Your Confidence Meter
So let's do a little exercise. Now this is the first of a few exercises that we'll be doing, and the exercise files for those of you who are watching this later on, on your own, they're gonna be a part of the course. So, you can take some time right now to do them, but we're gonna do it with the studio audience. I want you each to identify your own confidence meter. So, in which situations do you feel particularly, or perfectly confident? Raise your hand if you can answer this question. In which situations do you feel perfectly confident? Tiffany, thank you.
I feel perfectly confident when someone approaches me seeking information that I have, or knowledge, or expertise that I have, so then, I feel very comfortable sharing that.
So when people come to you as opposed to you going to them.
Excellent, alright. Who else? One other one. Are there no situations? James, thank you.
I normally feel more confident when I'm around people I know.
When you're around people you kn...
Because if you do make a mistake, it's not as hard. They know you. They know what you go through, and so it'll kinda lighten the blow, I guess, if you make a mistake.
And is there an actual blow when you do that around strangers?
It could be a little tedious trying to be in front of other people that don't know you, and they're like. For an example, if you do make a mistake, it's kind of your own thought process, at least in my head, that people look at me like I'm not perfect, and like you said, perfectionist is kind of coming around.
Or, you can shift that and imagine the world is full of supportive, helpful people who are going to give me the benefit of the doubt, and not criticize me if I make a mistake. That's something you can control. Thank you. So, examples of when you don't feel confident, or when you never feel confident. Mike, do you have one?
I'll say I never feel confident when I'm in a space with a bunch of people that I don't know.
So, strangers, like stranger danger is pretty common. Yvonna.
When I have to deliver bad news.
Delivering bad news, because you think, what do you imagine is gonna happen?
They'll lash out on me. Like shoot the messenger.
So, a lot of drama in our heads, right? Who else? Laurie, do you wanna add anything?
I just thought of this. I have trouble when I need to apologize to someone. Then, I have trouble gaining my confidence and actually sometimes following through with that because it's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing to say, "I made a mistake. "I'm really sorry," but you know what, I think that's one of the things that connects us with people, right? In fact, someone apologized to me this morning, and it really did create a connection. So, I actually think, my advice in general, is to go out of your way to apologize when something happened that you take partial responsibility for, and I don't mean go to the other end of the spectrum and be constantly apologizing, because that's another characteristic, actually, of some shy people, is that they're constantly saying they're sorry, but there is a nice place in the middle where, when something actually happens, and you made a mistake, and part of it is your responsibility, just to say, "You know what? "That thing that happened yesterday, I'm really sorry. "That wasn't what I had in mind." And I do think that helps develop relationships. Okay.
Can I at least chime in from some of the folks at home
who are participating here? Let's see. So, we have Tom who gave us both. So Tom said, "I feel confident when the other person is warm, and seems to be patient, and a good listener." So, again, feeling that energy in the room. And then Tom feels not confident when I'm surprised, caught off-guard, or unprepared. Thought that was a good one.
And actually, some people also say, "feeling pressured." When people feel pressured to respond, there's a lack of confidence.
Sylvia, thank you for chiming in. Sylvia says, "If I make a mistake in front of people, "I blush easily, and I turn beet red, "and then don't feel confident."
As if people are looking that closely at you and noticing the color of your face. I guarantee you, they are not.
Okay, good. So, if you're watching this on your own, then take a few minutes now to use the exercise and to just write down when you feel confident, when you don't feel competent, confident, or competent, and look at the differences between them.