Key Coaching Concepts
Key coaching concepts, like I said, the first one I wanna talk about is tailoring and individualization. Oh my goodness, okay. This is just massive, massive, massive. Master coaches coach everyone individually. Every single person individually. And we're gonna talk about some of the... I'm gonna give you some frameworks to think about how you might filter what kinda person's in front you and what they need. But more than anything, I want you to use your gut and your intuition to think about, what is needed right now? What's wanting to emerge? What is this person signaling to me or showing me that they might need? And try that, and then see, is that working? If not, try something else. Find what works for that person. I don't coach any two people the same, but I do use some of the similar approaches or buckets, but I remix them, I put them in different order, I say it differently, right? So I'm bringing things in a unique way, but it's not like I'm starting from scratch every time. That...
will change you life. Not thinking that you need to help everyone in the same way. And, it gets you out of your ego and your, sort of, structured mind, to be more creative and play with it more, right. Sometimes I've seen people that are trying to help friends, and they get so frustrated with that person, like I've told them over and over again and they never listen to me. And I always say, well, what else have you tried? 'Cause what I hear is all you've done is just sat there and talked at them. Have you tried another method of getting them to connect with the thing that you think they should see? Deep practice and ignition. I'm gonna explain this more. This is the fundamental, highest level, analysis of what's happening when someone's learning something. Chunking and zooming is how you can actually step in with someone and help them with a particular skill or particular part of a skill. And this really helpful when you're diagnosing what's going on. You kinda hear something's off and then, how do I lean into that, okay that didn't seem right, let me look over there. Chunking and zooming is gonna be the way we do that, okay? And then deep coaching frameworks. You have to build understandings, models, frameworks, have tools that you can keep leading people through over time. And it goes with individualization. If you're gonna coach everyone differently, you better have some different tools. If all you have is a hammer and a nail, this is the cliché thing. All you have is a hammer, everything's gonna look like a nail. I want you to have a drill, I want you to have a table saw, I want you to have, you know, car tools, I want you to have like a whole garage full of tools. That's the most, like, masculine metaphor of all time, I apologize. Not male or female, just very masculine, like the whole tools, and I'll try to be a little more gender balanced. Okay. So, tailoring and individualization. I already said this, we're gonna coach every person individually, differently. Now, what does that look like? One thing that I've found that really matters to people, makes a big difference, is how much challenge versus encouragement do you like. Now when I said versus that's actually a misnomer. The reason I have a bar graph here, and we did this in the other course, but I'll bring it back here, the concept is not, do you like challenge or do you like encouragement? It's how much of each do you like? So I've worked with people who like 100% challenge and 100% encouragement. Push me extremely, and then make me feel amazing. That's me too, by the way, I'm like all the way up on challenge, all the way up on encouragement. If you just challenge me and then you don't encourage me, I'm like, (whines) doesn't feel good. But if you just encourage me, you don't challenge me, I start withering, I'm like, push me! That's why I say I'm a shameless Crossfitter, I've been Crossfitting for like four years. I know some people find that embarrassing, I don't. But it's all about challenge, but then everyone in the gym, the reason I like it, is they're so encouraging of each other, right. So I like that to be really high. Now you might not like much challenge all, just a little bit, and you like a lot of encouragement, but as a coach you might still need to challenge that person, it's just frame the challenge as more soft, right? Gentle challenge, right? But if someone's really high on challenge, they actually want you to... They want that spark of reaction, where they go, okay, I'm gonna respond. So you can be a little harder with them. Now some people don't like too much encouragement. It's weird right, why? Does anyone have an idea why, ever been around someone who doesn't like a lot of encouragement? What is it like to be around that person? Well one thing to look for is some people really, they feel like you're laying it on a little thick. It makes them feel uncomfortable to be encouraged, they don't accept compliments very well. They're just kinda like, stop it, right? So even with those people who have encouragement lower, I'll still put it in, but then I'll move on. I don't, sit and make them, like, take my encouragement. I just toss it in, toss in to socialize them to that, because you can raise people's capacity for each over time. It's not fixed, again, it's growth. So know where you're starting from, but see, like if I'm working with someone who's all challenge no encouragement, I wanna help them get better at encouragement too, 'cause that'll fill their gas tank more, from my perspective. Any questions about this? Yeah.
Sorry I keep grilling you this morning, but...
Keep bringin' 'em, bring 'em, bring 'em, baby. Makes it more interesting.
Do you think people are pretty easily able to identify their own needs in terms of like challenge and encouragement? So if you're a manager and you say, alright, how much do you want me to challenge you? And that person says, I really want you to challenge me, or like, I only want you to challenge me 30%. Like are people able usually to identify that for themselves? Or is that something you have to kind of observe, and does it change over time?
Yeah, do people know themselves in terms of some of these filters? Depends. I think they do usually, if you give them the right entry point in. Sometime I'll ask a client when I meet them, how do you like to be coached? Or how do you wanna be coached? And at first they'll go (confused noise). And then I'll say, well think about if you had a mentor, a teacher, a coach in you past that's been really successful with you, a parent, how were they? They go, oh. Some people get it right away, some people not. So I'll ask them, well how much challenge versus encouragement do you want? Some people are a little bit, again, they're not as improvisational on their feet, so in the workbook, you're gonna see on the next page, we're actually gonna fill out in a second, how much challenge versus encouragement you like, and how other people like, you can actually make them draw their own bar graphs. By having a moment to reflect, sometimes people can get a lot clearer on what they want and don't want. That make sense? So, I think everyone can realize what they like, and they know, but they don't know right off the top of their head sometimes. You have to goad them. And sometimes I say, oh don't worry about it, and I can just tell as we go. And if they don't know, then I'm listening for that, and I'm trying to feel into, how much can I challenge them, how much can I encourage them. Or how much do they need or want? So you don't have to know up front, but once I know, I might sometimes double back and show someone that. Hey, here's what I've been doing. How has that been working for you? Oh I really like that. Cool, then they can learn what they like. We all should have operating manuals to our human, to give to other people. We get operating manuals with toasters, but we don't get operating manuals with human beings. Right? It's kinda screwed up. Like super screwed up. But some people just don't have a very thoroughly written operating manual. So sometimes as a coach what I'm doing is helping people know their own operating manual, because if they can communicate what they need out in the world better, they can get much better results. They can also watch themselves in certain situations. Oh I'm not getting what I need, it's not working. They know why. Is that helpful, to your question? Okay.