Increase Income: Your Nonverbal Actions
Most people are really excited about this section, how to increase their income and it is fun to teach because no matter what you do, you always want to make sure that you're getting more clients, higher income dollars, whether that's negotiating salary, negotiating for a house, negotiating for a car, all of these fall into this section. So I'm very excited. Everything we've been doing so far has been leading up to this afternoon. So. First I want to ask the audience, people at home, can you tell me what your sales or income opportunities are? I want to get to know a little bit about what you're doing. So when are you selling yourself? What are you trying to increase? How does that work in your own life so I can make sure that it's really specific to you. So Sasheed, can we start with you? What are some sale opportunities that you're looking at?
So I send direct mail to potential clients and from that I call them and from the call the goal is to schedule 60 minute consults with them.
Okay, so yours come after kind of a cold introduction with the direct mail, you're following up, and trying to get a longer consult.
Yeah, either a direct mail or an email but I'm also testing just calling them directly.
Perfect. Sarah, how about you?
Now, I'm currently working with a company so it would be raising my salary. But another thing that I'm working on is also when you get these 20 minute coffee with people, how can you say like, I also have something to give back to you, it's this.
Okay, so income opportunities from networking. Right, so turning those casual coffee meetings, those casual interactions into income opportunities. Great. Max, how about you?
Similar to Sarah, I work for a company so obviously it'd be great to have a better income. I also have a bonus structure at work as well but also in my theater work, negotiating my contracts for that as well.
Great, negotiating individual contracts. Especially because they come up one off. Same Sasheed, I'm sure you're working one on one with clients and they're a little bit different every time so you're constantly having income opportunities. Irena, tell me about you. How about your income opportunities?
It's services, I sell my services, I'm a photographer so it's wall galleries. And also I offer a class for moms who want to learn how to use their cameras.
Okay, so you have like products and services.
Yes, products and services.
Okay, very interesting. Uh, Meg.
What I need is ongoing marketing. I see a certain number of clients every week, families every week, and sometimes it dips and adds but it's really long term, keeping things steady as opposed to really increasing.
Okay, so keeping things steady, making sure you're having less dips, and also you have income opportunities from referrals. Right, so it's making sure that word of mouth brings you your new business.
Right, okay. Jean Marie, how about you?
Well, I have several as a host here. I have the opportunity to add more value both on camera and off. So pitching and presenting ideas of ways to do that. The second thing with my personal brand consultation, since I have developed more of a product around the method as opposed to doing the hand holding in person, just increasing the base of people that I'm talking to, having a larger wider net to cast so that I can produce more sales that way. And then also perhaps speaking engagements or opportunities like that.
Okay, so this a lot, this is great because we have a wide variety. We have products, we have services, we have referrals, we have negotiating existing contracts and new contracts, and also upselling. Right, getting people who are currently paying us for one thing but getting them to pay us for more. Right, that's all part of income opportunities. So thank you for that, that's perfect. So we're gonna start with a law of body language. This is in your free hand outs, in the bonus materials. Just check out the laws of body language, this is number 15, the law of income. So the law of income says that a nonverbal edge increases your earnings. And I'm going to go into exactly what this means. And this makes logical sense, right? The whole course we've been talking about how nonverbal is this missing ingredient, that most people go into income opportunities with just their words. They think about what they're going to say, how they're going to convince someone to buy something from them. And that's great but that's only a third of your ability. It's like going into a meeting with a client blindfolded because you're not using the other part of your senses. So adding the nonverbal increases your sales because you're literally using more of your natural abilities. So a really interesting study looked at sales personnel and they found that after only two hours of training, which is longer than what you guys have already had so far in this course. After only two hours of training, sales personnel were able to double their sales by specifically being able to use two skills. First, is spotting micro expressions. That was the first thing that helped them increase