Dissolving Your Fears
Welcome back to creative live we are now going to move to les and twelve, which is about dissolving your fears. We just finished lesson seven, which is learning lessons from our deepest pain so like the last lesson lesson number eleven less the number twelve is intense too, so I'm going to encourage all of you to practice self care if you're traumatized or if you are feeling in any way fragile do this exercise later don't do it now, but if you have, if you're ready to move forward and that's the responsible thing to dio, then turn to your workbook and focus on less and twelve and, um do it now if you can if you're in a place where you're not going to be distracted and you can really focus, do it now and if you can't do it now, then schedule a time when you can, because all of this is about just doing it just taking consistent action that's how you're going to succeed that's, how you're going to make a change and progress in your life and in your artistic enterprises so just do these bi...
te size pieces don't allow yourself to get overwhelmed by the thought of a thirty day course just focus on what you can do today it's all you need to focus on that's all you have control over anyway, all right, so dissolving our fears you know, we did this interview with the students here in the studio um about some of their concerns or some of their perceptions what this course was about and what they wanted to get out of it and one of the things that kept coming up over and over again are this this one bang called fear fear here's the thing fear stops us unnecessarily and thie good news is is that it doesn't have to because you can challenge it you khun just feel that fear and do it anyway whether that's asking for money for the right amount of money for your product or asking maybe you haven't been asking for money been given it away for free and deciding that you're not gonna do that anymore you're not going to do things that are not profitable that could be something that you're very afraid of doing but you know with serve your greater interest so whatever it isthe right could be that your fear afraid of criticism? We heard from a number of people who are just afraid of criticism they're afraid of putting it out there afraid of being judged um afraid of failing that's a huge theme afraid of failing and so one of the byproducts of that is perfectionism because if it's if you strive for perfect and there's nothing that could be wrong with it so that no one can criticize it but that's a ball a bunch of baloney all right, so the good news is fear doesn't have to stop you the bad news is not gonna go away it's not going to go away um it's always going to be there if you asked any of the panelist if they I have to deal with fear I'm going to guess they have to deal with fear even though I've been successful ideal with fear everyone deals with fear it's really um I know I'm stating something that's perfectly obvious, but I'm stating it because what's important is that you identify the specific fears that are standing in your way and become conscious of them. You may not be fully conscious of fears that are causing you some general anxiety or general apprehension and until you identify them and shine the light on there's nothing you could do about him there's gonna continue to undermine your confidence and undermine your momentum does that make sense to everybody? Right? Okay, so this exercise is really about same thing as we did was a lot of journaling where you just pour it out, spill it, you can say anything you're afraid of maybe you're afraid of clowns write that down uh maybe you're afraid of getting, um wiped out out by a tidal wave none of this has to make any sense because it's emotion and emotion doesn't make any sense so this is a private exercise you have to share this with anyone unless you trust them. They're supportive, but encourage you to find somebody in your life who you could do that with cause a hell of a lot easier than trying to tough it out on your own. So this exercise isn't to give credit where credit is due is inspired by byron katie, and she did a lot of thiss kind of query where you identify a fear and then you interrogate that fear and you ask yourself, is that true? Is it true? How do you know it's true? Prove it, let's. Just introduce logic into this emotional cess pool that is fear and see if it stands up to logic. And if it stands up to logic, then okay, well, then what can you actually do about it? Usually you just actually accepted in your piece and it's not ruling your, um, it's not ruling your your focus, it's not undermining your ability. So does that make sense so far? Y'all with me. Okay, so the instructions a real simple what you're gonna do is you're going to get something to write with, get yourself a box of tissues you make cry might not you don't have to, but if you do have some tissues and you'll be actually exercising to themself care it's important to drink a lot of water and it's important do this when you feel safe and you don't feel fragile what you do is give you some props of what you so that you can start to think about what it is that you fear so one question to ask yourself is what's not working in your life was not working because that will pretty quickly trigger what you're afraid off so maybe relationships not working but you're afraid um toe let go because you're afraid of being alone maybe you're in abusive work environment but you're afraid to quit because you're afraid that you'll never you'll never get another job sound good sounds horrible doesn't it okay? Or um maybe you feel some weaknesses and