Unfu*k Your Relationships

Lesson 9 of 11

Leveling Up


Unfu*k Your Relationships

Lesson 9 of 11

Leveling Up


Lesson Info

Leveling Up

Leveling up. Like everything else in life, and certainly from my perspective and what I teach people, it's about daily putting the things in that are representative of the life you want. How many of you would say you're gripped by a lack of finance? Are you gripped by a lack of finance lately? I mean, there's no quick solution to that. Like, I mean, there is, I guess, it's the lottery. I used to have my fingers crossed for that thing, and I've never played it in my life. Like, one of the weeks it's gonna come in. My wife would say, "You have to buy a ticket, though." Stop spoiling the illusion! I was spending it there! But if you look down the line at what you think money would bring you, you'll find some sense of peace of mind or joy. You know, like, you can actually start having peace of mind and joy in your life today. It's not related to your bank balance. To level up your life is to take one of these practices. You wanna use the Level Up Worksheet. Each box represents a day. What'...

s an action that you could take that would be demonstrative of your leveling up your life? You take the practice on for four weeks, and you produce the results. Some days will be your A game, some days will be your L game, or your X, Y, or Z game. But your promise to yourself as you keep bringing yourself back to it, and you keep putting in the actions. Like, Stacy, you're gonna nag your daughter, it's gonna happen, right? Taylor, there's gonna be times when you say to your daughter, "Leave me alone," but your job right there is, all right, now I'm going to step in, now I'm going to, "All right, I've got that sweetheart," or you know, whatever it is in that moment in time. It's to catch myself, it's to be someone that intervenes with a drift of who I am automatically. And the more you do it, as you're about to find out, the more it starts to populate your daily existence. So, the German philosopher Martin Heidegger said, "There is only being in the world." It's not being in your head. It's being in relation to others. That's where the quality of your life is happening, in your relatedness to others. Sure, you have a relationship with yourself, but you're being related. There's gotta be a self-expression for you. So, I'm gonna introduce you to a little insight I got a while back about the way that we can change our lives from the inside ourselves out to the world. And, in the process, completely transform our futures. So, something called a chain of change. Begins with this thing called knowledge. Knowledge, in the dictionary, is "Facts, information, "and skills acquired by a person through "experience or education; the theoretical "or practical understanding of a subject." That's a lot of what we're doing here. Knowing something doesn't change your life, though, just because you know it. Some of you lose your shit with people you know you shouldn't. That makes no difference. I'm still doin' it. So, the knowing of that thing hasn't changed me, has it? Some other thing has to happen. So, people will say stuff like, "Well, I know that." They'll even say stuff like, "I'm aware of that." What you're really aware of changes your life. What you know doesn't. Knowledge, on its own, won't change anything. That's why some of you still eat the pies. You know you shouldn't, but it's not making any difference, Gary! I know that feeling. But when you're aware of something, that is, you suddenly have a perception of something, like an experience of something, like a visceral, physiological, emotional experience of some knowledge that you had, it changes everything. Your perception changes, that is, you don't see it the same way, and you act accordingly! When I got that realization about how I'd blame my mom for my life, well, boom! Boom! Like, I'm just inviting all this bitterness, and anger, and resentment. Why am I doing this to myself? So, the next time it was there to be said, I'm like, I'm not doing that. Why? 'Cause I know what I'm doing to myself! I can even experience myself starting to go that way. I'm not doing it. I'd much rather have love in my life. That awareness of what I was doing to myself, not the knowledge, but the awareness. Suddenly it all made sense, so it shaped these new actions, which is the next part of a chain of change, that is, actions, which is "the fact or process "of doing something, typically to achieve an aim." So, it begins in knowledge. Starts with getting some information, like in a course like this. But if you do the thinking, and you drive down, and you join up some dots for yourself, you'll start to get this awareness, like wow, what am I really doing here? Now, a lot of people do growth work. Many of you have done courses in growth work. How many of you have done that? A lot of people do it. How many of you have noticed, though, the degree to which it really changed you has been kinda up and down? All right, sometimes in some areas okay, but then a lot of times, no. How many of you have noticed, like, there was change, and then you went back the way? How many of you did that? All right, okay. That's because of this. When you get an awareness of something, you gotta drive a bus through it, and you gotta keep driving a bus through it. You gotta drive a bus through it, and drive a bus through it, and drive a bus through it. Keep bringing this new set of actions into your life when you least feel like doing it. In fact, one could say that the integrity of action, that is, the consistency of action that you bring into your life with this new awareness is what causes real change. It's not this new awareness I have, or this new knowledge that I have. It really is a case of am I acting on it? I mean, it'd be easy to leave this course, and Deborah said, "I'm gonna call my mom," and then get to next Monday and say, "I'm too busy." So, whatever insight you might've got in here disappears, disappears just back into knowledge. It doesn't get to grow and blossom in that awareness, because there's no action to back it up, nothing. And that consistency of action is what ultimately shrinks you back to the way you were. You gotta be someone who's willing to act on that awareness, which brings me to this last part. Intuition. Intuition is described as "using or based on "what one feels to be true, "even without conscious reasoning; instinctive," which is what I do with my mom. It started with knowledge, grew into this awareness of myself, my relationships, and who I was, and this consistency of action. "I love you," telling her I appreciated her, even when I felt most compelled to be my worst self, I kept bringing it to that point where I got to that door that day and she said, "What do you want?" And then, smooth like butter, "I love you," and it was intuitive to me. Didn't have to think about it, wasn't there like, okay, pull yourself together. I can hear it rising, and right out. And that comes with that consistency of action. It's not about being perfect, either. And if you've read my book, you'll know I'm a big proponent of being relentless. It's not about getting it right, it's about acknowledging that this is the game you're in, and you're just going to keep bringing it, and sometimes you win and sometimes you don't. But you're going to keep bringing it. Knowledge and awareness with action leads you to this new space of intuitively responding to things in life that you would've responded differently to in the past. That is a chain of change. That is how you change your life, and you gotta relate to it like you're creating, or weaving, or building something, and that that building and creating never ends. There's no point when you're a done deal. That's when you die. So, which part of this sequence do you think you mostly get bogged down in? Isn't it always just the action? Mostly it's just the action, it's like the doing of it! And that's where, you know, you use the book. Use my book, Unfuck Yourself. If you've read that book, you know every page has got something in there for you on any given day where you don't feel like it. You can dip into that book. It's like your own personal coach. I don't know, just flick in there, oh, there it is right there! You gotta be relentless! Thank you. But it's the rigor of that, it's holding yourself to that. You won't develop as a human being if you think it's just going to come along. It's like, I even mention this in the book, we live like we wanna be chauffeured. We wanna feel different, and then we'll do it. But no, it's like, you wanna bring your A game when you feel like your worst game. That really is what it's all about. So, you'll now have to kind of manage acting on this new thing, like this new relationship with your mom, for instance, which is going to include a new way of being. You can't just call your mom twice a week and be like, "All right, what's been happening?" You've gotta really take something on about yourself. I wanna bring love to the table here with this woman. All right, so I can hear some of you already like, "I think I know what he's talking about. "I think I can do this relationship thing. "I think it all makes sense." All right, not quite though, 'cause you and I both know, it's you we're talking about, right?