their skills. Because second was displaying the ideal nonverbal. So once they were able to spot a micro expression on a client, on a partner, on someone they were pitching, then they were able to correctly show the nonverbal to match, to make them feel comfortable, trusting, to make you seem more credible. So it's that two part process. We already talked about spotting micro expressions, which is so important in the first foundation to this. Now, we're going to be talking about how to display your ideal nonverbal. So part one, I've split this section up into two different sections. There's a lot of science for the how to increase your income section. So I've split it up into two parts. Part one, we're going to be talking about you're nonverbal, you in the audience. What you need to do. In part two, we're gonna be talking about their nonverbal. Okay? So we're gonna start yours and then we're going to move to theirs. I love this quote by Dale Carnegie. Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends And Influence People. He has amazing insights on the psychology of people. And he says this amazing quote: "You can make more friends in two months "by becoming interested in other people "than you can in two years by trying to "get other people interested in you." This is the classic mistake we make when going into sales. We go into sales thinking how can I get them interested in me? Right, how can I get them interested in my product, my service. I want you to switch that. We approach sales in a very different way. We approach it as how can I get more interested in them? So step one is to get interested in them. And here's how you do that non verbally. Okay? This is called the head tilt. The head tilt is the nonverbal sign for I'm listening. Like if you were to ask someone, do you hear that? Most people would go, what? And they tilt their head to the side to listen. We instinctively do this when we're trying to listen or hear something. So this is what we can use when we're with clients to show them, I am listening to you. It's a secret weapon. So I said I was going to give a couple of tricks. Everything is very authentic granted what you naturally do. In the sales section, I give you a couple little tricks because you are listening, right? When you're sitting with a client, you are generally listening. You just want to show them that and this is how you do it. So a client always wants to feel heard and this is any kind of client. Even if you're negotiating with someone, even if it's a boss, as humans all we want is to feel like someone is truly listening to us. So if we can show that to them, you're empowering them because you're saying, I am on your team and that makes them want to invest in you. So a head tilt shows them you are listening on all levels. It is very easy to do. However, this is the law of the spectrum. If you do it too much, you look like a crazy person. (laughs) So we always want to find the sweet spot. So it's a soft head tilt and you also don't want to do it continuously. So it's only used on those specific moments. When I'm with a client I think to myself okay, when are they opening up to me about their real needs? That's when I use the head tilt. This is a nonverbal underline. If your client is opening up to you about their needs, this is exactly when you want to show them, I am here for you. I'm listening, you have all of my attention. So you want to use the head tilt sparingly, you won't want to go too extreme. You want to hit that sweet spot of underlining for them what's most important so that's when you can show them you're listening. Yeah?
So Vanessa, I see that also your hair is tucked behind your ear and you can actually see your ear. Is that more effective like if you do have a hair tuck, to tilt your head where your ear is showing as well?
I haven't actually seen any research on visible ear but I would think that showing an ear and then tilting it, it can only help access that visible cue. It also makes it easier, especially if you longer hair, it makes it easier to do it. That's a good point, I would love to try that. Maybe that's one of our human behavior experiments to see if there is a difference when you can actually see someones ear versus not. Ninja tip here. So I have a couple ninja tips that are little side tips that I really like that I've learned. You can use the head tilt to soften the blow. So I have a question for you, audience. Has there ever been times where you have deliver not-so-good news to clients? Has that ever happened before? Everyone's like yes. So what is it usually, Shasheed, what is it usually for you?
Well, last week is was convincing someone, can I anonymize it. Convincing someone to not work with their developer because he wasn't doing the right things. And let me do that part and hire someone.
Right, so telling someone that someone else on their team isn't doing such a good job. That's a really hard one. Any other examples of having to deliver not-so-easy news to clients or colleagues? Irena, I saw you shaking your head yes earlier.
It wasn't a client, it was personal.
