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Identify & Address the Feeling

Lesson 12 from: Embrace the Ugly: How to Break Through What’s Holding You Back in Business

Kim Werker

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Lesson Info

12. Identify & Address the Feeling

Lesson Info

Identify & Address the Feeling

Let's look back teo the thing the problem that you're here to address in your business the thing in your business that you're feeling constrained about and I want you to think about what is at the heart of that the very beginning of the day you made a list of things that you're good at and then you tried to kind of poke around in that list and boil it down to like the heart what you're good at sort of you know, maybe it's cooking maybe it's about being a good friend maybe it's about being innovative in your business now I want you to look at the thing that's holding you back and see if there's some kind of elemental thing that you can boil that down to a lot of you talked about fear being that thing at the heart of it what you're afraid of is success you talked about in meghan almonds class that's coming up right like fear of success is a really thing what if everybody wants what you've got and you've got to figure out you know you loved working in your basement on the weekends on your...

business but now suddenly you have wholesale orders from across the nation like that's a big problem opportunity depends on your perspective or both but like what's at the heart of it is it is it fear I think for a lot of us is is there anything else in there and if it's fear, is it a fear of what you think it isthe? Is it a fear of this particular thing, or is it a fear of something greater? The fear of judgment came up a lot, and then because I want to start thinking about what you can do to address that fear naming it is huge that's a huge thing to say I'm here because I think what's holding me back in my business is fear. I have found that a lot of what I have struggled against is not fear as much as shape, right changes like the flip side of guilt, right? We feel guilt when we feel that we've let other people down, we feel shame when we feel like we have not we're not worthy, we're not good enough, there's that feeling of, like, there's, this thing about me and I think that it's something anybody else would understand or respect, and they would lose respect and understanding for me, and it would be horrible, and I will never be able to leave the house again and that's like legit that's that that was fear not as much as just shame of believing what I believe of working in a world filled with beauty, when what I think is the most interesting, juicy, fascinating thing is the ugly right, that's like that is freakish and weird, and I get that um and I have had to try really hard to be like also just it's cool. I really appreciate your beauty let's talk about, um, is this something that we've already is this a dead horse? Or is the sense of is there more killing two goes a terrible metaphor let's forget that, but like, is this something? Is there? Is there more here? Is that does that resonate or you like? No, I totally already went there can we do not need to discuss this anymore? I feel like I don't know how to get there. I don't know how to make that leap to where I want to be. Yeah, and do you know exactly where you want to be? Yes, ok, and so what you're staring at is in this it's like this, like it's a chasm and you're like what's in it. What happens if you take a step? Do you think he'll fall in or do you think you'll find another step in front? I seem to find another step in front, but right now I have a body of water I feel that's my perception because I need to take a ferry to get to vancouver, so I feel like I have a body of water between my dream and I it's it's a perception might not even be true because what I want to do would be all of all around the world but it also involves my family because if if I'm traveling it takes me a day to get to the airport and the day to get back so my seven day trip turns into nine days and seven days in itself is a long time to be away from my family, so that has kind of kept me that sounds like sounds like a fear of is it will well, the people I'm inconveniencing resent me for wanting to do this right I'm dragging my whole family, my husband and my kids back to the lower mainland when they really are happy where they are to follow my dream and that scares me as tio you know what's gonna happen I feel like it's on yeah, I feel like it's on my shoulders, but I can't not do it anymore and that's right? You can't not do it anymore and that's the most vulnerable you can be right is to look at the people that you love that who love you the most and say I can't do this without you will you do this with me right that's a big I'm like hearing up even just talking about that I think about why all right but there is that like you can't do it alone even though you might do it alone you can't do it alone and that's a huge responsibility and that fear that I might mess my kid's up by simply moving them tio whole new school and life and when they're perfectly fine where they are but on the other hand my my friend said to me once your life is good it's nothing's you know it's mediocre it's not bad it's not great she said really but you're not going