Become a Better Communicator

Lesson 11/21 - Getting to Know the Wizard Type

 

Become a Better Communicator

 

Lesson Info

Getting to Know the Wizard Type

So my beautiful participants would you like to cut we have two people three actually two who feel like they know they're typing one who's on the fence uh who are been uh graciously willing to come up and talk about their experience uh finding out their type so mary would you mind beginning and it's much I say named merriam or miriam miriam miriam yeah. So please come home. I love your shirt. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Are you comfortable? Yeah. Okay, so tell me you have discovered your type as I used to think so tell me what it is and what was the process like for you to discover it? I think when I saw your slide it just jumped out. I'm five, huh? I just threw out I was like, oh, maybe I'm a two maybe in three I mean, I sure characteristics of different types obviously, but five was dead on and it explains a lot of my behavior that confuses people like, for example, my glass education and me just sitting on the beach that frustrates me. I would rather go to a historical site and spend a...

ll day going to museums and my brother learned something I know and it's very hard to explain to people like you being so ungrateful you know how you're spending your time in miami? Why are you complaining but now you know why? Because this to me just sitting on a beach and doing nothing just doesn't feel satisfying so for you theres like amazing world of information and knowledge and history and facts and understanding that just draws you and you just like why wouldn't everyone want this? I know so now it makes sense not like and explain in this context that you know I just think differently so you know and what is your profession if you don't mind me asking uh, softer engineering and what kind of environment do you work in uh so that's where did you ask me? Because I like high pressure environments as well and if I work with teams where they're too organized you know I have ninety five I got really bored so I'll seek out places where it's a bit chaotic so I always tell my boss I want one chaos I work better with chaos interesting yeah, why what about it makes it better for you it's because I don't know what's gonna happen next and I feel like I spend four hours like is boom boom boom you know, I learned this learned that get this down and it feels tiring but satisfying at the same time then just sitting there knowing what's gonna happen next, you know, knowing how things are gonna turn out and just be calm I don't like homeless so it's so interesting because everything you're saying is like indicating a very vibrant active life of the mind and a delight in such a life and and also you know, it may be hard to believe, but there are many people who are like I want to know what's gonna happen next I want today to look like yesterday I want to understand exactly what we're doing and how we're going to do it so they would might listen to you and be like, what? But so it's just neither one's better they're just really different. Yeah so do you have to have a lot of meetings at your workplace? Uh, no, not that much. So you're mostly how do you know how it is your time controlled by you or by meetings or others or a combination? Some days I have a lot of meetings, but I prefer to have more control of my time. I mean, I get a super early because I want to do some work without any interruptions and just do whatever I like because if I don't, I feel really exhausting, exhausted during the day um and what do you do that to refresh yourself? Like, what do you find to be the most like rejuvenating kind of thing that you can do exalting a challenging problem? I could, you know, but like I would pick up like either like coding or you know not problems are even reading challenging literature that's kind of beyond my level off understanding that's why I can't like reality shows I just can't get into it no problem even I think you're doing the more physical activity I would say so yeah and so if uh little personal so I don't feel like I don't feel like you have to, um answer it when you are in a relationship with a friend or a boyfriend girlfriend, whatever it might be um do you seem to run into particular difficulties time and again or is it always did different kind of relationship or like what would you say your biggest challenges have been in personal relationships? I think it's hard for me too or just understand why did I don't see my point of view a lot of times because with my boyfriend for example, he doesn't understand why he doesn't understand how I can do things without having a purpose like I don't this is not an assignment given to me why am I doing this? And a lot of times like I'm I tried to run away from things, so even try he pushed back is like explained to me explain him like no, no, I don't want to talk about I don't wanna talk about it that husband a difficulty and not just in a guest romantic relationships but even the front's because they want me to talk about things and share things and unless I absolutely have to do I just want yeah so there's a lotta riel love of solitude yeah and privacy not just physical privacy but mental privacy yeah and so I just want to share that when she said the first thing she said was about her typical issues with people is they don't understand how her mind works so all of that is sort of very much in the realm of no other some people might say everybody wants to be understood of course but some people might say people don't agree with me or people don't feel how I feel or they don't understand my feelings but you're saying understand my mind they don't understand my mind and when they do I bet you love them you love them it's hard to find those people yes it is yes it is um there's one question other question was going to ask you so okay so if you say your wizard you're the fifth style and there are many people out there who are in relationships with people of the style or work with people of this style what is the one most important piece of advice you could give so that the fives in our lives could feel loved and appreciated? I think appreciating the fact that they like doing knowledge, work and kind of some help sometimes participating even if you find it boring, you know that at least for me that's my relationship has been better because my boyfriend's loan to make that compromise like if you go on vacation, I make time for him so we could do nothing like sit on the feeds as few finds time to take me to like historical sites that's how I think some people call that relaxing. Yeah, but I feel your sister because I also hope, you know, prefer to think things to wonder about things to learn things I get more joint, maybe you're the same way I actually enjoyed doing things more by myself. Then I do it with even my husband love and, like very much, but I'd rather I actually enjoy things more what I can do them alone. Yeah, um, I tend to I guess balance my day with both because I feel like I don't want to make him feel excluded from my life, you know, all the time. So but yeah, I have a lot of hobbies I just really solitary, you know, like reading are, you know, exploring on my own sometimes go on walks just fine myself around the city, so so do any of you have any questions for our this wizard and if anyone out there does, please, this is a great opportunity to hear from this kind of voters three subtypes under wizard which one would you say you are? You know, I changed my mind about left from yesterday I'd like to preserve my comfort quite a bit so like, I always carry snacks if I'm going to be out for a while because what if I get hungry? You know, things like that? I mean, I like systems too, so I'm sure there's a little bit of that type, but obviously, like you said, we are we have all of those times in us but definitely like to preserve my comfort that's the castle five the one that wants a domain ah, home and office of place that is in violet. Yeah, and the social type is called totem, the one that is looking for systems and understandings of patterns and likes to know understand the reason, the logic, the rationale