Deep Coaching Frameworks
So the idea behind deep coaching frameworks is, you need to be able to have things that you can lead people through over time, if you're gonna be a master coach. If you're taking on that role of growing to be a master coach, you need to be able to take someone from beginner, or novice, through intermediate, through advanced, and then, someone advanced through mastery. Now, if you're not at the level where you can coach someone to mastery in something, that's okay. But you wanna grow your ability to have more frameworks. And that allows people to try new things, and try things different ways. And a key part about that is, you're gonna be able to retain more talent, attract and retain talent, to whatever you're doing. Whatever you're doing, whether it's in the corporate world, it's a project, a fundraising thing, you want good people. So in order to attract and retain them, having deep frameworks they can go through is gonna help with that. So you can show them, "I can help you grow and ...
contribute," going back to the human needs. And it'll allow you, also, to work with bigger, more experienced teams of higher IQ. People that are smarter and better at what they do will allow you to lead them, or influence them, or be their peer, if you have more frameworks, or more things you can help them with. If you're thinking about yourself as a leader or a manager, that's gonna be a huge benefit for you in your career. By growing your ability to coach-- That's the number one skill for a great manager-- Then you grow your ability to lead at a higher and higher level, have a bigger impact. And, specifically, one thing that helps with that is growing your frameworks. So, one way to do that... "Cory, I wanna grow my frameworks, "I want deeper frameworks, how do I do it?" One way is by marshaling and maximizing your previous experience. So you go deep into, what have you already learned? Sometimes you have learned amazing things, and you've done amazing things, you have frameworks, and tools, and theories, and things, but they're just not at the ready for you. You don't think about having them ready to, then, apply. So do a little bit of work, to think through what has really helped you. What are some models you've worked through, what are some frameworks? What have you learned? What are favorite books you've read, concepts you know? Other people don't know those same things as you. You'd be surprised. I get in coaching situations with very smart people, and they're talking about something, and they mention an idea, something they're struggling with or they wanna get better at. And I'll say to them, "Well, you know that book, right?" or, "You've heard of that concept," or, "You've seen that research, right?" And I'm not saying it in a condescending way. I literally am thinking, "Well, they must have seen this, "they must know this, because they're really smart, "and they're actually saying the same thing I'm saying." But it turns out, a lot of times, people are doing things, unaware of what they're actually doing. So sometimes, you can give them power, and growth, and help them go further, by giving them the concept they've already been using. But now, they understand it's a concept. "Oh, and now I have a framework "of what I've already been doing. "That's why I've been successful. I can do more of that." So it's very surprising, sometimes, what people don't know, that you do know. You have your unique, whole life experience you get to bring to coaching. So I'm really asking that you bring that forward. And you can always check. If it doesn't resonate, you can try, "Hey, have you thought about this?" or, "What about this concept?" We kind of get into a teaching mode, then we get back into coaching. "How does that resonate for you?" We see, does it work? Sometimes I introduce a concept, and it's like, "Nah, that was kind of flat." And I go, "Cool, let's try another thing." And that's having deep coaching frameworks. It's not one thing. I don't have one model I always take everyone through, and if that doesn't work, I'm like, "Well, I can't help you." There's lots of ways. Another way is by managing your own development. Sometimes, if we don't feel connected to what our efforts are creating, we spend less time doing that thing. I don't really know... Going to this workshop, reading this book, getting a coach, finding a mentor, putting myself out on this project that's really scary, I don't really know what's it's leading to. If I don't know what that's leading to, I might not wanna do it as much. But what I'm pushing you to do is, put yourself out there more, and really take ownership of your own development, because on the other side of that is more tools and power for you to be able to help others. And I guarantee you, if you found your way to this class, you care about serving others and helping others. So I wanna help you do that more, and one major way is, you gotta manage your own development. The better you get at things, the more you have to offer others. To be of service, you need to be fit for service, that same thing I said before. So it's really, seek training, skills, and development. And a big part of it is knowing what you need next. Where is your weak area, or what is your strength that you need to make a superpower, or a superpower that you wanna learn how to implement on a bigger scale? Know what you need. For example, as a coach, I was being sort of like a doctor when I would be with my clients, and I would just be removed, and have that bedside manner like, "Mm, mm, I see, mm-hmm, yes, mm." And it felt very much like I was outside of that relationship. So I had to do a bunch of work in myself, on being more comfortable with intimacy