Natural Networking Techniques
Now most people hate networking. Why do we hate it? You shouted out. Awkward. What does that mean? That means you show up in a room where everyone else is unemployed and we all sort of talk very hopefully and very fake, really, about how hopeful and way are. Let's do it. Let's let's do a little role playing. We were both just showed up, were at a bar with, like, our business cards And, you know, it's like, Hey, what's up, man? Hey, what's going on? Not too much. I'm just here to promote my skills and to sort of see what other people are doing. Yeah, I mean, I know like, it's like crazy out there, but I'm just hoping like if I come here, you know, like, meet some interesting people, you know, like they always say, Like, you just gotta, like, pound the pavement and stuff like that. So I'm kind of just like I'm pretty hopeful tone. Were you working on an equal projects? Yeah. I mean, like, I've been trying to get this thing off the ground like, totally not listening. Look at that. Look at...
what you're doing. Yes, she just I got cut off. And I'm the instructor. I love it. Amazing. Okay, I just got cut off and shut down. I was so boring. I was boring myself. But you were just like, I'm so bored care, And then I take my turn and we both like this sucks. And they were like, Okay, well, yeah, that's definitely been touched. Anybody here ever had that horrible experience? That was just off the cuff right there. By the way, did you notice my body language is kind like this, like, Oh, yeah, because we're just like I don't wanna be there, right? We don't care about you. I don't know. You are never gonna see you again. You're not adding value to me. And it's just stupid. Why am I here? And yet we believe that's what networking is. What else do we think about not working? Cheating? It's cheating. Tell me more. Uh, you know, sometimes you feel like if you know somebody that's in a company and you ask them for a job, it's You can't do that. You just asked me for a job. Great. Very good. It always makes me feel like I'm swimming with sharks. Let's go deeper. Everyone just stays in the surface level and we never actually connect with each other. What does that mean? Every every networking event have into somebody that wants something for me. Um, and even when they say they're trying to help me, they're really not trying to help me. They're just masking net to get something from Let's do that right now. Let's role play that shark in this relationship, you or me. 00 yeah, I'm a picture. You all right? Hey, Dar. Hello. Nice to meet you. So, what's up? What you have to hear. What brings you here today? I'm just trying to connect with some other wedding vendors. Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, it's like it's so exciting to actually just be surrounded by a bunch of other people that are in this industry. Don't you think? I think your bullshit. Don't say that. You don't say that. Uh, if somebody said that, you don't you think it's so exciting, like you would never talk to a wedding that you would never say that interesting, interesting approach networking. I wouldn't have thought about that. Slap in the face in a calm walk away. Look, listen, it happens on Mr Sleazy Guy would be like turning away and talking to somebody else two seconds later, right? We've all seen, so I didn't even get to do my shark stuff like everybody's cutting me off today. I'm going home. So you just identity you you immediately. The second is that isn't exciting. No, I've never been like a, uh, like a bridal bazaar. And all the vendor, like, so excited. Like that's the new guy who's like cream. And for a job, you could tell where I was going. I just wanted to get you excited. Say yes. And I'd be like, So uh okay, so we hate what? What else? I love this. Why else do we hate networking? What else? Cheating was a really insightful one. And many of my students went through this This challenge, like my first test students and dream job, including the student I mentioned because they felt like even if they had a network, he was cheating. And what's interesting is basically, your network can get you connected to someone. They can get you coffee with someone. But if you're not good or qualified for the position you won't get it. It's like when people, you know in India you negotiate bargain a lot of stuff, right? So I mean, sitting there, bargaining these vendors down there. I told you yesterday like they'll be like they look at me. I'm American guy. They're like, OK, that will be ₹800. Like I'll give you and then we start the negotiation. So my friends were like, Oh, my God, How could you haggle over $5? That's just cheating them. They're just they don't have as much. I said, Listen, first of all, that's how it's done. And second of all, these vendors are way smarter than me or you or anybody. They'd be doing this for generations. They're not gonna lose money on some idiot American guy who rolls up speaking poor Punjabi or Hindi. They're gonna they're gonna take me. They're gonna profit off me, no matter what. Might not be. ₹790 might be 400 bees, but they're making a tidy profit. Okay, so this is another example of let them reject you. Don't do the rejecting yourself. A network is not. There's no more patronage like there