Segment 12 - Nurturing Who You Are
It's amazing how positive energy positive thought process is contagious social contagion and you know making a difference in this world doesn't have to be one on five hundred thousand one on one then that person that you touch touches three more people than they touch three more people in this touches three more people a great friend of mine julie hunt has this whole movement called just say hello hello do you say hello to freak out like I smell it someone so big they wonder for the rest of the what was wrong you know be scaring with a smile that when you have a smile and you have a frown is, um isn't very, very well researched equation here you have one smile of one frown what you get one smile plus a frown you get a smile you never get a frown so even in that one difference of smiling at someone a stranger you have impacted how they feel you have released good feel good hormones in their body that they now share with another person and then another person that's how change happens on...
e smile at a time one thought at a time cat's rock this world is just a better place already so we vent about which things are helping us which things are hindrance we take five more minutes work shopping and then we'll move on but look below we talk about I'm going to stay on this we now know why we kind of moved to the end the why was why do I get up every morning but let's backtrack what is stopping us from living our why your top five beliefs I want you to write but now I and this is interesting with posit psychology we don't want to like focus on what's not working but also we need to realize what might need to be tweaked a little bit and for many of us it's all thought and so take a moment right now if you would and for you at home what five beliefs might be stopping you you don't have to come up with five don't have once don't this is what you don't want to ruminate dig deep like I already don't have any self living well is the don't go looking for them and apps and research has proven you don't want to ruminate in the negative you can fault you can pay attention to it you don't dwell there so if you don't have a self negative negative belief that's great but if there's something that might be stopping you what would that be? I have three right off the bat one fear of not being good enough to not being perfect enough and three not knowing everything I mean crazy so this is not to tear us down this is just like say what could be stopping us it is not to focus on this is not to take a negative and ruminate and sit in it and mull it over just go oh I mean, whose voice was that I'm not good enough that was my dance teacher I'm not perfect enough I don't where I learned that one you chat says people judging me felt that that was something that interesting yeah onda judgment happened so quickly but again often the people we judge most ourself so you can't and that's a really bad thing that that that's not judging me would be a fear for me fee would be I don't want to be judged great quote I hope this helps you um to be judged means you have to be remarked upon I heard a great interview with seth gordon a great thought leader and he said to be remarkable you have to be remarked upon the positive and the negative so if someone's judging you it means you got their attention and the thing we have to let go ofthe other peoples opinions of us that's where deep rooted self esteem comes in with a toe back tomorrow where dependent self esteem self esteem that we come times have from other's opinion of us moves into independent self esteem we kind of move in and out of both but people are always out there too judge you know especially on social media these days but then there's, nothing we can do about those external judgements. But the judgment I want us all to be really mindful of is the judgment we put upon ourselves, because those the ones and I said this before your brain does not know the difference, whether that judgement is coming from a facebook post or from your own thought it recognizes it as one in the same, so they judge when I would ask us, tow, all look at is the one that we put on ourselves, because that is a self limiting belief that you can change again. We cannot exchange that we can't change the external world, but we can prime ourselves, make ourselves more resilient table tio, I know that those remarks will be there. I had a quick story went on my first try doing dvds years ago, I I had a lot of people like my work, and I had this one of just a horrific it wasn't even a review, it was just hate on me personally, and at the time I took it on as it was riel and literally paralyzed me for six months, I didn't do any more work, I kind of stepped off the stage, and now I would look at that seven years later and go well, he must be having a really bad and I just don't take it on I will listen to constructive feedback anytime I know I'm not perfect I'm a constant learner I'm gonna look at this you know, a couple of weeks later after you know it's all gone down ago what could I do in a different way to make it stronger but I'm not goingto define my own self worth by the external yeah so I hope that helps so I think that's something we all have gretchen what can we would you share some of yours with us so you met awesome s so some of the beliefs I put down there are a lot of fear base most of them you're not alone I'm not good enough fear of being seen and vulnerable I'm not used to being seen author school in my childhood I was the one who kind of just stood back and support of what happens and this kind of I have to step forward a little