All right, welcome to day number eight. Take a seat my ladies. Hopefully at home you were doing a little dancing warm-up with us. Welcome to day number eight, our lucky jack. So today is a mindset day, which means we're gonna be leveraging the power of our perspective. Before I get into that, let's talk about where we've been, what we've learned so far. So on our first day we did our chart of happiness that had us engage the Tetris effect. On day number two, I had us dive into our skills and our mastery areas. On day number three I had us playstorm and think of our favorite play activities. Day four we controlled, we minimized the bad things and maximized the good things. On day number five we wowed, we talked about the five stages of wow, set up some good rituals. On day number six you learned your g-spots, gratitude and giving. Hopefully you have a gratitude totem, maybe a cause champion you're thinking about. And on day number seven we started talking about our community, or our san...
gha. Today here are my goals. I wanna talk about a jack. Now, a jack is what lifts up a car to change a tire, and what I was thinking about when I was reading all these studies, study after study about perspective and the power that they have it made me think of this little tiny tool that can lift an entire car. And I feel like what we're gonna learn today, it seems like a really small thing, a really simple mindset trick, however, the power is huge, and so I call it our lucky jack 'cause I feel like it can lift up so much even though it's a really small trick and tip. I believe this is a secret happiness lever, I don't think we think about mindset a lot when we're thinking about happiness. This is also about our expectations, so when we're thinking about what makes us happy we set ourself up for happiness by what happens before a happy event, similar to anticipation, but a little bit different. And lastly we're gonna be working from the inside out, so starting with mindset to change our actions and behavior. Of course, we're gonna start off with a warm-up. Our warm-up today is I want us to start thinking about harnessing and honing our luck. So I wanna ask you and you at home please take out your workbook and turn to pillar number eight, your lucky jack, and I want you to think about what is the luckiest thing that ever happened to you. And we don't often think about our lives in terms of luck, but I want us to do that right now. So in the audience, what's the luckiest thing that's ever happened to you? It can be small or big, yes?
When I was in college I was in a thermodynamics class and a boy I didn't know before class came up to me, he knew my name, and he asked me a question about the homework. So I thought, oh.
Oh (laughs) pretty good.
So I thought oh, this is a little interest I'll pursue, and so I sat next to him in a math class that we were in together, and it just so happened that the seat that I sat, there was no assigned seats, but the seat that I sat in in that math class happened to be where my now husband sits.
And so, because they were friends, they were fraternity brothers.
So the guy who asked you the question actually he just got you closer to your husband.
Yes, and so I sat in my husband's seat, and my husband was like, who is sitting in my seat? And he said that I had him at my first eye roll. (laughs) And so we probably never would've talked otherwise had it not been for that.
Oh God, that is such good, that's a crossroads moment, right, that's a really big luck moment. Any other lucky times? Finding something lucky, yeah?
This is a small one.
It can be a small one, yeah.
But it sticks out in my mind because it was just random luck. I was in class one day and there was a person that was demoing like, art supplies, and so at the end they were doing giveaways and you write your name down and they draw it out of the hat and so the first bunch were just, you know, sketchbooks, someone wins a sketchbook, someone wins a pencil. The last prize was completely impractical and silly but it was this giant inflatable marker. (everyone laughs) And then for some reason, I was like, I think I'm gonna win this.
You actually felt like you were gonna win that marker?
I just, for some reason, I was like--
You were like, that inflatable marker is mine.
I think that marker is gonna be for me. And they pulled my name out of the hat, and I won the giant marker. (everyone laughs) I was like so happy about that.
Okay, so these moments, so we talk a lot about good, positive memories. I also want you to think about lucky memories, because our luck, as we're gonna learn, is actually incredibly important. This talks about the power of perspective. Now I wanna share a really interesting study about perspective. This was a study that looked at Olympic athletes. What they did, is they wanted to know who is happier, silver or bronze medalists? Now this actually should be, it shouldn't even be a question, right? A gold should be the happiest, then silver, then bronze, right, that's usually how it goes. But they had a hypothesis that it wouldn't actually be the case. In fact, bronze medalists are typically happier than silver medalists. Why? Because of what they have to compare. Silver medalists are comparing what they could've had, which is the gold. Bronze medalists are comparing silver, but they're also comparing the option of no medal at all, and so they feel lucky to be standing up there, to have a medal at all, whereas silver feels like, I could have that medal or I could have that medal. This is the power of perspective, right. Any Olympic athlete should be excited about being there, any medaling athlete should be excited, but sometimes it's not always the most obvious things that make us feel the happiest, so that's what I wanna talk about today. This is called expectation assimilation, this a concept we're gonna be talking about a lot, that our expectations change our reality, they change our actions, they change our behavior, and they actually change our performance, which we're gonna be learning about in a study that has to do with newspaper photos. I mentioned a study at the very, very beginning on day one and I have to repeat it 'cause it's one of my favorites, it's about strawberry yogurt or chocolate yogurt. They brought participants into a dark room, they asked them to rate strawberry yogurt on its flavor. 59% of the participants rated the yogurt as having a really nice strawberry flavor. However, the yogurt was actually chocolate, and that is because people expected to taste strawberry and therefore their brain told them it was strawberry, even though it was actually chocolate. I also like this anecdote, which, this came from the book Elite Minds, which I love, and basically it talks about how in it was believed impossible to run a mile under four minutes. We thought it was just physically impossible for humans to run a mile that fast. Then Roger Bannister did it in three minutes and 59 seconds. Within weeks of Roger Bannister breaking that barrier, dozens of other athletes also began to break it. What this shows us is that if we're told oh, you can't run a four minute mile, our brain doesn't even try. It actually sets up a barrier, we set up a barrier for ourselves based on what we think we can and can't do. But the moment someone else does it first, we're like oh, we can now. So today I want to tell you that you can all run faster than four minute miles. Whatever it is you've been thinking about doing or you've been wondering, can I do that? That's not the question, the question is, should I? Is that part of my designed life? You can do anything you want, the question is, does it fit into the trajectory of the goals that you have for your life? This is one final study I wanna share on the power of expectations, I'm trying to show you how, you know, our brain fits expectations with taste, our brain fits expectations with the physical abilities of our body, and it also sets expectations with our age. So this is a study that was done by Ellen Langer, one of my favorite researchers. Here's what she did, it was very clever. In 1979, she took a group of 75 year old men and she brought them to a kinda campus that she devised, it was a single floor of a, I think it was a nursing home or facility. And she told