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Read Their Cues

Lesson 12 from: FAST CLASS: The Power of Body Language

Vanessa Van Edwards

Read Their Cues

Lesson 12 from: FAST CLASS: The Power of Body Language

Vanessa Van Edwards

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Lesson Info

12. Read Their Cues

Lesson Info

Read Their Cues

part two, their nonverbal. So this is the second part of how to increase your income and it is so important. So when we go into a pitch meeting with a client or a student or our boss and we're thinking all about our own stuff. We miss all of their really important cues and to be persuasive to be charismatic, we have to make them feel like we are there for them. So this is actually even more important than that first aspect. That first part that we talked about Step # one, we're gonna dive right in is nonverbally encourage them. So this isn't necessarily about engagement, this is about encouragement. What do I mean by this, why it's important, this is back to that principle. We talked about earlier about being interested in them when you encourage people with their beliefs, their excitement, their enthusiasm, they feel like they are part of a team with you. That's how we get camaraderie and people want to work with you when they feel like you can celebrate with them together, that you'r...

e gonna be there through the good times and the bad, it's like a business marriage, right? And so you can do this by non verbally encouraging them. This is my, one of my favorite tricks. So I told you had mentioned a bunch of my favorite, an honorable tricks during the sales section and this is the triple nod co people watching the previews for this course, saw that I did a little trick with the triple nod. The triple nod show makes people speak 3-4 times longer when you use it. The triple nod, it looks like this. So it's a very slow 123. It is that pace. That is a non verbal dot dot dot. It's like you're telling someone, please keep going, tell me more. It's a non verbal cue to make them dig deeper. So here's how you can use it. You can use it a couple different ways first when you're speaking with someone and they're getting to the heart of an issue. Something that's really going to help you do better work. You can 123, a very simple slow triple nod. It makes them go, you're on the right track, keep on going, keep on talking and it helps encourage them to know that you're on the same page as them. Okay. The second way that you can use it is when they've finished speaking, but you want them to keep going right. So this happens when you have clients who are very um they're not expressive verbally. Has has that ever happened to you or a boss who gives a lot of one word answers and you're like, I'm getting nothing from this person. I need them to talk to me more. I need them to give me more information so you can help them. So when they finished speaking. So they say yes, like you answer, you asked a question. They give you a one word answer. Sure. Keep that pause. I know that for women, especially we like to fill the space with our words. I have a problem with this that can help you pause adding the nod it gives it and they're okay with it. People are okay if you use that nod just to slow it down. So after they finished speaking they can say yeah I'm not so sure you're literally killing them to keep going keep telling me explain to me more more more times than not. People will then go into explanation mode for you. Step two reading their cues, reading their body language. So here's how we read cues first and foremost are the seven universal micro expressions. We learned those first thing in the course because they are the basis of every good interaction. Remember there are seven universal facial expressions. They are coded within all of us. There across cultures, across races. Once you master those seven you begin to see them everywhere and they are integral to not only sales but also lie detection which we're going to do tomorrow. So learning and mastering those micro expressions Plus remember how afterwards we talked about what to do when you saw those micro expressions that all comes into play today I won't repeat all of its hopefully you can go back and watch those videos. But those of when you see anger micro expression, what do you do with a client? When you see a contempt micro expression. What do you do with a client that is where you use that here is reading their cues and then how to react to it high or low use of space. So we talked about your using the power of space. So the law of space is that the more space we take up, the more expansive we are, the more confident we feel and the more confident we look. That's for us. The law of space also works for your client. And you can watch how they use their space to gauge their internal emotional state. Right? So oftentimes a client will go on a journey with you. They'll come in the room and they're really excited. They have really like loose body language. They're using a lot of space and you start talking, you start talking about pricing and slowly they start using less space. They cross over. They cover their chest right? And you've