bit and be a leader sometimes and that causes some anxiety a little bit um I don't know everything I need to know right now and sometimes I think I can't start this until I take this class in this class in this class and know how to do this um so diving into it and learning along the way is going to be a fear I'll have to jump over um and failure what if some what if the parents aren't happy with the photos I take, what if I'm not happy with the photos I take, um and how to manage that? So those are some of the beliefs that I put him I'm those those I think polly everyone I would think online and in here could resonate with each and every one of those if we wait till that to know it all, I would be sitting here right now if we wait for the perfect time, there is no perfect time, I don't have children, I have a great bonus, son who's nine jacob but I don't have my own case, I hear there is no perfect time to have kids either, so you know there is no perfect time, we can't know everything if we knew everything is kind of the end of the world, I think the world is what we know today, it's going to be different tomorrow, I would say do no harm, can I be in a place and stand up with enough knowledge? An experience I could do no harm doesn't mean I have to know every answer no, but that's been a big fear of mine to what happens if someone asked me a question? I don't know, I don't great question I never thought of it that way I look at it as an opportunity a few years ago if someone asked me a question I didn't know I'd taken the pessimistic like worry attitude at home we got a lead on state and it was one question I didn't know I'm worthless that's a great question I never look it as an opportunity to learn something new and then reframing other people's expectations of our work we can't do that you're going to find your voice you're going to find the photography that resonates so you could be the best you at that photography and the right people will come to you your photography will not resonate with everyone this work that I'm doing it's not going to resonate with everybody but the people you are meant to serve when you do work that you are passionate and I'm kind of here my voice my michael port boyfriend voice coming in when you stand in service of your destiny but the people that you're going to do your best work with that allow you to flourish and you do your best with them will come to you we cannot please everybody I think that's a really tough lesson for us that not everyone's going to love what I do when I was going to love me I don't know why you actually but and that's okay if I haven't done my best work if I haven't shown up um oh yeah and you said I'm just another language abroad standing in front of others can be very anxiety provoking we never we're not really touching on it in this course but we are introverts on your extroverts I'm guessing you're probably an introvert and you would never guess this guess where I am I'm a natural I first my first nature is introvert and some of the some of our introvert make for beautiful business owners because you have a compassion that sometimes being from the extroverts side we don't always like you know we're always somebody out there you have the time to go and reflect and so you can pull on your second nature you can so that's not your true self but it's okay to put on this is my thing but then what you need when you put yourself out there you need time to recover and come down but it was an introvert if I've been on stage all day and I used to then go into date dinner and beyond and I would just hit a wall and I suddenly realized that it my first nature is actually be quiet and go within no if they see you it is patron interval in extra extra you know but I'm really not my true character is introvert so just nurture that too and that's a strength because it gives you a compassionate listening it gives you another skill set that when we come for the extra angle it doesn't always apply it just means you have to nurture that side of yourself there's nothing wrong in recovery to work and then recovery to take care of self yeah how about you, renee um a lot of what great gretchen said really rings true to me I'm an introvert I prefer to be quiet I like I have practice being invisible for most part of my life because that was a safe place for me but I do know how to take control and to take care of people really well I could do those things but it takes a lot of energy and I just prefer to be quiet um but I'm encouraging myself like my husband says I need to come out and give what I have because I guess I have good gifts so I'm practising that he's encouraging me to do that and I think I'm going to be speaking with you quite often to talk with this so that's like no synchronicity happening here so I think I begin for both of us but I'm going to practice these things that we're learning so that I can be happier like I said in my second part of my life and give to pia still give to people because I think that's important it's interesting that both of you has said I'm not used to being seen and I'm seeing a lot of women now going I'm used to being making myself saul and I did that for many many years and it's not to be seen for the sake of being seen but it's to be able to be vulnerable and authentic and be who you are to be known to be known and to share that versus be seen to be known as who you are in the great voice and story you could bring into this world and I love I love that saying I can't play it one hundred percent don't going to notice don't go into room to be noticed go so your absence could be felt