Habits and Healthstyle
So I'm really excited about this section because it's when we start getting in the nitty gritty so I love this quote, this is the quote that actually opens my book and it really I think is one of the truest things I've ever read from aristotle, which is that we are what we repeatedly d'oh so excellence is not an act, not a single act but a habit it's what you do over and over again and that really encapsulate uh, you know, I told you the why about why I wanted why I think we should be healthy and because it makes your life awesome, not because it's a good idea, but because we want to have an amazing rich life and be able to do all the things we want to d'oh, but the how of it is, uh, this habit based system? So we're doing it to be awesome we're going to do it through habits, so we've talked a lot we've thrown around the word have it quite a bit now, but I wantto just take some time and get down into the nitty gritty of what that actually means, because when you can understand everythi...
ng that it means to be a habit that's when you can actually make it work for you, so the reason I love habits is because these are what I call the diet antidote right, like, wait, what did we talk about so far? When you think about it, we talked about how willpower is weak, how will break down eventually and how you can't count on it to lose weight, how or get healthy to do anything, really, for a long term goal works great for short term goals, not for long term goals. Um, but habits are awesome because they already are part of your life, right? Ninety percent of the food decisions that you make are already have it based. So this is the system you're already using so that's, really, that you can see why so powerful? This is what we prefer to dio is what our bodies do do, and so changing habits is way, way, way, way more effective than, you know, trying to do some rigid plan for a short amount of time and then hoping magically that it will stick because we all know that doesn't work. So that is incredibly powerful, uh, habits specifically why they are so effective, everybody listening, they're so effective because once they're formed, they happen automatically. Right said that your experience have you ever like? Uh, gosh, when I was in high school before I had my driver's license, my dad used to drive me to school. And the other thing he would do is I was a ballerina too, so the other thing he would do is drive me to ballet class those were like that was our routine I remember it so distinctly one morning we woke up, we got in the car, you know, I have a zero period was like six a m or something and my dad just drives and drives and we get there and we look up and we're at the ballet studio I suppose we're going to school on like we just went on autopilot because it was a habit that is the power of habit you can drive two miles in the wrong direction without even knowing it or on the right and the good best situation two miles in the right direction without even knowing it. So that whole thing about willpower and effort and getting healthy being so hard and making those decisions that are so hard if they become habits they are easy, they're automatic and willpower is taken right out of the equation and that's when you can really win. Another thing about habits is they don't go away for the most part like if you're in your normal routine and if not a lot has changed in your life the same triggers will be there your habits will continue their lasting so unlike a diet and will power, which is by definition temporary because there restriction based and therefore won't last forever habit will last as long as you're in the environment we that happen and just as important good habits are just as hard to break the bad ones. So does anybody have ah good habit that they like you can't live without you have one here one here at low dear it uh when I wake up in the morning, I'm makes up this green drink and I actually feel like I can't move forward to the rest of my day on until it have it like my day is actually completely off if I don't right that's a great example. So for me, I if I miss my workouts like more than once or twice and david to one or two days in a row, I start to, like, go insane like I know a lot of people who exercise regularly feel this way and I know that a lot of people who don't exercise regularly think we're just like mutant. But the truth is that once you have a habit that like you depend on for a certain reward for a certain for me if I don't work out, I get really really tired like I recall I used like my my workouts give me energy and I feed off them and if I go too many days without it I start losing my focus I get I get irritable I actually I lose my appetite s o I start making worse food decisions because I don't, I'm not so focused on making healthy things, and, you know, it sounds like a dream come true, but that's really just the power of habit because I am dependant on it at this point, which is great, this is great, we want as many things in our lives that air healthy to become habits for this reason, and this is really the secret sauce. This next point is that the cool thing about having healthy habits is that it takes away the burden of perfection, right? Like when you're on a diet it's like every day, there's like this regiment, I can only have so many calories I can only eat so many carbs I can on ly do this, do that, do this when you are habit driven you on ly really need to focus on the important ones and the other stuff that is in habitual the stuff that just comes up every once in a while isn't a concern anymore. Does this make sense? So, you know, another way of thinking about it is, you know, if you eat healthy all the time, then ah, you know, less during the week, like, write that during the week is really stuff you do well this like the same every week is like the same if you're at work where they then like if an anniversary comes up for a birthday comes up and you want to do something a little out of the ordinary for you it's totally fine because your habits or we keep you on track and as long as