the 75 year old men that for one week they had to pretend that they were 50 again. And what she did in the floor of this dormitory is she got newspapers from, so it was, they were 75, it was 15 years earlier, so she got newspapers from that time period, she only played music from that time period, she got television shows from that time period, she made them all dress in clothes from that era, she made recipes that were cool during that era, and they lived in this wing that was converted into 1959. I think it was actually not 20 years, so it had to have been a little bit, 1960, I'm so bad at math, but four, I think 1964. After one week when they were measured again on dexterity, their arthritis pain, their cognitive abilities, their eyesight, their hearing, all of those things improved. So the beginning of the week they brought all these men in and they said, you know, let's do a vision test, let's do a hearing test. One week later after pretending they were they improved on all of those tests. So there is something about our expectations that can change our ability. One other little interesting part of this experiment that I didn't include is they also took pictures of the men right before they walked into the facility and right after and they showed strangers these pictures, and most of the strangers rated the picture that was the week later as a younger picture of that same man. When they were asked, which picture is younger, even though it was only a week different, people actually thought that that man in the same clothes was younger. So our expectations are hugely powerful, they truly are a jack that can lever up a lot. Oh, 63% increased their IQ. I mean, that is insane right? By the way, I would love to spend a week pretending that I was 15. I think that would be really, really fun, I would have Gelly pens, and like, I'd listen to boy bands. Maybe that's a camp that I might create, actually. New kind of aging, right, just come and pretend you're a teeny bopper. (laughs) So this is actually called something that is a kind of priming, so it's predictive encoding, that's the fancy word for it, which is basically that when we prime ourselves to have a favorable outcome, we actually have, it prepares our brain to make that outcome come true. So if you tell the brain, you're gonna perform really well today, you're gonna run really fast, you're gonna look really young, the brain's like, oh, we'd better act in the way, we'd better change physiology somehow to actually make that come true. So I want us to leverage that for our benefit. I'm curious, so if you can get your red and green cards out at home I want you to answer this question, and I actually want you to think about the answer to this question. I think you're either looking or you're waiting, and there's not a wrong here, I just want you to think about where you fall. Do you typically look for opportunities or are you waiting for opportunities, which one do you think you fall in? I would love to see, okay, interesting. And by the way, if you don't know that, thank you, perfect. So if you don't know the answer at home, and you can raise too, I think this is something really interesting for us to think about, because this has to do with our lucky jack, right. I think either we're in a active state, we are out there looking to change, we're trying to change, we're saying, you know what, I think I can run a four minute mile and I'm gonna push myself to do it, or we're saying, I'm gonna let the world tell me what I can and can't do, or I'm gonna see what opportunities are happening and then I will take it. It's a very, very different way of thinking and we're gonna get into that with the growth mindset in a second. Course, I love this quote. We often say, when opportunity comes a-knockin', right, but actually that's a waiting state, right? Waiting for opportunity to knock means you're waiting on the other side of the door for the world to knock at you. And so Tracy Morgan has this joke, when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F that, I take it captive. I got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement. (laughs) Which is a very active one. So I ask you, are you waiting for opportunity to knock on the door, or do you have it locked captive in your basement? So let's take out your workbook and let's do a little bit of a luck bomb. A luck bomb is how I'm gonna start priming your brain to see more luck opportunities. So in your notebook what I want us to do is I wanna think about, and this is more than just luck, now, these are more than just moments of luck, was there a time, either in your personal life, your career, or your social life where you felt like an unexpected opportunity completely changed the trajectory of your life? And the reason for this is because I think that as adults we like to think that everything is planned. We have a business plan, we have a life path, we have a school path, even at the beginning of school we set out all of our classes in a row. But a lot of the time our life does not usually follow that trajectory, and looking back we don't always acknowledge that maybe that was a good thing, that maybe going off track a little bit, going off path and having unexpected opportunities served us really well. So I wanna highlight those moments, at home I want you to think about if there was one or maybe even two opportunities. And is anyone willing to share a unexpected opportunity that changed trajectory, yes?
I finished up a contract position with my job and didn't really have a plan for what was gonna come next, so I happened to have lunch with a friend who was going traveling, and then I ended up spending the next three months in southeast Asia, and then a month in New Zealand before coming back, and because I fell in love with having so much control over my own time, since then I didn't go back to the corporate job I had before, and I'm a consultant now and I work on my own schedule.
So because of that one trip it showed you that you actually were much happier without having that corporate schedule.
Wow, that one yes
And it allows me to do things like come to San Francisco when I need to.
Yes. Oh wow, that is a really good total trajectory change. You raised your hand, I would love to hear, yes?
I had an opportunity, well I really felt led to go work at a summer camp and they said we have no jobs, we're hired for the summer, and I said I need to work here and bothered them basically every day for three weeks.
That's called hustle, not bothering.
Absolutely, got my hustle on, and they're like, oh, we found you a job, and the only job they had was cleaning. Night crew, cleaning toilets, mopping floors, changing beds, the works, which got me around to all parts of the camp, which got me a job the next year working in the mail room, which got me a job next year working in a different part of camp, introduced me to a photographer that I met up with a gazillion years later when I got laid off from teaching and started my photography business, and got me other connections, and it all started out with scrubbin' toilets, makin' beds, and--
And hustle, right.
All that hustle.
Hustle and unexpected opportunity, oh my God, okay. So these are the stories that I think we should be sharing more often. A lot of the time when you read autobiographies or you hear entrepreneurs speak, or successful business people speak, they usually will talk about a path of some kind. They usually don't talk about these sort of happenstance moments, and so when you sit down to work on your business plan, or your five year plan, it can be a plan, but have it be a suggestion, because sometimes that's you telling yourself you can only run four minutes. Yes?
Dying to share this, sorry. So, I had an opportunity to report to a boss for four months and that was a very negative opportunity, but in the course of that four months I found you and you gave me strength, and I found strength, I found hope, and that opportunity helped me turn that opportunity to a positive opportunity. So I'm much happier, I'm positive, I'm here in San Francisco, I found a really great job, great boss, and all my friends, also another luckiest thing that I found was I mustered the courage to ask one of the greatest mentor to be my mentor, and so yeah.
