Elevator Pitch Clinic
Speaking of first impressions it is time to make your first impression. I know that's like the worst way to put it in there. So we are going to do something called an elevator pitch clinic. Everyone at home actually I need your help with this. Because you're going to be doing a very important job. If you could go into your free handouts and get out your elevator pitch clinic handout. What we're going to do here is I want to train your brain to get in the habit of reading body language. Our brains aren't used to consciously recognizing body language. We usually do it unconsciously. So as you can see with this handout there are different areas that I want to go through. What I want you to do is all of our students are going to come onstage. They're going to give a 20 to 30 second elevator pitch. Don't worry. I gave them warning on this so they've been able to prepare a little bit. They're going to deliver right to you, right to the camera and on your chart, including those of you in the ...
audience, I would like you to just start noticing what it is they look like. What is their body language saying? And this is no judgment. This is just noticing. Are they expressive? Do they smile? Do they make a pained expression? Do they roll their shoulders in or back? Right so? I'm just getting your brain warmed up in the habit. And I can see you guys are, don't worry it's totally fine. It's going to be great and everyone at home this really helps them get their brain working to see those things. The first one is stance. How are they standing? Do they have a wide stance? A narrow stance? There is no right or wrong here. Just how they naturally do it. Expressive. How expressive are they with their hands. Their voice. And their face. Gestures and hands. I'm a little over gestury. I don't know if you've noticed. I try to tone it down, so do they hold stiff? Do they hold their hands here? Are they all over the place? Where are they with their expressive, with their gestures and hands. The face and the eyes. Do they look up when they're trying to recall? Do they look right at the camera? Do they move their facial expressions in different ways and their mouth in different ways just noticing what they do there. Vocal. How loud or soft are they? What kind of inflections do they use. How fast do they speak? The different vocal cues. And lastly any other notes that you notice that don't fit into these columns. I notice it's important to always have an other because we don't know that we're going to see. So one at a time. I'm going to ask you guys to come up. You're going to stand right here and you're going to deliver to this lovely camera. And you're going to just give 20 to 30 second elevator pitch. And don't worry we're here to help you. Max can we start with you?
Okay. And I'm going to be taking notes off to the side too.
I should just say Vanessa, for the audience please, that you can actually download the elevator pitch clinic and all the other materials, which are completely free. All you need to do is click the RSVP button and they will be available to you, then you can follow along as well.
And Max if you would just stand right about the middle of the rug.
My name is Max Du Bois and I'm from Portland, Oregon. I work for a company called Open Sesame and we are the world's largest marketplace for buying and selling online training courses. And our company is important because we offer training that either accelerates you in your job, it either gets you a job or it keeps you out of jail.
Cut, it's perfect, Sarah go ahead.
Great. Hi my name is Sarah Idy.
Sarah can you step back.
Yeah, I will.
Thank you we appreciate it.
Okay, I'll start over again. My name is Sarah Idy. I am a content marketing professional and my work is important because it helps warm up potential clients to services and products that they might otherwise not try. So, I enjoy what I do.
Hi my name is Sasheet, I work as a marketing professional and I work with founders and CEOs to optimize their marketing and it's important because every business needs more customers and wants to spend less money doing that.
Alright thank you.
Oh sorry yeah, go ahead yeah, perfect.
My name is Meg Zweiback, I'm a pediatric nurse practitioner. And I work with families with young children. When parents have any concerns about their children's behavior, growth or development. My work is important because I'm the person people come to when the advice they've gotten from friends or family or pediatricians or teachers isn't enough to help them solve whatever concerns they have.
Thank you. Alright, Jean Maurie. Great.
Hi, my name is Jean Maurie Malkovic and I'm one of the hosts here at Creative Live and Creative Live is an online education network that empowers creative entrepreneurs to learn their craft, their business and get out in the world. I'm also a personal brand coach strategist and the creator of my signature online program called Master Your Presence. And this benefits women who want to shape their personal brand and presence so they can attract the lifestyle, the people, and the opportunities that they desire.
Thank you perfect. Irina.
Hi I'm Irina, I am a photographer. I'm a portrait photographer. I work with women and I like this opportunity to work with women because the portrait gives confidence and self assurance and belief in its own self.
Well done Irina, it isn't easy.
That is not easy. You guys are awesome. Yes.
There were comments in the chat just saying, how brave each of you were to just jump up there and do that with such confidence.
Yes Sarah, you had a question?
Yeah, so I'm curious as to how accurate or nonverbal was, because we're like in this situation where we're hyper aware of it.