watched them go from high space in the low space. That for you as a non verbal cue that you've just watched them go from low confidence from high confidence to low confidence. It can also work the other way they come with low confidence and you immediately go into report building behavior. You use the open palm gesture. Use the triple nod. Use the head tilt to show that you're listening. Use social and power games because you want to have an intimate relationship with them and they move from this to talking like this right? You successfully moved them from low to high and you want to keep them in the high expansive body language. The third thing and this that we have not talked about yet is blocking behavior blocking behavior Is our 17th law of body language. So in your free bonus materials, we have the laws of body language. Hand out, this is number 17. The law of blocking. The law, blocking says blocking behavior happens when someone doesn't like what is being said or done. Okay. And we're gonna go into real specific detail on this when we don't like something when our brain is triggering. We don't like this. It wants to literally block our body our eyesight and our mouth from that thing, it's a very weird survival Q that we still have and we don't like it. We try to get as far away from it as possible, which is distancing behavior and we try to block it from us to protect ourselves. So this comes out in business all the time here. A couple of examples of how blocking works. The first type of blocking is when we cross our arms. Right? So this is the very most basic type of blocking. Now, let me go into detail about arm crossing because I know that it's one of the biggest myths about body language. Um people always say to me, okay, Vanessa, I understand crossed arms has low space and I'm hiding one of my hands. I get it. It's not good, but it feels comfortable, I'm so comfortable and I crossed my arms. Here's why that happens when we cross our arms were engaging in a blocking behavior for our brain. That feels safer because we're blocking our vital organs. Our heart and our stomach are protected by our arms so our heart rate lowers, it makes us feel safer. The problem is it's a low confidence cues, even though we're safer. It also shows that were being vulnerable or submissive. That is why we have the tendency to cross our arms. It protects our torso, it protects our vital organs and it's why it feels more comfortable. That is why that happens shame. So a sub body language of blocking is the non verbal expression of shame. The universal body language expression what we do and we're embarrassed is shame. We touch the tip of our fingers with our forehead when we're ashamed. So if you watch blooper videos or prank shows, people will be like, oh right, that is what we do if you watch award shows and they embarrass people in the audience, They embarrassed extra actors, the actresses always like, oh my God, right, That is because it is the universal gesture of shame. Step three Mirroring. So I think I heard this actually the very beginning of course someone said I heard you were supposed to mirror people when you're doing body language. I heard that's really good. The reason why I teach mirroring so late in the course is because it has to be done really, really sensitively, really delicately because if it's done wrong, it comes off as very inauthentic. So I share step three and I only want you to use it cautiously. So let me explain with an ominous warning. Let me explain what mirroring is all about. So mirroring is when an individual mimics another's nonverbal behavior. It's when one person subtly copies the other person's nonverbal voice tone cadence, Body language, right? It's when we copy one another. I like to call this chameleon ization. I think that the best salespeople in the world can mirror effectively. And it's not about being an authentic, it's about speaking in a way that your client understands and relates to because it's similar to the way that they speak and act, right? So that's how I look at mirroring. It's just showing that you can speak and speak with your body and speak their language. So chameleon Ization Mirroring nonverbally, you can mirror a couple of different ways you can mirror first with posture. So if they're sitting a certain way you can subtly mirror their posture. You can also subtly mirror the kind of gestures they use. So if they are very animated with their hands, you might want to elevate your gestures as well to mirror with them. Now let me talk about a little about the science of mirroring. So the way that we discovered mirroring is we, it's a really sweet study they looked at best friends they bought. They brought pairs of best friends into the lab and they videotaped them talking and they found that the longer the friends had been friends and the closer they were, the more intimate those friends friendships were, the more they mirrored each other subconsciously. So best friends, people who already get along, they blink the same, they have the same breathing rate, their heart rate, synchronize their bodies actually synchronized to each other. We mirror each other without even thinking about