used to be in the old days where your body is going to get him a job paying whatever he wants. No, Your friend can get you an interview in it. At that point, it's up to you. Okay. What else? Any other reasons? Especially from the web. That networking is bad. We have a lot of, um, pretending to be somebody you are not. It doesn't feel authentic and connects in connection. It makes people feel vulnerable. I don't like networking for the same reason. I don't like accounting. I didn't start this business so I could chat with folks. Nor so I could count beans. I want to do my industry. Heather J E. I want to do What was it? Last thing I wanted to mystery. So does that remind anybody of what we talked about yesterday? Perhaps that diagram he wrote. Remember? I don't want to do all this other stuff. I just want to do my craft. A k a. I don't have time to do marketing. I'm busy running the restaurant. Well, you basically just raised her hand and said I'm ready to be a commodity photographer or a writer or whatever, because you just focus on your craft solely and alone. Here's your $10 an hour. You deserve it. Tough love. But it's true. So Thean authentic one is really good because we believe that it's sleazy, slimy, scamming. We believe that networking is that shark that I just portrayed a few minutes ago. I didn't get to do the shark, but it it's like just dirty right guys coming around all he wants to do. Just give me his business card and then he leaves and on to the next person and he's not even listed. Doesn't even care. You just want something from you. That's what we think. But have we ever tested it? Have we actually ever met a master connector? Anybody know people who just have amazing social skills? Everybody likes him. What do we know about these people? What we know. Shut it up really good at keeping in touch with folks don't like, make an initial connection and drop off the face of very good. The follow up is amazing. I love that. What else? Charismatic. What does that mean? Full of energy, putting out to other people where people feel connected with the masses? Good. What else. Yet they tend to listen at least by no, they, you know, they can get in touch with whoever they're talking to because they listen and pay attention. Very good. What else do you feel that easy? Feel really comfortable with them? Um, you feel like they care. And it's hard because they appear to care about 500. But I feel there's a connection there. Magnetic. Somehow you want to talk you want? Oh, wow, He's over there. Let's go. Okay. Anybody else? Yeah, we've got some online. Sam Cox says they seem genuinely interested in me. Um, Rania, they does that sound like anything we've been talking about the last few days? They seem genuinely interested in me. Me? At that moment, I'm at the center of the world and they're listening. They're not talking about their stupid service because it's stupid. I don't care about you and your stupid business until you connect with me. And maybe even then I still don't care. But at least I know you. Listen again. When was the last time we truly felt listen to when someone wasn't just waiting? Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Oh, well, that's so interesting. Because I What was the last time? Someone just like, Wow. How'd you How'd you come up with that? Or what do you mean by that? Notice how many times I've been asking you that this class. What you mean, don? We've been doing that back and forth 1,000,000 times, right? Do you think Do you think I'm, like, tricking you, or do you think I genuinely want to know what you mean? I think you want to know you're challenging. Yeah, And when I meet someone I'm not I mean, you know, I'm not running psychology games on people, but I do want to know what they mean, and I'll ask, Like, how did you come up with that? It's so interesting. And I actually do care. And as they say, you know, if you want to be more interesting, become more interested, and that is a proven principle. Okay, What else we got from our mind? We have, um, m Stevenson. They're great listeners and their funds. Storytellers? Yes. Go ahead. What else? Oh, all they want to do is help me and make a connection for me and then somebody else. It said, uh, they make you feel like you're the only person in the room. So storytelling, I think, is a really powerful one. Um, think about really fun people, you know, people engaging people, you know, They tell great stories, right? It's like they could go through the same thing you went through, and they would have an amazing funny story to tell. That doesn't mean they have to be comedians, but they could tell a story in an interesting way, right? We're gonna do some storytelling practice later. I had I had some students actually come out to an event and I brought them into the hot seat and he told me a story. Um and like like Indian guys in general are not that emotional, right? So they're like, they're just not It's not part of the culture. They're not really talk to emotional side of Indian student. And he had this, like, quite emotional story, but he was telling it like, this is like, yeah, so at work, you know, like, they asked the team to stay late for like, two weeks, and we were like sleeping under desks and on then one guy didn't make it. And then