Yes. Okay. So that is a really good question. So I already looked at your nonverbal before you got onstage. Right? But I think it's really helpful to be on here and obviously you're hyper aware of it. And you're nervous and you're onstage, but that is, you are slightly nervous and aware of it during a networking event, or during a pitch. So it's the extreme, but I also wanted you to be a little bit elevated because when you're with a client especially if it's a rehearsed pitch, like this was kind of, you kind of had an idea of what you were going to say, it's also like that. So I wanted to get that same kind of idea. But yes, it's a really good question because you are already heightened up there. But I thought they we're really awesome so. You guys are good. Alright so. Hopefully people at home also got to take notes a little bit because we're going to be working on what we saw and how we saw it. I just thought it was so interesting Irina you brought up your pen. I don't know if you know that. That's actually, so that is very common. It's very comforting to have an object in your hands. I'm sure everyone, it's one of the reasons I love to hold a clicker. It's actually quite comforting to hold the clicker. So it's funny that you actually brought that up there even subconsciously without thinking because it is comforting to hold something in your hand. That is a trick by the way. If you are nervous, if you have a pitch, holding a pen during your pitch, can actually feel like a comfort object or a cup if you're at a networking event. To hold that cup. That's also another sort of comforting thing you can do. Alright let's go on to number eight. Back to our trivia. So what percent of our communication is nonverbal? Is it A 10%. B 25%. C 50% or D 60%? What do we think?
Yes, you're right. I was like I hope that you guys realize that's at the top of the scale. So yes it is 60% non verbal. And by the way, studies are a little bit fuzzy on this and that it's up to 93%, so 60 is the minimum. The lowest set of studies found that 60% are nonverbal, 60% of our communication is nonverbal. On the high end, we have 93% of our communication is nonverbal. This is how it breaks down. So it's about one third is our verbal content, what we say, about a third is our face and our body, so our facial expressions, an our body expressions, and a third is our voice tone. Our vocal power. Our volume. The cadence that we use. The lilting aspects of our voice. So that's actually a huge aspect and we will be talking about that in this course. Even though it's not quite body language it's nonverbal and it's very important, if you're doing a lot of phone pitching and a lot of phone calling. Alright, this is my third law of body language. The law of majority. That the majority of our communication is nonverbal, that when we're talking about body language, we have to remember that our body language is hugely important. If you're going into a pitch, you're going on a date. You have to think about what you're going to say and how you're going to say it. So both. Alright, I want to talk to you about an interesting aspect of nonverbal and it's that when we meet someone, and their verbal is not congruent or not aligned with their nonverbal, so what they say, they say I'm happy. But they show that they're sad. In the, in studies in research, what they found is that people always believe the nonverbal. So if they're presented with someone who says, oh yeah I really like this person. But they show dislike on their face, the brain knows discredit the word and always listen to the nonverbal. So that's an important thing for us to think about in terms of how we value what we say. And my goal in this course is to make sure that we're aligning. That we're not showing power body language when we're not feeling so powerful. My goal is to get you into a powerful mindset, so powerful body language is aligned with your words. It's not about making them so that you're showing off your body. I want them to be the same. So they're absolutely congruent. And that's really important for your brand especially, whether you have a personal brand or a business brand. You want to make sure that what you're saying you are is what you're showing that you are. Alright number nine. We tend to point our feet towards the person we are most attracted to.
Could this be true? Yes, I'm seeing a lot of head nods, yes. Yes it is true. Subconsciously our mind is a funny thing, we like to move towards the person or place that we like to go. So in a networking event I love to people watch. As the host mentioned earlier, I wish I could be a professional people watcher, in a way that I am. I love to watch networking events because you can almost always tell who the office crush is. Who the boss is in the room. People will typically subconsciously align their toes and their body with that person. And you can also tell when someone wants to go. We subconsciously point our feet, towards the exit when we want to leave. It is our brain's way of being like you're on the way there. So when I'm talking with someone at a networking event or even in a meeting, I'll pay attention because if I see their feet are aiming towards the bathroom I'll say you want to take a break? Because I can actually see. If their body is saying I need a break for a second. So, feet are interesting way that our brain leaks out what we're actually feeling. This is a small part of the Body Language of Attraction. This is a business course so we're not going to be talking a lot about attraction. But why I think it's important is because in business, attraction and influence are kind of two sides of the same coin. They're very, very closely aligned. Alphas, garner a huge amount of attraction. People who are natural leaders. They're natural born leaders. Most people will subconsciously point their feet towards them because they feel like they can gather everyone around them so. Attraction and influence are actually quite aligned in the business world. Alright. Lack of eye contact means someone is lying. So do we think this is true false or unknown?
