Natural Networking Intro
We're going to talk about what I call natural networking now most people hate networking why do we hate it? You shouted out awkward what does that mean? That means you show up in a room where everyone else is unemployed and we all sort of talked very hopefully and very fake me about how hopeful and you know well let's do it let's let's do a little role playing so we're both too showed up we were at a bar with like our business cards you know like hey what's up man hey what's going on not too much I'm just here uh to promote my skills and sort of see what other people are doing yeah I mean, I know like it's like crazy out there but I'm just hoping like if I come here you know, like meet some interesting people you know, like they always say like just gotta like pound the pavement and stuff like that so I'm kind of just like I'm pretty hopeful toby, are you working on any cool projects? Yeah, I mean like I've been trying to get this thing off the grounds like totally not listening look a...
t that look at what you're doing yes, she just I got cut off and I'm the instructor lovett amazing, okay, I just got cut off and shut down I was so boring I was boring myself but you were just like I'm so bored care and then I take my turn and we both like this sucks and they were like okay, well I should yeah let's definitely keep in touch anybody here ever had that horrible experience that was just off to cuff right there by the way did you notice my body language was kind like this like oh yeah because we're just like I don't want to be there right? We don't care about you I don't know you I'm never going to see you again you're not adding value to me and it's just stupid why am I here? And yet we believe that's what networking is what else do we think about not working cheating it's cheating tell me more uh you know, sometimes you feel like if you know somebody that's in a company and you asked them for a job it's you can't do that you can just ask me for a job great very good it always makes me feel like I'm swimming with sharks let's go deeper can everyone just stays at this surface level and we never actually connect with each other. What does that mean? Every every networking event I've into somebody there wants something from me um and even when they say they're trying to help me they're really not trying to help me they're just masking that to get something from let's do that right now let's role play that I think shark in this relationship you or me oh oh yeah I'm a picture of you all right hey dar hello nice to meet you so what's up what do you have to hear? What brings you here today? Uh just trying to connect with some other wedding vendors I know what you mean I mean it's like uh it's so exciting to actually just be surrounded by a bunch of other people that are in this industry don't you think I think you're full of shit don't say that you you don't say that uh if somebody said that you don't you think it's so excited like get off crack and I know you would never talk to a wedding that you would never say that interesting, interesting approach to networking e wouldn't have thought about that slap in the face in a calm walk away don't look listen it happens on mr sleazy guy would be like turning away and talking to somebody else two seconds later, right? We've all seen so I didn't even get to do my shark stuff you like everybody's cutting me off today I'm going home so you just identity you you immediately the seconds that isn't exciting no, I've never been like a uh like a bridal bazaar and all the vendors like so excited like that's the new guy who's like cream and for a job yeah, you could tell where I was going I just wanted to get you excited say yes and I'd be like so okay, so we hate what else I love this what else do we hate? Networking cheating was a really insightful one um and and many of my students went through this this challenge like my first test students and dream job including the student I mentioned because they felt like even if they had a network it was cheating and what's interesting is basically your network can get you connected to someone they could get you coffee with someone but if you're not good or qualified for the position, you won't get it it's like when people that you know in india you negotiate bargain a lot of stuff, right? So I mean, sitting there bargaining these vendors down there I told you yesterday like they'll be like, uh they look at me I'm american guy there like okay, that that'll be eight hundred rupees like I'll give you twenty and then we start the negotiation so my friends are like, oh my god, how could you haggle over five dollars that's just cheating them? They're just they don't have as much when I said listen first of all that's how it's done and second of all these vendors are way smarter than me or you or anybody they'd be doing this for generations they're not going to lose money on some idiot american guy who rolls up speaking poor punjab your hindi they're going they're going to take me they're gonna profit off me no matter what might not be seven hundred ninety rupees might be four hundred piece but they're making a tidy profit okay, so this is another example of let them reject you don't do the rejecting yourself a network is not going there's no more patronage like there used to be in the old days where your buddy's going to get him a job paying whatever he wants know your friend could get you an interview and at that point it's up to you what else? Any other reasons especially from the web that networking is bad? We have a lot of um pretending to be somebody you are not it doesn't feel authentic and connect in connection it makes people feel vulnerable. I don't like networking for the same reason I don't like accounting I didn't start this business so I could chat with folks nor so I could count beans I want to do my industry heather j e I want to do what was that last thing I wanted to be on the street I want so does that remind anybody of what we talked about yesterday? Perhaps that diagram he wrote remember I don't want to do all this other stuff I just wanna do my craft a k a I don't have time to do marketing I'm busy running the restaurant well you've basically just raise your hand and said I'm ready to be a commodity photographer writer or whatever because you just focus on your craft solely and alone here's your ten dollars an hour you deserve it tough love but it's true so uh the inauthentic one is really good because we believe that it's sleazy slimy scamming we believe that networking is that shark that I just portrayed a few minutes ago I didn't get to do the shark but it's it's like just dirty right guys coming around all he wants to do just give his business card and then he leaves and on to the next person and he's not