to take that chance for to be amazing on dh that's the truth and for my children for their lives to be amazing and the problem is there's no guarantee right that's the scary part yeah yeah it's terrifying totally terrifying I'm excited to see how it goes can we have some of those emotions that are coming in things that are resonating with people? Js says that feeling is paralyzed and that's a pretty strong word and we have kate w who says suppressed oh that's different from carolina that's being kept down right but it's not even in your control? Yeah, perhaps yeah and art spirit says overwhelmed johnny, johnny said janey says fear and shame and definitely shame is resonating with a lot of people and let me jump over to the lounge because there was a lot going on in here is, well b f f says despondent that's almost the hardest mall. Yeah, um, and then our secret treehouse insignificance. Smallness, right, my bother, right? Fraud, feeling fraud like a fraud? Uh, yeah, paralyzed people are feeling that as well, and I think we can feel down from a lot of these two except maybe despondent. Despondent is a scary word because that's the detachment almost that's like a you know, kind of not feeling much of anything that's been islands, right? Yeah. So then it's a question of, you know, depression and it's also a question of of is it a problem with solving? Or is it a problem? That's? Perhaps we're moving on from an indifferent direction, but I think for a lot of the words that I'm hearing, I think from overwhelm, that might be a fear of letting things go. Ah, fear of saying no, a concern that it will feel shameful not to be able to do a superhuman amount of work, which is quite unfair to yourself on so there's a lot. I think that I think that fear and shame are at the heart of a lot of the things that I'm hearing people feel paralysis is right, we become paralyzed by fear we can paralyzed, we feel unable to do anything when we're certain that anything we do will be catastrophic on but I think we need to let ourselves off the hook a little with that too will something be catastrophic? So even in, you know, it's a really I think that that the situation that you're in moving your family to follow your dream is is that a really high risk situation that's different from? I have an idea that I want to share with people because they're really tangible things going on with that that's like I'm going to invest my life savings in something where there's a really tangible thing that happens where at the end of the day those as well it's not like you're committing to something forever and ever and ever and ever and there is no flexibility in it, right? Like life is an adventure if you go, it could turn out that a year from now this idea that you had for something you had to dio morphed into something completely different. Your kids are thriving, your husband's happy everything's great or it could mean that eventually you're like, you know, I would never have been able to live with myself without trying, but it wasn't the best idea and the world isn't going to end if that happens, if that day comes, blackness will not blanket the universe do you know what I mean? There will just be another set of decisions to make and I think that's, a really important thing to keep in mind as we move into deciding what we're going to do, right. So you're not taking a step. You're taking a leap it's, like defined. You know, the plans are in motion, everything is happening there. But I think for a lot of us who haven't, who don't have such a necessarily a very tangible thing where it's, like, I can't do this unless I take out a fifteen thousand dollars loan from the bank. That's, a very tangible thing, also legit, very relevant to what we're doing here. But I think a lot of what people have been talking about our left hand herbal than that, uh, concern about the judgment of others concerned about the success of a product concern, about an identification of being professional, of knowing what you do, of being able to market that.

Class Materials

bonus material with purchase

Year of Making - E Book
Workshop Supply List
Embrace the Ugly Syllabus
Mighty Ugly Course Workbook

Ratings and Reviews

a Creativelive Student

I listened to the entire course. I think that Kim is very inspiring and that she uses stories effectively. I do think that she needs to have the audience wear name tags and use their names when she is talking to them. It helps me the viewer feel a connection with the studio audience. I made my ugly creature. I am a graphic/interior designer. I know that ugly items are needed at times to make things beautiful, so my creature actually looks cute to me. I wished that less time was used on the ugly creature discussions and more time getting to the core of what is holding us back. Designers are visual producers so our work is always under scrutiny, and it is good to see what other designers are fearing, but solutions is what I wanted to get to rather than trying to identify what is holding me back. I hope that future videos by Kim will address the solutions and use less of the ugly theme so as to work on gaining insight as to how to overcome negativity about growing our businesses.


Amazing course, so good that I had to purchase it for further referral. With thanks to Kim Werker and also to the facilitator.

Student Work