Money Management for Couples

Lesson 11 of 33

Changing the Meaning

 

Money Management for Couples

Lesson 11 of 33

Changing the Meaning

 

Lesson Info

Changing the Meaning

Getting leverage habits and rituals number three is changing the meaning so have you heard tony robbins okay tony robbins is a big motivational speaker he's amazing is life coach and I've learned a lot from him but anyway he tells the story when he was growing up uh he he was very poor and his mom had gone through you know different marriages and I don't know if this was her first husband or second husband or whatever but I think it was his step dad and he remembers this time where it was thanksgiving and they didn't have enough money to get have a thanksgiving dinner and out of nowhere no idea how this came about but someone ring the doorbell and they had like a whole the thanksgiving stuff all the fixings they had a even a turkey turkey and stuffing and you know super everything like cranberry sauce all this stuff and his dad or step dad came to the door and got so angry and the gentleman you know who have whomever was like giving the gift was like I'm sorry sir you know he's like ta...

ke it back we don't want it we don't need your charity take it back and tony was there like like feeling really uncomfortable and he wanted it he wanted to have a thanksgiving all right he wanted that and his dad kept kept pushing the guy away and the guy was like sir I understand but it's not for me like I don't you know I don't know who it's from it's anonymous someone wanted you to have a nice thanksgiving dinner and I promised them I would leave it here so do what you want but I gotta go and he took off and that experience tony's experience was like there's a lot of negative emotions involved a lot of like, oh, this is really bad and you know not much later you know, it wasn't long before his dad left and that experience and and this feeling of not having enough and being poor and not being grateful for those things 00:02:00.62 --> 00:02:02. and you could look at that day is like the worst day 00:02:02.87 --> 00:02:05. I mean, there are fights they were angry, you know? 00:02:05.62 --> 00:02:08. He felt bad has his dad was yelling at him I mean 00:02:08.7 --> 00:02:11. it was it was it was not a good day he would look 00:02:11.53 --> 00:02:13. at that day so that was not a good day 00:02:14.72 --> 00:02:17. but what he did is he changed the meaning 00:02:18.82 --> 00:02:22. he decided that that like that experience to see someone 00:02:22.34 --> 00:02:25. come and give instead of taking on his dad's belief 00:02:25.24 --> 00:02:27. of like we don't need it, we don't need your chair 00:02:27.56 --> 00:02:30. to get away instead he realized that that was such 00:02:30.59 --> 00:02:34. a great gift and as he became successful and he made 00:02:34.03 --> 00:02:35. millions of millions of dollars actually that's not 00:02:35.71 --> 00:02:38. true before he was successful, like when he was nineteen 00:02:38.52 --> 00:02:40. years old, he decided that he wanted to do the same 00:02:40.78 --> 00:02:44. thing. So the first time he did it, he got like he 00:02:44.09 --> 00:02:46. was going to do it. He got, like, you know, ten baskets 00:02:46.97 --> 00:02:49. figured this out, you know, and he a couple friends, 00:02:49.28 --> 00:02:51. like, what do you doing is like, well, I want to deliver 00:02:51.4 --> 00:02:54. thanksgiving dinner to a few people. Do you know anyone 00:02:54.4 --> 00:02:56. who might need it? And so the first time, like he 00:02:56.78 --> 00:02:58. got in his car, and he got these turkeys and all this 00:02:58.62 --> 00:03:01. stuff, got a few friends and delivered him. Like what? 00:03:03.95 --> 00:03:07. I'm helping people, it's, great new meaning this what 00:03:07.61 --> 00:03:10. happened to me is allowing me to help people the next 00:03:10.59 --> 00:03:14. year he did it more people, now he feeds, he does 00:03:14.48 --> 00:03:17. every single year, very successful, but he doesn't 00:03:17.0 --> 00:03:19. do it. He has something called a basket brigade, and 00:03:19.23 --> 00:03:22. he has volunteers like me. I've done this, you go 00:03:22.6 --> 00:03:25. to this, you know, whatever location people put it 00:03:25.02 --> 00:03:27. on, people donate and you go deliver it it's, amazing 00:03:28.92 --> 00:03:31. and it's all because he chose a new meaning. 00:03:33.32 --> 00:03:35. So whatever stuff like whatever circumstance around, 00:03:35.98 --> 00:03:38. I mean oprah's, another example, I mean, she she was 00:03:38.74 --> 00:03:42. raped by a family member when she was very, very young. 00:03:42.28 --> 00:03:45. She was pregnant and lost the baby, right? She could 00:03:45.78 --> 00:03:49. have chosen to be the victim, like, how could I have 00:03:49.89 --> 00:03:50. a great life 00:03:51.72 --> 00:03:52. when this happened to me? 00:03:55.82 --> 00:03:58. Look at me. I was treated poorly as a kid. I mean, 00:03:58.93 --> 00:04:01. I was I was raped. I was molest acid. 00:04:03.54 --> 00:04:05. I can't can't do it, 00:04:06.74 --> 00:04:09. but she didn't write. She chose a new meaning. She 00:04:09.75 --> 00:04:12. let it she took, let her vulnerability, her stories 00:04:12.66 --> 00:04:15. and share those stories. By the way, she sure is shared 00:04:15.99 --> 00:04:18. stories and made billions of dollars or whatever, 00:04:18.16 --> 00:04:19. how much she has, right. 