Getting to Know Everyone Else
Getting to know others. Who are you actually dealing with? Right? My quote, I quoted myself here. (audience member laughs) Am I allowed to do that? "Curiosity is the currency of connection." So, I'm gonna be talking a lot about curiosity here. Because, I think it's how we connect with other people. And, again, going back to this idea of not speaking up or being shy in certain situations where people know more than you do. Of course, I hope people know more than you do, and curiosity is the way you're gonna connect with them. So I wanna emphasize curiosity. So, who are you dealing with? And, maybe, we could do a little call-out here, so get the microphone ready. We know that there are clueless people out there, clueless clients, clients who ask for things that they have no understanding of how it actually works, things that are totally impossible. How do you as an introvert or shy person respond to those people? You have to tell them, sorry, that is not possible. Sorry, that doesn't mak...
e sense, right? Or, the pushy co-worker who's constantly pushing their work onto you. How do you say "no"? All right, you want to be nice, you want to be liked, you wanna do favors, but there has to be a limit. So, how do you deal with that? Or, drama queens. Anybody dealing with drama queens? Any drama queens in the audience? Don't out yourself. Who else? Who else are you dealing with at work? Let's do a little bit on the board here. (pause) Mike?
People who know what they want.
Okay, so that's helpful, right?
People who know what they want. Does that make it easier as a shy person to interact with them?
Oh, of course, yeah.
Mm-hm, excellent. Who else? Tiffany?
People who think they can do it themselves.
Um, the DIY'ers. And, how do you deal with them?
That's why I'm here. (audience laughing) It's difficult to promote your knowledge and your experience while not stepping on their perceived knowledge and experience. So, it's delicate.
Mm-hm. Okay. We'll come back to that. Who else? Yvonna?
People who need things right now.
Mm, what shall we call those? The immediate, sometimes they're kind of pushy, too, right?
Those people are pushy, they're the last-minute
[Woman From Audience] Fire-drill.
Fire-drill, hair-on-fire, okay. How do you deal with them?
Usually I tell them what's on my plate, and how normally that action they want me to take, how long that normally takes.
Then there's understanding between me and the client and it works out a bit better.
That's right. Because a lot of times these people just have no idea what they're asking for. They think, oh, that should take you two minutes, what's the problem? Excellent. Thank you. James, you wanna add? No? Okay, Lori?
Well, I was thinking that, I struggle with people who argue.
Mm. If you say yes, they say no, or just, they tend to argue.
Yes, so people who are just constantly the opposite of what you say. And what about micro-managers?
Yup, and we have Gene, well let's see... Tom who says "Bosses who love to talk and give instructions, but don't want to listen or appreciate"--
is one, and then, Gene Trussel says, "I deal with co-workers who habitually throw others under the bus when things go wrong, but they do take credit when things go right."
Mm-hm, right. Those are tricky, those are tricky. So, we're dealing with a lot of people out there who, I really do think often this is not maliciousness, it's either thoughtlessness or self-absorption or insecurity. And so, I think the first thing to do is to just see how much we are like them, when we have done those things ourselves and not criticize them or judge them. But also, at the same time, you have to protect yourself and make sure that you know what you're doing, and that you are speaking up for yourself to the extent that it is possible. So, can you see their humanity, is part of the question. Because I really think it's never about you. Right? They're maybe having a bad day or a bad year, or things are happening that you have no idea about. Just always keep that in mind. This is where uncertainty actually is also very important to remember. Don't make assumptions about what other people do or what other people know. And that's where I think bringing curiosity, whether it's verbal or just internal, is very important. Right? So, first of all, knowing that you don't know what's going on, just reminding yourself. And I do have to remind myself of that constantly. I have no idea what's going on for that person. Right? And then, being curious instead of certain. So, replacing that certainty with curiosity. Hm, I wonder what's going on for them. And then, remembering that life is an experiment. So, let's see what happens if I respond this way. Let's see what happens if I try to explain to this person what's involved in the task that they're asking me to do, right? They may not understand what they're asking for. They may be the clueless client. So, going back to this idea of controlling your attention, you can control your attention with curiosity. Instead of blah, blah, blah in your head, they're not listening to me, why are they such a jerk, whatever, you can say, I wonder what is going on for them? How could they be thinking that? What would make sense in their head? And you can really put yourself in that other person's shoes and try to make sense of what they could be thinking. Right? And so, what is it that you wonder about this person? Or, maybe even just focus literally on the person in front of you and notice something about their face, about their clothing that you have never noticed before. Because, part of these assumptions that we make involve assuming that the picture we're used to is the same one every single day. And the reality is, we are all constantly changing. So, who is that person today that you may not understand or they may not even know. But, if you can look a little bit more closely and notice something new, then you're a little freer to see them a little differently, okay?