What Roles Do You Play in Life?
What are the roles you play in life? All right, so we have a lot of roles we wear lots of different hats, the hats are the things we are accustomed to being um sometimes they're put on us by other sometimes we get to put him on so you may have the role of being the ceo of your household and you manage the budget you pay the bills, you worked the investments you make sure the house maintenance is done, how about the role of being the business owner? Wow that's a big hat lots behind that maybe you're also the occupation in your business or what you identify yourself with as a career in occupation the photographer videographer coach in this sample doctor in another maybe you're a parent maybe you wear the role of spouse, the role of friend? How about volunteer and yet this role this last role that I put up is the role that we neglect the most the role of my personal coach, my inner coach, the role of who takes care of becky who takes care of kelly who is taking care of you and your needs,...
your peace, your health, your nutrition, your dental checkup and everything along those lines when we look at all the roles and I'll bet you can come up with a lot more when you look at all these roles we wear which role usually gets swept to the side sometimes the my coach row it's a pleasure to work with people and meet people who really value this role and understand that there's a strong balance that's needed that this is not the first role to give up what I'd like you to do in the internet land, but I'd like you to do is I want you to start writing out all the roles that you play you play mother, maybe you play spouse, maybe you play daughter aunt ah brother uh maybe you're the baseball player, maybe your thie uh, mentor for for the like I do for the foster youth program over at berkeley. What are all the roles right now that you wear a hat and takes some of your time? You can actually say, oh yes, I do that I do do that enough! I am the role of gardener, but not the role of hedge trimmer I am the role of plant the flowers and make the yard pretty and pick out the flowers and I'm the role of investor, but I'm not the entire ceo of the home the rolls break out based on what takes the majority of my time let's just find out from jae ko what are some the roles you personally where and play in your life? You're obviously a creative life host you sure it's obvious I just make it up as I go I really not sure I know how to answer that on the spot I'm sorry story what are you a friend? I hope so hope so yes ok good and actor no no ok no I hope what I do israel okay? You're a writer I'm a writer. You're our writer. Okay, so notice these different hats that we were what about you? Jean marie? Well, I am a wife I am a stepmother. I am the finance shoal ceo of the household I explained I know I also am uh the organizer I'm the thea let's get it done cheerleader person embellish I'm being bella shirt on the jokester I think jokester yeah, I think that's me too that's you too yeah, so we have all these systems in life and and when you when you step back and you take a look at the rules you've been playing uh of course we could go back to nineteen o nine and figure out all the rules but what I want you to do is I just want you to consider today what are the rules and the hats that you wear erica what are some of yours? Why friend family member, household manager listener cheerleader? Okay, good, yes and and so some of them were going to slide him a mushroom altogether because as an example, aunt daughter grandma I roll those together cause they pretty much kind of sword of morph yes, they're different audiences for that but the amount of time and when I wear that hat I look at ah whole pie and I say when I carve out that slice of pie here's where I am daughter, sister, aunt grandma and I'll throw that spouse gets its own role and its own hat and I'm sure my husband's very happy about that and then friend gets another slice business owner think of all the things I now as a business owner I've got to do marketing I've got tio tio have client relations but I'm also the profession of coach and so dad gets its own slice when I want you to dio is I would like you in the internet in the studio audience I want you to take all those roles all those hats and I want you to bring it down to eight the ones that get the majority of your time and a caveat here one of those eight rolls has to be your inner coach, the coach the the one that takes care of you and your needs and select the title the name again you could morph it together if it works and yes, erica can maybe roles that you don't you don't have that hat now but exactly exactly the new role maybe there is a new role maybe you want to be an author maybe you want to be a sailor maybe you want to learn to play the guitar that ballerina where was that ballerina maybe you want to be a ballerina uh you want to be known for dancing? I have a new role this year I'm writing a book for mcgraw hill that's a new role for me and it's a role that's taking up ah lot of time and so as I look at the hats each year of what I wear and I'm going to bring in a new role I have to determine oh well what what slice of my hat's that I'm wearing which one is going to go off and which one is going to slim down and that's exactly what happened in taking on that one in a new role as a published author as a writer it was so important knowing what the deadlines were I knew something was going to have to give and so in this case I made a conscious choice of saying I'm going to uh eliminate a lot of my work a lot of my business of coaching so I didn't wear the hat of coach very much this year and I also slimmed down on social engagements and france did I slim down on spouse no I love my life I wouldn't do that all right so let's hear from you as to what some of your rolls are and the eight that you've selected were you able to do that okay so becky organizer sister creator teammate mentor and coach okay and your own coach my own coach now how how are you doing with your own coach how are you doing with that role is that kind of new to you are very prevalent in your life I think I think I think I've got it good for you obviously always a work in progress but okay well good and don't lose it ok kelly uh wife daughter uh photographer business owner friend home overseer caretaker and self curator you know a pet owner is a big roll right uh I don't know about you but people who own pets didn't have to take the dogs out well you don't take a cat for a walk do you uh when you have to take the dog for a wider or or maybe there's even more to that I think dogs have play dates now too so that could take a big chunk of time and uh it might deserve especially this year your focus giving it its time emmy what's some of yours I said ah life partner um future wife is something a friend um host uh combine that with