with my clients. Being able to open my heart, being more connected, being more human around them. Because I realized I was scared of them thinking I wasn't good at my job. My ego was trying to protect me, by creating distance and putting on a shell that they couldn't-- Wasn't permeable. They couldn't get through, they couldn't open the door. And I realized that's actually really blocking me from people trusting me and letting me take them further. So I had to do work on my ability to be vulnerable and create intimacy with my clients, and that took my coaching ability to the next level. So I found that was a blocker. So managing your own development, knowing what skills, training, and development you need, that's huge, and also, it'll help you diagnose other people. If you do the work to diagnose yourself, then you have that mentality, "I'm looking for, "in a kind way, what needs to shift." So right now, if you wanna take a moment, and write down an area that you might want to focus on for yourself, I'll give you about 10 seconds, 15 seconds. Just something that (snapping) sparks. "I wanna take that class I've been talking about," or, "That's an area where I'm not as strong, "and I wanna be stronger in." Just good to note these things, cause it'll go by. We'll change the slide, and you'll forget about it. But if you write it down, it'll be there for you to come back to. And the goal is, when you leave here, when you leave a coaching session, that as much of the work as possible's already done. Does anyone have one they're willing to share with us, about where they might wanna focus their growth? Yeah, Amber.
Yeah, I think I'd like to focus on building more of the multiple frameworks, being able to really tailor to the individual. I think what I do right now is, I tend to do what works with each of my people, what I know works. But then, zooming out or diving deeper with them, so it's more tailored to what they need from me, and just being able to have that garage, like you said.
Is there anything, if you thought for a second, an area that you know maybe that's the next priority for you? A class you'd wanna take, or a concept you wanna learn, a book you wanna read, that would help with that, given your situation?
Sure. I think one situation I have right now is being able to coach someone on empathy--
Who doesn't come natural to empathy. Being in the customer service world, that's really important. So it's hard. If it's not natural, how do you teach that to somebody, in that capacity?
Great. Do you have an idea of what book or workshop you might follow to get better at empathy, or being able to coach empathy?
No, I think I need to download a great app first.
Cool. One thing I'd recommend-- So, that's great. We just did a little chunking, zooming, there. You notice I'm coaching. Thank you for letting me coach you, by the way. I didn't ask for permission. I probably should've. One suggestion for you would be Brene Brown's work. Her books are very powerful. So if you don't know Brene Brown's book, it's about vulnerability, empathy. Amazing research, based on science. So I'd really recommend her work. That's one example. If you know an area, "Oh, empathy," but you don't know what... Maybe you open yourself up to being coached by your peers, or people you really respect. So, fantastic. That's a great place you can grow. Thank you for sharing that one, that was awesome. Okay, so just going back to the framework really quick, just wanna remind us... Here's what we went through, now that I can remember this time. Wow, really forgot what I was teaching at the start of the segment. Tailoring and individualization, deep practice, ignition, chunking and zooming, deep coaching frameworks. Now the key here is, remember, being a business Taoist. It's about integrating these. They don't come in one order. It's like, you gotta trust your intuition of when you're in one or another, like when you call these concepts forward. And you're not gonna be perfect. It's okay. Just start noticing, "Oh, am I doing good "with the bottom three, but I'm not really tailoring?" Or, "I'm tailoring and I'm having them practice, "but I'm letting things fly by, "and I'm not really chunking and zooming." So just diagnose yourself, as a coach, where you need to focus. And come back to these concepts after you've been coaching for some time. After a session, after a couple sessions. These aren't "official" sessions, just interaction with someone. Like, "Oh, could I have done better?" That'll really help you. So what I'd love for you to do, then, is just quickly brainstorm the frameworks, models, and techniques you've learned. It's gonna be fast and furious. Anything that you've learned. A book you've read on empathy, a workshop you took, a skill you've learned, whether it's presentation skills, or sales skills, or, if you've been in product management, how you run a product, sort of a P0, what they call that, starting a new product document. Anything that you know that really helps you, or has helped you, I want you to just brainstorm that. Give you about 15 seconds. Anything that you think could be used, you could lead someone through, teach them, help them connect to. And volume is important here. Throw everything down. Don't think about it. Anything that comes to mind. Doesn't mean you have to pick it. Now I'm gonna pause you. You didn't get very far, that's okay. Is there one on there that is your favorite? If you just wrote, maybe, three or four, is there one on there that's like, "Oh, I love this one so much?" If so, I want you to circle it. Just circle it, take a moment, or highlight it, star it. Is anyone willing to share theirs? A framework, or model, or book they really would like to-- Yeah.
