at a Xerox machine waiting in line to make copies of paper, and the, so the first test was somebody with their papers in hand, said, "Can I cut in line?" and the success rate was somewhere between, forgive me, I don't know if the top of my head, it was like 60 to 80 percent, somewhere around there. And then in the second go round, the person came up and said, "Can I cut in line because I need to make copies?" "Honey, everybody needs to make copies. That's why we're in line." (Students laugh) And yet the success rate jumped to 98 percent. Wow! Simply because there was a reason behind the desire. And so you can give, and what's amazing is that that's such a nonsensical meaning for it, reasoning for it, like of course you need to make copies. Why else would you be here? But it still had such phenomenal results. One of my favorite testimonials came from somebody who took my online course on building personal influence, and I taught the because technique, and she sent me a Facebook message the next day, and said, "I used the because technique. I said to my boss, 'I need to get these done, because it's better if I get these done early.' She said, "It was basically nonsense. It worked. I feel like a Jedi." (Students laugh) And that's sometimes the little spark of enjoyment that you get from using these techniques. Something so simple as one word can lead to phenomenal results, and it's simply because we on autopilot are trying to shortcut and cut to the chase and we're not getting the results that we want to see, and having this information at our fingertips makes it so much easier. Now when you are trying to sell your services, instead of selling the package itself. Instead of cutting to the chase of these are the moving pieces of what I'm trying to sell you, add the word "because." We go through phase one because you will get these results. We go through phase two because you said that you want to be more healthy. We go through phase three because. Explain why you do what you do. It's almost a little bit of transparency. Go ahead and remove some of the mystique, and you will actually get more compliance. And we have a question. I'm curious if there's any difference if it is a written language, or oral language. Totally works with both. Fantastic question. So with these phrases that I'm sharing with you today, if any of you have a copywriting background, you will probably see some similarities because all of these phrases that you use in a conversation can be applied in your sales copywriting, in your emails, in product descriptions, any of those things. So, this covers so many aspects of communication. Yes. But if you, an example that you give, "Can I cut in line because I need to make a copy?" We tend to slip this nonsense when we hear that, which is different than something that is written on the website, explaining my services. "You need to hire me because you need to hire me." (Instructor laughs) Right? Well, so the beauty of being able to use the technique is that you have the time to massage the message, so I still say go ahead and use the word "because" and "what if" as well. Mmm-hmm. "What if" is very powerful in copywriting, and look for opportunities to use the "because," and explain like I said before, your process, and why you do what you do. And even you've chosen to do it this way, and your competition may not, but I do it this way because it's so much better and here's why. Mmm-hmm. Those kind of things. So what you're saying is of course, you can use nonsense, the Jedi line trick, right? But if you want to be extra persuasive, then the "because," would you line that up with their values, their beliefs, like tie it in there, to? And Chris gets the gold star of the day. (Students laugh) Gold star. Genius, yes sir. But so that would make it more influential, right? That would. Yes, sir. So if you're looking at the tiers of influence, if you use the because technique and attach it to a nonsensical "because," then you're going to be at this level. Then if you attach it to a "because" with a meaningful meaning behind it, then you're going to step up, but after you have profiled your mark, and used your field guide, then you go to a whole nother level (Chris laughs) Of influence, when you can incorporate their values, their identifiers. We are going to take phase one, because you said that you see yourself as X, Y, and Z. We are doing phase two because I know that independence is very important to you. Mmm. And so I've customized this package to accommodate that desire. Mmm. So abso-freakin-lutely. Phenomenal. The next phrase that we can use is the term "instantly." Or any other kind of synonym like "now" or "right away." Anything that creates that sense of urgency, but when we use it we're actually highlighting the results that they are going to get, when they work with us. So, "When you decide to move forward on this project, you will instantly notice a sense of relief, because you have taken" . . . . Chris is smiling, because he's already seen these. (Chris laughs) He's seen these out in the interwebs. But, if it comes from a genuine place, then that's highly influential. Mmm. "So when you decide to do this, we get started right away. I will give you your profile. I will send you this pdf download. I will . . . ." We are in world that loves quick results. We want something right away. If something is supposed to be emailed to us, and it's been sitting in cyberspace five minutes, we freak out. "Where is it?" And so in our language, if we can create that sense of, "Oh, if I go with this person, we don't get started until like two weeks later, like I give them my check and then I don't hear from them until our next appointment." Well in your sales process you can incorporate, "Once you hit the initiation button on this project, I instantly will send you your checklist, your breakdown of the process that we're going to go through." Have something that they get results right away, and incorporate that into your language. Questions about that one? Alright. The next phrase that we can use, or term, is "people" or "they." Like "People have said that they have loved this particular part of what we offer. They have said that the best part of this is that they feel amazing at the end of our massage session, our spa package, whatever it is." So this is one way to incorporate what we're going to talk about later on, is social proof. We've kind of mentioned it before. We're going to delve further into it, but basically it's creating the sense of, "I am not the only one who has done this. I am not taking a leap into something completely new, because people have said that this is great. They have expressed that this is the best part." They will rarely ask, "What people? Who's they?" Sometimes they may ask for references, and that's okay, but in your writing and in your meetings, I've done this quite a few times in the presentation. I say, "My clients." I'm not telling you specific names, specific job positions, or specific companies, but just simply by saying "clients," you know that I work with people and these are the results that they have shared with me from the work. I create that social proof. I can of course create, use those specific testimonials as I did with the girl who used the term "because" and felt like a Jedi. That's one way of creating social proof. But in your language, one subtle way that you can incorporate is "What people have said, what they think about this process." Again, that helps you in that one-on-one interaction because it gives you the chance to not just make it about them and their, what you're going to do with them, and all of a sudden you just