Oh, personal, you can use this both in personal and in professional settings. And here's why it works. When you tilt your head, you're showing that you're not in the offensive or defensive position. You're not directly challenging someone, you're in the listening position. So when you deliver something hard, you're saying I'm delivering this but I want to hear your feedback on it. So it helps soften that if you're delivering something hard. Especially if you're working with clients on personal branding, motivation, or you're helping them with their website, and you have some bad news to deliver, that's the way that you can soften it so they stay out of defensive mode too. So watch the difference. I think I used this example yesterday with photographers, if you have to do an unflattering pose. So if you say that pose is a little unflattering. Or if I say that poses a little unflattering. Even that slight head tilt makes me seem more sympathetic because I'm saying, I'm not trying to attack you, I'm listening to you, I want to hear your needs. So it's a nice little tip if you have that problem. It can help you deliver bad news better, both personally and professionally. Step number two is get confidence. This is my favorite. I've developed something called the five second flex. I had a lot of students tell me that they love power pose and they loved their launch stance but there's a little bit more when it comes to sales. You have to do a little bit more than that and how do they remember. So what I developed is this acronym of the five second flex. In five seconds you can easily do each of these things. So find your position is the first thing. So that is your launch position. So if everyone wants to actually stand up, I know you guys are taking notes. So if you guys want to stand up real quickly and get into your launch position. So our launch position is the position that makes us feel the most confident that we do naturally when we feel good. So the first part of flex is find your position. L, let yourself be open. So anytime, so this is just a reminder. You have any pens, you have any binders, cups, you just open up. So open up your chest, open up your head. Yours are already great, you stay nice and open. And right when you go into a sales meeting you want to show I'm not hiding anything. E, elevate your game. So this is when you think can I power gaze? Is there a head tilt that's needed? Using some of those cues that we've learned that can really elevate you to show you mean it. This could be reaching out to them, using power gazing, or using the head tilt during their positions. And the last one is exhibit emotion. Show them you care. So this is as they're speaking, you can non verbally nod yes, I hear you. You can say I get it, tell me more. So it's exhibiting emotion so that you're not just standing there by yourself, you're working with them. That is the five-second flex that you can do very quickly. Thank you, you guys can sit down. So you can use that anytime. You can use that with networking, definitely in sales. In fact you have to use it in sales. When you walk into a room or they ask you a hard question. Like let's say that you're sitting with your boss and all the sudden, they bring up hey, let's talk about a salary for next year. Or client says hey, will you talk about, you know, our month is almost up, let's talk about next steps. It often happens when you don't even think about it. You don't even know you're preparing for a pitch. This is what you can do. You can in five seconds... Okay, find your position let yourself be open. Elevate your game and show that you care. It's a very, very quick way to get right back into that correct ideal body language. Ninja tip here is another way that you can elevate your game, if you're waiting, is to read a newspaper. So we talked about how that's a really easy way to get into confident body language. We learned one of our laws of body language is the law of space. The more space you take up, the more expansive you are, the higher your testosterone levels, your strength hormone, and the lower your cortisol levels, your stress hormone. So reading a newspaper is a great way to actually get into flex without having to do nothing in the lobby. It's very nerve-wracking if you're waiting around, and you're just not checking your phone. So you can do that while you're reading a newspaper. And this brings me to my body language law number 16, the law of the ripple effect. So if you bring out your laws of body language, this is in your free bonus materials. The law of body language. Your body language affects your performance and your clients performance. This is a really interesting one because most people think that if they elevate their game that just helps them sell more. What the law of the ripple effect says is that actually if you elevate your game, you also elevate your clients game. That when you do better, they do better. Here's a study that looked at how that works. This is another doctors study. It was actually with physical therapists. They took two different groups of physical therapists. One of the groups was trained on the body language cues that we're learning right now. The power body language, the confidence body language, and they used those with their clients including warmth. So using the head tilt, showing that they're interested with their body as well as being interested mentally. They were trained on those three different cues. In the second group, they were able to treat their clients normally. What they found was, and this was a Harvard study by the way, all the patients of physical therapists who were trained in the warmth competent and confident body language, their patients had faster