colleague um um a daughter cousin and niece uh haven't quite come up with my term for myself the world that takes care of you yes guardian angel and these mentor evie's coach uh you know, be creative whatever whatever that is, I call it dorrie's cheerleader because it really does it has to have its own special name and label to remind me of who takes care of dori people from the outside take care of you that you are ultimately responsible for making sure you get your check ups and your, um your meditation in or your unless you really have somebody running your life I know I'm still not sure about that okay, if you're famous and you've got somebody running your life, they're they're a cheerleader for you but still you're ultimately responsible for showing up and being that in doing that. Ruth what about yours? Our parent teacher and artist are the same line um writer, friend, homeowner, self supporter, graduate student and business person. Was there a new role in their uh the new roles are, um graduate student and um that's that's the biggest new that's, the biggest one. So we really have tio think about what's going to give in order to bring this new role in? Yeah, so many times we just say, oh yeah, I'm going to go do this and I'm going to go learn piano lessons well, that takes some time and what's going to give what usually gives is that self coach my coach roll what's wrong that may not be the right one alright america s oh I have my coach why family member friend, household manager, student artist, blogger and mentor and the two new ones are student artists and blogger ah like that is there a rule you want to get rid of? I do. I'll declare it right now I want to get rid of being the treasure of the homeowners association yes yes done my duty I want to get rid of that well, if that's coming off then I guess I better plan for what's going to come in or what's going to get more of my my slice let's hear from the internet let's see what some of their fund rolls are we've got some great one stunning element says to be a business owner graphic designer, gardener, volunteer friend, daughter financial advisor and a wife to be and a wife to be and yeah, we've got to go to good one feisty goat yes does want the inner coach boyfriend business owner friend brother videographer employee producer that's um jelly jelly beans is saying traveler photographer, volunteer web designer, friend, business owner and in a coach the coaching thing seems to be coming up a lot there's something that people really want to be for themselves yes it's the one we give up first when when you are working in your business oh, let's say you've got the roster of clients you want you've got the business with the fistful of cash standing outside the door what do you do? Is it the gym that you give up? Is it uh oh wow, I've got that on no, no, no yoga, no meditation walking the dog down to fifteen minutes just or over to the corner and that's all you get you see it's it's what we give up on ourselves first weeks we give away ourselves first when I like to equate it to a teacup when you are the teacup and you filled yourself up and you let everybody keep sipping out pretty soon, maybe even a leak comes and all the t goes, then there's no more tea to give until you've recharged and refilled yourself up. What kind of business owner, what kind of creative person you have to keep your brain in a really cool place to deliver things of service to others or be that what you want to be do that what you want to dio and if we whittle away like so many parents d'oh it's not specific to just a gender and workers teo there's no more left were left so plugged those rolls in on page seventeen of your book and we are ready to move on to what we're going to do with those rules it was interesting one this is sarah came up with some others other people have said but the one I she really put in the his unique was supporter didn't see anybody else but of that I think that that was a really interesting value feel that supporter I like that one we took that's she could be a coach or she wants to be a personal coach that was one of her god personal coach girlfriend artist business owner adventure seeker we all love that but supported sport is the one that really leapt out of because it's quite unique right right and so many successful people they'll tell you what they have behind them is there support there's there's always someone so great great went way tio now that one and give that a label all right let's look at which role needs to be your major role focused this year so we talked about those I'm giving you an example here and in your books on page nineteen for you in the internet what I'd like you to do is just draw circle on a sheet of paper and what you will be doing is you're going to be making spikes just like a wheel and at the end of those eight spikes will be the role that you've chosen those eight rolls so over here in our example on the slide we have of course at the nine o'clock position the my coach rule that would be dorrie's cheerleader if it was my will we have the house ceo at the eleven o'clock and at twelve o'clock we have business owner photographer at one o'clock parented at uh what is that three o'clock spouse at four o'clock friend at six and volunteer in this example at seven you'll notice that there's numbers from the very sinner one to the very end of the wheel is ten and what you're going to be doing with this ah whole life review is you're gonna be looking at what your performance is today from your perspective not mom's or somebody standing over your shoulder and you're going to give yourself a rating how did I do in this role? How did I d'oh was um was I um did I do a uh uh an admirable job in that role? Do I give it enough attention? Do I give it enough time ten being a high ranking and one being a low ranking so internet as you've got your life wheel drawn and you've got your roles written on the eight spokes of it put a dot as to where you are falling in your perception of your performance this last year so if I feel that as a friend I gave a roll uh of um a raiding I think I did pretty good with what I could do with the amount of time and with what I chose purposely to do with friends so I may give myself in eight and if you were to talk to my friends they may say how are you kidding? We hardly ever saw you you were never available you didn't accept our social engagements so they'd rape me at a one this is not about how others raped you what's important here remember it's your best year yet plan is how youre rating yourself so let's go and do that now rate yourself put the dot on the spoke and start drawing a connect the dot I gave myself a five and a half as the home ceo is a business owner my rating this last year was an eight I did pretty good could have done better what's the difference between an eight and a ten ah what's the difference between