feel like it's a one-on-one discussion, and this is going to be a whole new groundbreaking thing for them, they need to know that even though this is new for them, you're experienced and others have enjoyed this. So even though it's just you sitting in the chair, you come with an army of people who have had great results from what you have led. Question? So the equal term would be like "My clients" or "The previous clients experienced blah blah blah"? It's . . . . Yes, so. Anything that would relate to the social proof of . . . . Correct. Your service. Correct, and this is where I'm going to get a little nitpicky, because we are into session three, and I'm wanting to really step up those influential efforts, and pick up on some nuances. I would say "my clients." Uh-huh. Rather than "my previous clients." Okay. Because that means I've had folks in the past, I may not so much right now. So we want to create the sense of currently present clients. And I mean they still are your clients even though you may not be actively engaged with them. Mmm-hmm. Just say "clients" instead of making them past clients. So if I talk about the prices of my services on my site, I would say, M"y clients typically spend this amount of money on my services." Yes. Or within this range. Yes, yes. If on the site, and it's specifically around prices, I would say, "Clients have enjoyed packages that range from 500 dollars to 15,000 dollars," or whatever it is. Mmm-hmm. Thank you. And then we have a question here? Yeah, once you get through all of these techniques, I'd love to for you to give an example of how we can use these in a job interview setting, because that's a perspective I'm coming from. Great. So the product is my skills. Great. Um. So, right away the first thing that I think of is in a job interview, the term "instantly" comes to mind. So, "I want, I want to get ready to work with you right now, or once we find that this is the right fit." That's a presumptive phrase. "Once we find that this is a right fit, instantly I'm already coming up with ideas of how I can help support," or even "In our conversation right now, instantly I have five ideas. Do you mind if I share three of them with you?" Mmm-hmm. And right there there's a technique of, "I am giving you a little bit, and I have more. So I'm giving you a taste, and I have added value that, you know, once you pay me . . . . (Students laugh) You get the full value." So does that help? And also with the job interview, you can say "people" and "they." However that's so specific of a setting that I might turn more toward specific people and examples . . . . Mmm-hmm. And their specific phrases. Because I think if you incorporate to much people or they, then . . . . It becomes too vague. It becomes too vague. Yeah. You've got it, exactly. And then "because" you can use because, "I was so excited about this interview because I know that I can see that we are so aligned in the company's mission, and my own personal values. Got it. So right away, I mean you could just, you're going to rock those interviews, girl. (Student laughs) Alright. The next phrase that we have is "obviously," "naturally," "clearly," "of course." All of these are the beginnings of presuppositions. This is where you, it's an assumed phrase. It's where you make the mark feel as though, "Oh, okay. I probably should know that." And if they don't know that, they're not going to counter against it, because the sense from these phrases is, "Obviously, everybody knows that this is truth." And so it's almost a different take on the "people" and "they" phrase, or words that you can use. So, you might say, going back to health and wellness, that we've talked about before, is, "Obviously, there are multiple paths to take on getting healthy, but I find, and I'm sure that you naturally will find this to be true as well, that this is the best path." She's, I don't know if the camera caught that. Her face lit up. (Students laugh) It lit up on that one. She's like, "I'm writing that down." Okay, yes Ariana. Um, could I use this somehow to say like, "Obviously, we know from the studies that when people are presented with more than three choices, they tend to choose none of them, so it's best to have three main categories in your navigation menu. Yes, yes. Okay. Absolutely. And I will say that we need to be aware of our non-verbal communication when we use the term "obviously." You don't want it to come across as condescending. Mmm-hmm. Of like, "Obviously," and roll your eyes at it, because that's making it a you against your mark. Mmm-hmm. Like, it's "All of us get this and you don't. Let me explain it to you." And so you want to say it as if you are naturally assuming that they get this. "Obviously you know that . . ." Mmm-hmm. "When people have three options," etc. etc. So it's, you are likely to get less resistance from them, and they will feel like, "Oh, okay, then," in their mind, even if they didn't know the three options trick, in their mind they go "No I did not know that, but thank you for educating me," and they're not going to say it out loud. Yeah. And it's a nice way to politely educate your mark sometimes without coming across that you're educating them, or being condescending. It's like, "Well, obviously you know that the term 'because' can be very influential, and that's why I wanted to share with you," just normal conversational tone. Yes, we have, Chris had a question? Well, just a realization, so I'm glad you made that last point because for me those words come off very much as either arrogant or condescending, right? The way you just termed that, and your body language I think encompassed it, it became an inclusive term. Yeah. Like obviously, like "You're one of the group. Obviously you know this too." It was inclusive and you're with us together, instead of the exclusive, condescending, arrogant. Exactly. I didn't get that before. Yes, yes. Good, good. I'm glad we touched on that. Anything in the chat room that I can help answer over in cyberspace? Yeah, well we have people who are just sharing some of the phrases that they like to use. Love it. I want to here them. Peggy just says, "Obviously we know this, because people get instant results." (Students laugh) I like that. And that's brilliant, because you will see how each of these can kind of chain link together, and if you delve into the world of copywriting specifically, and you have these lists in front of you, you can create these massively influential sentences, and it's just like a "Bam!" (Students laugh) On your website, so I love how she's linking those. What else do we have? Yeah, well people say, "'Naturally' seems like a more friendly word than 'obviously.'" Okay, great. Yeah, so looks good. I think people. We're just wondering. Let me see. There's some other questions here about other words. You may be getting these, but Jay Osa says, "What about the words like 'great'? And 'love it'? I see these get used a lot in conversation. Hmm. Phrases, I don't know if I would consider those to be very influential. Maybe in certain contexts? I mean, one with the "love it" is "Naturally, so many of my clients love this part." I might incorporate that in there, and especially the "love it" is more of a feeling term. Yeah. So that would probably go more towards my F's in the personality profile, versus the T's. I might say, "Naturally so many of my clients get great results specifically from this package," so I might change that word. I love where they're exploring and brainstorming with it, and that's phenomenal, so keep those coming, you guys. I love how you guys get to interact from across the globe. It's so cool.