So Jennifer made me cry at the very beginning of our class off camera because Jennifer said that in this horrible four months you were Googling, right, or YouTubing confidence, or body language tips, and you randomly found my YouTube videos and now hopefully you're gonna be a trainer for us, and unexpected luck, and I feel like I'm the lucky one in that, Jennifer. Just wait, I'm gonna work you hard during our training program in January, okay. (laughs) So, okay, no crying Jennifer, okay. So (laughs) we have a whole day. So, I want us to start thinking about when I'm talking a lot about longterm planning and your legacy, make sure you give yourself some flexibility and do predictive encoding. Let's talk about some science. So, this is simply the question, are you lucky? So I don't want you to answer it just yet. When I ask you, are you lucky, that's actually a form of predictive encoding, 'cause your brain says either, oh yeah you are, or I don't think so, or am I? So the answer to this question actually affects how you behave. So in this study they asked people, are you lucky? Then they gave them a newspaper and they had them, they asked them to count the number of images in the newspaper. So they had them flip through the newspaper. However, at the very top of the second page was a little note that said, actually it wasn't that little, it was kind of a rather big note, in words it said, stop counting there are 43 photos. Very simply. They found that when people said, thought they were lucky, they rated themselves as high on luck, they were much more likely to see this and stop counting, whereas the people who said they were unlucky were more likely to miss this and spend 20 minutes counting and recounting all the photos for the prize. So luck is not just about what happens to us in the future, it's also about our current behavior. Again, I always think, are we looking or are we waiting. So this brings me to the solution for today, your lucky jack, which is cultivating your luck and letting opportunities come to you. So this is, yes, you want those opportunities to come, you wanna be waiting, but it's also about doing the right work up front and doing a little bit of hustle, a little bit of cultivating. There's actually three steps today, it's a little bit of a longer process. There was so many disparate studies but they all were saying basically the same thing that I decide to break your lucky jack into three different areas. The first one is growth driven, so harvesting growth. So I talked actually in Master Your People Skills a little bit about the growth mentality, but I wanna talk about it again today. First I have a quick quiz for us, and this is actually, I have the full quiz, I believe. Ah, I have the full quiz in your virtual toolbox, so we have the full growth mindset quiz at thesciencepeople.com/21 if you wanna take it, but I want us to take it here together. So, how many of you believe you have a certain amount of intelligence and you can't really do much to change it? So one is disagree, five is agree, and if you go on and just hold up your fingers for me I would love to see how you rate this. A lot of low numbers, two, three, one, okay. Remember your number, by the way. Next question. You can learn new things, but you can't really change your basic skills. Hold up your numbers, one disagree. Right, a lot of low numbers, okay. Next one. You either have a natural talent for something, or you don't, it's hard to change your aptitude. How do we feel about this one? Couple more twos. Okay, so these were the first three questions in a growth mindset quiz, which basically looks at do you feel that our abilities are changeable or not? Dr. Carol Dweck, wonderful book on mindset, and she has done incredible research on how our mindset affects our behavior. Very, very briefly, so growth mindset is that our intelligence, talents, and skills can be improved, whereas those of us who have the fixed mindset believe we're born with a certain innate intelligence, set of talents, and skills that cannot be changed. Here's the thing about growth mentality, and luckily our mentalities can be changed, we don't have just one mentality, we can change it over time. Hopefully today I'm gonna convince you that you should adopt the growth mentality if you don't already have it. People with the growth mentality have lower levels of depression, they typically earn 57% more in salary negotiations. By the way, I think that has everything to do with that four minute mile. I think that if you have a fixed mentality you say, well, my salary last year was $30,000, and according to salary.com my earnings this year should be $32,000, therefore I'm going to give them a range of 30 to $33,000. That's very fixed, right? Whereas someone with a growth mentality says, well, sure I earned $30,000, but you know what, I've gained some new skills, I feel like this company is bigger, I'm gonna shoot a little bit higher, I'm gonna ask for a higher one. Right, that's a different way of looking at if our skills are adaptable or if they're set in stone. And lastly, people with a growth mentality typically report higher satisfaction in all of their relationships, romantic as well as friendships. Couple other things about growth and fixed. This is, I think, the most important part of this mentality, and it's how we look at wrong answers. So in the Columbia Brain Wave Lab they gave participants a quiz, a kind of mathematical intelligence quiz, and they put them into an MRI machine and they had someone on the speaker in the MRI machine telling the participants which questions they got wrong or right. What was interesting was, is during the wrong answer explanations, so when someone said, okay, you got number three wrong, you said that it was a hypotenuse but actually it was a (mumbles) right? (everyone laughs) I don't know what the other answer is to that. So people with a fixed mindset who took that quiz that I gave you had less activity in their brain, whereas people with a growth mindset had more activity in their brain. What I think this indicates is that if you have a growth mindset and you know you got something wrong, you made a mistake, you look at that mistake and you say, I'm gonna learn from this. Whereas if you have a fixed mentality you say, well a mistake is just part of my DNA, I was gonna make that mistake, there's nothing I can do about it, and so we shut down during mistakes. That also makes the mistake more permanent. If you have a fixed mentality and you think your mistake was a part of you, you are going to feel worse about that wrong answer. Whereas if you hear you had a wrong answer and you're like, okay, well how would I have figured that out? Oh, it was a hypotenuse. Hypotenuse, interesting. Then you don't attribute that mistake to you, you attribute it to something that you can learn and change. That is how, I think, we talk about mistakes and self confidence, mistakes versus failures, right, that's the difference between the two. So when you look at the two you see that fixed mindsets tend to say things like this. I'm a failure. They typically will wait for the perfect mate, they have a lot of dealbreakers when it come to relationships. They say, I can't do it, they typically shift blame, and they like to hire yes people. Whereas growth mentality they use a little bit of a different language. They'll say, I failed at this. They recognize a really good relationship and don't want it to be perfect, but say, let's try to grow together. They're, I can learn to do it, I can change to do it, they typically hire better people, and they try to excel in many different areas. The further we harvest or cultivate that growth mindset the better off we are, and the less bad we feel about