recovery times. In three months, their patients made further improvements in their medical goals. And what they found was, the Harvard professors that did this, is that when a client feels like they're being heard, they're in capable hands, the placebo effect begins to take place and they actually begin to do better. They have better belief in themselves, they have more faith in the person who's helping them. So when you elevate your game, when you increase your confidence, your credibility, you actually help your clients do better as well. So that's why this is so important and it's so empowering. You're empowering yourself but you're also empowering your clients, which I love. Step number three. Show charisma through movement. So I know we have a couple of dancers in the room so you guys will love this section because we're talking all about movement and charisma. This is my body language law number 17, the law of movement in your laws of body language in the bonus materials. Purposeful movement makes you relatable, charismatic, and powerful. And there's a reason here where I say purposeful because not all movement makes you more influential but the right kind of movement, if you can harness it right, does amazing things for your charisma levels. When we look at who is charismatic and who's not, movement is one of the things that we look at. So let me explain how that works. Here's what you want to avoid. Here's the movement that doesn't serve us. First is self-soothing behaviors. A self-soothing behavior is a body language move where we are trying to comfort ourselves or calm ourselves down. Self-soothing is literally when we're trying to soothe ourselves. They're also called pacifying gestures or calming gestures. So we do these all the time. Earlier when we watched that bad elevator pitch, that tuck behind the ear. That is a self-soothing gesture. That is a way that we self touch. The reason that we do this, from an evolutionary perspective, is when we were infants and we were upset, our mothers usually patted or rubbed our back to calm us down. So we still do this to calm ourselves down when we self-soothe. By the way, something funny. So during the last break, my mom texted me and she said when I pat you, I'm not trying to dominate you. Because she was watching and so I wrote back and I was like oh mom, I'm so glad you asked this question. So earlier we talked about how patting, when someone pat's you it's a dominant behavior. The exception here is mothers and their children and fathers and their children. And the reason for this is because when a baby is little and they need burp, when they need to be self-soothed, we pat them. So for mothers and fathers it is a nurturing behavior with their children. So mom don't worry. (laughs) I got you covered, I know you're not trying to dominate. So self-soothing is what we want to watch out for. How much we self touch. Researchers looked at alphas, leaders, in the labs. And they found that alphas and leaders rarely touch their face, their neck, and their arms. They do not touch themselves that way because it is a low-power nonverbal cue. So women who are very fidgety, who fidget with their hair, who fidget with their necklaces, you are sending off those low-power signals. So as much as you can you want to avoid using those self touch gestures. Hopping and swaying. So this is the movement that we don't like. As we talked about earlier, this is like adrenaline leaving our feet. So when I do this and I talk to you, it's extremely distracting for your brain. Your brain cannot focus on what I'm saying. So it's a way that we get our nerves out. Again, it is a low-power body language. So that's why it's so important to get into that launch stance to make sure that you're not hopping and swaying because otherwise you send off those low-power signals. And in sales you need to make sure that you show confidence because if they even smell a whiff that you're not confident, they don't think they can trust you with their project. They need to feel like they can trust you with it. The last thing is fidgeting. So this aspect of self-soothing. Self-grooming, drumming, tapping, and cracking. So cracking our knuckles. I will tell you one thing that I have been, I've almost mastered it. This is something that I used to do all the time. I used to roll my wrists when I talk. I would crack my wrists and I have worked really hard to not do that because it is a low confidence behavior. That was a nervous gesture that I did in fidgeting and we'll learn tomorrow during lie detection, these are also fall into lying red flags. So not only do you show low confidence to clients when you're doing this, you also spark their red flags that they think that you're not telling the truth, which is the absolute last thing you want them to think when you're pitching. So let's talk about what you should do, what alpha behavior is. So an alpha is the natural leader of a group and this could happen in social situations and business situations. Typically it is the boss but not always. This is he body language of leaders. You often see in offices actually there's a social alpha, there's someone who's sort of the friendliest person in the office who everyone's friends with. And there's also the financial boss, the person who doles out the money. There can be two or even three alphas but typically there's one in each area. So here are a couple of things that alphas do right with movement, which I want us to do. They use expressive gestures. They use their gestures very purposefully. They only do them when they mean something. So they don't randomly talk with their hands and gesture. As we learned earlier with a elevator pitch, they know exactly when they're using