Step Out the Comfort Zone
All right has gone guys at your reasons we're actually going to talking about that a little bit later, so, um well, yeah, we'll talk about later um, so this section is going to be a little yeah, I definitely on the same lines of what we've been talking about already, but we're going to talk a little bit more about the things that happen in our brains that actually prevent us from building the healthy lifestyle we all say we want way all really, really want and I really love this quote the first time I read this quote, it really struck me as quite profound and quite true, and I just want to unpack it a little bit because it sort of gets at the core of a lot of what will be focusing on in this segment and that's the people have a hard time letting go of their suffering out of the fear of the unknown they prefer suffering that is familiar and a this is by a tick not upon who is sort of a buddhist philosopher and what was really striking to me about this particular quote is how much we rel...
y on familiar familiarity, which in our brains is very, very tightly associated with comfort to the point where we would rather cling to something that's really hurting us and really causing us to suffer out of just fear of the unfamiliar but fear of what's unknown even if rationally we believe the unknown is better for us you know rationally we know that if we start doing something new or change this habit of that have it we will be happier we've seen other people do it but we're still scared to let go of that thing that we really hold dear and it could come from anywhere you know can come from your childhood it can come from unexperienced you had later in life but it's important to keep in mind that this is a counterproductive way of living and one of the most important things that I hope you take away from from all my my entire course is that doing things outside of your comfort zone isn't just good it's essential it's really, really important because that is that uncomfortable region is where you grow it's where you learn and it's where change for the positive happens and not saying that you should like jump off a cliff you know I'm not talking about going from zero to one hundred I'm talking about taking little baby steps outside of your comfort zone and in whatever manner that you know you still feel safe you know I always want people to feel like they have a control of their lives but challenge yourself to question your beliefs you know question what you you say you can and can't do what you are are not capable of doing and even what other people tell you you can and can't dio there is incredible power in that and I have to like just for my own personal experience the best changes in your life happened when you do that so that is sort of the tone of the section and it's tough and I know this is something that, uh a lot of people struggle with so right now I want us to spend a little bit of time doing an exercise um and I want all of you to ask yourself uh internal and everyone on everyone at home everybody we're all doing this together might not be fun but I want you to ask yourself what do you think is really, really stopping you from taking action toward better health? You know, let's think about it for a minute and and I think you just think about what it could be like what what do you tell yourself? Oh, I would do this if you know if only I had if only I could one of those one of those words can get a couple volunteers tio maybe one person yeah, um feel fear of failing again sort of like you talked about earlier the perfectionism? Yeah that's really common that's that's actually really deep. I I think that usually people start much higher level than that people will say things like I don't have time um and then ultimately all to get down to actually really don't want to fail again because that's demoralizing so that was really really insightful um ah and burials and actually I love to hear what the online audience has to say is well actually let's just go ahead I want to get somebody up here and do sort of a deep a deep dive on you know who is anybody in particular like really it feels like they lack motivation or can't quite figure out where they're getting hold up like you really want to be healthy I really want to do this and but you haven't sort of gotten there yet anyone come on, come on up come on up I can see you secretly wanting to go out with you know, that's all we're gonna have a hard heart okay? All right, so, um let's so what was your answer to the question? Well, I was going to start with time and energy time and energy always my excuses. Okay, well let's not tell me a little bit about why why time and energy whichever one of those you think is most important to start that time and, you know, just being busy I work right now fifty to sixty hours a week and I just I don't feel like I have the time to cook or to take the time to shop and make something that's nutritional casey and so, um, what what is it that's preventing you from having the time why why? Why do you believe what do you think it's time this issue? Because then I'm tired, you know, I where I put in a lot of hours at work and then I'm tired and it's just one of those excuses to fall back on, right? But I really think but what you are ah, there is, like, a lack of energy there, so why are you why are you so were you lacking energy so much? Probably because I don't eat well, it is you don't, you will and and what? Why? Why don't you eat? Well, it's it's a vicious cycle, you know, not not time to I don't feel like I have time to do the right things to make the right choices, so I end up eating out and making less healthy choices, right? Um, so you sort of rationalized the time factor? Um, I say, and it was when you rationalize eating out, making poor choices by saying, I don't have the time to do this, um but did let's say, what have you learned today that might might make you really evaluate that I think really resonates with me the tiny habits starting small and starting to make because I've made inroads you know, in the past like for