mistakes we make. So I'd be curious, now that I talked about this. Now not now, but for most of your life do you think you've had a growth or fixed mindset, for most of your life? A little mixed, okay. I also had a very fixed mindset growing up, I had to work really hard in changing to a growth mindset. The good news is, we can change our mindset, and that's what we are going to be doing today, that's part of this predictive encoding. Again, I have that full growth test for you on my website. If you're not sure, if you're at home and you're like, I think I'm growth but I'm not sure, there's an official test from Carol Dweck on our website, it's totally free. So how do we harness a growth mentality specifically? I've heard the growth mentality concept a lot before, but I never quite knew what were the tactical things I could do to get a growth mentality. I'd be like, sure, I wanna learn, so I think the best way to harness a growth mentality is with learning, and luckily you're already in this class so we're already starting that, because learning is so good for us in so many ways. It brings lots of growth, it helps us feel less stuck, it helps us hit flow from positive psychology, and why? It's because it introduces the concept of, I can do more. In sangha, day seven, we talked about I belong, and how that's a really powerful phrase. I think the next most powerful phrase might be this one, the feeling of I can do more than this, I can run faster, I can read more, I can earn more, that is an incredibly empowering feeling, and that produces dopamine and endorphins. Learning is another pleasure-making activity. So what I want us to do is I want us to create our learning bucket list. So we talk a lot, you hear a lot about bucket lists, right? And bucket lists are great, but I think all of us in our lives should have things we want to learn about, skills you wanna learn, things we wanna try, so what I want us to do is think about what are the different skills or ideas you wanna try, and especially if we can tap into mastery area. So was there a skill on your skill chart that you read and maybe you gave it a two or a three, but you really wished you were a four or a five? Or was there a four on your skill chart that you really wish could be a five? So I want you to go back to your mastery chart as part of your homework and I want you to look at those skills and see which one do you want to flip up into another one, 'cause I think, yes, we have natural talents that we are born with, but I also think that we can create natural talents if we want them, and that skill chart is not permanent. That's the good news, is that when you retake this class in a year, and I do want you to rewatch day number two, I want that skill chart to be different. I want your numbers to change with skills you've learned, or adopted, or rediscovered, or discovered for the first time. Of course, your happiness chart and your playstorming area also might tap into learning, especially in the openness category, there was classes I suggested or things you might wanna learn. So I'm very curious of the audience, is there something that you have been wanting to learn, is there a couple, one or two things that you wanna add to your learning bucket list right off the top of your head? Yes?
So mine on my chart is communication, and--
What number did you give it?
I gave it a three.
And so I think part of it is the verbalization, if I'm trying to get a point across, getting better at that. It's, I know--
Can I call you out on this, though, for a second?
No, I know, I know, I know, I know--
No, you don't know.
No, I know. This is where I feel like I'm segmented, so I feel like, like here it's very natural and it also feels like you're asking me the question so I'm providing you value because you want it from me.
Yes, that's true.
When I don't necessarily get that, like, outwardly affirmative, I want this from you then I have a block, and I--
Okay, that makes total sense. So even just knowing that is very helpful. So does that happen also when you're teaching, do you feel like that something that happens when you're teaching also?
If someone has given me that, I want you to teach me, then I'm fine, then I'm great and I feel like my teaching skills are high. But if I haven't gotten that, so for example, on my business page I think I wanna do more, like Facebook Lives, and that terrifies me. And so that's something that I wanna work on, but it doesn't terrify me.
I'm still gonna, I'm still gonna challenge you on this one, are you ready?
So I actually think that you're a four or five on communication, what you're talking about is confidence.
Yeah, okay, okay, okay.
Right, so it's actually, you know how to communicate, you know what you know, you know how to help people, so it's not a communication piece, it's a confidence piece.
Good, I appreciate that.
Right? So like, that is strong, but what we have to work on is knowing your worth, right, that people would want to watch a Facebook Live from you. That's totally different than you having an awesome Facebook Live, right? So that's a totally different issue.
Yes, so then for the learning part--
Yeah. I mean, I think that learning how to have a Facebook Live, like learning how to know your worth, to know that you're gonna deliver a really awesome one, right, so that could be following people who do really great Facebook Lives, doing a couple informational interviews, looking at blog posts, writing your own blog posts. I mean, I would be very interested. I do a couple Facebook Lives, they're okay, right, I'm not, like, great at them, but I would be so interested to read about your journey learning how to perfect your Facebook Lives. Right, like I've done a couple here and there, I, like, will turn it on every once in a while when my makeup looks good and I'm like, let's talk about something, you know what I mean? So I would love to be like, I've never done a Facebook Live, here's all the research I did, here's what I learned. Here were my first three experiments. I got this many views, this many comments, and this many likes on it. My goal is to have 500 likes, 500 views, here's what I did to tweak it. Then we started getting better, then I added, right, like, that in itself would be both an experiment, which is a little scary, and an amazing learning bucket list opportunity and I would so read and share that post, which I will if you decide to share it, if you decide to share it. And you went and sold your app yesterday, right?
I did, yeah.
Yes, okay. (laughs) (audience claps) Yes, applause for that. Okay, anyone else that I can attack just really quickly? (everyone laughs)
I like to work on social intelligence, especially at work. I'm in a position to build lots of relationship, and sometimes I don't know quite how, because it's not directly related to my work but if I have a better relationship with these people the flow of work goes, like, better for everybody.
It's everything, can I gift you my Master Your People Skills class?
Okay, I'm gonna give it to you as a gift afterwards, because it changes everything. I totally agree. Communication, team, loyalty, learning, yeah, I'm gonna gift that to you as soon as this course is done.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, no problem. Ask and you shall receive, my friends. Any other learning things that people really, it can be something small too, right, it can be like making sushi, yeah?
I can add on small thing, I want to go dancing.
Oh yes, and what kind of dancing?
I don't know, I used to dancing like, when I was a kid, but yesterday after the class I was on the bus stop and listening to Sia songs and I caught myself, like, dancing, and like, maybe I should consider to look up some classes soon?
