Body Language Hacks
So, my top 10 body language hacks. Before we go into these, I actually would love to find out what colors you guys chose, and why, if you don't mind sharing. I saw that you had, you had orange, orange. So why did you choose orange?
So I told, I, sorry, I can't speak right now.
You're so overcome with the gratitude, yes, I know, I know.
I chose orange for a few reasons. The obvious reason is that it's the color of the company, that I work for, Open Sesame. You can follow the company @OpenSesame on Twitter. And it just represents energy, fun and warmth, which is what I want to embody when I'm talking with my sellers at Open Sesame.
Absolutely, I love it. Urena, what color did you chose?
I chose green and yellow.
I love those colors, and green is the hope for me, and calmness, and yellow is the sunshine.
Yeah, hope, optimism and sunshine's the best thing you can have, I love it. Meg, how about you?
This is so lame, I like them.
You like them.
I don't know why...
That's not lame!
I just like them.
Just to like them, so you chose green and blue, you were drawn to those colors. And your website's blue too, so that makes sense, you just love them.
And you were wearing green, so I--
I was, so that's true, yes. Sarah, what did you pick?
I picked black and blue, black--
I was curious to what color you were gonna pick, because your website is black and white, I was like, I wonder what she's gonna pick?
But, the innocence thing it's like, in the words of Brittany Spears, not that innocent. But I also didn't wanna be too, I didn't wanna be too--
Are we quoting Brittany Spears in the last segment? Awesome, that it took us that long to do that.
So I have black, but I wanted to be a little bit calm, a little bit tranquil, not so agro so...
Okay. I think you're very calm, so I think that's perfect.
I appreciate that.
So (mumbles), how about you?
So I picked black and blue.
One thing I noticed was it was like I picked the darker shade of blue.
I did notice that, it's darker, yeah.
But, yeah I just like them and, yeah.
Power, loyalty, calm, I think that's good, those are a good combination. Okay, Jonmarie.
Well, I like Max, with my website colors to represent the femininity and the strength, and the confidence.
It also matches your blazer, and your lipstick. I don't know if you noticed. But it matches perfectly.
It's all about coordinating.
So you're drawn to those colors, all day you've been drawn to those colors, which is very cool. Okay, so into the top 10 Body Language Hacks, I just had to know what you guys chose. Remember, if you want one of these for free, I'm happy to send them to you, just Tweet me, send me the power of color, and the color that you want @vvanedwards. I think it's really fun to be able to wear that band to remind yourself of what you're all about. So, this section has all the little tidbits and tips, that I couldn't quite find a place for in the rest of the course, so they were my favorites, and I couldn't let you go without them. So, number one, the Differences in the Sexes. I wanted to talk a little bit about the difference between male and female body language. Everything we've talked about so far, has been very unisex, right? We've been talking about things that both sexes can use. So this is a section where I'm gonna differentiate what men and women do differently, naturally. Remember this trivia that we did on the first day? Which sex is statistically better at reading body language? Women, yes it is women. And researcher Monika Moore found that men often miss a woman's first three courtship signals. The reason for this, is because the way that their brain views body language is different. When women are an in MRI machines, and they are reading body language, they have 14 to 16 different areas of their brain that become active. So they use a lot of their brain to read and interpret body language. When men look at these same videos and pictures, they use four to six. That's one of the reasons they don't necessarily catch all those gazing signals. But luckily, what we've been doing the last few days, you are exercising that area of your brain, so you know exactly what to look for, so you will not miss any of those courtship signals after this course. Olivia O'Neil and Charles O'Reily did a really interesting study, where they wanted to know what would happen if a woman used masculine and feminine traits, and would that increase or decrease her power. Like should a woman act like a man to be considered powerful in a man's world? Or should she be more feminine to be seen as different in a man's world? And what they found was, women who can turn masculine and feminine traits on and off. Women who can use both are perceived as the most powerful and the most liked. So when I saw this study I was like I have to share this with women. I have to explain to them, what are the feminine traits, and what are the masculine traits, so they can turn them on and off when they need to. So, here are the basics, and this is part of the Attraction Body Language. Women, so here are the classic female body language things that only women do. Occasionally gay males will also use these traits. And that's just a part of their hormone, how their hormones are made up. And so women, and some gay men use these traits. First, a Flipped Wrist. So, have you ever looked at the difference between the way a man and woman smokes? Most men smoke like this. (inhales in and out) Right? That's how they smoke. Women will typically flip their wrist out. (inhales in and out) Right? And they'll sit and they'll stand like this. Even women will talk like this, with their wrist exposed. They'll listen to you with their wrist out. That is a feminine mode, and the reason why it's so feminine is because, when we expose our wrists, it does two different things. First, it exposes any pheromones that come out of that very thin, soft skin. So when we want men to notice us, even other women, to notice our pheromones, we have our wrists exposed. The second thing that it does, is this is a very vulnerable area of our body. We have major arteries here. We don't have a lot of muscles, and you can't fight from this position, unless you're doing a heel-palm. I did, I did body language, self-defense for awhile, but really, it's hard to fight from this position. When you fight, the