Lie Detection Challenge 2
I've never seen my course interpreted in an interpretive dance before. That was really cool and very exciting. So, thank you Evie and Max. That was amazing. And for my storyteller, of course, JKO, as well. So, I thought I would start off the day with a little lie detection challenge. So, every day I'm gonna show a different video, where you're gonna be able to test your skills. So, we're gonna be able to play the game Two Truths and One Lie. So, this is when someone will come on screen, and they will tell you two truths and one lie, and you will have to guess which one is a lie. So, how did you do yesterday on that challenge? How was that video for you? I think someone actually got it right the first time.
Max got it.
Max, you were just getting A pluses this morning. That's awesome. What was hard about that challenge when you were watching that video? When you saw it, was it just too fast? Yes, Sarah?
When I play Two Truths and a Lie, it's really, really easy for me to come up wi...
th two truthful things about themselves, and then the lie just sort of ends up being something very flip. And, so, when I saw Erin say, you know, "I like kayaking. "I hate tomatoes. "And I just farted." I was like, "Well, obviously it's the third one." 'Cause it's very honest, and it's also sort of flipped. And, so, I just expected.
So, that's actually a really good point. So, one of the hardest parts about lie detection, and we talked about this yesterday when we were watching the micro expression videos, is that our brains come up with these explanations. They come up with these stories about, "Oh, well, of course he probably didn't say that. "So I'm gonna ignore whatever I might have seen, "and pick the flip one." And that happened with the micro expression video the other day, when we were watching the micro expressions. And then we saw that she was talking about her wedding, and we're like, "Well, maybe she's sad because of her family, "maybe not." So, that's the hardest part about lie detection, is trying to find the right source. So, let's talk a little bit about, what are some of the challenges from yesterday that you worked on last night, talk a little bit about the homework. So, did anyone do their elevator pitch scripting last night? How did that go? I know. Arina, I saw you cover your face. Did anyone work on it? Was it hard to script it out? Meg, tell me about it.
Well, I actually worked on the area that I'm having more difficulty with, which is that social networking, because the pitch I did yesterday was very much, would be direct on, in a professional setting, somebody saying, "What do you do?" Which is different than being in group, and, you know, that sort of casual, and, "What do you do?"
Got it. So, yesterday we talked about sort of that professional elevator pitch, 20 to 30 seconds, what do I do? Why does it matter? So, what I asked the audience to do and everyone back home, and if you still have time, I would love for you to do this back home, is to think about how do you answer the question, "So, what do you do?" when you're at a networking event. And you're right, that is a slightly different answer, especially because if sounds to canned, to memorized, people are like, "Ugh." at networking events. So, it has to sound casual enough, where it's still like it's not memorized, but also it's put together, and you get everything in your message out there. Jean-Marie, did you work on your pitch? Was it a little different from day to day?
I did work on my pitch. I actually took your advice. Someone reached out to me on my website, and you said, "Hey, why don't you make a video response for them?" So, I actually did make a video for them. And I haven't heard back yet, but that was a fun exercise. And I also went to the Science of People, and I checked out just some examples of your clinic on the pitch. So, I watched some of that, and I learned a few things, like showing your hands. And I used that.
To increase trust. Yes, absolutely. So, we do elevator pitch clinics, which we're gonna actually do in this segment, so stay tuned. We're gonna have people come up. I'm gonna whiteboard out the different parts of your pitch. And we're gonna add in non-verbal points for each. So, it's gonna be a really fun thing. And sending videos is a great exercise. One thing that we talked about yesterday, was if you do a lot of phone or emailing with clients, or you're pitching people, adding a video in, especially with your pitch, or if you're saying thank you to someone, or trying to close the sale, that video can really help at it. So, what I want you to do, is watch the video, and then see if you can pick out which is the lie. So, Arlina is gonna give us two truths, one lie, and try to pick out which one it is. You ready?
I used to be a heavy smoker. I get extremely air-sick when I fly. And I really have an issue with people who make racist jokes.
All right. So, what do we think? What's your gut tell you?
I hope the lie's not number three.
I hope the lie's not number three. So, remember, don't let your story in your head dictate your choice. Okay, so, what do we think? What else do we think?
I'm thinking number one.
Could you replay it without sound.
I can't do it without sound. But if you want to plug your ears, you're welcome to. You know what? That's actually a good way of--
I used to be a heavy smoker. I get extremely air-sick when I fly. And I really have an issue with people who make racist jokes.