I love it, so that is, A, that inner kid, right, you used to dance, maybe you liked it then, it's a little bit playful, and also you were doing the Tetris effect, right. You're on the bus, you found yourself dancing, and you're like oh, like I'm dancing and I like that. That is the Tetris effect in action, right, when you're looking for things to make you happy all of a sudden things, like, you realize you're doing them all of a sudden. Yes. So, at home I hope that these answers inspired you a little bit. I want you to create your learning bucket list. Five, to 10, to 15 items, and I want you to do small, right, you can do really small things, but I also want you to think really big, like if you had 15 years to learn something, what would you learn? If you had five day to learn something, what would you learn? If you had five minutes to learn something, what would you learn? That's the kinda thing I want you to think about for your learning bucket list. Let's go on to number two. Progress driven. So the other hidden lever, hidden jack of happiness is about progress, and we don't think about progress that much, but the power of small wins is tremendous. Here's a study that I wanna talk about. Both, they found that progress is a better motivator than financial incentives, compliments, or rewards. And this is crazy for a second, let's say that you have a teenager and you want them to clean their room. Most adults would say, I'll offer them allowance for it, I'll punish them for it, I'll give them compliments on their clean room, are those the ones that usually come to mind. Actually, science says the best thing you can do is when they do clean their room is to indicate how far they've come. So instead of looking in their room and being like, ugh, your bed still isn't done, you're actually better off looking in their room and being like wow, I'm so glad you put away the dishes. Right? That's what science says actually activates us more for progress. Harvard Business Review, so the way that they figured this out, by the way, is they analyzed 26 different corporate teams, so this was over 238 people, and they had them fill out journal entries. So every day each of those people in the studies had to fill out a journal entry about their feelings and their tasks that day. They were looking for a bunch of different things. What they found was, is that on people's best mood days, the days where people were like yeah, I felt great today, 76% of them had some kind of small progress, something completed, a task that was finished, and on 13% of those days a setback happened. What they're saying here is that any kind of progress, although we might not realize it, is what contributes to those good moods. That little bit of progress, even finishing the smallest part of a task, slowly triggers an upward spiral. And so progress is actually a huge thing that we don't think about, in fact I believe they are catalysts. I believe any kind of small completion or progress. we don't capitalize on them 'cause we don't realize how powerful they are for upward spiral. So here's my question. Do you have any, or enough progress indicators in your life? Now this is kind of an interesting question. Do you have things in your life where they indicate that you've made movement forward? Does anything pop into your head, yeah?
I have an app, it's called Productive and I can put in things like, did I make my bed this morning, did I make plans with a friend, did I do some reading.
It's called Productive?
It's called Productive.
Okay, so this app, I'm sure, is based on this science, where even these little motivators can help us see our progress. What I want us to do is capitalize on these small wins. Here's just some ideas, right, if you're like, progress indicators, what? Here's what I mean. First, so many of us do not celebrate, right. We do not celebrate even the big things, let alone the little things, so do you remember the last time you achieved something little on your to do list and you were like, yeah! Like, we don't do that very often, so I think that getting in the habit of some mini-celebrations with our to do lists is actually really important. Second, so how do you celebrate, by the way? I wanted to ask you guys. At home, when you have a celebration, what do you do?
Put the loud music.
And do you actually celebrate?
Good, all right. Any other celebrations, yeah?
For little small things I'll do a little squeal and a little-- (laughs)
Little dance? (laughs)
I'm a big dinner person, right, so any excuse to go out to a nice dinner I'm usually out for a nice dinner, that's usually what I do. Any other mini-celebrations? So you should know the answer to this question, right, so I want you to write this down, if you don't know the answer right away to this question, in your workbook I want you to write down at least three or four ways that you have mini-celebrations. Not the big ones, the little ones. The second one is a little bit more practical, so I call this the Russian to do list, so this is how I do my to do lists and I wanted to introduce this idea to you. So this is both a productivity tip and a happiness tip. Most of us when we think about making our to do list is we write down, like, write blog post, finish report, right, and they're quite big to do lists, and usually two to three hours long, so what I usually do is I have, and I actually wrote these for us ahead of time, is I actually do my to do list on flash cards, I have different piles for different colors, and on my desk usually I have three or four piles. So on the top of this one it says write blog post. So I know that I'm going to procrastinate on this one, it's just too big, I don't even know where to start. So what I do is I create what I call the Russian doll to do list. You know, a Russian doll has, like, things within things, so I put this actually on the bottom of the list and then I start with really, really small tasks. So the first thing I do is research topics, right. That's all I have to do, and as soon as I'm done with it I throw away the card, and the card is done, which also feels really good. Like this, like this, (growls). (audience laughs) That feels so, I'll clean that up, I'll clean that up later. Even like that, and like I have a thing and I put it in my thing and I'm like yeah! Right, like that's a little celebration for me. So the next one is do keyword research on my blog post. Outline, right, next one, that one's easy. Get studies, all my blog posts usually have some kind of research or studies. Then I have write, that's a big one 'cause that's the hardest, and actually once you already have your outline and your studies it's actually quite easy. Make images, so we make a bunch of social media images. I promise I'll clean that up. So I make my images, then I do my tagging, I tag my post with all my keywords, then I have, this is actually my real to do list, schedule social, so I usually will schedule my posts then schedule all my Edgar and Buffer posts to go out all across social media, and the last one is write blog post, and I can be like (laughs) amazing, I'm done. And usually, by the way, my write blog post is a different color, so this is usually pink, my big one, so I know when I'm getting close to pink and then when I get the pink one I get to actually celebrate, like it's more than just like a (mimics paper crumpling). Okay, I'll clean these up later, I promise. Okay, okay, yes? (laughs)
So when you said you get to actually celebrate what does that look like?
Okay, so usually it's a meal, so especially if it's the end of the day, right, it's usually a little meal. Maybe I'll go to a dance class. I love rock climbing, so I have like a rock, but they're a little expensive, so I'll call one of my friends to go rock climbing, but it's not the cheapest, I don't have a membership, so that's a little treat for me. So many things, a pumpkin spice latte, like I have a lot of little things that I do and I don't do them willy nilly. So yes, of course I can go get a pumpkin spice latte whenever I want, but I typically will save those things as the reward for the pink flash card. Typically. So, I wanted to actually do this with someone. Can you tell me something on your to do list? And I wanna have you actually write it down for me. So what's something on your to do list after this course? Yes? What will it be?
Taking care of my house, cleaning my house.
Okay, so write cleaning your house on that first one.
Can write it nice and big. Okay, so if I saw that on my to do list, by the way, that would be pushed down and down and down. Okay, so what's a little thing that you can do for cleaning your house? A very, like, first thing. Can even be like getting cleaning supplies.