00:04:22.21 --> 00:04:24. And she changed the meaning so that she can have what 00:04:24.35 --> 00:04:28. she wanted I remember this happened to me I was was 00:04:28.03 --> 00:04:30. working with a couple and 00:04:31.34 --> 00:04:31. they 00:04:33.04 --> 00:04:35. I at first was just their financial adviser like I 00:04:35.41 --> 00:04:37. go to their house and you know I noticed that they 00:04:37.26 --> 00:04:39. had like statements piling up like they obviously 00:04:39.78 --> 00:04:41. weren't really looking at their money and I help them 00:04:41.98 --> 00:04:43. like set up a retirement account and set up their 00:04:43.96 --> 00:04:45. kid's college minds and all that stuff just like to 00:04:45.86 --> 00:04:49. get them going and I was coaching people a cz well 00:04:49.56 --> 00:04:52. and and so that was like a separate service and they 00:04:52.65 --> 00:04:54. found out that I was coaching people and helping them 00:04:54.44 --> 00:04:56. helping people with marriage isn't helping people 00:04:56.27 --> 00:04:58. with their money and so they decided to hire me and 00:04:59.0 --> 00:05:00. because I was kind of like just starting into the 00:05:00.97 --> 00:05:03. coaching like they were some of my first clients and 00:05:03.19 --> 00:05:05. because like I had my own stuff coming up about like 00:05:05.83 --> 00:05:09. I didn't want to charge them too much that I charged 00:05:09.12 --> 00:05:11. them like a fool even though I was charging more I 00:05:11.04 --> 00:05:13. charge them like a fraction of the amount that we're 00:05:13.32 --> 00:05:16. charging others because like I felt like they really 00:05:16.21 --> 00:05:18. needed it and I was like, oh I don't they won't do 00:05:18.79 --> 00:05:20. it if I don't you know give my service you know you've 00:05:20.85 --> 00:05:22. gone through this of you own a business you're like 00:05:22.52 --> 00:05:24. I feel sorry for them and then you cut your rate you 00:05:24.87 --> 00:05:28. cut your rate and I did that for them and maybe seems 00:05:28.45 --> 00:05:30. like a lot to you but they only paid me a thousand 00:05:30.36 --> 00:05:32. dollars and for what I did working with them every 00:05:32.9 --> 00:05:36. single week for months it was like nothing because 00:05:36.57 --> 00:05:40. I knew the type of changes they would get and had 00:05:40.62 --> 00:05:42. moved actually lived in the bay area here and I had 00:05:42.96 --> 00:05:48. moved to the east coast and I told I mean I didn't 00:05:48.54 --> 00:05:50. I guess maybe I didn't tell them like I didn't tell 00:05:50.29 --> 00:05:52. all my clients I was moving because I was afraid I 00:05:52.16 --> 00:05:54. would lose clients and because I knew I could still 00:05:55.77 --> 00:05:58. I could still do you know coach I can still coach 00:05:58.65 --> 00:06:00. them even because we coached on the phone or on skype that I didn't really they don't really need to know my deed the details of my life like and can still do do the do the business with them and help them so I moved teo to the east coast and they had two children two girls and a dog and we had our we had our sessions at nine o'clock at night for them so I got paid a thousand dollars I was working with him every single week on the phone at midnight in new jersey helping them for an hour and I so passionate about it like it be an hour and a half two hours sometimes like I wouldn't stop because this couple particularly they didn't talk about money they couldn't talk about anything in fact you know the husband hand has done his taxes in over five years and she was blaming him he was blaming her there's a lot of blame going on home and talk about the money talk rules to live by tomorrow and one of them is no blaming but what happened was I'm working with them and I thought things were going well but I couldn't really focus on the money much because they couldn't even talk about like what to do with the kids like it was so their communication was so poor that I had to just do one thing and tomorrow I'm gonna teach you guys something called the one chat weekly format and that's what I taught them it was a little bit different but I gave them a few questions to ask each other and said only spend fifteen minutes fifteen minutes like one time a week on this so that you can start to recondition and do it consistently recondition a new pattern and that pattern was communicating for fifteen minutes a week now here's why I brought this up sometime within those few months I'm working my butt off like I care nothing more than to help them and they were like on the brink of divorce so it was like this is so important to me to really make a difference in their life and I got this email from from the wife and she was like I don't feel like we're getting anything out of this like this isn't working you haven't really been there I don't remember exactly but it was I was the problem you haven't done this you've done this you haven't done that you