The 3 Stages of Being Highly Influential
So let's talk about how influential you are. I want you to, kind of, figure out your own influential baseline. Let's start with the positive, when do you feel more influential? Yes.
With close friends.
Close friends, sure. Why is close friends easier?
For me, they're just a safe group of people where I'm not, like, double thinking, what am I saying, or I can just be, just completely authentic and me.
Right, and they aren't probably concerned and you don't feel a concern of an ulterior motive of any sort.
And yeah, they're just safe. (laughs)
And you have rapport, so that safe feeling is what we call rapport. And we'll talk a lot about how to create rapport with new relationships. Great, Chris.
I was gonna say, for me it's for a similar reason, it's when the chips are down, right? When it has to be done, things have gone wrong and your back's against the wall, because, for much the same reason, like, there is no other choice. You just have to focus in o...
n it, and make it happen, and I feel that that's the part where it becomes easier versus the day to day.
So, getting other people to take action?
Yeah. Or you're talking about yourself when the chips are down.
No, no, no, to get other people to take action
To assist, to help, to work out a situation.
But day to day becomes more difficult.
Yeah, so probably what's happening there is the stakes are higher and so how can you manufacture that sense that the stakes are higher in the day to day?
Absolutely. Other thoughts? Yes.
For me, it's a lot of, in my writing, but also when I'm talking one on one to people who have expressed genuine interest in just connecting.
Yeah, that genuine soul, that energy is easy to talk with. Which actually, is a phenomenal lesson from con artists. Con artists make you feel like you're the only person in the room, and that's why people fall for their tricks, because they have that skill set to create that rapport and really connect with a person, so we'll definitely talk about that.
What's going on in the online space?
Well lots of people sharing their examples, I wanna read this quote here from Winnie, I love the way that this was worded, Winnie says I'm trying to work on my business instead of in it. So actually thinking strategically about how to use this influence, IamGroot says I feel most influential in a small social group when I'm story telling. And Influenza says I feel most influential when talking about a topic that I know everything about. (laughs)
Sure, absolutely. So what all that translates to is people that I feel connected with and when I feel confident. That when I know what I'm talking about, I can be influential. Lesson number 1, (laughs) know what you're talking about. Which comes down to, which is going to be our first step in just a short time, is that goal, is what is the mark that you're shooting for, and how can you be very specific with that, because then, and one thing that will help build the confidence is the field guide, is once you go through the process of putting yourself in their shoes and how they like things to be and building that connection, you have a dossier on your mark and that is, that helps your confidence, 'cause it's building your knowledge about this person. They are no longer this mystery, they are no longer this person that might say no, they are no longer this intimidating person, they are, a person, they're just a person, and you've kinda figured them out a little bit, and that's fun, that's so much fun. O.k. so one of the things that I've done in this slide, is just highlight some of the areas that people feel like they're less influential. So, usually when people think about influence and when they're influential, they think of oh yeah I can do that, I can do that, 'cause they're thinking of all the places where they are. I just simply wanted to highlight all the different areas in which you might be less influential that you might not automatically think about. So how, can you be influential with people that you don't like? Not that they don't like you but that you don't like. Can you step up your influence then? And how about high pressure situations? Chris is great in those high pressure situations, he mans up, you know, he gets all that, he gets his energy from the yellow sun and it's great. (laughs) but what about other people, where the high pressure situation feels like pressure and then they crumble. And then how influential are you when you have to communicate your worth? I will say in my entrepreneurial journey, once I stepped out on my own, that has been the most difficult, and honestly I still do struggle with that, because there's just so much story and message and all of our own emotional stuff that comes with that. However, if you have those tricks and techniques to lean on, makes it so much easier. And how great are you at persuading groups of people? And then a lot of the things that we talk about in interpersonal communication can still be translated into your writing. So even right now If your business is mostly email or mostly copywriting you will still get great information from this workshop, it does translate. And then how influential are you when you're talking to someone of perceived high status? So the people that you're intimidated by, I'm already seeing the body language (laughs) it's big, of oh yeah, so how influential can you be in those situations and that's usually when you need to hack your own body language and have your plan. So those are some of the areas that we'll be highlighting. So, this is, I wanna talk about, a little bit about curiosity. We are curious creatures, and we are highly curious about ourselves. Tell me about me, tell me more about me, what are the insights about me, and one great example of this is online on Facebook. I don't know if you've taken those, what is like Quizmoto or any of those online tests of What City Should You Live In?, What Sherlock Holmes Character are you?, and What Profession Should You Be?, and What Color Are You?, Totally taken practically all of them, I am Sherlock Holmes, I am Tyrion Lannister, I am, I could tell you all the characters that I am. So I am guilty of this as well. And we enjoy those moments where we get a little bit of insight about ourselves 'cause oh just that dopamine, oh that's so nice, to learn about ourselves. The challenge for you throughout this workshop, and honestly throughout your life, is to translate that curiosity to everybody else. What can I learn about this person, what little insights can I find about this person? And that curiosity is what's going to really step-up your observational skills. And I also wanted to touch on a few things just in case, either in this room or in the online world, people might be thinking about this or having those hesitations or objections about influence, they may be wondering, o.k. but what if I'm an introvert? What if I'm not great around people? What if I'm shy?
