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What Keeps You Up at Night?

Lesson 8 from: Embrace the Ugly: How to Break Through What’s Holding You Back in Business

Kim Werker

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Lesson Info

8. What Keeps You Up at Night?

Lesson Info

What Keeps You Up at Night?

There is a reason that you are here today there's a reason that you're watching from home there's a reason that you guys were here in studio and that's because we titled this class breakthrough what's holding you back in business right down why you're here what is the thing there is a thing it may be more than one thing but there is a thing is the thing you do not talk about if you have a business coast it is not the thing that you work through with your business coach it is the thing that is holding you back there is no wrong answer it does not have to be one answer write it down so can I mean I come up here and join you because I think we're going to take a few minute allow people a few minutes to do this exercise andrea lee start to dig deep again now that we had our break and all of that and it's honesty is the only way that this works right down I will not be looking that stories is really powerful for me about you standing up on the um and the robot and just all the things like g...

oing back to what was the trauma that that started you thinking in this way on salo it's definitely I had my mind spending people in the chat rooms are sort of sharing their stories as well good oh good I'm glad yeah so what while we're while people at home are doing this people here people at home keep writing out what is it what is it the one thing that keeps you up at night or one thing it could be more than one thing okay like theirs and it's ok if you can't quite pinpointed yet dance around and write the things around like this is this is a moment if I were going to come back to this a moment this is the thing we left until after lunch I buried the lead but like this is the problem that you're here to sell on the one we're gonna work on for the rest of the day what other things they say it's just one word what else do you want me to know what what else do you want people to write about it right about how it makes you feel this one thing does it keep you up at night literally because I know like I say it kind of figuratively but I also have lost sleep it's a thing we do does it on then what effect does it have on you? This thing in what manner doesn't hold you back? Is it preventing you from launching your business at all? Is it preventing you from publicizing your business? Is it preventing you from pitching your idea to someone else if you require a collaboration or partnership? Is it keeping you from, uh, prototyping, is it something that you've got in your mind, but you're not quite able to try to make it yet. So there's any number of ways that but it is a block it is a solid thing, it is no small thing, even if you're writing it down and your deliberate voice in your mind is saying this is so dumb, I can't believe that you're writing this down on the most important paper of the day. I write it down because it's important, no matter what it is, it's a free flow free flow let it go this is it is moment not to put too much pressure. I get that eyes it the right one and if it's okay, like it's also ok to make a mistake, just make it an honest mistake don't make it don't allow yourself to make a mistake cause you know you're going to maybe talk about the second most worrisome thing instead of the most worrisome thing, because the second most worrisome thing might be a little less scary don't do that right here. All right? All right, yeah, people keep writing. Yeah, yeah. How much time do you want people to write for? Oh, not that long, that's ok, I think people are still writing here because engage a little bit longer. Ok? Yeah. So while you guys are doing that at home, we're going to continue our little side chat. Have a lot of backside jet. Okay, so I want to talk again about your book. Make it might be ugly. What you can find where to find it on your web site, which is kim worker dot com w e r k bar? Yes, with that two east, I want to know a little bit more. We haven't really talked a lot about your background background in terms of the crow shea aspect and sort of how you got tio we talked a little bit about how we got to this. Yeah, tell me more about the yeah, there's that. Yeah. Ok, one of the things that I learned through crush a that is something that I used to consider to be a horrible flaw, but decided instead was a strength is that I have a tendency to open up my big fat mouth about things I don't know much about. Okay, you know, that's actually that's a terrible way to put it that's horrible character flaw. But what I did once in two thousand four, when it was like the dawn of the popular blogger age, was delivered my first internet rant. Was it was a rant I had learned heaven it in two thousand three and knit blog's were one of the first major groups of bloggers out there like I knew a lot of like web design pros at the time who are like your senator meeting blog's, and there was this huge thing because it was this very committed in each audience and people were blogging and there's a community of bloggers and would like the dawn of the social web where people were really starting to use the internet to connect meaningfully with people and you're later in two thousand four, he learned how to crash a and was like, so excited about the croquet blog's in the crush, a online magazines and all that kind of stuff, and then I didn't find it and I didn't understand why. And so after looking and looking and looking and looking, I was like, well, I don't know much about cars share right now, but I do know how to make a website. I'm just going to the website and I'm going to state on the front page of this