haven't done that I feel like we're wasting money I don't know what all this stuff and like forget anger like there was no anger I just start crying like this is this means everything to me to make a difference in people's lives and for someone to feel like after I've given them so much time and so much love and so much heart and soul to feel like they're unhappy with my service luckily had talk to my husband about it because I go I tend to go into this internal like I'm not good enough what did I mess up and where did I make the mistake my husband is really really good at like maintaining is like you know I'm good enough no matter what he was like this isn't your stuff it's their stuff this whole time you've been working with them she's been blaming her husband for all these things not just taxes whatever but blaming her has been for all these things and they're blaming each other of course she's going to blame you that's the pattern she's running it's not about you and when I realized that I was like he's, right, it's, not about me and and I was, and I and I was like this, it just isn't true, her beliefs, she thought I wasn't helping them or she wasn't getting the value. It just wasn't true. It was not a fact. And so what I did is I called her up and had a conversation, and I emailed her back, and I said, you know, this is what I think you've gotten. This is what I feel like you've given. This is where I think you've grown, and I feel like, oh, do an extra session for you. I don't care, like I want you to get the result, but what I want you to do is look atyour patterns, and where else are you blaming? Where else is that showing up for you? Because I had to change the meaning because to me it meant that I was doing something wrong but what I realized it was an opportunity for me to help her and guess what happened at first he was not responsive and she's still angry about a week later it was like the biggest breakthrough she ever had she realized that she was she was blaming not just her husband not just you know her life whoever she is blaming blaming blaming like circumstances everything and that's how she was living her life and she was turning it on me just like she did not everything else and it was this huge breakthrough that she just finally let go she finally let go of bland and they started talk about money and then things turned around and like she told me she was like robin thank you like thank you for not giving up on us even though I blamed you I blamed you for my mistakes and she finally it was the most amazing even I remember getting the email and she's like total like it was like ninety eight had to see me as I was trying to find it it was like I don't know five seventy years ago trying to find the email because I wanted to share it with you because it was like you suck basically you're this you're that you that you know I don't have what I want because of you and then the second email, like a week later, I was like, you changed my life. I now I now have lick of blame, like I can control my life and the words that she was using the way she was talking. It was like, this is love, the same person. I changed the meaning, but guess what? So did she. She changed the meaning. She found a new meaning, and she took that, and she changed her life. So whatever comes up for you, where you think, you know, maybe it's your fault, or maybe it just anything. You know, you're supposed to go out on a date or whatever, and and the guy doesn't show up. And you're like, oh, it's, because I'm a loser. Whatever you get to choose, it could be a million things. You get to choose that meaning. Okay, number four. Moving on strong emotional experiences. So I've had the opportunity to help hundreds of people walk on fire my walk on fire site and I had this awesome awesome experience where I was at one of these events and I was walking hundreds hundred thousands of people walking to go walk on fire man I was walking with this girl who I thought was about seventeen like she looks like she was seventeen, eighteen years old and she was like shaking and by the way they like get you super super ready for this for like three hours of like preparation it's all crazy and you're like ready to walk on fire but there are a lot of people who are like I don't know if I'm gonna do it they're still not totally committed right? And so this girl she's like I want to do it but I'm really scared and so I started like doing something called future pacing I was like what will it be like when you have walked on fire because she's about to have this strong emotional experience that I know if she does it it will change her life and she didn't want it she's like I can't do it I'm not sure you know what I said what what if you did do it how would you feel like I'll be so excited I feel like I could do anything awesome and what would you tell your brother? Because she said, she said my brother doesn't believe I'm going to do it I said what would you tell your brother and she's like oh I tell them like I did I showed you you know I rock I've awesome like that always confidence I like a well and you walked upright so let's imagine imagine he walked on fire and there you