and beyond the reason, logic and rationale, the sort of big picture pattern does one of those sound more or they report you're still undecided on both of them. Now I'm leaning toward the second again, yeah, but I do feel that I have a strong preserving side and make sure that I'm safe and comfortable throughout my day I'm also with you on the snacks I have snacks, snacks littering my environment. So are there any other questions or things that anybody would like to ask? Miriam listen, would, um as you being against that kind of a private person um do people you maybe associate which feel like you're kind of pushing them out at times I feel it best in reason I have difficulty making new friends a lot of times because I have friends that are really old friend so they can understand my style and give me the space but with new people is kind of hard to expect that because they see me backing away like okay he's not interested whatever you know so it's something to be aware of, something I actually work on too because a lot of my natural behaviour I realised that makes people feel excluded and unloved with a lot of times not the case I mean I do care I just don't show it enough, I guess yeah so that's very sweet, if I may say because for this type there's a very tender heart everybody has a tender heart but sometimes for the for the wizard the fifth kind it's even more tender because the life of the mind is so strong the drive for solitude and personal space is so strong in part I have my observation is because the heart is so tender for this person and so nuanced and four and five both sort of qualify with this very tender, vulnerable heart, but it's harder in a sense for fives because force can fall back on sort of a more robust heart and not as terrifying. But I'm not saying this about you, but it can be very terrifying for someone of this type to give their heart to make a connection. So for people who are in relationships with fives when they reach out to you when they offer anything it's, you know, thank you, because it can be harder for them than for the rest of us. So, uh, final question, um, when people, when you want someone to feel loved when you want someone to know that you love them, how do you do that? Not but words for sure. I like to cook, so I will make something for them. So with people who are obviously in the same city is me. So you do something for them. Yeah? Or, you know, send them flowers are never woodward's, though, is the hardest thing to do face to face, but indirectly, my mom those, uh, well, that's most important, I know it is such a nice so there's a shyness well, thank you, thank you. I appreciate your courage and I appreciate your insight. And I appreciate you helping others to who to be in a stronger relationship to the fives in our world thank you for your time to desperation with you in the chat room to sarah p valerie the wiz showed up ah and actually just a quick question the wiz once says they're actually having a hard time figuring out their subtype that's the challenge that's actually a chance for a lot of people have seen that a swell it's in that as well lenore is joining us on twitter and she's saying listening to the interview with mary and five I think I'm a five to but I'm very different from marrying can she say how uh she made but we'll have to wait for a yes ok good so the depending on your subtype fives could look kind of different from each other although five the three subtypes aren't that different for fours the subtypes could've really different but if you are concerned about personal space if you have joy in the life of the mind I mean this you know you should maybe think that this is your five but you could have those things and not be a five so that's what makes it not you know a little bit complicated um and as far as the subtypes let me just try to clarify a little bit we all have these three drives for self preservation to belong somewhere in a group and to connect with someone for life for the moment whatever it might be people who are self preservation whether they are fives or fours or ones their mind goes to will I be safe of course we all think that but that's the first place the mind goes will I be comfortable will I be fed will that be threats in the environment what will I sleep on so that's my subtype so going on a trip I think about the first thing I think about is well where am I going to sleep and will it be comfortable for me not like physically comfortable but will will I enjoy it well I feel safe will I be able to relax and what will I eat that's why snacks all the time because just in case so it does there's very basic concerns eating sleeping and so on whether you no matter what your type is the social type doesn't I've great thinks about those things but still it's not the first thing they think about they think about if they're going on a trip who else will be there and say you're going to a meeting or vacation or party whatever it is I who are the other people who will be there I will confess I never think about that I don't think I wonder the other people are but that that kind of subtype does who are the others what do they like will they like me will I fit in well they will they accept me if I'm going to aa hotel well I like the ambiance of the hotel will it you seem like a place that I feel comfortable like oh yeah these people have their clothes or the vibe is like I like to think of myself as part of that kind of scene in the intimate subtype also does not think those other things first the intimate sometimes things who can I connect with if I'm flying out for a vacation or a meeting or whatever who will be there that I want to talk to that I want to have an exchange with and if I can't think of anyone how will I find someone who will sit next to me at the meeting or a dinner and will we connect now this is ah kind of ah uh odd sounding perhaps but sometimes you can tell they say in uh these circles discuss things like communication style that you can tell the intimate or sexual subtype because thie energy leaks through the eyes so when your sexual subtype person an intimate subtype you know you look right at someone and you're looking to see who's looking at you and you want to make that connection between the eyes so that's obviously not a black and white rule but when you see someone like first of all there's a kind of you know I'm not good at that so you know what I'm getting at though, and there's a kind of engage with me in just the presence in the eyes and for people like us if we are self preservation subtypes were more like I look at you and I look away because it's a little bit like to intimate but when you are seeking intimacy that's right where you go so I hope that's useful at least a little bit and starting to find you're subtype teeth it is helpful good thank you d fields that any correlation with gender it comes to self preserving you think I don't, but why do you ask? Because if I have to go with people, I know a lot of them and fall into self preserving category fairly strongly on why do you say that? Because they're very concerned with their safety and their comfort and more so a lot of my my male friends what you are but I don't know if it's just nature or is just kind of okay we have to be practical and safe and women are more vulnerable just yeah, generally speaking, yeah, you know, physical safety level um I don't, but it does seem that certain communication styles are more associated with masculinity and femininity not the subtypes but the types like to is sort of a more classically female position doesn't mean that there are more female twos. But if you are a male, too, it could be harder to find. Figure that out, like eight, is a more masculine position, and they're just as many women aide says, there are men, but it can be hard if you're female. Eight, actually identify yourself as an aid, because it just has a kind of masculine energy, but not the stuff. The subtypes, not not as much thank you, thank you, and actually let in or don't come back in a nora was saying that she does, like lying around on a beach samples here. She thinks, she's, a council, I hope she finds a castle on the beach absolutely makes one.

