Introducing People to Each Other
I wanna talk just a little bit about making introductions. Introducing people to each other. Who do you introduce to whom? How do you manage order of introductions? There's a very simple hierarchy that's going to work when you're not meeting the queen, when you're not engaged in diplomatic protocol situations. When you are, I recommend you consult Debrett's, they're a remarkable organization. They keep track of royal rank and title. And they will tell who to sit next to whom at a dinner table. In most situations, you can talk first to the person that you would like to honor. In most situations that's gonna be the guest, the visitor, or the outsider. So in our example, Mr. Guest I'd like to introduce our senior account representative, Tom Smith to you. You're gonna start with the person that you want to honor. Even though you've got a very important Tom Smith. Even though you've got an important account, senior account representative, you're gonna introduce them to Mr. Guest. You're gon...
na get this order of introduction correct by starting with Mr. Guest, just say their name first. What if there isn't an obvious guest, outsider, or visitor? Then go with organizational hierarchy. If there isn't an organizational hierarchy that applies, go with elders first. So informally, often times this to you is gonna drift up into the sentence. Mr. Guest, I'd like to introduce you to our senior account representative, Tom Smith. Technically, you've now inverted the order of introduction, don't worry about it. Just keep the the name of the person that you wanna honor first, and then if you can remember to hold the to you till the end of the sentence, you're gonna be in great shape. You're gonna have the order of introduction technically correct. Even more informally, Grandma I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Sally from dance class. Sally, this is my grandmother, Mrs. Post. The reciprocal introduction is really important. In this particular case it's important 'cause you wanna give each person the name that they're gonna use to address the other. It doesn't do Sally any good to meet Grandma, she needs to know that this is Mrs. Post 'cause that's what she's gonna call her when I excuse myself from the conversation. And grandma says to Sally, oh, Sally, I know that Dan loves that dance class. Do you love it as much as he does? Absolutely, have you always been his grandma, Mrs. Post? I know, terrible, terrible joke, bad one. Bonus points if you give them each just a little bit of information to seed the conversation that's likely to follow. Start with the person that you wanna honor, hold the to you till the end of the sentence, you're going to be in great shape. Don't worry if that to you creeps up into the sentence, just start with the person you wanna honor. So socially, after those hierarchies that I gave you already, that there is the guest, the visitor, the outsider, organizational hierarchy, elders first, oftentimes, ladies came first. For business situations we're gonna go for a standard of behavior, a standard of conduct that is gender neutral. You don't wanna treat anybody of one gender any differently than you treat someone of another gender. If traditional courtesies are really important to you, particularly traditional gender courtesies, ask permission to perform the curtesy. Could I hold that chair for you? That's quite all right, I've got it myself. Thank you so much, it's been 15 years since someone offered to hold a chair for me. You don't just impose your courtesy on someone else. You offer, you ask permission to perform that courtesy. My cousin Anna developed this slide, and her last point, I think, is particularly important in today's world. Ultimately, it's not about men being courteous to woman, but people being courteous to people. You can offer to hold a door for anyone. You can offer to give up your seat to anybody who looks like they could use a seat. The chivalric code began in the Middle Ages around the same time that the tradition of showing someone that you were presenting your hand without a weapon developed. A lot of the manners that we talk about when we talk about modern American manners, actually have their origins in the Middle Ages. The chivalric code is part of that tradition. When was initially developed, the chivalric code was about showing respect to people in society that weren't afforded respect all the time. At the time, it was women. If you're interested in what chivalry would look like today, I challenge people to think about the people around them that are shown the least respect. And to think about ways you could show them respect. How could you change what you do everyday to treat the people that usually aren't treated so well just a little bit better? I think that's what chivalry looks like today. When was the last time you lay your coat in a puddle so someone could walk over it? Probably not recently, even if traditional gender courtesies are really important to you. These things do change and evolve all the time.