ideal fight stance is you have your wrist towards your body, and you show this can take a lot more physical blows. So when you do this, it's considered feminine. Because you're saying I'm submissive. That's actually why it is feminine is you're saying I don't need to protect myself, I have men who protect me. That is the reason why, that women will expose their wrists more often. It's seen as feminine and submissive. That is why, I'm not gonna pass judgment on these, I'm just sharing what they are. Second, an exposed neck. So women, I talked about this a little bit earlier, will flip back their hair right? To show the area of their neck. Man find women's necks very sensual, because they release pheromones from that area, it's very soft, and it shows the curvature of a woman's face. The curvature of a woman's face is very different than a man. It usually has much more rounded features. And the reason for that is because she has high levels of estrogen, and she wants to show men, look how round and fertile I am. That's how she shows that, with her neck. The other thing that women often do that most men can't do, because of the way their hips are built, is they do what's called Parallel Crossed Legs. So, have you seen women do this? I don't even know if I can do it in this chair. It's basically when women sit, and they tilt their legs, they cross their legs, and then they tilt them off to the side, so their parallel across. Men have a very hard time sitting with their legs so close together, and tiled that way, because they're just not built, their mechanics are not built that way. It's not so comfortable. So men find that they were, they asked men to judge women in swimsuits, and women in different seated positions, and men found parallel crossed legs, as the most attractive in a seated position, because they can't do it. It also shows the curvature of the hips, and swimsuits, women like to see women in swimsuits front-to-front. Men actually like the side view, so they can see the curves of the boobs and the butt. Yeah, it's like I'm glad I didn't curse there, that was good. So, the male body language queues are, so Broad Shoulders. And this isn't necessarily, of course it's the actual size of your shoulders, but it's also how you hold your shoulders. Men typically will walk much more broadly. They, that's why they beef up their bi, what is this, triceps, yeah. They beef up this, so that they like can't even put their arms down. Have you seen weight-lifting men who are like so big that they can't even put their arms all the way down? The reason is because it actually makes their shoulders even more broad, and then it's considered very masculine. Strong Jaw. So the higher a testosterone level a man has, the more square his jaw is. It's the opposite of that round, soft female jaw. So men will emphasize their jaw with chin juts typically, when their in courtship behavior, they'll, hey babe right? They jut out that chin to show that testosterone, which shows that they are, they would be a good mate to have. And lastly, one thing that men do way more than women is territorial claims. So we talked a little bit about territorial claims, when we talked about the law of space, that law of body language. And that the reason why the law of space gives us so much confidence, is because we're very broad with our body. We're taking up physical space. Men will double that up. This is why men will put their hand on the lower back of a female. JKO was talking about this the other day. That is claiming territory. That is saying, whether it's romantic or not, I would like to take care of you. I want you to feel safe around me. That is claiming territory to say, I'm okay watching over this. They also do that with objects. Men will much more often lean on a bar. Like you much more often will see a man standing like this at a bar. He's claiming this territory. Women will usually stand right next to the bar. They very rarely will take that lean, and then take up all that space. Men also always have their feet up on your couch, and your coffee table. They can't help it, they can't help it, it's because they wanna claim territory, that is a masculine behavior. And then lastly, they will drape their arm over the side of a chair, or the back of a woman. Male or female actually, they'll just drape their arm over. Women very rarely will sit, and drape their arm around the back of a chair. Very rarely. Men relax that way. It's the way that they claim territory, and feel most masculine. Those are a couple of different, very basic, difference between male and female body language. I also have a bunch of videos on my website on male and female body language, if you wanna delve deeper into that science, and learn how to turn, for women, turn your female and male body language on and off, depending on the situation. Little Ninja Tip here. It's, you've got a sneek peek of this, is that studies have found that when women wear make-up and glasses, you are taken, you're seen as more intelligent. So make-up alone was not enough, and glasses alone was not enough. It was the combination of both. So again, if you wear glasses, please don't feel like you ever have to put on contacts to be pretty. No, I want you to rock those glasses right? That's, those are, that's powerful.
Oh now, does that work for men? Because I curious, I'm not (mumbles) the make-up bit. (laughter) I mean you never know actually. (laughter)
I guess you're little (mumbles).
Because I'm actually wearing contacts and make-up right, right at this moment.
No, but I do, I actually hate wearing my glasses. Forget the make-up bit.
I only wear make-up, I only wear make-up at home, and when I'm at work. But no, just the glasses work for men as well.
Yes, people in glasses are seen as more intelligent.
Oh, so I should ditch the contacts?
You know what, I want you to feel the most comfortable right? I never want someone to do something, just because they think it's perceived as more confident. So if you don't like wearing glasses, you don't have to wear them. I just saw Meg just brought out your glasses. I love it.
I do feel smarter.
Yes, yes you do. Can you see me better?
It's, I just have a marginal correction so--
Okay, you keep them on, I like them, you rock them. I love it, I love it. So, um I--
(mumbles) you wear glasses obviously.