you fear that other people are going to find them out and know that you're weak in a certain area you don't really want to reveal that um maybe you're frustrated about something and that's linked to some fear okay, so um want me to do now is I'm going to reach out to the in studio audience and asked them teo talk about some of the fears that came up for them and then we'll interrogate them well they will interrogate them because it doesn't matter what I think um it matters what you think all right so I'm gonna go in order so we'd have to tow volunteer so felix would you be willing to share with us one the if if not the top fear one of the top fears that you uncovered during this exercise one of the top fears believe it or not, wass fear of making too much money so that the government takes all of it are a lot of it, which is not it wasn't the fear I'd never had before, but, uh, one of my accounts, my first accountant, put this in me like, ten years ago, and I sort of just stuck there love them or you make the more they'll take as like, well, then what's the motivation for and I just I think it I'm unconsciously affected me, they probably did because you've brought you it was one of the first things you brought up, so it is affecting you. All right? So let's, take a look at that. Um, so your fear is the more you make, the more they're going to take, so we're giving him a lot, but okay, like everyone else, right? So is that true? Do you know that that's do you absolutely know that that's? True, I I know it's well, it is true that they take a lot more if you take a lot more of your but it's not true it's I don't know him well all right, so I'm not allowed to give legal advice I'm not allowed to give tax advice I'm not allowed to give financial advice but I'm going to give a general some general knowledge for small business owners it's called s corporation or the llc and that's what I have ok, so is that really true? No. All right, that was we handle that one quickly so knowledge is power sierra introduced logic and that fear gets like gone poof. All right, would you really just, uh, share the second fear that you identified? Yes. Um I'm frustrated with oh, actually I'm fearful of how might like my time has been skills and trying to balance everything is not afraid to just not doing a good job. Yes, I'm there a lot of cracks are you afraid you don't have the ability teo to manage it? Yes okay, so that's more precise, right? You're afraid you don't have the ability to manage your time in an efficient manner to get back to all the people who write me. My assistant does that a lot of it, but a lot of it falls through the cracks because I'm in charge of the group sessions and their group sessions are becoming more and more and so it's just my my email is getting bombarded and I'm usually good at sitting down and I just I feel like people are falling through the cracks. People are starting to fall through the cracks and opportunity to make money and start to fall through the grass and more importantly, opportunity to reach a broader audience, which is booking a group is starting to get compromised. Okay, so is it true that you do not have the ability to manage your time efficiently? What evidence do you have? I've done it before, okay? And are there other things you could do to actually help address that fear? What else could you do besides what you're doing now? So what comes to mind? Seek someone to help me with it? Wait there additional help hire an additional, maybe an additional virtual assistant you don't even you could have someone face to face. Our virtual assistant is, like there's extensive number of virtual assistance available who are actually already rated you can see what they're reading is. So is that would you be willing to investigate? Those resource is yes. Ok, I happen to know somebody in the room who could probably help you with that fine resource is okay. And that there may be other people in the room who could help you with that, and you could just look at them all right, and and check it out and maybe just test see if they take that off your back okay so that you could make the highest and best use of your time all right do you see why we examined your fear because I think that has been causing you a lot of anxiety it has okay see how this is going now if you don't take action on it it's going to still was in your head it would you be willing to take action in the next week? Yes okay did everybody here felix well then take action in the next week all right how's it feel it feels free yeah it is because I feel like I'm suffocating isn't it alright alright so cathy number one fear what is it um something happening to my family whether they're hurt or they die my husband and children would see evidence that that's gonna happen high risk behavior piras behavior okay two firefighters in a surfer and a and with three teen drivers and and my history of loss and and your history of loss so kind of pushes that button rationing I don't wanna lose anybody else already lost people all right so is it true that that's gonna it's gonna happen? I don't know don't you know actually we don't know about snow really? So what could you do because you you can't stop them from being firefighters and probably not from surfing so what could you d'oh that's different from what you're doing now I really do have to exercise sort of channeling my my thoughts in a different direction can you choose a specific activity that you could engage in? So when this fear comes up you just do that like you just redirect her attention? Is that possible crafting like crafting like you already