website dude, where's the crow shea on and I don't have a need to put on the internet right now because I'm a new this is before we even called people that their news I think so you people of the world please send me I know how to put your crush a on the internet and we can maybe do a thing, and and then they did, and it was this amazing community that built out of that, and we created what ended up being an online magazine for crowe shape, and that launched a career for me at a time when I really didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up in my like mid to late twenties, which was very late, I was not feeling very precocious in my legs mid to late twenties, when I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up on, and it turned out that skills that I had never considered myself tohave where skills I actually had, I was able, for example, to right in a way that connected with people I was able to organize a publication, I was able to do all those sorts of things, and other people were eager to have their work shown in such a place, and I met people from all over the world because and that wasn't something to be taken for granted at the time. Now we're like, oh, I met so and so through my facebook friend. But at the time, it was still like, oh, you're going to a conference and you're rooming with this person you met on the internet? What if they're and ax murderer like we can all feel in? And it was like everybody talked about the ax murderers off the internet, and what I found was tremendous camaraderie and shared vision and aa lot of the people that whose work I published at that time moved up like made careers, and chris showed a gun from that, like it was really amazing. It made them made them famous, no, seriously, and I built a career for myself. I never ended up developing a desire to design in croquet. I didn't get a lot better appreciate and understand partially, but I ended up making a career for myself as a writer and editor, and that was my portfolio is this kind of neat thing, and at the same time it was terrifying at the time. A lot of it was not deliberate aa lot of it was, wow, I had this idea and opened up my big fat mouth about it, and I ran behind it trying to catch up with you deliver now have to do it and people expecting me for it, but I did a lot of growing up through that experience. And yeah, that that's where the crushing came from. Well, thank you for sharing that while people were doing their exercise. What I love about that that's like early, early crowd sourcing, yeah, what is like the big thing right now and has been you are way ahead of the game. Thank you. It came from a total lack of any understanding of anything by accident in two thousand four. He is feeling ok, it's an ok time to move on. You re looked over the thing, it is the thing, okay? We're going to set that aside for a sec and we're going toe right out. We're doing a lot of writing today, and I know that this was not like one of the things I was nervous about about this class was there so much writing, but we're not really saying it's a writing class, it's, not about the writing it's about the marking down and giving ourselves the quiet time and the space to think about something, not stare at this spot in the wall right here and think for a while, but, like let's, make note something tangible because, as kind of said earlier, this is the kind of stuff you want to about about or maybe she told me that over lunch. Tomorrow, you may feel differently about things that we discussed today, and I want you to have a tangible thing that you can look back on to remember what you were thinking today think back all throughout your life up until a minute ago, the stories that you tell yourself about yourself, the's, khun, b positive or negative, I am at, you know, the downside of really great positive stories about ourselves or the uncomfortable experience is watching leg competitive singing shows on television where somebody gets up there and they're so exciting, it's they're calling in life to see thing, and it comes out like a roasted pig, and you're so embarrassed for that person who believes in all of their heart and soul that they're so great it, that there could be like there could be those stories to write like I've always believed that I was so wasted this, but every time I try to do it, it doesn't work out the way. I think that could be a story we tell ourselves, but also there are legit things that we tell ourselves that are true and good, and there are legit things that we tell ourselves that we're not great at, and there's the market in between, where we, for example, deliberately decide that were bad it's something we're good at, that we deliberately decide that certain things are out of our reach that do not necessarily need to be out of our reach. So take a few minutes, right? Thumb down the story should go in a story it can be you can, even if it helps put it into the third person there once was a girl who once upon a time, I, um however it is that gets you in there, but write them down so that tomorrow, the next week when you take the crumple papers out of the corner of the room where you threw them, when you are in a fit of rage, you can smooth em out feel like this is what I was thinking at that time, and I'm ready now to think about it a little bit more. We're going to toss things out, too, as you write, in case you need a little help shaking things, loops my stories about childhood that that might have made you stuck in childhood. Think about when you started your most recent job, whether it's a job that you created for yourself or job that someone else hired you to do. Think about a story that you tell yourself about your role in that position, I think about a story you tell yourself about your aesthetic sense and about a story you tell yourself about how you relate with your peers came I