are you walked across the coals you didn't burn your feet you walk across the coals and you start jumping up and down you know like oh don't fire oh walked on fire and at the time as we were walking I want her to say it I wanted her to feel in her body I want to feel like she's already done it and so I had to do this mantra because I thought she was older than I I sometimes have a potty mouth and it was like because we were all a group and I want her to feel like we were all together on it so I never said we were like marching basically we walked on fire way walked on fire something that rhymes with witches we walked on fire way walked on fire and we were like lock down fire way walked on fire and goings going like we're holding hands we're getting there and then we get to the beginning of the line and I'm still shouting and it's like there are thousands of people out there and it's like totally dark and everybody's yelling and I'm like losing my way, no, she's screaming, and she screams. And she was like, uh, on there, like, go, go, going to coach walking on fire and guess what she said at the end. Wait, I want that fire to jump! It's and shoppers! Who's jumping! I found out that she was fourteen years old. Potty mouth, bad, but it didn't matter who her dad was actually there, and he was so grateful he was like, wow, I mean, he felt like it changed her life. Does you never thought, like you would do something like this? You never thought you can walk across coals, what, fourteen years old, give, imagine it fourteen years old, doing something that's, amazing, crazy emotional experience, walking on fire, how you would feel, how you feel about the rest of your life and what you khun d'oh. I found out years later, like she was making, like albert, like she was doing. She was into singing teo, and she was like making out was, and she was, like, sixteen. I get notes from emails from her dad, like, oh, she's doing this. You're doing that, like, she feels like she could do anything. Strong emotional experiences can happen to you but I'm here to tell you that you can make them happen you put yourself in a circumstance I remember that when I was in new zealand and uh I was traveling with my friend rachel and we were and she should say like she had this pattern of being like scared of everything like she was just scared of stuff and like I was like let's do it let's do it I'm like totally the go getter and we'd go travel we went hiking I'll tell you a story about us getting lost in the forest uh I remember and uh all these things and she was always freaking out you know and then we were on this thing called the magic bus and we were we're on this magic bus going around new zealand and they would stop a different places you can get back on and at one point they like and they have all these different activities at one point they say well the next place you're going to get to go skydiving and like just the thought of it scared me like so scary and they start passing around a clipboard and everyone's kind of like everyone's traveling and that they're doing things that you know they haven't done like it's just crazy like everyone's like signing up signing up something up and I was like I who typically I'm not afraid of things I was like, ah like I was so scared and then it came and I was like I'm like I'm like maybe should I do it like I don't know no no way I get like the thought of it just freaked me out and then it comes around my friend gets the clipboard rachel the scaredy cat and she's like tea too like artie is serious she was like yeah like you're afraid of like every little thing and you're gonna skydive and I was freaking out I was like if she's going to do this I'm gonna do this wrote down my name and I'm like I'm just writing to my name I don't have to do it right baby steps right just right now my name I don't have to do it I'm on the list then we get to the place and then they show you how to do I'm just writing my name I don't have to do it and the my friend when I see her touch the ground I'm like I got to do it so I get on this plane I'm attached to this guy sitting there and like I mean it was cold it was new zealand but I was like I mean I was shaking I was freezing I was dying I was so nervous and I felt like in a p you know something like this and he's like behind me and I'm like sorry tio could be even though I just went right, or when we go up, they flock. We fly up there, and I was like, yeah, I couldn't believe it. I was so scared, like, I've never been so scared in my life, and then we get to the edge. We're about to go in house, like, like, at this point, I have no choice like he. I'm attached to him, and I don't control anything, and then it's, like awesome it's, like the world stopped, I was all sudden, like the fear disappeared and also hit ground. Did it did it that's, creating strong emotional experience, lasting change because it shifts your beliefs this again, it's all in line, right, this is the behavior, right. I had a new behavior, and guess what that is. Change my beliefs. I walked on fire, this girl, I walked on fire, I walked on fire that changed her beliefs. He stood behavior tender, believes you have a, you