Okay. It is false. So this is a huge myth that I would like to bust. Most people think that shifty eyes or lack of eye contact is someone lying. Actually studies have found that liars look you in the face more, because they want to see if you believe them. So liars actually make more direct eye contact because as they're telling you the lie they desperately are trying to see do you believe me? Are you getting this? Are you picking up on it? So this is one of those 28 lying cues that we're always talking about earlier. It's a huge myth so. I hear a lot of nervous people. They always Tweet me and they say, I have shifty eye gaze because I get nervous is that bad? And I say, the myth is not good but actually that just means that you're nervous. That's all that shifty eye gaze means. So as long as you're in that 60 to 70 percent that's where you get the normal. That's 60 to 70 percent eye contact. It's okay to look away a little bit. Alright. Number 11. This is one of my favorite questions. Which mode of communication has the highest amount of lies. Is it A, face to face, B emails, C phone, or D IM, instant message. What's our guesses on this one?
IM, when it says I'm on my way.
Specific IM on my way. Yes that's a good one. So we have emails, IM, anyone else? Other guesses?
Phone, okay. Alright so. This one surprised me when I read this research. Phone has the most amount of lying. Now when I read this, because I had actually guessed face to face, about the highest amount of lying. When I read it I was like, oh actually this makes sense. The way that the hierarchy goes is phone has the most. Then it's face to face. Then it's emails. Then it's IM. And the reason for that is because liars do not like to leave a paper trail. It's very hard to write out our lies. Funny things happen in the brain when we lie. The brain gets kind of overloaded. It's like trying to keep the truth straight. It's trying to tell a lie. It's trying to be convincing. It's trying to see if you believe them. A paper trail is like the ultimate red flag. The brain knows. Don't write it down. It can be saved. So actually you have less lies in emails and IM's which is a little bit counterintuitive. The phone has the most. And the reason for this is because if you think about it, face to face it's hard to lie right to someone's face. Phone, there is no paper trail. And you're not looking at someone directly when you're lying to them. What I say in business, why this is so important to know in business is because if you have a face to face meeting, which I highly encourage for body language purposes, always follow it up with an email. Right? So I always take huge amounts of notes in all of my meetings. And also on the phone I'll say, I'm taking notes. I'll send you a summary at the end of the call. Their brain hears this is going into writing. So it actually that can take down the amount of lies that happen in the phone conversation. And then you follow it up with an email and you say here is the summary let me know if this looks good to you. Did I miss anything? And then they can correct you if there is anything they said that was not quite true. It's amazing by the way what you get back on some of those emails. People will correct certain statements that they said on the phone. So that's a way that you can increase the honesty in your interactions. By telling them you're going to take notes and then following up any person to person or phone, with an email. Okay, which profession is the best at spotting lies? Is A judges? B policeman. C prison inmates. Or D doctors? I see a lot of oh man. Who do we hope it is?
We hope it's judges, right? I see no's. So we don't have guesses for judges.
Prison inmates, that's the fun answer.
I was going to guess that too. Because I wonder if, I'm not denigrating the prison community but I'm assuming that probably a lot of lying goes on in that community so they can probably spot it themselves.
And that is exactly right. So it is prison inmates. And that is the exact explanation. Their brains are more used to seeing and having decipher out, pull out the lies and what's happening around them. The research in these studies suggested perhaps it takes one to know one. We don't know exactly why, but here is how the study looked. So it had four groups of people. Judges, doctors, policeman and prison inmates watch a video where the person in the video was lying and they had them do 10 different videos. And they had them say, which videos were lies and which ones were truth. So actually, the judges, the policeman and the doctors, were no better than the average population. They hovered right around 54% accuracy, which is crazy. Most people think that they're actually slightly better. No, statistically speaking they get right about average. Prison inmates however, 68% were able to spot a lie. And their brains, as I said, are more attuned. We're going to learn later how our brain is very much like a muscle. So when it's used to having to spot the lies out we are very trusting beings, which is wonderful. I want you to stay trusting. Prison inmates live in a very, very different world, where they cannot be trusting for their own safety. So they often are more attuned. Their brains are looking for lies more often. So now the question I always get is, how about you? What is your rate for spotting lies? So every day we're going to be watching videos of lies and I'm going to be asking you to guess the truth and the liars. And hopefully as we keep going, you're spotting rate will get more and more accurate. So, I want to play a little game. This is the lie detection challenge. So I'm going to show you a video of someone playing two truths and one lie. So he's going to share with you two different truths and one lie. Before I show the video, I want to pause and take any questions. Are there any?