Yeah, I will say that that has come up already, a little bit, people wondering
I read they're minds.
People wondering about how to take this to the online world, maybe not in face to face communication but doing it through different mediums, so.
Right, so my first challenge to them is get out in the real world, honey. Just, network, meet people, and I'm not saying stay away from the online space, I live in the online space as well, but I have found that the greatest leaps in my business have come from real world interactions, unexpected connections and relationships from events, from networking events, from getting out and meeting people for drinks. That is when great connections have happened and those are the lasting connections, that's when somebody will do a favor for you because you are a real person, with a real voice, that I've made eye contact with. So my first challenge is get out into the real world. The second is for the people in the online space, it absolutely does translate, and we'll talk about how it translates in your writing, if you're creating sales funnels, we can get all geeky into that as well, I am going to focus mostly on conversations and on stage just because, again, that's where I feel like there's the most mystery and I want to get rid of that mystery. And for the people who are concerned about being introverted I would say, I want you to know that some of the best influencers are introverts. Because they are usually the best listeners, and the best listeners learn more about their, the mark, and then they can adjust their message accordingly.
And they use fewer words when they speak so they're listened to in a different way, is my experience.
Right, introverts tend to, you're absolutely right, and they also are slower with their speech and take pauses, 'cause they're thinking it through, rather thinking while talking. And so usually the words that they choose are very well thought out, in those moments, so don't let being an introvert, or your perceived introversion hold you back, 'cause you still have great influential prowess. The next thought that some people might have is but what if I'm not just naturally confident, I don't really exude that confidence. Not a problem, again, your confidence comes from knowledge and knowing what you're talking about and this workshop gives you that plan, gives you that knowledge, as well as, in the body language section, we'll talk about how to boost up all of those wonderful feelings of confidence. So a few of the foundational principles I want to talk about, the first one is continuous improvement, again, I already know that you guys are influential in certain situations, it's just simply stepping it up, and even if you feel like you're influential in every situation, I want you to be more influential, because one thing that I was fascinated by, from the CIA agents, to the pick up artists, to the con artists, to the hostage negotiators, to every, to the trial attorneys who have lost twice in their entire career, every single one of them are constantly wanting to learn and grow, and in fact, in many of the conversations they actually said, actually I could probably learn a few things from you, talking to me, like, and I'm, are you kidding me, you've, like, saved lives, and saved countries, what are you talking about, you can learn from me? They constantly, there is less ego than you would expect, except with the pick up artists. (laughs) so continuous improvement, there's always room to grow, and that's what I find fascinating about this journey of communication, 'cause it is, it's a self journey, while incorporating all these wonderful people around you. The next one I'm definitely going to refer to is effective versus ineffective. So, often times people will ask me in these workshops, is it good if I do this? Is it bad if this happens? Is it good if they say? And the answer I will always give is the only filter we are looking through is effective versus ineffective, 'cause one thing that you'll learn later in the workshop is there are multiple personality types, and multiple dynamics, so what may be effective for influencing me, might not be effective at all for influencing Chris. So having the techniques and tools to pull from, again, you're message is the same but it's how you're presenting it to each person. So, some people may say, like, for example, in body language, they'll say well is it bad if I stand like this? To which my response is, well, no it's not bad, it's ineffective if you wanna be approached, it's highly effective if you don't wanna be approached. So it all falls back to your intention behind the action. So effective versus ineffective. And then the next is common sense versus common practice. So, some of these things we may talk about sounds commonsensical, like listen to people, and be open, and be curious, and all of that goes yeah, yeah, yeah, I totally get that, I totally do that, but do you really do that in your day to day life? Because, and trust me I understand this, I experience this, the stress and concern of deadlines, and all the high stakes situations, and all the oh but I'm tired, and I didn't sleep well, and I think my dog might be sick, and all of these things keep piling on top of all of the common sense that we have, of how to be present in the moment with somebody, and connect with them, and fully listen and be able to just suspend all of those other things to look for the information that we need. So common sense versus common practice. I'm going to talk about common practices, that I want you to implement in your day to day life. So, I'm going to refer to a few things, for people online as well as in here, first is your influential map. This influential map is basically the path that we are going to walk on throughout the course. So we start with our influential intentions, we go through all these skills and techniques, and then we wrap up with the influential conversation in the plan.