change your belief that changed her behavior. Every one of those things is crazy. Eight right affects your bank account. All tied the money. The last one is your peer group. How do you create lasting change into surround yourself with people who want to raise the bar to live at a higher level? You know, there's another way to predict your financial future, to predict how much money you make is but without asking like anything about what you do and I already know like your situation. So I'm not gonna play a trick or anything, but without asking what you do or anything about your personal finances, anything like that, all I could do it, I can say right down the five people that you hang out with the most so good and do that now to write down the five people that you spend the most time with, it doesn't have to be physical could be that you, you know, that you talk on the phone with them all the time, it could be your mom. You talked to them a lot there most in your life, right? Five people write down what they do for a living and just write the names so, you know, and then next to it guess if you don't know the answer, how much money they make, the top five people that you are that you surround yourself with, whether on the phone or or or in person. How about how much money they make? Now, if you take the average of those five people, most likely your income will be within twenty percent. Try it. Probably true, often times a cz. Well, we end up making about the same within twenty percent of what our parents made or make. And sometimes it's hard to break beyond that because your system like wants to stay comfortable in that zone you have like this thermostat so you need to surround yourself like if you're surrounding yourself with millions of people sorry not millions of people but that too but if you're surrounded yourself with tons of people at least five let's say who make millions of dollars that's what I meant to say right here surrounding yourself with millionaires you'll make a lot of money you're always hanging out with them you're always talking guess what do you think some of their beliefs they're going to start to start teo like influence you you think you're starting to shift some your behaviors while they're rich and they keep doing this I'm going to do that the top by people you hang out with now you can put yourself in that you can put yourself in that in that pure group right so make sure that you go and do that and that's why I created this program right twelve week integration program so that you don't leave here and have no one to talk teoh right we have a facebook chat you'll be a facebook group you'll be able to chat on there tell people what like issues you're having and also what successes or having you do not want to forget to celebrate the success is and I'll communicate with you personally and emails texts video's gonna send you I made I mean, like a, you know, calling, just invite people want to say, hey, let's, share your stories, what do you need help with during the school week? I want to make sure that you take this. I know it's a big, fat manual love information in here. I want you to be able to take it and apply it. So this doesn't end here. Imagine like you finish this program, you're all pumped, and now you have twelve weeks of continued reminders and things that you, khun due to implement this. How awesome is that right, that's? Why I want to do because I don't want people to just, like, dabble with this isn't money mastery, right? So make sure again you call I mean sorry you text in your name, texting your email two to a one four to five. Oh, one, three, three again. If you haven't done it, pull out your phone right now and do it. And then you'll be it. You will be, and you'll get it. Make sure you confirm your email anyway. Looks like this when you go to sign up. So I'll just tell you this one last thing, and you can take it and roll with this. So the one degree shift here's the last thing, and you can take, you know, make sure you do the homework and do what you got. So, um, the one degree shift means that if you change just by one degree. You see that more than one degree changes, right? You could if you go change five degrees it's. Imagine. Well, that will do as you change. You have mohr and more of an impact to get more and more of the results that you want. So remember for homework. I want you to do your money. Mask your money mask. Make sure you fill this out. This is your homework. Um secondly, write down. Why is it important for you to change? Make sure you capture that if you haven't done it already. And the last thing I want you to dio is to review this stuff with your partner at a minimum. At a minimum, I want you to go over money values. So you have your money values now. And I want you, teo. Teo, sit down with your partner. Asked these questions. There's a hole there's actually, like a little ah, an example there where I give you like a role play. Like how it would work so you could know what questions to ask. It's really what's most what's important to you about money. But go through this. Make sure you have thes top three values because that's going to go on your money master map.