I don't know what it means. They get crooked very easily, and I don't know how that harms my credibility.
I would guess, and I haven't seen the research on this, but if your glasses are a little bit crooked, I would think that probably not the best for intelligence levels, but I'm just guessing, I haven't seen a science.
How much make-up do you have to wear for it to count?
I think that it's noticeable make-up, so you know, most people can tell if you're wearing a little bit of blush, or a little bit of lipstick, it's noticeable make-up. If people can register, oh she's taking, it's the, the researchers had a long discussion about the results of this. They said that what the queue is, is that she takes care of herself, she takes pride in her appearance. So whatever make-up it is, if it's noticeable they go, oh she takes pride in her appearance. Again, I'm not saying that I agree with that, I'm just saying that is what the science says, yeah.
You switched, because you were wearing glasses a couple days ago, but you switched. Do you have an issue about wearing them? I mean do you prefer, do you think you'd look better with or without?
When I want people to take me seriously, and I think I wanted that credibility the first day, which is why I had them on.
Yeah, I love it!
But now that, now that I'm more comfortable in the studio, and talking with everyone here, I decided to let loose and not, come in without them.
Well, we respect you, and take you credible with both your glasses on and off.
Yes, definitely. Okay, number two. How to Know When Someone Is Into You. So this is a, like a day long in my attraction course, but the reason why I put a small section in my business course, is because it's very important, if you're in a professional setting, to know if someone feels more than professional with you. Right, you wanna make sure you know your picking up on, if you're, and women typically are, actually both men and women know this right? They're like, I think this person feels more than just a professional relationship with me. Now you know exactly what to look for to see if that is actually happening. So men, when they are trying to attract someone. Actually when men are both trying to attract men or women, okay so both. They try to get taller. They try to get bigger, they try to get broader. They use the law of space, as much as they can. And this makes total sense, right? If you are a man, and you are trying to find a mate, you wanna be seen as strong. That makes total sense. And so, they get bigger in lots of different ways. They claim territory, so they drape their arm over the shoulder. They put their shoulders back. They hold their head as high as possible. They take much bigger strides, and they swing more with their arms. Actually, if you watch gorillas do this. Not that men are like gorillas, but if you watch them, you'll see it's, it's kind of that kind of. This is not, that's not, I'm just gonna stop that thought. Because it's not gonna end well. Okay. When men, and self-touch. So when women want to, want, are attracted to someone, they typically self-touch more. The rate in which they touch their hair, their face, their skin, their hands, their legs, and their bosom increases. Bosom, my mom says bosom. Boobs, let's stick with that. And the reason for this is because A, it releases pheromones right? So as they touch different areas, it releases the scent of their skin, which is attractive to males. Second it, when we touch ourselves, it makes other people think about touching us. Right, so when you show a queue of rubbing your neck, other people think about what it would be like to touch your neck. Right, so women know this instinctively, and it's how they peacock to attract men. That's something that women do. So men, if you are in a business environment, and you see that all of a sudden you know, a women is really touching herself, she's very flirty, she's leaning forward, she's stroking her shiny hair. Unless you see her do that with everyone, she just does that with you, that could be a little bit of a red flag of why is she doing that? It could be subconscious, she might not even realize that she's doing it. Both, both there is heightened levels of touch, that is both self-touch and touching others. So themselves, hair, lips, chest. Those are usually the areas that both men and women touch, and you. So not only do they touch themselves, but they also reach out to touch you more. So remember that law of touch that we learned, that when we touch someone, it builds oxytocin. So if you see that people are touching you much more, they're touching your hands, your wrists, your low back, that is because they want to feel that oxytocin bond with you. Again, subconsciously or consciously, we typically like to touch them more when we are attracted to them. Yes. Lastly, they get closer to you. So we talked about distancing behavior during lie detection. When we don't like something we go back. We do the exact opposite when we like something. We lean forward, we get as close as possible. So they will usually go into that intimate zone. Remember how we did proxemics where Jonmarie stood right here as our bullseye, and then I had (mumbles) stand right here in the intimate zone? That's zero to 18 inches. So if people are into you, they'll often go from the social zone into the intimate zone, or they'll try to come as close as possible. So you can gauge the distance of how they feel with you. Oh, sorry. Okay, so they, yes, yes.
So, let's say that someone is like of your same sex, and maybe they're wanting not to necessarily romantically engage, but to be more friends. Because like a lot of guys are buddies. A lot of girls you know, they hug and--
Yeah, so is it the same from sex to sex or--
It, it is slightly different.
Okay, so when it's non-intimate, non-sexual. Like I say I have non-sexual crushes on other women, or I'm like, I just love them, like, I love everything about them right? That usually happens with social gazing, so they don't usually drop into intimate gazing. They usually will touch the safe zones of the touch map. They stick to your arm and hand, or that they feel more than that, they'll go on the leg and up, they'll go on the lower back. Right, so they'll go onto the higher back. So it goes into those more than just, I'm mutually into you as more into I want to physically touch you in more intimate zones. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it, yeah, right? Okay, so that was a good question actually. It's a little bit different.