actually have a couple of questions that are coming in about this we have art spirit who says are the story's supposed to be both positive and negative? And I think you mentioned that but again it might just be joining sure they can be either it can be anything you wanted to be really as long as it's a deliberate story you tell yourself if you're getting the most out of this class by focusing on the negative stories focus on the negative if you would like to realize that you've got them all in there make them all thank you and how about this one from amy and derek ho who says how do you know if the stories you tell yourself are true or false? Really good question you know if they're deliberating yeah that's a really good question and so this is why I want you to write them down or write them down and you couldn't decide another time it might take that space. What we get from really thinking about these sorts of things that we often don't give ourselves the time or space to think about is the ability to play around with them and manipulate them so that's also part of why I want you to write it down so that there's this tangible thing that you can then drawl of lines around cross out and mush around either now or later because we're mystery to ourselves a lot of the time I get this we totally are and we don't know what's what's a line what is the truth what what is wishful thinking versus you know something I need to really swallow and grapple with what is something that I've been giving myself a hard time about that's actually not a problem at all all of that stuff takes time and space and it's okay not to know yet what's real and what's not riel and in the end I think a lot of the decision comes from what we're going to do about it anyway so it might not matter whether something is true or false if I make decisions based on it israel um you know I might still be really crap it translating what I see in my mind onto something on a canvas but if I the the issue there is what I do with that belief about myself if I decide not to make stuff at all um I'm in a better place than if I make really crappy paintings I'm going to say no because I think making crappy paintings this so much but um it's king really then I start to stare off and glaze into space and talk about philosophical issues and everything you know I think that's really the crux of it right it's about what actions you choose to make based upon what these thoughts are and so right and it's the same thing katrina is hungary said I didn't catch it what's the difference between what stories? One of the stories I tell myself and the value any boys that that's your decision is your decision I have found that a lot of times my ugly voice does not say things that I would actually say to myself my ugly voices unkind and I try to be kind to myself but doesn't mean that I tried to lie to myself, but I try to for example, couch criticism uh in a sympathetic way earlier today we learned that are ugly creatures that we made many of them lived under horrific circumstances with a lack of love and light on basic shelter and we all felt I think to some degree or another sympathy for that creature I tried to feel that kind of sympathy for myself when I accept criticism when I'm like, you know, I really didn't do as good a job as I could have there I don't then say because I sucking him undeserving I try to say because I you know, I just was feeling too nervous about it and I tanked myself or because I choked which is the same thing or because I didn't sleep well the night before and there were circumstances that were beyond my control and I did the best I could under those circumstances and those kinds of ways we have to decide sort of what's going on. The other voice will often say to me, you suck and that's it, and I'm like that's just so unuseful to me, like I rejected that is a valid criticism that is not me saying that to myself. I am better than that. If I'm going to say to myself, you suck, I'm going to say because of reasons a, b and c and, you know, at this time of day because you did this and it was a bad choice. So I've learned to tell those differences, you know, fight my own self. I'm a talker, my ugly voice, not so much a talker. He's got like the cave man vocabulary of a hateful jerk, and so I've learned to do that, but I've been listening to these voices for a really long time, and I don't expect this to just be like, oh, for you, but you get to decide there's, no right answer there's, no wrong answer, there's, just what you hear and what you decide to do about it.

Class Materials

bonus material with purchase

Year of Making - E Book
Workshop Supply List
Embrace the Ugly Syllabus
Mighty Ugly Course Workbook

Ratings and Reviews

a Creativelive Student

I listened to the entire course. I think that Kim is very inspiring and that she uses stories effectively. I do think that she needs to have the audience wear name tags and use their names when she is talking to them. It helps me the viewer feel a connection with the studio audience. I made my ugly creature. I am a graphic/interior designer. I know that ugly items are needed at times to make things beautiful, so my creature actually looks cute to me. I wished that less time was used on the ugly creature discussions and more time getting to the core of what is holding us back. Designers are visual producers so our work is always under scrutiny, and it is good to see what other designers are fearing, but solutions is what I wanted to get to rather than trying to identify what is holding me back. I hope that future videos by Kim will address the solutions and use less of the ugly theme so as to work on gaining insight as to how to overcome negativity about growing our businesses.


Amazing course, so good that I had to purchase it for further referral. With thanks to Kim Werker and also to the facilitator.

Student Work