we finally got through it, and it was incredible. I like What the hell is wrong with you, man? So I did a couple things. I corrected his body language, and I showed him when you're telling a story how to slow it down and then how to get really excited when the time was right and to him in his head, that sounded way over the top. But did you just hear what I did just two seconds ago? Did I sound like I was way over the top? It just sounded like I was getting excited, right? Eso I taught him a couple things 10 minutes, night and day. We're gonna do that today. But the point of being a great storytellers, you're not born a great storyteller. You can actually learn it. Now. You will. You can learn it. You can practice it, and you can actually study people who you know, we all have friends that are amazing storytellers and study like What are they doing? Why are they telling it in that way? How come they're positive? How come everyone's listening to them? But when I talk, people talk right over me. Anybody ever had that experience that used to happen to me all the time. All right, let's keep going on why most people hate networking. It's all about who you know, we talked about that. I'm not a very outgoing person, a k. I'm an introvert. How many people here define yourselves as an introvert? Lots of people online, I'm sure as well. And you could define yourself as an introvert. That's fine. But I don't want you to let that be an excuse to not do the hard work of connecting with people. Introverts can connect. Okay, they can. Don't let it be an excuse to say I'm an introvert. So therefore, I can't do any of this stuff that's lazy, and I cover how to do that. I actually put a video up on my blawg, I think, last week where I talk about what to do if you're shy or what to do if you're an introvert and I actually talk about how to think about that and some articles to read, that's that I will teach you the rich dot com, so all right, so we covered why most people hate networking. Ah, but we also know that it's incredibly powerful, right? What are some of the benefits of having a network. Can anyone actually tell a personal story about how network has helped you? Totally. So in Seattle coming here, I'm staying for the extra weekend. So I wanted to have some extra cash to throw around. So I wanted to keep my trip expenses for the 1st 3 days Really low. And the only way that I've been able to do that is by talking Teoh a house made of mine. Who knows that I'm a responsible, clean person to then put me in touch with the awesome girls that I'm staying with. So thanks. Money. Beautiful. Very nice. What else? It doesn't have to be about Careers could be about anything. How has a network helped you? Could be a parent. Probably not a parent. Could be a friend. I So I recently got divorced and found the house sitting gigs for a year in this beautiful house with the garden. And it was largely due to my sister and friends. Incredible. Very good. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Same thing. When I first started, also in video, I had a friend that I called on to say, You know, I'm getting into this. This is something I want to do. Does your company basically need anything like this? My pitch sucked, but he introduced me to his boss, which, thankfully, they love doing video. But they were worse than I was, and they hired me. And I got telling them last night I got a flight to Hawaii. Is my first job. Amazing. Let's take a couple from the Web. All right, Uh, be lives as finding an awesome open mic to start performing again. That's a lot of bands, really that way. Uh, Pascal met a really good friend at a makeup artist. Meet up. Awesome. K. Burgess met her husband. Oh, that's right. Through her now meeting a friend on Denmark met up with his friend in Belgium and finally was able to stay with him when visiting Seattle for a company visit over a year and 1/2 later. Anybody remember Dean from yesterday? Remember how he had his friend who was like, No, we're not gonna give you a deal. Then he just called his buddies like, yo, what did I do wrong? His friend told him that, and he raised his rates to $90 an hour, which he has subsequently raised $150 an hour. He did that because of a network, and by the way, let's even. Let's even create an alternate scenario. Let's say that Dean wasn't friends with this guy, but he had taken him out to coffee a couple of times. So we had a relationship with him, like he, you know, he maybe had texted him a couple times or whatever. What did have been more likely for him to actually send that note saying, Hey, I noticed I didn't get the deal. I'm totally cool with that. But I'm just curious what was? There was something I could have done. You think it's possible you could have sent that? Yeah, because he had just taken the time to build the relationship. Okay, so there's massive power in networking. I'll give you some examples from my own life. Positive and negative. Positive examples are, you know, some of my okay, I'll even think back to, uh, to elementary school. I told you I was terrible at math. It's not a joke. I'm really horrible. I was the only kid who failed my AP math test in my class. I got to thank you very much. And when I was in elementary school or yeah, or elementary school, there was