the new behavior even if it's a little more indulgent as long as it doesn't become a habit it's harmless just really really powerful we'll talk more about this uh shortly so we mentioned briefly in the last segment that um I don't like the word diet case you hadn't noticed I don't like the word diet but it gets really confusing really quickly because diet is actually a scientific term as well right when you think about like when you just say the word a healthy diet or when you talk about a dog you would say I canine diet or a feline diet which are very different and cats are carnivores you know dogs are omnivores um and I was running into this issue a lot when I first developed my website cause I was talking about health I was talking about weight loss but I kept getting hung up on this four letter word because people would get confused because I you know that means two things at once and one has a very negative connotation and one is just a fact and I still occasionally is that we're diet, but I try to use it as little as possible and instead I replaced it with this word health style and I love I love this word for a couple reasons. Let me first just explain to you what I mean when I use the word health stop because I'm gonna be using a lot. So basically, your health style is all the things, all of the things that effect your health. So, yes, obviously, food is a big one, but the work you do, you know, if you sit down all day or your, you know, the mailman and walk around all day, or whatever that affects your health, the exercise, you do, your exercise regimens, what you do during the week, which you do on weekends and your social environment, have you guys heard how big of an impact your social circles have on your weight and your health? I mean, it's, like there was this they use the epidemic, like viral model, almost that they say there was some headlines a few years ago that, you know, being overweight of contagious and it's it's partially true, because who you spend your time with has a huge influence on your own habits and on what you do for yourself, so all of these are factors that we're going to start considering when we talk to think and talk about our own health, and so, you know, this is nice because the word diet just implies food, you know, in implies restriction health style talks is specifically to just think that impact the your health and your factor so it's a different it's a different way of looking at little subtle doesn't make sense because you guys with me, good and if anybody online has any questions about health out, like, I really want to be clear on this, so I'd love to hear those if they come up. So a few things that distinguish a health style from a traditional type diet is when you look at it this way, as all the things that affect your health, it's no longer something that can be turned off so you're not on a health style, right? You have a health, I have one, you have one, people who have never cared or thought about their health at all. They have won just not a very good one, so so it can't be turned off. So it's this is actually psychologically powerful is well, because it forces you to remember that the what the hell effect doesn't get you anywhere you're not going to get back on your health style tomorrow. If you if you go crazy now it's part of the health style and we're going to address that at some point because if you do it once, you're probably not going to probably going to do it again. The question is basically it's like lifestyle, but only the activities that make directly related to the help absolutely and I that's a great analogy because one thing when you talk about a lifestyle, another implication of that is that everybody has their own my board style doesn't play like a rule or regiment, but like my health style is very specific, right? Like I am a thirty four year old female, I'm married, I don't have kids I live in san francisco, you know, I worked at home, I these are that puts certain parameters on my health style that makes me different very, very different from probably all of you on dh so it's important when you think about health, it like you can't just do what I dio because what I do works for me in my situation. And so really you have to become almost like a a sleuth like a scientist actually for your own health style and figure out those things that impact you and you know whether it's a work that has a big impact on you or the fact that it's really difficult for you to find maybe good, healthy food in your neighborhood or in your area or you just don't know or your family sometimes people have toxic family environments or work environments where, you know the number one issue is going to be combating people who are trying to pull you down and that happens is very common. Eso I love that the analogy because it really shows the individuality of your health style it's a positive word and people tend to respond really well to positive words, absolutely. So you might notice that I care a lot about psychology and that's definitely part of it like when I say diet when I say it, just saying the word diet makes people shut down, right? Like you saw the reactions in the segment one video yeah it's fibrillating yeah like it's the worst thing ever people it's like it's like it brings up feelings of shame and suffering and guilt knew that people just like that lady is crazy. You don't talk about it, but health styles positive exactly and it's not it's, nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of and it's it's a happy place to be it's a great point and in another important think about health style is that rather than being based on rules and on goals and all that other stuff that's associated with diets it's on ly based on your habits it's the the habits are really the only thing that has a long term effect on you and so figuring out what all those are and tweaking them in a way that makes your life awesome is what we're going to be doing for the rest of the course. So health style all right um so now I want to start talking about your guys is health style and and the people in line