So, it's fascinating that you asked, "Can we play it on silent?" And I will say, and this is a little crazy, whenever the presidential debates are on TV, I actually watch them on mute. And that is because I learn more, their answers are so scripted, even their body language is scripted in a certain sense. But I actually watch them without the words, because you're able to tell more about their positions, their answers, their nerves, by not listening. So, your instinct to actually close your ears and not listen to the sound was not a bad idea at all. So, it's very interesting. If you have the luxury of doing video, you can do that. Sorry, yeah, go ahead. What was your guess after you saw it that second time? And do you have a guess?
My guess is the middle one. But I don't know.
I'm gonna guess it's number one, purely because she has a raspy voice. So, I'm guessing that everybody thinks that's why she has a raspy voice. Maybe it's a double bluff.
Yeah, yeah, Arina.
You're gonna guess number one? Okay, so, we have, everyone has a different guess, one, two, three. That's what I wanted. I wanted someone to check everything. All right, are we ready to see the answer? All right, let's see here. She's gonna repeat one more time, then she's gonna tell us what the truth was.
I used to be a heavy smoker. I get extremely air-sick when I fly. And I really have an issue with people who make racist jokes. The first one.
The first one was?
I was a heavy smoker.
Right. She was lying. She's not a heavy smoker. So, the reason why I put this video on day two, is because we had talked about don't fall for what you think is right. So, what happens is, is when most people watch this video, they say, "Ah, she has a gravelly voice. "She was probably a former smoker." And so they say, "That's probably the truth." But they don't look at any of the cues that are happening non-verbally. So, you were right, it was a double bluff, JKO, on that. So, that's a really important reminder of how we don't want to let our minds, what's called lensing, trick us into making up the background story and not seeing the cues that are right in front us. So, I'm gonna teach you exactly what to see, so you know how to spot those lies and not let your brain trick you out of it. So, I wanna a play a little game with you. What I want the audience to do, and people at home, is to tell me about these two women in this picture. I want you to make up a story about these women. Tell me, what is the difference? What is the woman in yellow? What did she eat for breakfast? What car does she drive? What's her marital status? And, then, tell me what's the difference with the woman in the pink blazer. So, what are your instincts? What are your first thoughts about these two women? We'll start with the woman in the pink, how 'bout that? What do you think her background is? Sarah, go ahead.
So, the two women, I think the woman in yellow is maybe gay, and just the vibe that she's giving to the dude versus the other lady, who is a little bit femier, she has like the necklace going on, the glasses are very fancy.
So, we think the woman in pink is pretty feminine, right?
Based on her necklace and the pink jacket. What else did we pick up? Those were good.
I was getting a little bit more of a competition for the male's attention. I think the one in pink definitely wants to be a little bit more flirty and outgoing with him. And the other one is a little bit jealous that she's probably doing a better job, so, she's like, "What can I do to get his attention?"
Okay, so, we're picking up on this sort of tension or competition. Okay, what else do we see? Yeah, Meg?
Well, I'm seeing the two people in the front as being peers, and the woman there is being their boss.
Ah, so, that maybe he's a superior--
No, no, the woman in the pink is their boss, and they're both sucking up.
Maybe because their bodies are angled towards them.
Also, the physical closeness with the woman. The reason why I don't think that they're competing for the man's attention, is because the woman seems physically closer, and sort of more engaged with the other lady.
Um, I actually think the woman in the pink is a lower status, and I think that there's contempt going on, a little bit of contempt on the face and the woman in the yellow. And the guy is kinda, I don't know, it seems like he's lying about something, or he's trying to distract them about something.
Okay, cool. I like that. And, also, it's funny that you picked up on that low power, 'cause she has her shoulders slightly hunched in, and her arms are tucked and slightly blocking.
She's not taking up space.
Exactly. Which we talked about in the law of space yesterday. What else do we think? Arina, yeah?
I think that I would agree that the woman in pink has the low position. And the woman in the yellow jacket, she seems to be irritated, there is certain conversation, related to whatever they're doing, and she wants to get closer the point.
So, she's like impatient, like, "Let's get it started."
Yes, impatient. And she gets irritated with that. And she's irritated to that woman in pink, because she's distracting from that point of conversation. And at the same time she's irritated with the guy, because she gets distracted.
And you can see she's sort of shaking her head. Does that sound kind of right to you?