Getting out the vacuum, right. So like getting cleaning supplies, hauling out the vacuum. I don't know about you, but my vacuum is like in the back of the back of a back of a closet, so getting out the vacuum, getting, (laughs) exactly. Okay, what else, well, could we pick, like a small part out of your house to start with?
Smaller than kitchen, bathroom.
Oh, I meant like in your kitchen what's smaller.
'Cause if I saw clean kitchen, I'd be like, you know what I mean, like, dishes first?
Like just dishes, that's really short, right?
Just dishes. And by the way, every time you finish this, (mimics paper crumpling) right, or use the app, and I hope it sings for you or something when you--
It has a nice little (mimics dinging).
Oh, okay, I love that. (everyone laughs) Exactly, it did a little ding, that's great. So dishes, what else in the kitchen?
Countertops, wipe down countertops, I like it. And by the way, you know these, right. The purpose of this is not because you don't know, it's because it engages in the power of those small wins and you start to get that upward cycle. It turns cleaning the house, one lousy card, into yeah, like I'm cleanin' the house. Right, what's next? So the counters are clean, dishes are done. Microwave? Do you clean out your microwave?
Yeah I do, no I do, floors, oh gosh, the dogs, yeah. Yes, clean floors.
So I'm gonna give you a couple of these and I want you to start filling them out until you get your whole house done. I'm gonna give you all those. (everyone laughs)
Is that enough?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, that also means it helps you chunk your to do list, right, because if you only get three of them done, great, you got three of them done, the rest stay. Otherwise, this is the worst anti-happy making activity, you start cleaning your house and you do a lot of work on it, but you don't finish, and you still can't check it off your list. It feels like the never ending task. So when you have those cards, you're like, oh, the stack got shorter. Right, I'm a little bit closer to pink, or whatever your top card is. So, that's what I call the Russian doll to do list. I'm also a huge fan of scoreboards, so this is professionally, or chores if you have chore charts with kids. If you are on a team I highly, highly recommend you add metrics to your team. So, one thing that we didn't used to do at Science People is I didn't track a lot of our metrics in terms of, like, YouTube followers, YouTube views, Facebook followers, likes, most popular posts, 'cause I didn't want to, I felt like community, how can you measure community? But the reason why it's actually important to have some of those measurements is purely because it gives you the opportunity to have small wins. So we, now, track all of our metrics, we have a big chart and whenever we sit down once a month to do start, stop, continue, everyone owns a metric. So like, Robbie's in charge of YouTube and our goal is 100,000 subscribers and 10 million views. We're at, I think, 90,000 subscribers and eight million views, so we are very, very close, and every time he's like oh, look, we got 50,000, right, like we're so close, so he owns that number. Right, then we have email subscribes, Twitter followers, Facebook followers, and we check those numbers religiously on that, and that actually lets us engage in wins, and we get, YouTube actually gives us a plaque if we hit 100,000 subscribers, so we are really goin' for that big win. Last one is easy, make any decision at all. So we don't think about decisions as a celebration, but actually our brain loves to make decisions and here's the science behind that. Decisions are a way of creating progress. So making decisions specifically in your brain triggers the prefrontal cortex, which feels the same positive feelings we get when we set goals. So you know how when you're sitting down and you're journaling about goals you get like this, yeah, I have so many big goals. That's actually dopamine, right, that's your prefrontal cortex giving you pleasure. The same thing happens when you decide we're gonna have vegetarian for dinner. I'm gonna make sure that I post this post today at 11:00 a.m. I'm gonna learn how to do Facebook Live. When you make those decisions, they're actually mini-goals, your brain does not know the difference between a mini-goal and a decision. So if you cannot find yourself making progress or you're having a bleh kind of a day, the best thing you can do is make a decision on almost anything, because that is, for your brain, a way of making very small progress. Making decisions also helps us reduce worry and anxiety because it makes us feel in control, which we know from day number four is really important for our feelings of happiness. One single decision can help you overcome striatum activity, which is where negative impulses originate. So, this is very simplified, I had to simplify some of the science into a couple bullets, but basically what this study found is that when we are thinking about bad behavior, like we're thing about doing something that we know wouldn't serve us very well when we're in anxiety, we're in that worry echo chamber, right, when you're just in that what if, what if, what if, that typically happens in a specific part of your brain. So when you make a decision it activates the prefrontal cortex which helps override that worry echo chamber. So if you feel very, very worried, bogged down, anxious, you get up and you're like, whew, I'm feeling a lot of dread today, the best thing you can do is make any decision at all, even I'm gonna have oatmeal for breakfast and I'm gonna add five blueberries. That helps override that anxiety that's happening, especially if you don't know the cause of it, 'cause sometimes that can happen with our anxiety. Does that make sense, the idea of a decision? Perfect. Last one is future driven, so this is I think the hardest one today. This is optional, but I hope that you will go on it with me. So the faster we learn to drop our emotional dead weight, the more room we create for something better. So I think the best way that we can run four minute miles, or emotionally run four minute miles, is to drop all the weights that we're carrying, it's really hard to run fast and achieve goals when we're carrying a lot. Anger, so when we looked at our happiness research, anger was a part of this happiness research, we asked people, you know, what makes you angry, how angry are you on a day to day basis? What we found was, is that anger is actually not the opposite of happiness. We're gonna learn about the opposite of happiness in day 10. What it does, though, is it consumes it, so it's kinda like a Pac-Man, that's how anger is, is it isn't the opposite, it's even worse, it actually takes any happiness that it smells, think of angry as like a really hungry Pac-Man, and it goes and just chomps it up. So I think that we have to focus a little bit in this course, yes I wanna talk about how to create happiness but I also want to get rid of the blockers, or the consumers of happiness. And this is the best metaphor for anger. Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, you are the one who gets burned. Right, when you're holding onto anger you're the only one who's getting burned. I think that, how do we, you know, how do we begin to let go of anger, like where does it even go? There's one thing I think we can do together to start this process, and that is looking at forgiveness. So a lot of anger has to do with people, things that have held us back or make us feel there was an injustice served to us. However, forgiving those things and those people is actually one of the most freeing things that we can do, and here's what the science has to say. So when we forgive, it strengthens our immune system, it increases our self-esteem, and it improves our relationships, and this is just one study of many that talked about the emotional benefits of forgiveness. I also think, of course it lets go of anger, but I also think that it helps us go into truth. Our brain loves truth. We love to speak truth. It's a lighter cognitive load, it makes us feel free, it makes us feel authentic and real. You notice I don't say live your authentic self a lot in this course, I don't mention authenticity a lot, because I actually think that when we are speaking in truth you don't even have to worry about authenticity. And lastly, I think it helps us live more in the present, right, a lot of happiness studies will tell you live in the present moment, smell the flowers, be more present. I never really understood what that meant, I never really knew how to do that, but I do think that letting go of some of those past weights can help us be free to live more in the present. So in your bonus I want us to do an activity together. So, I think that we actually have this in your workbook, it's also in your bonuses so if you just wanna hit the RSVP button on the course page you will get all of those bonuses for free. I wanna do a little activity. Just brain dump here, and I'm not gonna ask you for your answer out loud, so don't worry, I know that it's very personal. What pops into your head when I ask you the question what anger coal are you holding onto? Is there something that you've been holding onto that just kinda burns you a little bit? Next question. Who do you need to forgive? Is there someone that pops in your mind that even though you don't like to admit it you really know that they deserve some forgiveness? And lastly, what are you ready to move on from? Is there something in your past, or something in your life, that you feel that you've been sort of carrying with you as a little saddle bag, that it'd be really nice to kinda just drop it and leave it? So I want us to think about this, and as we're thinking about it I actually want you to sort of purge a little bit about it, I want you to write about this. The reason for that is because Journal of American Medical Association found that writing is the best way that we heal, that's how we actually let things go. Expressing a bad experience, or writing about negative feelings, or putting forgiveness into words is one of the best ways that we have that forgiveness boost, increasing the immune system, making us have more self-confidence. So what I want us to do is I want us to just surrender for a second. So, all of you in the audience have white cards. At home I want you to take out a white piece of paper if you can and on this piece of paper I want you to capitalize. Remember how we learned in week five the one word, the idea of one word. I want you to think of that coal, that person, that idea and I want you to think of one word for what it would feel like if you let it go. So not the anger, don't write down an anger word, write down the feeling of giving it up. Would it be relief, would it be happiness, would it be freedom? What's that one word that's going to define what you're gonna feel afterward? And if you could just write down that one word, and at home if you could write down that one word. You write it down, and when you're done I want you to actually, you can fold it for me so that it's kinda private, then I want you to hold it up, please. I'm gonna do one, too. All right. All right, you ready? So, when you surrender you wave your white flag, right? So we are gonna say at the same time I surrender, you ready? One, two, three--
And I would like your white cards 'cause I am taking that from you. So that anger coal, you're gonna give it to me and I'm gonna take them and I'm going to burn them. Thank you, thank you. That feel good? Can I get a little (sighs) a little bit of relief? At home I want you to take your piece of paper, I want you to fold it up, you can either crumple it up, you can burn it, it's like a symbolic sort of letting go. My challenge for you today, it obviously takes a little bit more than this, but I want you to think about what is one little piece of movement you can get, what's one little bit of letting go that you can do so you are free to run that four minute mile? I will take these and keep them safe. Ah, last one, I forgot, of course, luck driven. We talked about the lucky jack, I finally have to talk about luck. I think that when we're talking about luck, when I've explored this in my own mind, I either think it's on or it's off. What I mean by that is either you're in the mindset of on, so the opposite of a negativity bias, a positivity bias, what's working for me? You're going around the world and you're like, this is working for me, this is working for me. Or you're off, and you're thinking, what's working against me? And you're going through the world and you're like, ugh, there's traffic today, ugh, of course this person didn't get me coffee, right, you're doing all those working against me things. I think that there's very little in between, I think you're usually in the on or you're in the off. I think this happens in different ways. So this can be internal, right, so you can be exploring in an on way by looking for the Tetris effect, you can be exploring in an on way by looking for your skills, you can be exploring in an on way by playstorming with hope and curiosity or looking for your gratitude totem. So every day that we've learned so far I've been trying to trick your brain into turning on. You can also do this externally. So in your workbook I want us to do what I call the on or off activity, so if you turn, this is a little bit later in your pillar number eight. And what we're gonna do is, we're going to, and there's a lot of, by the way, extra, I have a ton of extra credit prompts in the workbook for you this lesson, so please go through them for your learning bucket list. I have ideas, ways that you can do your learning bucket list. So on number four you'll see luck driven, so we're gonna talk about when in your life are you on or off. Specifically waking up. I think when you're on when you first wake up you say things like this, oh, I'm so excited today for, blank should go so well, today is going to be great in this way. If you're off, your mind sounds a little bit more like this. Ugh, I wanna go back to sleep, oh, that's gonna be so stressful, I am dreading blank. So I'm curious, get out your red and green cards. Most of the time do you think you're on or you're off when waking up? A little mixed, okay. So, this is not wrong or right, but I want you to sort of think about next time you're waking up, am I on or off? Right, where are you starting your day? Next one, going to bed. On sounds like this, oh yeah, that went well so today. The best part of my today was, tomorrow I'm excited about. Whereas off sounds like, that went wrong, tomorrow's going to be stressful, I'm dreading. By the way, this is fixed mindset, this is growth mindset. Right, when we're talking about on or off they tend to match. So when you're going to bed do you think you're usually on or off? What's kinda the feeling? And you could have both, okay. Pre and postmortems, so whenever I go to an event I typically am premorteming. So in my Master Your People Skills class I talk about getting ready for an event, right, like how you think the event's gonna go, practicing responses, practicing your elevator pitch, and I also do postmortems, right. You leave an event and you're like, God, I shoulda said, I wish I had done, that person was there, right, you're kind of going through what happened at that event. So I'm curious, when you're getting ready for an event or after an event are you on or off? On sounds like, I'm excited for, this event's gonna be a great opportunity, I know blank will go well. Or are you off? Ugh, it's going to be really hard, this will never work because, blank did not go well. What do you think, ons or offs? Okay, so we don't often think about this state, but because we know the power of predictive encoding if you're on before an event that is going to change how you are at the event. If you are on, it's much more likely the event will also stay on, and then your postmortem will go well. If you are off before an event it's almost impossible for that event to go well. So how can you be more on? I want you at home and here in the audience to think about just one, one area to focus on to try to be more on. So is it waking up, is that the most important part of your day? Is it before you go to bed? Is it before you hit that amazing REM sleep? Or is it before or after events, what's one area target? If you do all of them at once it's