Class Description

Learn the art and science of influence from Sharí Alexander. In Build Your Influence, Build Your Business, you’ll learn observation and communication techniques that will make you more persuasive and influential, in work and in life.

Influence is not coercion or manipulation – it is skillful communication that conveys ideas and elicits action in the most effective way possible. In this class, you’ll learn conversational persuasive techniques that forge strong business connections that are essential for persuasive communication. Sharí will help you develop effective ways to assert your authority and ensure you are heard and understood without losing the admiration and respect of your listeners. You’ll learn eye opening observational techniques that will help you decode influential signals that you have missed in the past. Then, she will walk you through the essential influential process that will help you close more deals, motivate groups, and build stronger relationships. Sharí will also help you hone your observation skills and more accurately read and assess others.

Watch Build Your Influence, Build Your Business and forever change the way you communicate.


Stephanie Platero

The course is really great! Shari does an excellent job expressing some of the complexities by providing examples. Super knowledgeable, articulate and her presentation is very interesting. If you are using the Creative live "live, on air" while watching this, the ads for creative live are really distracting. I used to watch a lot of the courses by RSVPing and investing my time to watch the presenters in its entirety (the benefit of RSVP'ing and being a user) but the ads have gotten worse and actually skip to various parts of the presentation and you lose out on some of the content. I assume this is to encourage buying the course but makes it so difficult to follow and be engaged.