those nonverbal gestures because they express a very specific point. So I want you to start practicing. That's why we were doing our elevator pitch earlier. Knowing your points and having the right nonverbal expressiveness for those points. That will help with people's comprehension of what you're saying. It'll also help them take you more seriously because they're able to see ah, this is alpha behavior. As opposed to less purposeful movement or no movement at all, which is very stiff and very frozen. Explanatory gestures. Again, this helps with comprehension. Especially if you're working with clients on technical skills, you can use gestures to break things down. So if you have parts of a project, one way that you can show that is you can say so first, we're gonna work, let's say that you're working with a photographer. First, we're gonna talk about your goals for the wedding and we're gonna work on the engagement session. That's what we're gonna work on first, Then we're gonna talk about everything you want for your wedding. All those special moments. And last, I will take care of all of the editing for you so you get the perfect photo album at the end of your, right, like that's how you do it. That's how and that broke that down so it can be great to take down their anxiety. A lot of the time when we're working with clients or even bosses, they hate talking about money just as much as you do. So using those explanatory gestures takes down both of your anxiety because it organizes what's happening. It organizes the thoughts. Lower movement levels in general is always good. So I am overly expressive. I have to work on reining my hands in. I want to find my sweet spot. So when you have to err on the edge of one side of the other, you want to try to do less rather than more. That's a real hard one but if you know where you fall on the spectrum, you can work on where you need to go. So here's that ideal. So that ideal is nice explanatory purposeful gestures as opposed to the high and low, too expressive or under expressive. Alright, I want to do a little tiny just mental check-in. We are halfway through the course and I know I'm throwing a ton of information at you. What I want to say is first of all, I am so grateful that you're here. I'm so grateful that you're open to learning body language. Most people don't even think about it. And the face that you're here, puts you ahead of so many people. So I am so grateful for that because I really want everyone to be in control of their body language. Second is I want you to harness your tenacity. So as we work through some of these harder examples, this is our most advanced section so far. We are really building on building upon building. So to get through it I want you to harness your tenacity. And I want to tell you a story where I felt like I was a little overwhelmed and we always have to find a way and I'm happy to help you with it. So when I first started my business, I couldn't afford anything. I was like a bootstrapping entrepreneur. And there was this conference I wanted to go to so badly. I was like oh, everyone in my industry is going to be at this conference, I have to go. I could not afford the ticket. I could barely afford to like park at the hotel where the conference was being held, okay. So I'm like okay, how can I, so I offered to volunteer. No, they weren't taking volunteers. I offered to be a blogger. I would tweet for them, I offered everything, no. I was like okay. What do people at conferences need? Coffee. They always need coffee. So what I did is I went to the Starbucks in the basement of the hotel where the conference was at and I went to the baristas and I brought them homemade cookies that I'd made that morning and I said I'm gonna be here all day. I'm gonna get in and out of line, just ignore me when I get to the front. And so all day long when I saw someone in a badge get in line, I got in line behind them, and I said how's the conference going? And they would tell me and I collected over 75 cards just by getting back in line over and over and over again. And I got to meet two of the speakers and buy their coffee. Because I got in line behind two speakers and I was like let me buy your coffee for you. And we chatted and I was very transparent. They said how are you liking the conference? And I was like oh I couldn't afford to go so I'm making this my networking. I'm networking with everyone in line and they would kind of laugh and you know, I got a lot of great business out of that conference. So I share this story with you because as we're here I want you to think of every opportunity you possibly can to practice. Practice in lines. Practice on the way to the bathroom. Practice in the car. Practice at the bus stop. Practice as much as you can because every time you do it, you're gonna create a new opportunity, and you're gonna increase that brain muscle growth that I want so much. And the second thing is have a mentality that says how can this work for me. So if you're watching this course and you're like oh, that tip wouldn't work for me. I want you to switch that around and I want you to think how can I make this work for me? Find a way to make it work and try it and make it natural for you. That's how we see the most improvement at the end of the course. Alright. So step four, now that I've done that mental check-in. Hopefully everyone got that little pep talk and we're going. Step four is to be persuasive. So we've talked about how to be interested. We've talked about charisma. We've talked about confidence. Now, we have to talk about how to be persuasive. Here's how you do that non-verbally. The best nonverbal trick you can use for this is the lean. So the lean does three things. First, it