a month or two months and then I start to slowly slide back so I think you know, embracing the tiny habits okay creating you know, one at a time and just building and right building something that's actually rewarding enough an enjoyable enough that it could be kinda habit so I think that's a great insight so a very very common thing that I hear is everybody I don't have time but I think you know, we tell ourselves this but I think you look around and you know that there are people that managed to find the time right yes and when you think about those people like like where do you think that time comes from? I don't know how they do you don't know how they do it well ok, so perfect so this is sort of like I think what I often hear from people is like, well there different they don't have kids or they don't have this responsibility that they don't have that responsibility, but um I'm you know I'm pretty hard pressed in this day and age to find somebody who isn't just slammed across the board and so uh time is a great example of what I call a limiting belief you know it's the belief that you don't have time to to do something but like we have time to shower every day and really you know we have time to even do eat we do still eat so we are making some time for food uh the reality is and this is where I'm trying to t get us tio shift our perspective and we won we won we butt up against one of those limiting beliefs like I don't have time ask yourself how how could that not be true? Is there any chance that's not true and what we talked about so far today is that the time isn't the issue issues that you don't have the habit right on and the people who do do it that's the only difference between them and you like this that is that they have found a way to create the habit and and then everything changes so um I think those great thank you for volunteering thank you um awesome oh that was a hot seat so I think I mean we all have these limiting beliefs that stop us from acting in accordance which with things we want right like we want see better we want exercise mohr we want to drink more water we want to call our parents who want to have spent more time with our kids like these air these things that are sort of universal's and that we all want and but we tend to stop, you know, if we're not doing that thing that we said is a goal. Um, we tend to look at the very superficial reason as to why and, you know, it's and usually these air are our beliefs. We have that aren't actually fax, right? But there's there's an there is an alternative there is there are examples of people who don't have that same problem there, for you can get over it to, um and and and I think it's really important to ask yourself, dig into your own mental psychology and say, what is really holding me back? And is it actually true? And so I want. So what? What the the point is that limiting boys aren't fax their their what they what they sound like, they're limiting things we believe for various reasons that are legitimate, but there's usually something deeper going on. Um, so the most common when I hear from everybody on earth, I'm too busy. Um, I I one of the stories I recently told when I was giving a talk about how I got started on my career is so I was I was a graduate student at uc san francisco is anybody know anybody who's like a scientist like an academic scientists isn't it kind of going to grad school like we're like slaves right I mean way were expected to be there all day long you know pretty much on weekends so it's really really high demand dry we're actually not allowed to take another job while we're working as a student in the lab and I had this the health of tiffany and I really wanted to tell everybody about real food and and this and that no my happiness that I have discovered and and so you know, I wanted to build a website but e I don't have any time to do it the only time I had was on weekends sometimes and in the evening and because it was really really important to me I made the time and basically I cut back on a lot of sleep I shifted around my habits I got more efficient at work I did a bunch of things that I would have time at night tio go home and not only build content from my side I was publishing four times a week but also designed the site myself I was a broke student and I didn't have any money to for a web designer and so I would ah t j basically taught myself html css and built my website from scratch and I also cooked dinner every night went to the gym every day and um and it's funny because I like to tell this story because I absolutely believe that the reason I was able to do all that is because I was eating cooking dinner every night and going to the gym every day, you know, it's like it would have been easy to say I didn't have time, but then I wouldn't have the stamina to step and work the long hours I was working and it really does change that way. You know, when you re prioritize health, you gain time um and that's a limiting belief is that it takes time, but it's actually an investment and you put in a little time and you gain a lot in focus and the quality of your work and and way, way, way less stress to which that alone is priceless for me. S o I'm too busy is a limiting belief, there's lots of different ones, I hate vegetables, it doesn't sound like any of you guys. Hey officials riveting vegetable haters in the room I know we've got someone that online audience um, but again, this is like, this is like, if if if you are asking about being healthy like I just I hate vegetables, I think, and an assumption that we tend to make is that that's impossible to change and that's just not true, and we're gonna be talking about picky eating later on another segment, but this is something that is can be worked on and can be changed it can be overcome and if you're using it as a reason and not do what you want then it's a limiting belief because it's not entirely true um some people really, really hate working out and they use words like dread mill everybody is that word like if you consider your gym are your exercise program a