too much. So how many people think that they're gonna try for waking up? How many people think they're gonna try for going to bed? Okay, how about premortems before events? How about postmortems after events? Interesting, very evenly split. So that's okay, I want you to pick your number one thing and focus on it, and then in your happiness check-in in a few weeks when you kinda come back to this course try to add one more to the list. The other aspect of this is also external exploring. We've talked a lot about our mindset today, but I also think that you can be on for people in your life. When you're with friends you can be on or off. Sorry this is so small. When you are on with friends you ask questions that also turn them on. So instead of saying, oh, was that work project really hard, or are you really stressed, is it your busy season? You can ask things like, hey, what was the best part of your day? Working on anything fun, any interesting projects happening at work? Those are on questions. Two things happen when you do this. One is you give the gift of turning them on, right, in a good way, emotionally turning them on, and then you also, they will usually ask that question back to you, so even if you are feeling off or neutral they help turn you back on because they're asking that question. Now you mentioned, when I ask from you and I want that from you it's much easier. It's the same thing with friends. So try to set up your social relationships for the predictive encoding so it's this beautiful circular happiness. With family. At the end of the day, right, what went well today? What are you most excited about for this weekend? Did you learn anything in school today? Learning and encouraging that learning, what was a new thing you learned, actually also helps your children with that learning aspect, that growth mentality. My dad, by the way, asked us that every single night at dinner, what did you learn today, and if we did not have an answer he would be like, why are you going to school? Go find something to learn. And so at the end of the day I would usually save something for him, a new word that I learned, a crazy fact that I learned. I'm so grateful for that teaching, I think that's one of the reasons why I still learn is 'cause he had encoded, or he'd built that system into my head at the end of every day. With colleagues. We don't do this a lot at work, but I actually think that we can be turning people's light switches on all over the place at work. All different kinds of questions, so what did you learn on the project? What did you like best about the speaker, the training, the meeting? Working on any exciting projects? Is that project going as well as you had hoped? What was your biggest aha moment? What was the most important thing I learned, right, sharing that for people. Be that person. Be that person after meetings, after trainings, after experiences, where you are always asking those kinds of questions. Not only will you give the gift but they will also typically come to you even on your bad days to ask you those questions which then flips you into an upward spiral. Special note, of course this also helps activate other people's g-spots, right, it helps them be more grateful for learning, it helps them feel like they are giving as well, especially when you're asking for help which I think is one of the best things we can do with others. So tomorrow we are going to flip from mindset, we had a really mindset-heavy day. Tomorrow we're gonna talk about the body, we're gonna talk about my triangle of wellness theory, and I have never talked about wellness before. I've never done that, I've never talked about nutrition, I never talk about, you know, what I eat, how I exercise, so I'm excited about tomorrow, a little bit nervous, we will be talking about the body. Here are my challenges. Start your learning bucket list, 10 to 15 items, and I have a ton of extra things for your learning bucket list (mumbles) in your workbooks. So, you're gonna talk about things that you wanted to learn, I'm also gonna talk about how you wanna learn those things, so what are the different methods of learning, books, audio books, courses. We're also gonna break down your learning bucket lists, I want you to answer these, when you learn, so what are your learning rhythms, when do you best absorb new information, and then also where. So I want you to complete that exercise in your workbook on the learning bucket list. Two, create some progress indicators. Start your own Russian doll to do list, set up some mini-celebrations, think about how you can track your progress in numbers or in stories. Three, pick one area to turn on, right, that one area that you raised your hand on, at home hopefully you picked one that you wanna turn on for you. Bonus, write a letter of forgiveness. You do not have to deliver it. So if you can take out a letter and write that person a letter of forgiveness, as hard as it is, if you can send it, wonderful, if you can't, that's okay, but just even writing that letter can really help with letting go of that coal. Let's talk about the most important thing we learned today. So, I would love to hear from you guys, what was your aha moment, I taught a lot today, so what was your aha moment of the day? Yes?
I really like the idea of the Russian doll to do list because I've tried so many different productivity things, like I have also used that Productive app but it doesn't work for me, and I've broken down to do lists in a Google spreadsheet, but maybe sort of this idea of physically doing a thing and then having a mini-celebration afterwards will, you know, get me into doing to do lists.
Yes, and also, it doesn't have to be everything on your to do list, right, it doesn't have to be checking email, but it can be some of those bigger chunky projects that you're either putting off or don't like. I hope you like that (mimics paper crumpling) as much as I do. Someone else raised their hand, yes?
I've appreciated having the tool, like the touchstone of the switch on, switch off, because I think like what I was talking about earlier, how I have the two buckets of communication, I am so switched on in one bucket and I am so switched off in the other bucket, and so, yeah, it's gonna be huge to be able to be aware of that and switch on when I'm normally switched off.
And also it's a self question, right, like am I on or off right now? Even that diagnosis is way more introspection than we have normally, and I think that, like, when you come in here you're thinking what's gonna go right, and that's exactly it. But with a Facebook Live I'm sure you're like, what's gonna go wrong? Like what's not gonna go right, so we gotta find ways to switch it on more often. Yes, I love it. Yeah?
The concept, again, that happiness comes from curiosity, learning, and exploring, not having more money, more materialistic, and Jimmy Choo shoes.
Yeah. (laughs) So what's on your learning bucket list, one thing?
Read more books.
And write the whole list of, long letter--
You should totally start with our happy reading list. So if you're thinking about what books to start with, if reading was one of them, we have a happy reading list in the bonuses, there's a bunch of really good ones in there. Yeah, you raised your hand.
Yeah, I really loved talking about how decisions can help you with progress. Often times I feel like I want, I love research and I like to ask a few different people's opinions, and sometimes I find myself in analysis paralysis, so really encouraging myself to even just make the smallest decisions to help create that momentum and that progress.
Mhm, I love it. Even, like, titles of things, right, like opening a document, like even those little, tiny decisions, 'cause research is the best form of procrastination and I know this very well. (laughs) So, tomorrow we are going to be talking about the body and the triangle of wellness. I hope at home, please tweet me what your happy aha moment was. I'm gonna be giving away a copy of Captivate to everyone who tweets all 10 days, we'll announce the winners at the end. And I will see you guys tomorrow, we're gonna stand up and dance our way out. Dance with us at home, shake it out a little bit. (upbeat music)