We've got a lot of questions coming from live, Some really great stuff actually. Now some people are asking basically the definition of a lie.
rainydaystore is saying, is an exaggeration a lie? Does that come under the same category?
Right so, there is a legal definition of a lie. And there is any kind of untruth. Right? So. When we are talking about lies in this situation, because we're not in a legal situation, we're talking about any untruth and I am not talking about lies by omission. So that is the one area that we're not talking about. Lies by omission are when nothing is said. We're talking about when anyone says something that is not based in fact, that is untrue. Legally, there is a much longer definition, but for our purposes of us, we're looking for any time someone says something that is not true. That's a great clarification. Thank you. What others? Shoot them over to me and also the audience.
readmylips is saying that you were talking earlier about when you write things down you remember them better. But does that also include typing? Because obviously we don't write anymore. We type everything. Same.
That's a good question. The research is different. So writing, handwriting, and that is why I'm so glad that you're actually writing. You remember more when you take a pen to paper. I don't know why. Research hasn't figured out exactly why, but you remember more. Typing is halfway there. The percentage is not quite half. But it does help remember a little bit more when you type it in your self. That's that's why I gave everyone blank sheets. So typing is okay too, but I would much rather have you write it. It's another reason why when you're watching body language when I had you do those elevator pitch clinics exercises, I want you to try to fill in your chart with what you're seeing. So yeah, if you can hand write, in like a journal or a business journal that would be awesome while you're watching.
And Ivana wants to know how much body language impacts what we refer to as love at first sight.
Oh gosh, that's--
Is that Ivana Trump do you think?
It's such a good question.
She may be falling in love with you Jake Hare.
Oh God. That's all I need.
It's going to be, we're going to have a pair at the end. I love it. You're going to have a work wife.
I've interviewed her ex husband which was miserable. Oh he might be watching. It was a great experience, nice going.
Hope he's not in the chatroom.
Oh he is.
That is a fabulous question so. What about nonverbal has to do with love at first sight? So a lot of beautiful studies have looked at love at first sight. And what they found is it is partially nonverbal. So it's partially body language, but it's also hormonal. So they're doing a lot of research into how our brains can very quickly size up someone's pheromone levels and someone's hormone level's. And that from an evolutionary perspective, we like to mate with people who are a nice balance to our hormones. There was a great study, and I'm not super up on it because, I wasn't going to talk about romance but I love it. So they had women smell, this is kind of gross, smell sweaty t-shirts of 10 different men. They put them in jars. And they had them smell these different t-shirts. I know it's gross. But it's cool. The ending is worth it I promise. Bear with me. So they had women go down and they opened the jar and they smelled the sweaty shirt and they had to rate on the outside of the jar, how attracted they were to the man who wore that shirt. Okay? Now little did they know, that they actually put the brother's shirt in one of the jars of the females. All of the females in the experience had a brother or a father, they put a father or bother's shirt. Because they wanted to know, do we subconsciously pick up on the fact of like we don't want those hormones. We don't want those hormones. And consistently they found that women rated the men who are most genetically different than them, as the highest and the men and the brother shirts they found repulsive, which is so interesting. So we are attuned. So that love at first sight thing it's actually our bodies trying to suss out would that person be a good mate chemically. Would our offspring have a good chance of making it? So yes. Great question, I love it.
Great. Great and Bayomeed also wants to know, is there a way of knowing when somebody may be lying by omission? And I'm wondering, are the rules the same if you're lying by omission than if you're just.
Yeah, so they're slightly different. So a lie by omission, is when someone doesn't say what the untruth is, they just leave it out. The rules are slightly different in that, we focus more on the facial expressions. So, because there is no words being said, you have to take out all the statement analysis part of lying. But you often will see that people who lie by omission show fear. So they don't say what the lie is but they show micro expressions of fear. So it's slightly different. The rules are slightly changed, but definitely what we're going to be learning today can help with it.
That's why if you're interviewing open ended repeated questions are the best. Because let's say that you ask someone at work, you ask a potential partner, so tell me about your previous job history. Tell me what you've been working on. And they give you a story. That they've rehearsed and they've lied by omissions. They've left out a job incident that was not good. And you see fear, some of the other red flags that we're going to talk about. That's when you can go, let's go back. Tell me a little bit more about this job. Or what happened between this year and this year? That's how you can get them to actually say something so then you can see the full verbal content along with the omission. So that's sort of the strategy that I try to get people to do.