is great for emphasis. It is like a nonverbal bold or a nonverbal highlight. When you lean in on a word, everyone waits to see what you're gonna say, right? That's what happens when you lean non-verbally, people get very excited to hear what you're gonna say next. The second thing that does is it's great for agreement. So remember how we talked about proxemics earlier. where I had Jean Marie stand and she was my bullet and then people stood forward. So if you're in different zones and you lean forward, you get a little closer to their next zone, and that's a way of showing I want to be with you. I want to be in agreement with you. Now remember, I'm not saying like lean, right? This is a spectrum. It's a slight lean forward, it's a way for them to say ah, they're trying to be with me. They're trying to be in my level, in my space, on my plane. The third thing is for partnership. So it shows congeniality. To be persuasive we have to show people that we want the same thing. That's what being persuasive is all about and that is about being interested in them. You're saying I want what you want. If you pay me more, I'm gonna work better for you, and we're gonna all make more money. That's all being on the same side. So a lean can do those three things. So when you're talking about your pitch or when you're thinking about pitch or when you're with people that you want to persuade, I want you to think about what you're saying and think about if you can add emphasis to something you're saying. If you can show agreement with something they're saying. So they say something that's important to them, you can lean in for them, I hear you. That's what you're saying with your body. Or third, for partnership. I want us to work together. That's slight lean forward. Think of the three times you can use that, either when you're speaking, when they're speaking, or when you want to show something mutual. Body language law and number 18, the law of leaning. So laws of body language in your free bonus materials. Purposeful leaning shows engagement and charisma. This is a super tool. You can use leaning as a superpower. And it's very natural. We do this naturally anyway. You'll see that when people, like whenever I'm at a bars, I try to watch people when they're flirting back and forth. I'll notice when both people are into each other when they're both slightly leaning into each other. We do this naturally we want engagement. So to bring it into the professional setting and keep it professional, you can do that to emphasize your words. Again, there's a spectrum. If you spend the whole time leaning, the whole effect is negated. And you also want to watch and see if they lean back. Okay, that's my little ninja tip. I don't know if I have that special ninja picture for you but if you lean forward and they lean back, you need to immediately go into rapport building behavior. They are not on the same page as you. That is a nonverbal cue of I don't feel this. I don't want them in my zone. And especially if you're across the desk from someone, it's not a space thing, that's like a nonverbal mentally, I'm not into it. So that's something you can watch out for. Alright, before we go on to the next section where I'm gonna work on your pitches with you, I want to take questions and I know I didn't get a lot of questions last time so if we want to bring up those, we can do that as well. Audience members, what questions do you have for me on nonverbal selling? If anything. We're good.
We definitely got some coming from the chat room here.
We do, Suzenews says, I feel like I have to find something to do with my hands when I'm talking to people or listening. I'm definitely fidgety. Is there something or some sort of middle ground that would make me more comfortable than just my hands at my side because that feels awkward to me.
Yes, hold a comfort object. So if you find that you're very fidgety because that's your habit, that's totally fine. One way that you can slow down that fidget is to always hold a comfort object. So pens are wonderful for this. Your pen can help you not self touch right because much harder to do it and the second you do it you go nope, not gonna do that. And so that's actually a way that you can, make sure it's not a clicker pen though. Otherwise you get the back and forth. So make sure it's not a clicky pen. You can hold that as a comfort object. You can also do that with a drink. Especially the networking event. You can hold your drink. Uh-huh, yeah and you can't actually over gesture or fidget that much because you'll spill it. Also if you need marketing materials, you can actually hold like a flyer or an iPad and you can hold that from keeping you from fidgeting. So that's a really great question. Comfort objects is what will help you. Yeah.
Have there been any studies about whether it's more effective to stand up or sit down before entering a high-pressure situation, whether it's an interview or an audition?
Standing a hundred percent. So that's a great question. Someone actually asked me earlier, you know, could you ever teach the course sitting. You know, you must get so tired. And even if my back was killing me, I would stand for you because it's so important for confidence. So if you can wait in the waiting room, don't pace. Pacing actually increases your adrenaline as you're moving like that but to stay in your launch stance, take it in and wait that way. That's a much better thing to do. So standing is always, always better. It's okay if you can't stand during the pitch. Obviously because we don't usually pitch to each other when we're sitting in coffee shops but to stand while you're waiting is a great thing to do. It helps increase those testosterone levels.