dio that's probably why I do it I mean, I really think that you know, changing my thought process to something very productive and more productive because most of the craft that I make have practical purposes so that's really help me take my mind off of this uh, the's this feeling was so much stronger years ago as as you know, I think maybe because I've had a chance to do more crafting it's it's helped ease it a little bit, but it's still there still affair, so but isn't it cool that you have now a greater awareness that when this fear comes up that you unlike not everybody else has this way to channel their fear in their anxiety? But you have it you have a whole big studio to do it in no it's pretty cool. Okay. All right, so did that help? Just that little exercise? Yeah. Okay. All right, jen, can you say one thing you're really afraid of that I'm gonna have to get a corporate job, go back to earn money okay? And what's the evidence of that I've done that in the path. Okay? What's evident, but we're not in the past were in their president. So today what is what evidence do you have that you might have to go back and get a corporate job? Um, okay that I don't have enough freelance work coming in now. Ok, today. Okay. That's one thing that's one thing, okay? And, um, did you reconcile your books? Uh, I started. Yes. Okay. So reconcile ing them would give you a clearer evidence. Yes. It's true. Yeah, you're right. So is it possible to park that fear in the garage for a little bit until you've reconciled your books and then you could go back and be afraid of it later afterwards, if you want to know if something else doesn't pop into your head as a solution. Yes. Okay, I'm not saying that these fears are unwarranted when I when I'm walking through this exercise, I'm just saying, like, all right, well, just don't let this general anxiety rule your action and actually so hopefully just this little exercise um compels you even more too complete that task that you mentioned you wanted complete anyway, which is balance your books because there's power in that knowledge, okay, fantastic see how this is going this did you see how this is helpful to also do this with somebody else then just try to do it on your own for star you're not gonna do it because you're gonna be watching netflix and, you know, go to the grocery store and doing your laundry it's hard to take the time out that's why it's good for everyone listening take the time to invest the time in yourself because if you do every one of these thirty exercises I prod and really do them, I promise you that it will change the trajectory of your life. You have to take action, you can't just do the exercise. I'm done nothing's changed what? Obviously, these exercises are designed to change your thinking, give you perspective and ignite action if you do it, they work, they absolutely work, your perspective will change as soon as you get your books and balance, and then you could decide well, do I need to reduce my expenses? Other other ways to increase my income besides going back to ah full time corporate job? Because it's really true, could you do something else besides going back to a full time corporate job? If your finances reveal that you don't have enough money, is that possible? Do I can do something else? Yeah, you don't have to go back so that's a privilege present position and that's another thing you know, like we have privilege problems here we're all contemplating our purpose were not being gunned down in a war people aren't trying to kidnap us, you know, because we want to go to school where you know, women want to go to school and you know, we're not we're not suffering great deals here let's put this all in perspective, we are in a privileged position at least I feel I'm in a privileged position and I have to admit I have to remind myself of that because get all wrapped up in my b s we're in a privileged position, okay? So yoni fear, please. So from my place of privilege, which I totally relate to that because when I look at the problems that I deal with it's so small compared to the problems of the world, right? But one of things that I fear is that I won't accomplish everything I wanna accomplish because I don't get started on some of the things that I know will make what I'm doing more successful, your fear is you're not gonna accomplish everything yeah or just, you know, I'm afraid that I'm a procrastinator you're afraid that you're procrastinating? Yes okay, so is it true that you have no choice over that you're going to be a procrastinator no, I have just a progress sting and that's what you're going to be always always always everybody right now because they're true no because I'm here ok with you is that true your arm across senior I'm here is evidence you don't get anything done I get a lot done but I'm super critical of myself so and I know there are things looming there that I just keep going so if the actor the fear your fear is that you've identified yourself as a procrastinator and that's just the way it's going to be for the rest of your life is that true? Is that true that you have to be a procrastinator forever no did your perspective change a little bit yes can you can't so the next time this winds around in your head can you catch yourself and say in a procrastinator that's just a story I'm telling myself I also could tell myself another story like I get stuff done and I just complete things um that I know I complete I just take little bite size pieces new approach rate reframing it reframing it yeah would you be able you've got to know some of your classmates here would you be able