as well um so let's talk a little bit about the specific things not just generic my work or my food like I want to talk about activities and just like a group brainstorming session here like what effects your health specifically can I'm going to start writing some down so I'll just call any randomly or you can just anybody have a name the name one yet watching a lot of tv watching tv that's a great one so tv has a huge impact on your heads of health style um work stress work stress so work stress because there's probably should be separate ones I would actually add another point about tv so tv a is sedentary for the most part so that was probably what you were referring to but also I've read studies where people who our watch specific types of television programs so there was a story about somebody who watches like true crime um you know, very stressful tv tend to have a worse eating habits because they turned to food for comfort to deal with that stress so it's it's more it could get really subtle riel fast I know it's crazy, eh? So what you choose to watch on tv is another another one yeah, I will what if you watch food shows this is a huge is their name it's stressful to it's just well are inspirational stressful in that you want to you know, I I was being funny that's very valid I mean, I think you do get more stressed about food you think I'm missing out on all this wonderful stuff or should I be eating all this stuff? I think I think right and it could be a trigger for hunger to you're like well I want that chocolate cake where can I get a chocolate cake? Maybe I could have a chocolate cake now but if I would add something to the list getting out of the house if you work from home saying problems a sedentary working all day at home and you're just day is endless um I'm just getting out and enjoying the sun at work I who else yeah, I mean exercise definitely right? So activity like exercise relationships boom that's great one. So do you have a specific example? Well, yeah, my kitchen just thinking about I lost my father last year and I thought after a few months I'm fine but I didn't recognize that you don't have the same relationship when someone's not here the same time when I think about friends that are now having children or their children and moving from you know the preschool agents a teenage they're seeing a whole different dynamic going on family absolutely and that has so many impact so first of all impacts your own stress levels but also it can impact your time and your ability and like you know ifyou're for instance if you want to if you have to feed five people and they all have different preferences um that starts getting difficult fast you know, like that just compounds and so there's a lot of say I'm not running a restaurant here's what we're having right but that comes with this level of stress to you because you're going to have protest you're going tohave tension in the family and dinner khun b drama drama right? So there's a lot of things I've also in terms of relationships I know a lot of people I've heard from struggle and that they really want to eat healthy or they're even maybe vegetarian and their spouse will be very against it you know have very you know they always the one I hear all the time was he grew up in the mid midwest and all he wants to do is you mean potatoes and he won't touch anything green and you know that's so I give up and make a line every night you know so that zaveri very very common what else anything more drinking drinking yeah that's a problem if you live in san francisco and I add because what is drinking dio write it well first ads calories but that's only one small problem and lowers your inhibitions so what alcohol does is it shuts down these lovely parts of your brain called the frontal lobes which are what help you make good decisions and s o people tend tio drink too much on then eat bad things that they regret and then being hung over the next day and then do it even more so that could be a that could be a whole separate problem for people empty goes saying accidents and injuries oh yeah that's a great one because that could prevent that can prevent exercise and so you need to work your way around stuff like that sometimes if as she's saying she went from prime health two very very bad health after car crash uh that's awful separately to the actual accident the sure sure yeah and then you have the depression associated with an ak I actually don't do a lot of sports just because I'm scared of getting hurt money todo cheryl it's something you really about time versus energy of you feel like you don't have time when really it's you just don't have the energy to d'oh the things that you'd like to do the things you think are healthy that is an excellent point so by the end of the day or even sometimes in the middle of the day if you're having a tough day it could be that is it for me that is one of the hardest times to make good decisions when I'm just drained ah and I'm like cooking just sounds hard like I really just want to go get a burrito breeders of tasty and it's like your brain subconsciously knows like it needs that energy and so it's a great great point travel travel yeah travels big depends on how much you do it but it can throw off like we talked about earlier it can throw off your circadian rhythms which could make it confuse your body about hunger levels at least at the beginning but also all your habits or thrown off yeah like I just went to thailand for two months and before that I lost weight on it low carb and I was happy you in san fran I can do that but then I just remember in highlander all rice and like all the food I used to eat and love them and anyway went to travel is I although like so I decided to eat and then I just go back gain weight yeah travel totally holding you know and it's like and it's hard, you know, for me like I say life should be off that's right it's like when I travel you whatever I want on dh it's fine so long as I'm not traveling that often, but because because I know that when I get home get right back in my routine and I'm I'm great, but