an eight and a ten we'll save that for the next question photographer okay I got a four I know the distinction I know I could have been way better in that role as a parent eight and a half again the child may think I was down in the one and two lane or maybe they thought I was up in the ten because wow you attended my halloween dance and chaperone and didn't embarrass me as a spouse seven and a half and draw your circle as you've got your circle consider it a tire do you have a flat tire? Are your ratings are you happy with your ratings? I'm happy with the rating of eight for parent I don't have to have it at a ten considering all the things I've done and consciously intended to dio following my best year yet plan eight was absolutely perfect for me and let's take a look atyour wheels how would your will look like john marie like what which ones would be on it well and how would it look would it be a little flat do you think in your mind or mine would be like the alps honestly it would be all over you know I always want to try to be excellent at what I do there's the overachiever and me so but then again I need to be honest about some things and um I think that I definitely across the board could be better about allowing other people to do things for me in every category and setting myself up for success in that. Okay okay. And so in our in studio audience how does your wheel look heavy? You know, I'm not very good at things like this where you have to rate yourself I and ironically enough one of my things was to trust my instincts but let's do that right now let's just do that and trust her instead so be that person who trust their instincts and what would you say? Um it would certainly have some spikes it would certainly have some dips that I guess you could call it uh but um yeah yes okay so I have some puncture is in our life will yeah alright okay is there something that you think you would do this next year differently to help bring up that deflation to an inflation um yes uh and I think that it comes right back to kind of what this one represents I think it's a little more of your own coaching well in my opinion would probably round out my circle and pump it out I'm not sure that people get tens all the way around I'm sure there's someone you know we live years with challenges and we have roller coaster rights and ups and downs and though there are people you know they're they're striving I think they're probably best year yet people who have been doing this for a long time and they I know where they're putting their attention they're using those values they're using their guidelines and they're getting better performances in their roles so maybe they have a more of went round smooth will it honestly if when I do this if I were to share all my wheels with you for the last sixteen years uh and I'm pretty experienced that doing this I don't think any one of them it would be completely round I would have some, um some issues and with those issues because by me some of them yes, some of them maybe uh maybe because the awareness I lost awareness with what I was doing again this is another aspect as to why best year yet is different than new year's goals because our goals are usually associate id with some station in life some role we play and if we're not measuring our performance from last year, how will we know which roll we need to pump up? Okay becky what's your wheel looking like you probably wouldn't want to drive on it but yeah, I know where I am I feel you know the reason why I'm sitting here is because I want to make changes for next year so um you know, I've a lot of education that you know schooling uh just understanding what I need to do to get to become the photographer I want to become and creator so I know where there are gaps and I kind of feel like I have a plan that kind okay? All right helping out a little bit and it's tough, isn't it? It's it's pretty tough with all of that going on that. Okay, good, good. Okay, erica it looks basically like a a quarter of a pie, a quarter of a pie because so many are knew that you didn't get a chance tto yeah, you've got a big gap there yeah, somewhere new and some I just like even my coach like my integrity keeper is just in the dumps right now. Um so it was that new to you did you know that you would be oh no I know that it's a different way of thinking about it or of tagging it I guess but I know that I've let myself down time and time again, which is the big reason why I'm here to break free of that so if we were rating you today on today's performance, you'd be way out there when I turn today's performance I would you were off the charts were off the chart giving your time to that ruth how about you? I'm I'm similar to you know you wouldn't want to ride on it some kind of thing but um probably I'm hard on myself in some of them too but there's a flat part and then there's one its way weii you know, pretty high and then one it's it's pretty yeah so no question there will be in a moment but let's ask the internet audience well first off win him says they think they're tired need cpr and then and then a lot of them are saying that the visual is actually really, really helpful for them but we have procrastination says lots of flat spots but they're okay with it secret semicircle looks more like a triangle yeah and as says my wheel has highs on things where health others are I put myself there to help others as a daughter, sister, cousin or as a friend but on my personal goals says his start sharpening my writing and photography well that's where my wheel is punctured and the color be is saying it's a great visual houses a rollercoaster they can see where their concentration has bean and where it has bean not on where it has not been wow on dh that's what the purpose of this is and this question seven for you is to really take that look uh take the opportunity once a year and take a look at your performance we get so many performance reviews solicited or unsolicited uh professional and just personal but which ones you want to believe and it's all about what you think and what your perception is and what it is that you're doing and what you choose to do this next year. So which ones do you want to pump up what's the gap in in our example here of the photographer so the gap is between four and ten what would I do this next year to cause that gap to to lessen if I really wanted to be at a higher level of performance so I could think about that I go oh well I think I need to doom or engagements? Well, how do I do more engagements? I wanted to let me, let me specify that I want to do more engagements with with people who have a dual pets. Let's, say, I'm a pet photographer, and I want the duel. So so what would you do the pump up that performance? Well, let's, see, I'll bet one of the answers is in the guidelines, and you can actually attach a very specific thing to that.