Soamazing was asking about flipping their pen. I think you've just got your answer, don't do that. Lipstickandglasses is saying regarding hand gestures, they've noticed that sometimes people keep their elbows pinned very much to their side and all the arm gestures come with the forearm and hands. Is this bad?
So yeah, this is called the penguin. (laughs) When you pin your upper arms to your torso and then you just gesture like this. That's why in every single launch stance slide we've had, I've said keep your arms loose. Keeping them loose like that gives you more mobility. Now, occasionally if you over gesture, I tell you to pin your arms down just to keep you a little bit reined in. So the easiest way to keep your arms loose and not pinned in that pigeon is to keep your shoulders back. It's actually impossible to do them both at the same time. So when you have your shoulders down and back, it makes you keep your arms loose so you have a little bit more movement in those gestures. Yeah, that's a great question.
That also answered DennisFlores question as well at the same time.
Elena and RebeccaEP both do business via Google and Skype and things like that and they're wondering are there any specific tips that they can use doing that and would the head tilt work via Google Chat? And in addition to that, Photobug wanted to know if the head tilt sometimes can seem demeaning?
Ah, okay. Yes you can definitely use the head tilt in Google Hangout and in video. It works the exact same way. It's great, it helps soften things, it helps you look like you're listening, especially if you're not necessarily able to make eye contact, right? Because the screen is here and the camera is here, as you're kind of looking. The head tilt can show I'm looking and I'm listening. So yes, you can definitely use it on there. What was the second part of that question? The Photobug asks something?
Yes, if the head tilt can be demeaning?
Oh, demeaning. No, the head movements that are demeaning are when we tilt our head back and we look down our nose at someone. That is a demeaning way to look at someone. The other demeaning way is if you wear glasses and you peer over your glasses at them. Those are the two head behaviors that are demeaning, that put people into defensive positions but not the head tilt, which is great.
If I'm wearing my glasses and somebody gets so close to me, I have to do that otherwise I can't see them. So maybe, I mean, hopefully they take that as a cue they need to back off, I don't know.
That's a great actually like nonverbal cue that if they're too close for you and you look at them, they should non-verbally pickup that they're being judged and then they should try to step back a little bit. Now, I've found that close talkers typically have no idea they're close talkers and they don't read your body language at all. So you can be literally going like that to them. What I do with close talkers, I meet a lot of close talkers. I don't know why that happens but they don't get any of my body language cues usually because they're all in their own head about their story but what I will do is I'll hold my glass out like this. So they actually can't come any closer. I'll actually, uh-huh, yeah, so interesting. I mean they cannot come closer and they'll bump against my knuckles. And they continue to do it but at least it keeps them out of my space. So that is one way you can get them out of your space. And they don't realize, they have no idea. And they'll bump their knuckles against the glass and that's fine and then we can talk about it and it's no problem. (laughs)
One last question and we'll move on.
We've been talking a lot about nonverbal but maybe just like a quick verbal question is if people are exhibiting body language that is like offensive or uncomfortable to you, I'm sure you've run into it a lot talking to people about their body language. Is there a way that me is like a layman could say back off without... how do you critique people's body language in the wild without being mean.
In the wild? In the wild of business environments. So in the situations that come up for you and these come up for me as well. Is it that usually they're too close to you or is it just that they're being overly aggressive non-verbally?
A little bit of both.
Yeah, usually. So I will try that glass thing. I will also sometimes angle my body slightly away from them to show them that they're coming on a little bit too strong. So that's nonverbal responses. Verbally it's very, very hard. I will sometimes call out their excitement, right? So usually people are doing that because they just want to get to know you. They're not doing it because they're trying to be mean. They're just excited to meet you. They're like getting into your space and they're coming closer and closer and you're like ah! So I will say oh my gosh, I can feel your excitement. And that cues them in to I have noticed something that's a little bit different about them. Or I'll say I can see you're really excited about this. We don't usually talk people that way and so it cues them, oh, she noticed something was weird. And they'll usually be like oh yeah, I was just getting really into it. Or you can say I see you're really into this. I see you love talking about it. If you call out someone else's behavior in general, the emotion they're exhibiting, it usually makes them little bit more self-aware. So those are two additional things that you can do.