torture chamber? Um yeah it's going be tough it's going really going to be tough for you and but there are like the goal isn't running on the treadmill the goal is being active right? And getting a heart racing and doing something so that your body isn't atrophying and you know, stopping with something is you know, like this is shuts down the conversation when you're like I don't do the gym I hate the dreaded l you know, it's it's it's very limiting and it will prevent you from making progress and it's not necessary um just a few more I can't cook as if you can't learn to cook. Um oh, this was one of my favorite ones it is basically genetics like I'm texan everyone in my family is big like I'm doomed I've had people tell her whatever name your nationality of large people you know, I I hear this all the time um but you know, all the research tells us that life style is the single biggest factor in how healthy you are and how you look and genetics certainly plays a role it doesn't doom you do anything and the infamous I have no self control two week I can't I can't do it um french fries are just too good so this section is going to be about breaking these limiting beliefs down and in my experience these are the most paralysing things for people like more than even the cognitive illusions we talked about earlier more than, um the language stuff like the's limiting beliefs or what stop us from doing the things we want to dio and it's really, really important that we address them head on cool. So um, something that grows out of this idea I learned in a wonderful book called mindset by a carol dweck, and in this book she describes two different mentalities two different frameworks that people can use tio sort of confronting the world one is a growth mindsets and one is a fixed mindset now, um, so I'm just going to explain to you what those two look like, so a fixed mindset is essentially when your core beliefs are that you're basically born the way you are and that's it so either you're awesome or you're not, you were smart or you're not you are skinny or you're fat you know you're good at something or you're bad at something and that those things don't change and that any attempts ads uh you know any time you what we what that happens if you do something you try something new and you have a fixed mindset like that if you fail at it that it doesn't all that means to if somebody with a fixed mindset is that they're a failure you know if I failed and I'm a failure and that can't change the opposite is a growth mindset and she describes us so somebody with a growth mindset instead of believing in like fixed destiny's they tend to believe that you can change with effort that effort is the most important goal like key tio defining who you are not how you were born and so what's amazing about the growth mind set is suddenly failures don't define you you know instead failure is a learning experience right? So you mess up and instead of saying, oh my gosh I'm mortified I'm going to crawl in a hole and die you say oops that's in work what else can I try? And as you can probably guess this is what I advocate for all foodists in the room because having a fixed mindset and having which relies heavily on those limiting beliefs is actually absolutely crippling and self development and if you like health is such a comprehensive part of your life and there's so many moving parts you have to have a growth mindset you have to have the mindset of somebody who believes that if they keep trying they can figure it out and not get stuck because one thing didn't work out and this is this is really important and because like nobody learns or improved from being perfect like I'm not perfect like nobody's perfect and I we all mess up all the time and the only way to get past mess ups is toe learn from them and try him again and that's actually really liberating when you look at it this way because not only can you actually have a chance of progressing but also it's freezing from all that guilt and shame of not succeeding the first time like you don't need to succeed the first time being proud failure I encourage everybody to blow it all the time because it's the best way to learn and if you stop taking yourself so darn seriously could actually be really fun so um ah anyway it's a great great book I highly recommend it especially if you do find yourself in those tendencies does anybody tend to find themselves as a fixed mindset a lot of the time anyone here you know what's it like I mean like how does that manifest in terms of can you give us an example? Um just kind of giving up like ok well I didn't do it this time so I I do this a lot like I want something to be perfect, you know? And then I'm like, oh, what was perfect those scripts all right, I'm eating so perfect today like I did something crab bama is we'll just eat a box of whatever right great example so right? And then it it usually ends up with like, self defeating behavior like that um because makes for bad yeah so I think people are being a little shy I know that a lot of people have this issue especially around food on dh so I definitely I'm sure they're people at home that are like yes that's me so I definitely encourage you teo keep that in mind I'm missing a word on the slide but it's supposed to say breaking down limiting beliefs um not just limiting um but here so it so we all have these limiting beliefs we all have them sometimes they manifest themselves in a big way sometimes they're just a smaller thing that's less important but we want to get past them and that's the goal today so a number one is identifying the problem right? So what is my problem right? Like I don't have time I can't cook I I I have people that hate cooking I have talked to people that hate cooking but I actually have a post on my blogged called ten reasons you hate to cook and what to do about it and I literally had to close the comments because people were saying that like cooking made them want to like jump off of a bridge and like they were like using foul language and like like these people like they think it's demeaning