if I start traveling every week, which actually I've been doing this year I've had to make a lot of adjustments in orders for toe to balance that throwing me off my habits awesome well that's a that's a great brainstorm this is really the tip of the iceberg sometimes there's things that you don't even recognize that are preventing you from doing things for instance, you know there's a grocery store in town that I really like and has really good food but like it's often really crowded and I realize it like I don't like going there when it's really crowded, so I actually when I when I used to live near there and one of the ways I got around that was switching up my schedule a little bit so I could go earlier because I realized that that alone was preventing me from buying healthy food, whereas if I went earlier and it was a little less crowded than I could get the food I needed and it was easier for me but it was like this random subtle thing that it was affecting my health style that I had to identify with um yeah um one of the thing that I notice is I forgot to think about it until I am hungry oh yeah and that's when I was like oh, I don't want to cook like I have eggs in my fridge but I was like, you know what? That's just get something else I just get over with totally see it happen all the time, right? So another big one is shopping actually write that down because if yeah, because if you are you couldn't buy things that are hard to cook and you can buy things that are easy to cook and they will have a big impact on whether that you do and versus going out so I think we have a great a great list here, but now I want to start getting into the the the kind of the crux of the issue here. So what are the most import inhabits? Like what? Art? Which which of your health style habits are gonna have the greatest impact on your life? Any ideas? Yeah, well, from that list and just overall related you and even beyond this list yeah relationships just elation just right so that's that's a big one um it's going to be bigger depending on how negative it isthe because relationships could be positive so I actually I find it I really enjoy cooking dinner with my husband and so that's become a healthy habit for us but I know people have the exact opposite problem where the dinner table is a battleground and for them it's like the number one thing they have to address because it affects every single day of their life. So that's a great point um anything else stuff that happens all the time? Yeah, well, I think drinking is a pretty big part of the culture and here well everywhere, especially in the u s s so I think that really has a huge impact on how we make decisions definitely can definitely can I'm gonna I'm gonna call it this one right here being sedentary it work is it's become so normal that people don't talk about it all the time? They're like well, I still go to the gym you know, not everybody does, but some people do and then you feel like that takes care of it but actually being sedentary it work regardless of your other exercise activities can be very, very inhibited ve ofyou achieving your goals and it is very common but there are ways around it, so we'll talk more about that yeah, I just saw some study from stanford that was talking about uh, walking boost your creativity by some, like sixty percent or so, and they were talking about how steve jobs they had a lot of walking meetings and sodas, marks soderbergh now they do that. So I think it's really what you're saying with this and and terry health style work is definitely, uh, really doesn't affect your health, but I think it lowers your creativity totally so I actually just last week or so or not too long ago, I gave a talk at a conference called big omaha and that's exactly what I discussed, which is that, you know, people often make the excuse I don't have time at work works too crazy, and the truth is that it doesn't cost time to be healthy at work because you gain efficiency, you gain creativity, you gain focus, you gain attention and the quality of your work really goes to the next level when you do invest a small amount of time, so I look at it, we'll get more into this, but I look at it your health more is an investment for you, and you get huge returns. It's not just like it's not you're not just giving all the time you're not just spending time spending energy, spending, money, you the obviously the reason why some of us actually do it because there's a huge upside once you can get what you can get in the group and I think we all know that intuitively but when you're actually there trying to make the decision it can he's you can easily forget that um great so it's stress mainly it's what our here's one of the western said her food decisions suffer and then the guilt sets centers as a result of those bad decisions so it's it's an ongoing spiral a huge one you know it's interesting about stress is when you think about ok well that's a habit I want to change has nothing to do it food right like you like that's how I like the what one of the ways you deal with stress is with mindful practice meditation exercise like yoga type practices you know there's a lot more going on here you can see them just the food you eat you can have food based strategies but at a some a certain level you're going to have to address all these things if you really want to make progress because I think we all I'll get in like stressful situations and like you know and you're a little hungry and your little stress and like all call your best judgment just goes out the window right and like you just dig into whatever you can find that satisfies that need of comfort um so so I'm trying to get us to start thinking about health style and howto optimize it and so another big issue so so stress is a hard one right that's a hard one to deal with, but we can really start to make huge differences when we can also recognize which habits are the easiest to change, so I'm can anybody thinking of as an example of a habit that is going to be fairly high impact but that's pretty easy to change no, they're all impossible