I just recently went to a story leader conference, and we did a whole class on mindful coaching, which I honestly have to work on. One big exercise we did was with another story leader, and learning to not talk throughout the whole-- To have the person you're coaching really speak, and not say anything, and just being like, "And what else are you feeling, and what else?" And I took so much away from that, because, as leaders, I feel like we wanna help them realize what we want them to do, and really giving them the opportunity to speak for themselves.
Oh, beautiful. I tell leaders all the time, "In your one-on-ones, "you listen more than you talk, that's your new goal." And that's what they were teaching in there, right?
And whatever skills you had to apply, or things you had to overcome, to get in that calm listening space, and then ask powerful questions-- Which we're gonna go into later. Great segue-- That's what you can coach other people, who have the same struggle. And they might have slightly different resistances or struggles, but you can help them figure out how to get there. You know where you started and where you ended, and the process. You know what yours was, but you can help people find their own, as well. Beautiful. Anyone else have one they would like to share? Yeah, Amber.
So something I like to do... I think part of coaching is starting off with building a relationship, and getting comfortable with one another. And I think it's easy, as a leader, to say, "These are my expectations." So something I really love to do with my new folks, that are brand new to me, I like to give them a framework called, "How I'd Like "To Be Empowered," and ask them, "What are the key components of a manager that you need? "What are things that are your pet peeves, that you dislike? "What's the best way to communicate with you?" Things like that.
That's beautiful. What concept are you really teaching them, by leading them through that framework? What are you showing them?
I'm showing them that our relationship is a two-way street, that I'm not just going to be authoritative the whole time. I'm gonna be there to be a player coach, and that they can come in with their ideas, and their concepts, and give me feedback, as well.
That's beautiful. You're really teaching them about compassionate relationships, and conscious relationships, and conscious communication. Beautiful. One more? Anyone have one they want to share? Yeah, Christine.
There's this book called StrengthsFinder that I really liked. It's a skill-based book that you read, but then you take a personality test, and it assesses five of your top strengths. And what I really like is, because they say how there's all of this talk on people always focusing on improving your negatives, but why not work on your positives, and then utilize that to find your strengths.
So what you're doing there is, one, the concept is, "Let's use your strengths "to get you where you wanna go, not your weaknesses." That's the concept. And then you have a framework, or a model, of using StrengthsFinder as an access to that concept. It's beautiful. See, right there, you have some building blocks of how you might coach some people. That's one brick in the wall, as Pink Floyd said. So, just to do some key concepts here. Remember, we learn things slow at first. Well, we should. We do better when we learn things slow at first. So, go slow with the people you're coaching, and yourself. Break things into manageable chunks. Don't try to do too much too fast. And you have to prioritize, if you're gonna do that, then. And then the last is-- This goes to ignition-- Passion over everything. If there's no passion there, good luck at trying to get someone to get better at something, or for you to even engage with that. So when you think about your areas of development, what I would orient you towards is, orienting towards a development opportunity that you're passionate about. I always have things I'm thinking about doing next, always (mumbles) I know that's gonna make me happy. So I ask, "What do I want to do next?" and I look at my list, and I'm like, "What feels most meaningful, and am I "the most passionate about now?" And sometimes, I don't know why. And I might think about it, and try to bring my brain and understand it. But sometimes, it doesn't even matter. It's like, right now, the timing is really good for this, so I tend to trust that, cause it means I'm gonna feel like I'm supposed to be there when I'm there, and I'm gonna be super-engaged, I'm gonna really take it in. If I'm fighting myself, it's like, ugh, that's so much harder. So manage your own passion, and then you can help manage other people's passion. It really is the thing that drives... It's like the fuel for the engine.