it. So we already mirror. We already do this subconsciously and we do it with people that we really like. So nonverbal, we talked about immunization, the posture and the gestures. You can also mirror verbally. So I actually very rarely mirror in person or I do it very little in person. I'm more mirror on the phone. So if you're doing a lot of phone calling this is the most important tip for you. It is incredibly powerful. So I can give you an example of how this worked for me. I was cold calling and I had a client from the south, deep deep south. I went to school in Atlanta at Emory. So I'm used to the southern accent and I am a fast talker right. So I talked very very quickly. He spoke very slowly in the nice southern drawl. He talked a lot like this. Well you know I'm just not sure if that's what we're gonna be able to do, that's the kind of pace and I'm sorry, I'm a Southern accent is terrible, but you get the idea of that kind of slow southern drawl. So here I am pitching in my right, I have a very rapid fire away and he's speaking out and I could just feel we were on totally different pages. No matter what I was saying, we just spoke so differently that it was hard to be able to say we're on the same level. So what I did is I slowed down my pace and the rhythm of my words to match his. So instead of pitching and saying, I love coming to speak at corporate organizations and I can't wait to tailor presentation just for you. Right? Instead, I said, I can't wait to come to your organization and pitch a presentation that is tailored to your needs, right? So I use the pacing of the southern drawl without actually doing a southern accent. I just mirrored the lilting quality of his voice. Right? So that's a very, very powerful thing. You can do. The easiest way to remember this is if you're speaking to a fast talker, try to speed up your talk a little bit. If you're speaking to a slow talker, just slow down your pace, Even that amount of nonverbal respect is huge, right? But adding in the y'all's to try to, to try to bond, don't don't try that also don't try to speak in their accent there. If they speak in an accent, don't try that. The most you can do is the lilting tone. That cadence you can do for my audio learners. I'm speaking to you, right? You have a perfect ear for this. It probably probably already do it naturally. You already do with your friends next time I have a little challenge for you. Next time you're with your friends, notice if you or that are mirroring you. In fact, what you can do is when you're with them, you can change your body language and see if they move into that body language that you did, like cross your legs one way and see if they do it and then move it to the other side and see if they move it. You'll notice that your closest friends actually will copy you. Um it's a way that we have nonverbal empathy. We do that subconsciously. I want to talk a little about the different kinds of learners and I talked about my visual learners, my audio learners. So this is about the percent of the population of how are learning breaks up. So about 40% are visual learners. They use words like I see what you mean, or I can visualize that 25% are audio learners, I hear you, I hear what you're saying, right? Um or I feel, I want to feel heard that they use words, they use phrasing like that and 40% use feelings so I can't quite grasp it. Let's kick the idea around, let's play with the idea why this is important is because you can notice what kind of learner your client is by the kinds of words they use. So this is super helpful if you're working with a client and you're doing all phone sessions and they're saying like things like I just can't picture it or I can't visualize what you're talking about her, I can't quite see it, I don't see what you're saying. People say, I don't see what you're saying. Those are typically visual learners, you are trying to force your audio method onto them and they are just it is a different learning method for them. So if you hear that you can say you know what I have an idea, let's hop on google hangout or I have a white board that we can use, I'm gonna draw out these ideas for you or I'm gonna send you a chart and I want you to write out your feelings or I'm gonna send you a Venn diagram of how this works. That is how you get higher income, huge amounts of referrals, They don't even realize what you're doing. They're just like wow she gets me, he gets it, he gets what I'm talking about. So thinking about these breakdowns and adding into your mental checklist when you're working with people to figure out how do they learn? How can they best learn from you? What's the best way to interact with them by using what they naturally do already?

Class Materials

Bonus Materials with Purchase

Baseline Coding System Chart
Lying Red Flags
Positive Trait List
The Nonverbal Elevator Pitch
Laws of Body Language Worksheet
Laws of Body Language Answer Key
Body Language - Trivia
Trivia Answer Key
Citation List
Elevator Pitch Clinic
Self Diagnosis Chart
Syllabus
Microexpression Chart
30 Day Action Plan
Course Action Steps and Homework
Resources

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