We have another question, I just want to make a follow up comment on that because I think career coaches, I'm not sure if that's the correct term, often say to people, your resume and what you say needs to be the truth, but it shouldn't be the whole truth. Now that's quite clearly contradictory to what you're saying there, because an interviewer will find that out. Are you better off just putting it all out there?
That's a really hard one. You're right, that is contradictory. I like to put the whole truth out there. I think if you go into an interview knowing that you have a glaring lie by omission in your resume, your body knows that you have that lie by omission, and our brain knows you have that lie by omissions, so what happens is, A it takes in your confidence a notch. So your body is not going to align your words as much because you can feel, I hope he's not going to ask that. I hope he's not going to ask that right, because you have that nagging in the back of your head. And then when that comes up, what happens is you share your lie by omission job history. And the other person they have these red flags, and intuitively we usually are like, something is off. We don't always know when someone is lying to us, about 54% of the time we talked about, but we usually are like, something's not right. Women especially have this amazing intuition, especially moms, where they're like. Something is not right here. And so that's why really good interviewers they may not know lie detection, but they always circle back, to the tough question because they picked up you are lying. It's like you are talking about your good job, really aligned, really confident, talking about your good job, really aligned, something went different and then really aligned again. So that's why I think it's really important to be really honest upfront. You don't have to walk in the interview and say so I had a really bad interaction with my boss in 2009. You don't have to do that. But what you can say during that point is, that was a little bit of a hard job. But I was able to make up for it by.
Exactly, interviewers want to know how you solved it. That's going to help you isn't?
Exactly, focusing on the solution and how you overcame it that often, they won't even go back to it. They're oh great. Just put it on the table. There is no more flags there. You were very honest and then you moved on. Sorry we were going to do another question too.
That's great, Belxbeltran is asking, about the intimate gaze. And they're saying now with the popularity of statement necklaces, does this gaze happen more accidentally?
Or are the necklaces designed to bring that gaze.
Yes, okay. Oh gosh these are such good questions. Okay, so. That is called. peacocking. When women wear and men, when people wear statement things, so specially statement necklaces, there is also the pick up artists community they're told to wear objects that will attract attention. Sometimes they're feathers in their hats. Sometimes they're boas. Right, that drops the gaze as well. The subconscious reason for this is because it does attract the eye. And someone once asked me, can I force intimacy by dropping my eye gaze into the intimate eye gaze, and I said, if they're receptive to it it can speed things up. But if they're not receptive. It can be a serious break. So the answer is yes. Statement necklaces do drop the gaze down, and you can also use this if you want to have a conversation starter. Yes, yeah.
Yes, I have a follow up question for that. When Madeleine Albright was the secretary of state in Clinton administration she always had this statesman brooch on her shoulder somewhere on this area. And I remember there was always a conversation that is like a message because everyone was paying attention what kind of brooch she was wearing in a particular event. So how would you translate that in terms of gaze?
Okay so I think the brooch had a couple of different reasons. I love following her brooches. The history of Madeleine Albright and all her brooches. A couple of different things on that. First, I believe, most politicians are coached. I believe she was coached that a brooch would make her look warmer. And the reason for that is because it feminized her. So I think that's one reason that she wore it. The second reason I believe also is color psychology. She wore different colors and colors signify different things, we're going to be talking about that on day three. There is a reason that I wear certain colors on my wrist. There is a reason why I wear certain color jewelry because symbolically our brains chain on the colors that we see. I gaze, I never actually put the two together. But I see no reason why, especially because if she wants to be seen as a little bit more friendly, and everyone takes her very seriously if she wants to soften her image a little bit, that would definitely help, because you would be consciously, subconsciously going down down lower. So that's very interesting. Yes.
Are there times when it's beneficial to if you're a woman masculinize yourself and if you're a man to feminize yourself? Are there sort of? I mean there are no I'm sure hard and fast rules.