to touch base with one of them and if you felt like you were procrastinating and and asked for encouragement and support yes would you be willing to give that same support to somebody else yes okay we've talked about that is the problem kind of solved in a way now that fear I mean not completely because you gotta live it now clean is your perspective changed on it do you feel this fearful no I feel like I can make it happen okay john number one fear please uh my number one fear I'm gonna cheat a little bit because it was more of a fear yesterday thing just today okay really what can you say what it was yesterday yeah so I'm contemplating this big shift where I'm potentially going toe basically the way I said yesterday was kill off a successful business ray in order to pursue a creative a new business basically harder todo it does make it harder to dio so we reframed it and so yeah I was talking to you and grammy dan about it a little bit and he uh dan dan was saying the idea of killing it off is not what has to happen like this idea of a life is that true no it's not true that was that was a thing have you examined like it's not going to be a light switch and like all my money is just going to stop coming in and then I have to build something up from scratch so we actually that dissolves out here that was the number one fear yesterday yeah so what's the number one fear today uh everyone here today is that I will not live up to my own expectations and potential okay so it helps fear really seeps into the picture when you're vague I'm not going to fulfill my potential what the hell does that mean how you gonna measure that? I don't know if you don't if you believe in this vague place is going to be really it's all right, you're probably won't because it's so fuzzy and vague you won't even know when you got there right so I went reframing that what does potential mean to you what does it mean to live up to your potential can you define that we'd be willing to define that um I think I have an idea of well I mean if I back up into the past I had an idea of where he wanted to be in different places in different ways in my life in the past now, okay. Like if I if I go back years and I'm gonna stop you right there remember what? Remember I was repeating a piece of wisdom from craig you know, like where where he felt the most disempowered was when he was doing one of two things he was not in the present which means he was dwelling in the past or he was comparing himself to other people said passes gone today's a new day this's my issue I realized as we talked about it twice now so cool isn't that cool it's you can see how it's actually bending things out of perspective yeah and it doesn't have to you now because you have some awareness around it so the fear is that um you're not going to live up to your potential but you're really defined you I want to find it and yeah so that's not a fair thing to even fear I guess well it's just sort of ah it doesn't mean anything it doesn't like yeah so s so you're willing to just define what that fear is a little bit more closely um you can do it you could do it now you do later doesn't matter I feel like I have to think about it it's more okay, so I mean, most people define their success or they measure their success and not business lee defined them define who they are but they measure the success but I just want to meet certain milestones this is what I could do this year is what I'd like to do in the next five years doesn't define who I am but it would make me feel really good and it would be positive feedback and it would be a measure of my part me reaching my potential so maybe you could just think about that and this fear might drop drop back into the into the background and not be pervasive in your consciousness okay? Is this helpful okay so what I'm gonna ask you to do is to list those fears you can always add to the list if you want because they're always gonna be popping up like I said but then go back to them and interrogate them and ask yourself is this really true first of all and also asking is is it a real fear or is it just this vague nebulous what I don't know what that is right? I know what that is so let's get you know get specific about the fear um and then ask if it's true and then when you give yourself an answer ask is that really true now is it really true that you always have to pay more taxes it's not actually true and just repeat that interrogation just beat the living crap out of it because eventually you'll realize that it is false and that it doesn't after matter and if it's really true you will come to a place of complete acceptance of it is not nothing aiken d'oh so I want to wrap up this lesson lesson number twelve dissolving your fears or beating them in the head whatever you like to do we're gonna move on to lesson thirteen which is about what really matters most so I'm gonna give you three action items so please complete this exercise if you haven't if you haven't go find it time on your calendar to do it in a space is to do it. If you're feeling isolated or alone, reach out to a friend. Reach out some to someone who's supportive who you could trust or go to join dot artists who thrive, dot com and join the mastermind group and go find yourself a friend there. And, um, unless but not least, please, take good care of yourself. These are really intense exercises. They demand that you open up and you might feel, you know, you're going to feel a lot of emotion and actually that's a good thing. So thank you very much for being courageous, and I look forward to seeing our next lesson. Thank you very much.