shopping I mean you're already shopping and not go shop somewhere better you eat no matter what you get when you run out of toilet paper and you find time to go get toilet paper, you go to the store already shopping, so I'm gonna give two stars to shopping this is that we didn't talk about earlier this is a huge one. This is a huge one because shopping, unlike most things, is something you can do when you're not all stressed out yet. You know it's something you can do when you have energy when you have willpower and to be quite honest, this is where the vast majority of your decisions are made is what you buy and what's in your house when you are stressed out and tired and exhausted after work, so shopping is great anybody think of another one? I'll throw another breakfast breakfast is breakfast is so easy I people give me excuses about why the candy breakfast I will destroy all of them but but the truth is breakfast is easy habit to change because it's simple it's it can like healthy breakfast are really delicious teo I know the breakfasts are also delicious but like it's not hard to find a two minute delicious healthy breakfast that you can eat every day also when did when do you have the most willpower in the morning when you're well rested when you haven't made a thousand decisions yet? Morning time and your your meal in the morning is a great great place to start so all right, so you guys uh is getting the sense of like what we're doing here trying to figure out what's easy and what's hard and how we can incrementally change our habits and lastly yes, so let's talk about a little bit like the hardest habits to change so stresses hard I mean, I want you to address it but to pretend like you're just going to get rid of stress overnight and and suddenly I have like these amazing dinner habits is just not realistic, so I would put stress on that list um injuries are really tough because I mean, we're going to dio there are ways around a certain you know, but it's that's definitely gonna be hugely inconvenient um and what I want to emphasize with the ones that are tough is that that doesn't need to be where you start and let's start easy and get some momentum because momentum actually is very psychologically rewarding in and of itself so what we're talking about here is what I refer to as home court habits so and in this uh this is really just my way of saying of using the eighty twenty principal now you've does anybody here I know somebody was mentioning you were mentioning the eighty twenty principle a lot right? Yes yes you like and you know what it is you're not going to give us a brief summary of sure basically it means giving eighty percent of the results with twenty percent of the income or eighty percent of your results will come from twenty percent of what you put into your effort right? So it's sort of this uh cheerier sort of true is and I don't know that emerged from from just experiential type data which is that and a lot of situations and this it's usually you said income like it's usually referred to in the business world the eighty twenty principle is that like you will get disproportionate results from a small handful of the things you d'oh and like everything else like we'll add a little but like the bulk of your benefit your prophet you're weight loss results will come from a few small things and those are the things you want to dio like those are the things you want to focus on because you could like, you know, I've talked to so many people to get so crazy about the little nitty gritty ease of nutrition, you know, they'll be, um, you know, stressing out about, like, what kind of oil they cook their vegetables in and it's like that is not going to move the needle at all in terms of your health small little thing where something like breakfast is thirty percent of your meals every single week now that's a habit that I have it where you can actually make some serious progress, right? So so for us, for our purposes, I like to just refer to these as our home court habits. These are the ones that when we are home, when we are in our normal routine, when everything is just pretty standard, you know, not when we're on vacation, not one during christmas, not when you know you're experiencing some severe work deadline or something. I mean, obviously we all have those things all the time, but we want to develop every I want everybody here and everybody watching to start thinking about the core set of habits that are going to keep you in your happy place, right, that are going to have the biggest impact that are gonna have the longest lasting effects and that you could do the most important thing of all you could dio forever and these are going to change over time, you know, like my home court habits have shifted I've been doing this for, you know, five years, six years now and I've had to adopt is an adaptive things change, but there's always going to be that course that habits and if you know if one falls off, you're going to have to make it up somewhere else so that's, how I want you to start thinking about it and and what these really are they like we just that exercise we just went through, they really need to be on the highest impact habits, right? So I want you to think in terms of big, big winds, you know, not not get swept up in the minutia of nutrients and carbs and all those little things big wins, big meals and actionable things you khun d'oh and you know you do every day. Um so in terms of thinking about what your personal home court habits might be remember you have your own health style not going to be the same as mine, so what? What the first place to start is I want you to focus on what are called bright spots and bright spots of the places you're already succeeding right. So I know nobody is like one hundred percent really unhealthy all the time, right? S o I would love to hear from you guys like what some of your bright spots are. I mean, it's, breakfast, breakfast. You're good at eating breakfast is what you have, um, a switch up between greens, movies and oatmeal sometimes x awesome. Yeah. It's awesome. Um doing my