like, you could take a math test to determine if you on the fast track math class or not. And I totally bombed the fast track math class, but my teachers were like, All right, this guy's smart because I was I was like, a pretty good writer back then. So they actually came to me quietly, and they're like, All right, well, we know you mess up that test, but we're gonna give you a second chance. All right? So then I took the test. The test again. I don't know if they changed it for me or not, but they put me in the fast track math class. Now that may have been to my detriment, because I ended up failing my AP math test on on and on. But that is the powerful relationship, right? They cut you some slack, right? I'll give you another example. When I was applying to grad school, one of my professors sent a quick little note where he said, Hey, you'd be lucky to grab this guy. You should. You should accept him actually got rejected for that program. But it meant a lot to me that he sent that note, on the other hand, on a positive note. One summer I was looking for internship and I had gone and I talked to some people in one guy had an interesting position, but he said, You know, I'm gonna hire you, treat you like any other intern. I paid 12 bucks and the 12 bucks an hour. I was admitted more money before, but I didn't really care about the money, but I didn't like that. He said, I'll treat you like any other injured because I felt like I'm not like any other intern. So that was a Friday afternoon. I called my friend. This is a friend from seventh grade. She was working at a company. I called her and I said, Hey, I'm kind of looking for an internship. Do you know anything like, what is, um, interesting company? She said, Why don't you come work at this company? I said, Oh, really? It's a pretty interesting company. She's like, send me a resume. So I sent her. The resume Monday afternoon was a Friday afternoon. Monday afternoon, I had an interview. I walked into the interview. It was a done deal. I didn't They just asked me. So what are you thinking of working on here? I walked in there, nailed the job. There wasn't even interview, then went outside in the back to negotiate my salary with my seventh great friends. That's the power of a network. Now, would she have hired me or recommended me so strongly if I sucked at what I do? No. She knew that I was gonna be a top performer. So she went at bat for me. And, of course, when I got to work, I wanted to over deliver to make her proud. I don't want her to look bad in front her boss because she went to bat for me. But if I had sucked in the interview, even though the interview was almost preordained, I would have gotten far. So the network can get you far in that case really far. But you still have to perform. Does that make sense? The power of a network is fast, absolutely best. It allows you to sidestep all these sort of pointless tactical and logistical maneuvers that everybody else is concerned. They're concerned with things like, what size is the font on my resume? What color paper? What size paper Pointless. The deeper stuff stuff Post people don't talk about are the things that actually make a difference. Okay. And of course, ironically, most people don't know how to do it. So I want to teach you some techniques, scripts and even an exercise in person right here to show you how powerful networking is done at the highest levels. Okay, I could give you many, many examples of how how friends of my people I didn't even know got $25, worth of time of mine for free or how I hosted dinner and all these relationships have been built out of it. But we'll just go straight into a technique to show you how this technique works. By first described Sara, you said something really interesting. You said people who are really socially skilled, R rated follow. I think that's like, right on how many of us have, like, met someone really interesting and then we just never followed up. I know I have. I think all of us have and had we built that relationship, who knows what could have happened, Right? Maybe you could have helped them get a job. Maybe they could have helped you get a job. Maybe you could have just become amazing friends. It's hard enough to make friends in this world. You met someone you kind of liked, and yet we just let this get in the way. Um, we we tested this technique because so many people were saying things like, All right. I mean, that's great, but you have a book, so people will listen to you. They they always come with all these things. You have this so so they'll listen to you. And I was like, Okay, maybe you're right. Maybe it is just cause I have a book. So I'm gonna test it with a bunch of people who are not authors and who have nothing. Uh, these people, their chief concern, was like, Why would anyone want to talk to me? I'm just 23 years old. I don't have anything. Why would a V I p want to go out to cough with me? So we're gonna talk about how to add value to a V. I p of a V. I p is the person we're trying to meet right to kind of get to know, hopefully add some value to them, and maybe one day they'll add value back to us. They're gonna give us advice and stuff like this. I'm gonna show you what this closing the loop technique is, but it is one of your secret weapon.