Class Description

Strong financial management skills are a must-have for a thriving, healthy relationship — but conversations about money can trigger feelings of guilt and anxiety. Simple financial discussions don't have to turn into emotional minefields. Join Robyn Crane and CreativeLive to learn the skills you need to manage your money as a couple, without letting your finances get in the way of your relationship.

This course will teach you everything you and your partner need to know to manage your finances effectively – without stress, guilt, or conflict. You’ll learn concrete tools for communicating about finances openly and honestly. You’ll also build strategies for recognizing and correcting flawed beliefs about financial management. You’ll explore why money issues are among the most common reasons for break-ups and divorce, and learn how to safeguard your relationship against the friction financial disagreements can cause. You’ll also create a concrete, easy-to-implement system that allows you to achieve financial health by playing to your and your partner’s strengths.

You’ll leave this course with strong personal finance skills and an understanding of how to collaborate with your partner to work toward a thriving financial future.

Reviews

shellilouwho
 

as a participant in the course, and now a week later, going back thru watching the videos, following along with the book, doing the homework again, i have to say i am still 1000% overjoyed that i put my business launch on hold to attend Robyn's course and Attend to my Life and my Relationship and put them first for the first time in my adult life. i went into this with an open mind, believing whatever i got out of it would be greater than what i came into it with and by the end of the first day i felt like i had won the lottery! i was terrified to sit down and figure out our net worth, believing we were Billions of dollars in the red. but lo and behold, when i just put the battle ax down and did the work it turned out our assets had us sittin' pretty. Imagine my shock! my entire outlook changed, my beliefs were able to shift and i've been able to make grand changes in the way i deal with money in even the smallest of ways since then. i found that piece to be so phenomenally empowering habits i thought i'd never break are totally conscious decisions now, before i reach in my wallet i ACTUALLY THINK do i WANT to spend this on that right now? or would i rather SAVE it for later. I don't even have to have a goal in mind. the image of our assest growing is a serious turn on! Robyn's light hearted approach really brought my guard down, she gave me facts and knowledge first, when i was handed that 150 page book, i said to myself, "self i said, knowledge, cool." then she walked on stage with her sense and humor and i said, "AND Robyn's funny- BONUS! i'm definitely learning something, let's go!" and learn i did. I'm thrilled at the follow up and i'd say to anyone considering if they should invest in this course, it's unorthodox in the least, and if you're open and willing to do the work, it can, as i am living witness, be absolutely transformative. personally and triangularly- that being between you, your hunny & your money. take it if you dare to break free of whatever bonds are holding you from living with your love in your highest purpose, calling, and love light! If i could gift one thing on this earth this moment to everyone i love it would be taking this course with Robyn. (holdin the space, prayin n holdin the space...)

holisticmint
 

I absolutely LOVE Robyn Crane. What a great teacher. My man agreed to go through the video course and complete the workbook with me based on a clip he saw one clip of the course. We've gone through half the manual workbook and have been able to communicate better outside of the work, already. I am feeling better about talking with my spouse about money than ever, and we're both learning more about each other's ideas about money and our beliefs. Wow. That's an eye opening experience, I thought I knew what he thought about money and goals but I was surprised a lot at the answers he wrote in the workbook. Sharing with eachother is key-- I'm so pleased with the results and we're not even half way done! That you Robyn and thank you Creative Live!