most focused work in the morning. So first thing in the morning. Beautiful. Yeah. Great. And now and now you know why that works, huh? Anybody else? Your bright spot? Yeah. Um, I've just started cooking in the last a month and a half, and so I'm really into cooking, um, an experiment there that that's fantastic. Eso cooking, isn't it amazing? Amazing skill because it makes it that much easier for you to do a lot of other healthy habits. It's like keystone have it. So when you build you khun build so much on that, right, which is, you know, lenny, you were talking about your wife's amazing girlfriends, amazing cooking that, you know, you have that benefit of having that in your corner, because going out, some people can't even get himto cook an egg. You know, so if you've got cooking as a habit that's huge that's awesome a few others you know, I was talking about my exercise like I've been exercising for long enough now that I'm completely addicted to it and I need it and that's great, you know, being addicted to workouts is definitely a bright spot, so find your bright spots and then when you're thinking about what tweaks, you're gonna make a mess it's important to remember to start with things that are easy, right? Like we talked about willpower and how little we have um our goal is to get as many home court habits in the black, you know, out of the red and into the black as possible, so it doesn't matter if you think it's small if it's easy for you to do it to have one great example of this, you know, a lot of people just like mindlessly drink soda, you know they don't really necessarily needed I mean, some people do need it and it's important to them and that's a different story. But if it's something that it's sort of casual for you switch it up you know, like that's such an easy way to cut out hundreds of calories a day, I think about that like if you have a one hundred ten calorie soda, only one every network that's like six hundred calories a week the big that's a big win, you know? And as such, it is a such a small, easy thing you khun dio so think about the things you do every day think about the things that you actually need versus the things that you do mindlessly and don't actually need and how you can start with the ones that are easiest for you in your situation that makes sense. Yeah, a couple of examples. Um, sure. So the soda one is one uh oh, more specifically, like examples of the big impact one they were supposed to focus on. So for example, I think one of mine is, like, meditating in the morning. I know I can change that that's easy um but then identifying the things so I could I lit identify things in my life that would be helpful to change. But I guess specifically, my question is, how do I know the ones that have the biggest impact? Um, well, one of the ways you can think about that is how often you do it. And then what what, like when it contributes to your life? So I mean, and you couldn't think about this and, you know, roughly in terms of calories, I mean, I don't generally encourage calorie counting at all, but if you're thinking about something like s o to have it I mean it's like it's a very calculated like you could clearly see the impact of that and you get zero satisfaction out of it. I mean, maybe you get a stress relief for something like that, but for the most part, nobody who drink soda reports it preventing them from eating later so it doesn't make you less hungry. So that's that's a great example of, quote on, but also in terms of your habits is important to think in very black and white actionable worked like terms, so ah vague. So for instance, like, I want, like one thing I recommend, and by the way, we're going to get into my personal home court habits and, like hope like we're going deeper and home great habits in another section segment in a couple days, but for that, for now, you wanna have very specific also one of the things that I recommend people, you know, you got it, they got breakfast down and you want to do another one I like, for instance, eat something green with lunch and dinner like there's no it's like eat more vegetables is lovely. What the heck does that mean? Like when? How, where, what vegetables, what is a vegetable, but like eating something green with lunch and dinner is a very clear rule it builds the habit of doing something better for you it's a positive not a negative that's important too but you you know I'm not saying don't eat pizza right I'm saying if you have a pizza, give salad it it just get in the habit doesn't have to be the best sellers in the world you're having pizza all right but but just a simple clear black and white thing that you can say absolutely without a doubt yes, I did this today and I'm gonna do it tomorrow and if and and those are the types of habits that you wantto I want to do and that the way you want to think about them and basically what this is going to come down to at the end of the day is optimizing all these factors right? And I will get into how tricky this is because it's not easy but essentially you can figure out which habits you need to keep you in your place and you know you'll take it one at a time and you'll try something sometimes it won't work you know you'll try something else eventually you just keep tweaking the system until you've optimized it and then you can you can start like really, really refining it, but for the most part you want to start with the big things you know you want to start with your home court happens yeah, I was going to say something that didn't come out right out and say, but, um, I think it's really important to recognize that when you are trying to do have it and it's something big, that failing is ok. If you're learning something from and I think that's, the part where it took me a long time to learn, like, if I tried something and I failed and I was like, ok, well, maybe this is not it, but I was forgetting the part were. Why didn't that work for me, or what could I have done differently to make that work totally? We're going to talk about that a lot, yeah, yeah, failing is good, the only way, lor.