Class Description

Ready to build your ability to connect, communicate, and create? Join Susan Piver for an introduction to the communication and mindfulness skills every successful professional needs to know.

You’ll learn about the three styles of communication: instinctual, emotional, and rational. Susan will guide you through discovering and taking advantage of your own style. You’ll also learn about how to understand colleagues’ and clients’ communication styles, to make each interaction the best it can be. Susan will also cover the importance of mindfulness as a tool to cultivate effective communication.

By the end of this course, you’ll have a deeper understanding of who you are as a communicator and an easy-to-implement mindfulness routine that will help you speak, listen, and respond more effectively.

Reviews

Aliah Husain
 

I loved this class. I was not expecting it to be a full on enneagram tutorial, but with that said, the content of Susan's class was life changing. I grew up in a very conservative household where open conversations were not welcome and therefore, never knew how to communicate my thoughts and feelings without becoming emotional and feeling misunderstood. By taking this course, and afterward reading The Wisdom of the Enneagram, I was able to learn my personality/communication type, the styles of those around me, and how to bridge the gap to be understood in any message. The coursework has also helped me to better understand the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of my loved ones. Again, truly life changing course work. Highly recommend to anyone looking to make sense of themselves and their surroundings, and apply this knowledge in a practical sense, both personally and professionally. THANK YOU, SUSAN!!!