so that we're not there to show up but we're there to be of service and that quiet strength that you both have I can just do so much great in this world and I think for many of us we doubt like always my story different enough isn't interesting enough has been done before and yet party everything I've said right now has been done before but not with my story behind it not with your story behind it not with your gift and that's what what separates us makes us so uniquely special and also brings us together is the separateness that connects us because we all have it yeah help that help because we I just see this over nor again I watch a lot of creative live and I see that a lot of us we have these doubts of who are we and this is where posit psychology comes in so useful because only you got you got you got you got a great husband, you have your choir that air their toe tell you you and lift you up when things are not working, but the end of the day when you're hitting that deadline or you like doubting yourself, you can pull on these things from posit psychology, and it makes you more resilient and it quiet and social we have I have the gremlins, that little gremlin voice, the monkey mind that are really powerful if we let them be, I just noticed it's in your dna and we're not alone in these thoughts were not our brain run, angela um on things that that I fear is that I'm here, I think it's pretty much the same when she said, I don't think I'm good enough for knowledgeable enough for, um I want to wear this in enough comes from I think a lot of it comes from I'm hearing this more and more like not I think, but I think it's being amplified now we're going to talk about this tomorrow about with media and wondering if it's being amplified now by social media that we see the perception ofthe everyone else, even these magnificent lives, knowing everything, doing it also perfectly, which is why you're not the full story but is what we weak comparison is a thief of joy, right? But we kind of compare our backstory to their shiny bits and go all my gods that these people do this everything so perfectly, but I guarantee when they get off facebook and, um, I go prime example, john john c havens here, great quotes, amazing staff it's a piece of go I wish I thought of that. Oh, my god, he's so funny, you know, but it's like comparisons a thief of joy, it's, all good stuff. We're not going to know everything. We're not going to do everything perfect there's going to be someone else, the witty a line, and but that doesn't mean that your voice your story doesn't make a huge impact again. My reminder bracelet. It doesn't have to be perfect to make a difference. Yeah, from the chat says, I just want to share that, I think petra and everyone sharing in the room awesome and beautiful, yeah, move you, we love you, we're going to move you in a moment. Yeah, this is when movement happens because when we're having these thoughts and now we're aware of them write were aware of these self limiting beliefs that can really stop us in our tracks. But when we're sitting in our desk in our computer trying to do our magnificent work and we don't get up and move, move our bodies or our thoughts, we get stuck in them because often times you don't bring it we're not even aware that they're there they're so comfy these thoughts like the fear I'm not good enough and it's like a warm woolly blanket they just because it's really familiar to us so awareness on dh before when they were talking about I just don't know bamba to fit and the not knowing and have awareness I think that it could be surprised at what? What shows up and it's the life you want to leave not the life you should be living yeah, yes that's true um just the sitting and not feeling like you have to do something because this last year I've kind of been soul searching and I call my husband and he's or he called me and he's what you got? I says I'm just sitting on the couch and he'd say good sit on the couch had aparna lehto have time out and I'd be like, really serious and so and doing that in allowing myself because before I beat myself up oh you lazy bum you're sitting on the couch, you haven't done this, you haven't done this and then I just said, just stop and just take care of you finally you've been taking care of the world is time to sit down and just if he says it's okay I'm going to go with it and things have really just generally just been sweet shifting the tide is shifting and so I'm happy to have him is my cheerleader yeah because he's teaching me to take care of myself as he's taking care of me so um so all those people out there like petra says take that time and and just do nothing and then it will come I love that like john john said before really powerful that we often warned about we don't have the time to take the time but time is all we have and if we don't take the time now the length of time on our life is going to be shortened so by us sitting and reflecting is actually adding time to your life on adding quality to these moments we're going more productive we're going more creative, more likable we're going to be happy we're going what joyful we're going to be up to flourish gonna have standing people to stand in service of others by taking care of ourselves and no one teaches us to do that and it's not to be there's a difference between selfish and self less I think for many people were like where yes this yes that way we're not taught how to say no and it's saying no. So we can take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others. It's. Only by taking care ourselves can we stand in service of others.