Yeah, sort of. Like, before I thought the woman in the yellow was the low power one, but looking at it again, she seems, actually, like the highest power. And the guy, I can like, you can't see his face, but you can kind of like tell there's eye wrinkles.
Yes. You can see that he's laughing or smiling.
Yeah, and I was actually watching Lie To Me, and he talked about eye wrinkles, forget what it was related to.
And, so, remember that pencil activity we did yesterday? When the cheeks are activated, we often get those crow's feet smile lines. So, that helps us see the true indicator of happiness. So, people have it when they're truly laughing, it literally reaches up into their eyes. We smile with our eyes. That phrase. That comes from our crow's feet, and our upper cheeks are being activated from that genuine smile. So, what's interesting about this picture, is it is a general stock image photo. And what we just did is called thin slicing. So, we were able to look at this picture. We were able to see competitiveness, anger, jealousy, high power, lower power. Our brains fill in the blanks. The reason why I had people do this exercise, is because our first impressions of just a picture, this is just a picture of a scene, we can make whole stories about characters in our head, and we could walk in, like, let's say we saw this from across the office, and our brains start spinning all kinds of stories. And, then, we walk up to them, and we meet them. Now, that should be the blank slate, but, actually, our brain has created this entire backstory, that either is fitting into what we thought or contradictory. But we're not actually giving them a blank slate. And that's why it's so important that when you first walk in the room, when people first hit your website or your social media page, that you know exactly what your non-verbal is saying, because we thin slice. Our brain naturally takes what are these very easy slices of person, of people, and fills in stories about them. And it happens incredibly quickly. So, thank you for helping me participate on that. So, I wanted to show a study about how this works in action, the science behind this. As you know, I take a science-based approach. So, I love talking about the research behind all of this information. This study was done at the University of Texas. And what they did, is they had students in one of their classes take personality tests, then, they also had their friends take tests about them. So, they were really accurate, not only how you judge yourself but also how your friends judge you. Then what they did, and they judged them, a couple of the traits they were looking at were extroversion, self-esteem, emotional stability, and they judged 10 different traits from those long question personality quizzes. What they wanted to know, is if they took picture of these students, and they asked complete strangers to take a personality test for that person, how accurate would they be? So, what they found was, with each of these pictures, complete strangers rated them, took the same personality tests as the friends did, they were able to correctly guess nine out of the 10 traits for those people just based on their picture alone. The only way, the only trait that they couldn't get from the one picture was conscientiousness. That was only the thing they couldn't find from the picture. So, what we say about ourselves, and you should be seeing a pattern now with all my research. Every day I gonna try to prove to you, more and more, that our non-verbal says way more than what our words actually say. So, I have two goals today, that we're gonna work on. First, I want to put you in control of your first impression. I want to make sure that you know exactly what it's saying. Second, I wanna make sure you know how to accurately read others' first impressions. So, that when you thin slice people, 'cause we do it naturally, you're going on accurate cues. You're watching the body language, and you know what it's saying instead of guessing. So, those are the two goals that we're gonna work today. So, briefly, I wanna ask you, what has been your AHA moment? From yesterday, what was the thing you were, "Okay, that's a real big, "that's a light switch for me." Shashid, can I start with you on your AHA moment?
Yeah, I think what I realized, was I usually just listen to voice when trying to understand things. And this just gives me another tool to like help understand people in meetings.
Yeah. And, so, you must be an auditory learner?
Right. So, adding in that visual cue. And, by the way, we are gonna talk about vocal power today. So, you're gonna be able to elevate the accuracy of how you judge voice and vocal tone. Jean-Marie, how 'bout you?
I have so many. I am rather tall, so, just owning the tallness, and then having a leading stance that I can rely upon to be my kind of--
My launch. That's it. The launch.
Your launch stance. And, so, that launch stance, it is a confidence builder. Not only is it confidence to others, but it helps you not have to think about it. If you're thinking about your words, you can just rely on muscle memory. Once you get used to that launch stance, you know it's, "Okay, this is confident. "I feel good about it. "It's natural and authentic to what I already do. "I don't even have to think about it. "I can just focus on the other person." So, absolutely. And the more you do it, the more muscle memory you'll have on it. Meg, how 'bout you? What was something you worked on yesterday?
One of the most interesting things was the idea that the first second is so important. Because in a new situation, I tend to hold back, and I've always thought, well, the moment I make my impressions is when I finally do introduce myself or something. And what I learned yesterday, that I checked out with the group is true, is, no, it's from the moment you come in and you're not interacting, that you're making an impression.