Class Description

Do you have relationships with people that you feel need work?

Do you run into troubles with your loved ones and not know how to make the relationships better? Do you get stuck into negative relationship ruts?

Gary John Bishop will show you how through a combination of vulnerability, willingness, and starting with YOURSELF you can start to transform the important relationships in your life.

Inspired by Gary's book, Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life, Gary will guide you through the process by:

  • Dispelling the myth of contemporary relationship strategies and structures.
  • Uncovering the sea of confusion and story that envelops your relationships.
  • Letting go of the weight and significance surrounding our relationships.
  • Taking apart the fundamental aspect of being in relationships with others.
  • To uncover the hidden judgements and expectations that keep our relationships stuck.
  • Steps to a powerful reinvention of relationships.
  • Giving you a contingency plan for when your plans go “off” and ways to ensure your relationships continue to flourish.
  • Creating a whole new world and help you become someone who can elicit real and lasting change in relationships.

Gary will be providing you with a habit building worksheet and give you the tools to start making real positive change in your most important relationships.

Gary John Bishop will show you how to Unfu*k Your Relationships.



I watch every time John Gary Bishop is on. He isn’t saying anything new, but he’s confronting us with our own BS and reminding us we are responsible for our own lives. If you’re ready to face yourself and do the work then you probably ready to take the steps toward a better existence. He uses all those little catch phrases we use when we are making excuses instead of taking responsibility for what is happening in our lives and you will recognize yourself and others. I enjoyed his frankness and I enjoyed being reminded that I can choose happiness over dissatisfaction.

Marina Lowy

So I am a critical reviewer in general (see my prior reviews) but this guy is 5 stars. Original, great delivery, funny, insightful. Great stuff! Thanks Gary!

Andrew Ocampos

Gary is straight up, blunt, highly intelligent, practical, and best of all a funny guy to wrap it all together.