I think yes, the answer is yes. Usually I never say a man should feminize, but women can definitely masculinize? Is that a word? Let's make it up. Okay, we're going to go with it. First let me start with the men. So I would never say a man should be more feminine. There is usually very little situations where that would work, because it goes on to lower power emasculation, which is very different than feminizing. But what I do ask men to do, especially if men are seen as aggressive. I have certain men who come to me and they're like, I have really trouble connecting with people. I know I have a really strong personality. How can I soften myself? So softening is very important for men. There is a couple of different ways they can do that. We're going to talk about it, but I'll just give you a very brief one. One easy thing that a man can do to soften his body language is to do a slight head tilt. Head tilts soften whatever you're saying. So, I always tell people in business, that if you have hard news to deliver. Like if you're a photographer and someone is wearing an unflattering outfit if I were to deliver, that outfit is a little unflattering. With my head straight up, sounds hard. But watch when I tilt my head, how much softer it becomes. You know that outfit is a little unflattering. If that's slight like, it's like a little bit softer. So that's one of the things that men can do to soften and for women, masculinizing. I do think that's actually very important in business especially if you're in a room full of men. Now you don't want to become a man, you don't have to put on a business suit and a tie. But I do, for example when I'm around men, I lower my voice tone, to the lowest natural edge of my voice. Men's brains, when they listen to a woman's voice, they listen with the same aspect of their brain that listens to music. That is why men often can tune women out, a little bit easier. Men are like that's exactly what happens. I was like, yeah, yeah, don't blame it on the science. So men actually use that same part of their brain to listen to women as they listen to music. The lower your voice goes, the more their brain can pick up and pay attention to it because it has a lower resonance. So there are a couple of small things that women can do to increase their presence, to be taken more seriously. To make it easier for a man to pay attention to them. That's a long answer to your question Sarah, but I hope it answered it.
It's very interesting because probably the two most famous political women probably of the last 50 years I would say Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton have both, Margaret Thatcher in her life and Hillary Clinton too, both gone through these makeovers so many times. People have obviously been saying, you've got to change this, you've got to change that. But you don't see that necessarily in a male politician. I'm sure it may happen to a degree, but not to the extent that those two particular women were completely having to reinvent themselves.
It's very dramatic.
Very dramatic. Margaret Thatcher, I think I have this video on my website. Margaret Thatcher was trained by Lawrence Olivier to lower her voice tone. So when she first started running for Prime Minister she had quite a high voice tone, more like this. She talked like this. Which is a very lady like way to speak. But it's not very powerful. So he trained her to drop down, cause he said, you're going to be called shrill, if you speak like that. Men are not going to be able to take you seriously, women too, women also like that low voice and it shows us that you have high testosterone levels. And we're going to talk about alphas later. But alphas in a group, have naturally higher testosterone levels and lower cortisol levels, which is a stress hormone, than other members of the group. In fact with monkeys, where there is always a gorilla or the alpha gorilla in the group, when the alpha gorilla is displaced by another gorilla because he's too old or he gets sick, his hormone levels, his testosterone levels drop within three days and his cortisol levels increase and the alpha who takes over, their testosterone levels increase, their cortisol levels drop. Naturally, our bodies know when we're in a leadership spot we have to have the hormones that do it. That help us with it. So yes, Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton I think were both trained to lower their voice. Men are also coached all the time as well, just in different things. One politician trick that politicians love, you always notice they do this at rallies is, they get on stage. They walk onstage and they're like, hey how are you, so good to see you. Hey. Right, they always do that when they're walking around. They are coached to do that because that is social proof. That is a nonverbal way of saying I know everyone and I'm friends with everyone. So they're coached to do that to look more friendly. And that's a really interesting thing that you can watch. I always laugh when I see them making those really fake. I didn't do that when I came in onstage, because I knew that it was real fake.
You just remind me of another presidential debate Reagan, Mondale because it was the fact that at the end Reagan came off his podium and went straight to Mondale to shake his hand. And Mondle was still standing in his place, going. And that apparently won Reagan that debate. That little bit of the end. Because apparently everyone thought they were even until that point. But Reagan's body language by cutting across and saying thank you.
It's huge Reagan shows gratitude, it shows social proof, and real leaders have a combination. So studies that looked at leaders say that they have two qualities over everyone else. Their warmth and competence. Warmth and competence. And it can't be one or the other. If it's just warmth, you have the Mother Theresa feeling. You're warm. You're a leader but you're not, you don't lead in terms of power. If you're just competent you're often seen as aggressive. So the best leaders have that combination of both warmth and competence. And shaking someone's hand is the best way to show warmth. Other interesting politician coaching tip that I've seen is, early videos of president Obama, before he was president. He does this a lot. He points when he talks. Now you'll notice he does this. That is because pointing is a very aggressive gesture. In all cultures, when I do this you don't like it. Like I'm sure you're like, I don't like it. Our brains they don't like it for some reason, so he was coached out of pointing and trained to do this. Now this in the western cultures is an emblem for the a okay sign, or that's good. And so when he does this, it's actually subtly saying we're good. It's all good. We're nice and cool. It's good. So that's why he was trained out of doing this into doing that. So that's another political coaching line. Other questions? Yeah.
So one thing I remember when he did the speech about the NSA stuff, he tilted his head and did this a lot.