Oh, I'm so happy you brought that up. So, did the group, did you ask the group about your first impression yesterday?
Okay, great. So, that is a common, very common misconception. And that's why introverts, we're gonna talk about specific cues for introverts. They come into a room, and they think they can hold back and observe, 'cause they're more comfortable observing, which is totally fine. And that they don't make that first impression until they start talking. And they've thought about it, they thought it through, but, actually, they made their impression right when they walked into the room. So, thank you for bringing that up. Sarah, how 'bout you?
I appreciate that all of this is rooted in what we do naturally, that you're really working with us to adapt power stances, to adapt these different things to what we're doing naturally, and the best of what we're doing naturally.
Right, 'cause the problem is, is if don't do that, if we force body language tricks, and I understand this. A lot of body language people will say, oh, try this one, try this one, 'cause that makes it easier. But if that feels unnatural to you, it just makes you look inauthentic, so, I'm so happy that you appreciate that, because we're gonna be doing that throughout the course. Of course, I'll give you a couple of tricks in the sales section, 'cause those are great. But, otherwise, I wanna make sure that it's always natural. Max, how 'bout you?
For me, I've always wanted to avoid looking at people's expressions. But learning the seven micro expressions has given me the opportunity to not only do my own assessment on, oh, what position is my face in right now? What are people thinking, that I'm thinking and feeling? But I'm able to now sort of be able to look at other people comfortably, and figure out, maybe, oh, what are they saying? And are the micro expressions matching what they're saying?
Yeah, it gives you something to look for. What made you uncomfortable while looking at someone's expression? 'Cause I heard that before, I'm just curious. What was it that was stopping you before?
It's weird, that I would think that maybe they're thinking I'm judging them by looking at them. So, there's an uncomfortableness by looking at people sometimes.
Okay, so, I've heard this a lot before, that people say, "I used to feel uncomfortable looking at faces, "and now that I know what to look for, "it's easier." Remember that, in a normal conversation, 60% to 70% of the time, you should be making eye contact. So, that is normal. And it's not actually territorial or aggressive to look at someone's face. 60% to 70%, in western cultures, by the way. I will say, in some asian cultures, it's less, especially with subordinates and superiors. So, in western cultures, it's 60% to 70%, that that is normal. And that looking at someone's face actually makes them feel like you are with them, that you're engaged. So, I'm happy that you have something to look for with those micro expressions. And then you can practice with your own face, especially when you're on the phone, bringing the mirror back, and being like, "Whoa, that's what kind of face I'm making." It's shocking when you put it out there. Arina, how 'bout you?
The AHA moment, one was that there is no wrong body expressions, this is what Sarah said, that we can adapt whatever we do and whatever we have. But, also, it was interesting for me, that when we were talking, what we first look at the person, and everyone was saying eyes, and, for me, it was interesting, because I pay a lot of attention to hands. But I didn't recognize that that was my first thing to pay attention. I was thinking that, well, probably, eyes first and then hands, but I didn't realize how fast it was.
Right. So, the first place we look when we meet someone is their hands And we look at them all the time, we just don't realize it. And, so, now that you're attuned to that, and we know why, right? It keeps us safe. So, thank you, that's perfect. All right, so, very briefly--
Vanessa, would like to hear some answers online? Sorry.
Yes, I would love it.
Just a very couple of quick ones. Hollywood is saying, her AHA was, "I need to listen better." And Matty is saying that, "My non-verbal communications," sorry, "My non-verbal communicates who I am "before I even introduce myself."
And listening in the chatroom, thank you for bringing that up, because when I think about listening, the stereotype, where you think, "Oh, I'm just listening to their words." I like to literally listen with my whole body. I mimic facial expressions. I watch their body. I let myself mirror. So, hopefully we're actually even changing the definition of listening. So, thank you for bringing that up. Yes?
And, also, Bloomener said, "My AHA is that a half-smile is always contempt. "Why does so many have it as their profile picture "if it means contempt?"
Let's change it. Let's change it. Please tweet out that smirk, because I wish that everyone would change it. They just don't realize that it's sending out that message and they're turning people off. And I hope that people looked at the Twitter pictures yesterday and picked who they thought was the most popular based on their picture. Contemptuous pictures always have the least amount of followers. So, that's another. Even if you don't wanna just send that positive message, also, just thinking about in terms of followers and numbers, people are attracted to that real positivity, that authentic positivity.