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Unfu*k Your Relationships

Lesson 8 of 11

Being an Agent for Change


Unfu*k Your Relationships

Lesson 8 of 11

Being an Agent for Change


Lesson Info

Being an Agent for Change

I want you to specify what would be an action that you could take on. An action that you can take on that would be the kind of action that would be indicative of someone who is an agent for change. Like you're an agent for change. You've made this your thing. I'm out to reshape the landscape of this particular little patch of dirt. And it's not gonna change from them. But something amazing happens. When you change who you are it's like a miracle. They can't help but respond to you. And they're like looking at you like Spock, like ... (audience member laughs) So maybe you want to, as an agent for change maybe you're thinking "I'm gonna call my dad "more often." Or maybe as an agent for change you're going to set an occasion two times a week to have a conversation with your husband where you just listen to him and what he's got going on in his life. Or as an agent for change you're going to be authentic with your children. What is the change that's most important to you? The kind of chan...

ge that you would say is reflective of your greatest self? You're greatest you? The kind of you that you could hold yourself to account for? That you could be someone who is out to build your relationships. All right, who can give me an example of something you see you can do that would be indicative of your being an agent for change? Something, just a very simple thing. Deborah-- Call my mom twice a week. Call my mom twice a week, very good. Instead of telling my daughter to leave me alone, telling her to come to me. Right! So rather than tell my daughter, "leave me alone," I could use that thought, "leave me alone" as an access to me saying, flipping that thing, saying "You know what? Come here!" Does that make sense? All right, very good. What else? What would be an action you could take? Nick -- Ask "how are you today?" You might ask how somebody's actually doing like you mean it. Like, you know, how are you doing though? I usually, when somebody asks me how I'm doing I usually say, "Terrible!" Why? Cause I want to make sure they're listening. (audience laughs) They say, "Really?" I say, "Nah, I'm just saying that. "Let me tell you how I really am doing, "I'm awesome!" Scott -- [Audience Member Scott] Ask questions instead of making statements. Very good! I might ask questions instead of making statements. And I notice the more I'm asking questions the more I'm kind of being conscious and being an agent for change in that relationship. That make sense? Very great. Stacy -- I tend to be nagging at my daughter so instead I'll choose something positive say something positive to her. Very good! So you'll say something encouraging. Because she doesn't get that you love her so much you don't want her to make mistakes. Right. She just hears the nagging. I know! I get it. Dave -- Rather than talk about my life I could find out what my dad wants to talk about. Right! Oh my gosh, wouldn't that be shocking. Some of you are like, your parents have lives! One of the things I did, this was like the awesome thing that happened for me. I started to ask my mom about her childhood. What was it like to be 14? And living in Glasgow at that time? And then she told me the whole time about how she met my dad, and she was only 17 but they never dated until she was 21. And it was amazing! I learned so much about her humanity. Like that she's a human being. And I've lived my whole life with this thing like she's my mom. But I got like, what would it be like for her to be or 17? And her first job and what the thoughts that were going through her head. Or when she found out she was pregnant for the first time. Like it was absurd, I just started to really relate to her humanity and it really empowered me to work with people actually, that whole process. Cause when I saw my own mom, my mom's stuckness. So, one of the internal dialogues that my mom's stuck with is that nobody really cares for her, that they don't love her. And so her life has been spent in the relentless pursuit of that. Confirming it. So anyway, the way I am now kind of messes with that a little bit. I don't care. (audience laughs) I don't care. All right, so you guys want to identify a thing that you could now take on that would be representative of you being an agent for change in relationships. All right, so. (clears throat) All seems pretty good so far, right? Hello? Yes! (laughter) All right, good.

Class Description

Do you have relationships with people that you feel need work?

Do you run into troubles with your loved ones and not know how to make the relationships better? Do you get stuck into negative relationship ruts?

Gary John Bishop will show you how through a combination of vulnerability, willingness, and starting with YOURSELF you can start to transform the important relationships in your life.

Inspired by Gary's book, Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life, Gary will guide you through the process by:

  • Dispelling the myth of contemporary relationship strategies and structures.
  • Uncovering the sea of confusion and story that envelops your relationships.
  • Letting go of the weight and significance surrounding our relationships.
  • Taking apart the fundamental aspect of being in relationships with others.
  • To uncover the hidden judgements and expectations that keep our relationships stuck.
  • Steps to a powerful reinvention of relationships.
  • Giving you a contingency plan for when your plans go “off” and ways to ensure your relationships continue to flourish.
  • Creating a whole new world and help you become someone who can elicit real and lasting change in relationships.

Gary will be providing you with a habit building worksheet and give you the tools to start making real positive change in your most important relationships.

Gary John Bishop will show you how to Unfu*k Your Relationships.



I watch every time John Gary Bishop is on. He isn’t saying anything new, but he’s confronting us with our own BS and reminding us we are responsible for our own lives. If you’re ready to face yourself and do the work then you probably ready to take the steps toward a better existence. He uses all those little catch phrases we use when we are making excuses instead of taking responsibility for what is happening in our lives and you will recognize yourself and others. I enjoyed his frankness and I enjoyed being reminded that I can choose happiness over dissatisfaction.

Marina Lowy

So I am a critical reviewer in general (see my prior reviews) but this guy is 5 stars. Original, great delivery, funny, insightful. Great stuff! Thanks Gary!

Andrew Ocampos

Gary is straight up, blunt, highly intelligent, practical, and best of all a funny guy to wrap it all together.