So I wonder if that was coached. So this, can you guess what this moves is? I just gave it away.
The power move.
It's a power move. Yes, so this is the nonverbal signal of unshakable determination. That's what this is. So when you want to show you're not going to waver. You can use this in business, although it's a very powerful move. When someone, I only use that move if someone is challenging me. So if someone says, I don't know if you can really do this, can you really handle, I will say I can get this done for you. It looks like a politician, that's exactly because politicians do this, to show their unshakably determined what they're going to do. And that's why they do that. That head tilt might of been to soften it. Right, so the difference of I'm going to do this perfectly versus I'm going to do this perfectly. It looks slightly softer a little bit less aggressive. He could have been coached. And he also was a natural speaker. So he could of just naturally know to do that when he's doing a power move. Interesting note though.
The necklace debate is still ranging. In the chat people are really fascinated by this. This has really engaged people. Shelly is saying, so if I wear a necklace will that help people feel closer and more friendly to me. LGPSirio is saying, so I should wear the statement necklace in a professional meeting with a man, but leave it on the dress, or leave it on the dresser?
And Katrina's is saying, so should women in professional settings be taken less seriously if they're wearing that statement necklace?
Yes, so you should only wear it in professionals settings if you want to set a casual tone. You should not wear peacocking or statement necklaces if you want to keep it professional. That's when small, not statement necklaces work better. Because it will drop people's eye gaze down and distract them from what you are saying, especially for men. Especially if it's colorful. Right? That's a real great clarification. So in business settings only if you want to bring, I don't know if you want to do this, if you want to bring a business contact into a more casual relationship, it's a good idea. If you want to keep it business you want to keep it professional you want to keep it up and wear smaller necklaces. You notice, I'm not wearing a statement necklace. I was wearing a longer one earlier, but that's also not a statement necklace. I always wear light when I'm presenting. Because it's distracting from what I'm saying.
Perfect. And one last question and we'll move on, Slightly different subject, bakabonog is saying, she's a female percussionist and she works in a very male dominated industry. But she's quite girly. And says, when I wear masculine clothes I just don't feel genuine, so I feel like I'm compromising my appearance by appearing strong and powerful, but how do I do that without losing my identify and feeling like I'm lying?
Okay, first of all. Fabulous question. Fabulous question because she is tuning into the fact that she wants to be taken powerfully and seriously in a masculine world, but she doesn't feel like it's congruent to her. So for her I would say what's going to work really well is color. So when you wear colors can be more masculine, that's an easier way to do it. So pink is a hyper-feminine color whereas black grays, blues and browns, are more masculine colors. So you can easily do that with color. Find cuts that are still feminine, but in colors that men also like. The color that men like the least, can anyone guess? What men do not like to see? Can anyone guess what color they think men like the least?
It's purple. So I never wear purple when I speak unless I'm speaking to an all female group. And women love it. Women love looking at purple. Men do not like it. So I would recommend to her wearing the colors that men like to see. We're going to be talking about color phycology on the afternoon of the third day. So she has a little bit, but on that also her body language. So we're going to talk about power body language, in a little bit. That power body language is confidence producing, no matter what sex you are. And that's what you always want, to be taken seriously, people take confident people seriously. We're going to do our lie detection challenge. So, this is a video of Aaron, and he is going to tell you two truths and one lie. And I won't tell you the order they're in, I want you to watch the video and I want you to guess which one you think is the lie, and we're going to talk about which one you think is a lie. Okay?
So I love kayaking, I hate cherry tomatoes, and I just farted.
Alright, what do we think? What was the lie?
Well I know it's not number three.
No cheating. No cheating. So what do we think? What stuck out to you as a possible lie there.
Farting. It's too hard?
Number three, okay. So, I want make us wait until after the break, to learn the answer to this question. We can watch it one more time. So you can see what the lie is. Now I want to assign some very brief break homework. Anytime we take a break, I'm going have you watch some fun videos. So there is something you can do while you're getting that snack or running to the bathroom. That Nixon, Kennedy debate that we talked about at the beginning of the course. The difference, they're nonverbal. On my website scienceofpeople.com/Cl I have all these video for free. I want you to watch the debate. Actually the most important part of the debate is just the first five minutes. That's it. He makes his first impression in the first five minutes. I want you to take note, of the differences between Nixon and Kennedy. What do they do nonverbally before they even say a word. How do they take the stage? How do they smile during their introductions? How do they start their opening statement? That's what I want you to pay attention to because you'll immediately notice, the huge difference between the two of them, and then if you have time, I highly recommend watching it, without watching the video. So juts listen to it. This is what the radio people heard, and see if you can hear the difference between the two different candidates.