they think it's like like there's all these like crazy beliefs associated with cooking I don't know where that stuff comes from but like it's the real thing and so you know it could be really it could be really the's limiting flights could be really detrimental and toxic actually apparently for some people so the first step is, uh identifying the problem the next step as you thought me demonstrate a little bit with jane is using the five wise technique to get down to the core so we have a tendency just like I said stop at the superficial answer I don't have time ok, you don't have time to give up and be unhealthy for the rest of your life um but if you start asking, ok, well, why don't I have time and and asking why again after a big well because I have a really ah really hard job um oh are made minutes because I get home late from work okay, well, why do you get home late from work and you can you can start getting to the root cause, which is that you know, I don't cook dinner at home because there's nothing in my house to eat because I'd never go grocery shopping and you know, you can get to that that root cause which is something you can actually do something about right? So you want to find the place where the process is broken not a lot where you don't run into a wall and if some things like you know, this is something you can't change, you don't want to, you know, that's fine, then you ask yourself, well, why can't I work my way around that? And this is a very powerful technique, so you want to just keep when you feel like you're stuck just keep asking why, until you find what's broken and something you can actually do something about and that is where that's why this technique is so powerful because once you figure out the process is broken, you realize that the dinner decision was made on sunday when you just didn't go to the grocery store, right? Yeah and so and and sometimes it can be harder to fix sometimes it could be easy to fix often it is a false assumption, tio like the false assumption that, um you know, for instance, you contest whether or not I have time is a true or not if you you can ask well, does anyone have time? Does anyone like can anyone do this? Is there somebody busier than me where's the more demanding job than me or has more kids than me or whatever that still manages to go to the gym or or cook dinner every night? And you know, if the answer is yes the answer than either a there a superhero which they're probably not or b they have something else some process in place that allows them to do that that you just haven't discovered yet so there's usually a way around it okay, yeah what if the answer is I don't cook because I don't like to I don't want to throw myself off a bridge but it's just not something I like doing so is the path to healthier eating on ly fulfilled through cooking yourself no or I mean it doesn't have to be go buy your own vegetables at the farmer's market or run to pass through right? I mean it's quite likely I mean you can say you know I'd love to cook everyone would love to cook I love to play the guitar on my whole life I've loved you but I don't know howto so how do you you just might not like it that's a great point so so that's actually a fantastic example because there's two issues yes there's a way around it you don't have to cook every night but it's really expensive not to and you have to be much more vigilant like if you're going out every weekend every night tete um to make that hiko high enough quality food to not be like a big bummer um you have to start ordering things you don't like his much but I love your example because I would ask well why can you cook or why don't you like cooking because someone has always got it for me I don't because you don't know how I don't know how but little another there's there's a fun things like well why well you don't know how to cook like ok well guess what nothing's fun when you don't know how to do it no seriously but you're you're right but with the same with the guitar what and I play the guitar well I guess I think I want to but I actually really don't and if I take that pressure off of myself then there's no stress about planning and scream but I don't know anybody who would rather have diabetes this's it's different in that sense right? So it's sort of like you know, brushing your teeth you might not like it but these are things that you have to do to be healthy great example and health I mean we need another limiting because that health is a luxury you know that I can't afford it I don't have time for it it's a luxury um where is like you take showers right like you you brush your teeth you clean your house I mean you know what you want so some people need to move health and their minds into that category of like non negotiable and reframe it from a chore which is what it's become over the last fifty years so that you go buy things that a pre made so it's kind of you know I think that's the programming that we that's happened over the last fifty years or whenever absolutely yes so that was a great example because yes they did another thing you can do and in distant questioning your beliefs that question your goals you don't you know the goal for instance before ah eating lunch like like I always recommend people bring your lunch to work if they can I think the chances of you getting a healthy lunch if you bring yourself are much higher but the goal isn't to cook bring lunch the goal is sit improve the calories of twenty five percent of your weekly meals like improve the quality of food so if you don't do it through bringing your own food that's fine you know so just keep the rial end goal in mind which is health and happiness and and and the actual reality of the limits. You know, sometimes there are real limits. You know, sometimes, you know, you really you know, you have an hour and a half commute, and you can't walk to work like that's, a real limit. But but there's, usually something else you could do in that case. But just letting something like that completely paralyzed you is very common and also not necessary.