Anything else from our studio audience ? Now Jean Maurie you actually coach primarily women don't you? Anything that you've learned from this segment so far? A big take away form you that you're thinking you can apply already? A new technique perhaps?
Oh absolutely. The purple was definitely a revelation. I look at a lot of personal brands and the way that people express who they are online as well with the colors they use on their website. And so, the purple really I hadn't it heard it phrased that way before. So that was like, super awesome, to hear that because if you actually do want to have a conversation with women, that could be an easy way to connect with them.
Very much so. And you'll notice, subconsciously a lot of women websites do have purple. They somehow know that's a very feminine color. And that's part of your nonverbal brand. So we're going to be talking about how nonverbal plays into your brand as a whole. Your social media pictures. Your website colors. How your videos are on your website. What your email signature is. What your materials are. If you're a photographer. What your albums look like. What your cards look like. That's all falls into your nonverbal brand and color is hugely important. So yeah that's a really great one.
It's interesting as well about getting back to politics for a moment because it's less so in American I think, but in certainly European politics parties have a very definite color that identifies them. And it's usually red to the left and blue to the right. Generally speaking. But the British labor party was red for years, and at the very last minute of the 97 campaign that swept Tony Blair to power, they switched to purple. And I wonder if that was because they wanted the female vote. Maybe they felt they had the male vote and they switched. And it didn't last. They only used it for that last week of campaigning.
That's so interesting. I wonder if that has to do with that, I'm going to have to--
I'm fascinated now, we're they trying, we've got to get the female vote. This is where we're going.
Oh I've got to go look it up. I'm going to be doing some internet browsing during my break. That's what I'm going to be doing.
I do have one question from sevenspoons. About lying again. So can you rehearse a lie so much in your head that you start treating it as the truth?
Really good questions. So one of the things that I do in my blog and on Twitter is I look at celebrities Amanda Knox, Amanda Knox is not a celebrity but, Amanda Knox, Lance Armstrong, especially when they're on trial. And I always critique the video, look for lies, look for different patterns, and then my readers submit different lies that they see in the videos. The hardest part about that is the more someone practices the lie typically the less cues they show, and the reason is because, it's so memorized and they've said it so many times, they don't even feel any emotion anymore. So I try to get people in their early interviews, I usually rarely will watch like on the press steps because that's so rehearsed and lawyers will have them practice 50, 60, 70 times to get out all the emotions. I like to watch some of the first interviews when they're first released because they're less practiced and I hope this doesn't encourage people to practice their lies more. But yes, you can practice your lies so much that it's memorized and it becomes emotionless. That is absolutely true. As an interviewer if you're interrogating someone when I interrogate someone, I try to ask the question in different ways. So I make them leave their script, especially if I've heard them say something or use the same words. I'm like ah. This is rehearsed. Not all things that are rehearsed are lies. People rehearse answers that they've gotten a lot. So I will try to switch up how I ask something. They've also found that liars have a very difficult time with the order of their story. Reorganizing it. So for example, if you're looking at murderers, not that anyone at home is doing that, but if you're interrogating murderers and you ask them what happened that night or let's take it down a notch, if you're a parent and you're teenager comes home and you ask them what did you do last night? Right, that's a good question, and they've rehearsed this that they have a lie. They're like. I went to Lucy's and then we went to a movie we grabbed something to eat. We got some yogurt and I came home. What you can do as a parent and I don't recommend interrogating a teenager but you can say, oh so what did you do before ice cream? They should be able to instantly remember that. Cause an honest person knows exactly what they did before ice cream, but if they don't remember they'll go. And they have to do the whole story in order and then backtrack. Liars cannot do that. So you can break up memorized lines. All the parents are like. Furiously writing down. So that is one thing that you can do to catch a liar in that memorized.
You just reminded me of the Oscar winning movie. The Others, that fascinating movie about east German interrogation and the way the interrogators worked was they knew the liar because they liar's story never changed. The person telling the truth began to get panicked, they began to get nervous because they couldn't understand why no one believed them. But the liar's story was the same at 8 o'clock in the morning as it was at 5 p.m. at night and that's how they knew.
And they were emotionless because they had practiced it so many times. They thought that their story was locked solid whereas the honest people, if you ask an honest person the same question four different ways they feel like they're going crazy. Right? They're like. I told you this. And they can answer every way, but they'll you slightly differently because they're trying to convince you that it's actually the truth. They can explain the scene from every which way. Right? So that's a really interesting, I hadn't thought about that movie. I might have to go find a clip of it.