even listening hears even care you just want something from you that's what we think but have we ever tested it? Have we actually ever met a master connector? Anybody know people who have amazing social skills everybody likes him what do we know about these people? What we know shut it up they're really good at keeping in touch with folks okay don't like make an initial connection and drop off the face of very good the follow up is amazing I love that what else? Charismatic what does that mean uh full of energy putting out to other people where people feel connected with the masses? What else they tend to listen uh at least people I know they you know they can get in touch with whoever they're talking to because they listen and pay attention very good what else you feel easy feel really comfortable with them? Um you feel like they care and it's hard because they appear to care about five hundred but I feel there's a connection there magnetic somehow you want to talk you want oh, wow he's over there let's go okay, anybody else? Yeah, we've got some online sam coxes they seem genuinely interested in meat, rayna they does that sound like anything we've been talking about the last few days? They seem genuinely interested in me. Me at that moment I'm at the center of the world and they're listening. They're not talking about their stupid service because it's stupid I don't care about you and your stupid business until you connect with me and maybe even then I still don't care, but at least I know you listened again. When was the last time we truly felt listen to when someone wasn't just waiting oh, really? Oh yeah well that's so interesting because I what was the last time someone just like wow, how'd you how'd you come up with that? What do you mean by that notice how many times I've been asking you that this class what you mean don we've been doing that back and forth million times right? Do you think do you think I'm like tricking you or do you think I genuinely want to know what you mean? I think you want to know you're challenging me in the way that I need to be challenged yeah and when I meet someone, I'm not mean you know, I'm not running psychology games on people, but I do want to know what they mean and I'll ask like, how did you come up with that it's so interesting and I actually do care and as they say, you know, if you want to be more interesting, become more interested and that is a proven principle, okay, what else we got from online? We have, um m stevenson there great listeners and they're fun storytellers yes, go ahead what else? Oh, all they want to do is help me and make a connection for me and then somebody else had said, uh, they make you feel like you're the only person in the room, so storytelling I think is a really powerful one um think about really fun people, you know, people engaging people, you know, they tell great stories, right it's like way they they could go through the same thing you went through and they would have an amazing funny story to tell that doesn't mean they have to be comedians, but they could tell a story in an interesting way, right? We're gonna do some storytelling practice later I had uh I had some students actually come out to an event and I brought them into the hot seat and he told me a story um and like like indian guys in general are not that emotional right? So they're like they're just not it's not part of the culture they're not really talking emotional side of indian student and he had this like quite emotional story but he's telling it like this is like yeah, so at work you know, like they asked the team to stay late for, like, two weeks and we were like sleeping under our desks and on then one guy didn't make it and then we finally got through it and it was incredible I like what the hell is wrong with you, man? So I did a couple things I corrected his body language and I showed him when you're telling a story how to slow it down and then how to get really excited when the time was right and to him in his head that sounded way over the top but did you just hear what I did just two seconds ago? Did I sound like I was way over the top just sounded like I was getting excited right uh so I taught him a couple things ten minutes nineteen day we're going to that today but the point of being a great storytellers you're not born a great storyteller you can actually learn it now you will you can learn it you can practice it and you can actually study people who you know we all have friends that are amazing storytellers and study like what are they doing? Why are they telling it in that way? How come they're pausing? How come everyone's listening to them but when I talk people talk right over me anybody ever had that experience that used to happen to me all the time? All right, let's keep going on why most people hate networking it's all about who you know we talked about that I'm not a very outgoing person a k I'm an introvert how many people here define yourselves as an introvert? Lots of people online I'm sure is well and you can define yourself as an introvert that's fine, but I don't want you to let that be an excuse to not do the hard work of connecting with people introverts can connect okay? They can don't let it be an excuse to say I'm an introvert so therefore I can't do any of this stuff that's lazy and I cover how to do that I actually put a video up on my vlog I think last week where I talk about what to do if you're shy or what to do if you're an introvert and I actually talk about how how to think about that and some articles to read that's that I will teach you the rich dotcom so all right, so we covered why most people hate networking uh but way also know that it's incredibly powerful, right? What are some of the benefits of having a network? Can anyone actually tell a personal story about how the network has helped you totally so in seattle coming here? Um I'm staying for the extra weekend so I wanted to have some extra cash to throw around so I wanted to keep my trip expenses for the first few days really low and the only way that I've been able to do that is by talking teo, a housemaid in mind who knows that I'm a responsible clean person to then put me in touch with the awesome girls that I'm staying with so thanks money beautiful, very nice what else it doesn't have to be about careers could be about anything how has the network helped you could be a parent probably parents could be a friend I so I recently got divorced and found the house sitting gig for a year in this beautiful house with a garden and it was largely due to my sister and friends incredible, very good all right yeah yeah same thing when I first started off throwing video I had a friend that I called on to say you know uh I'm getting into this this is something I want to do uh does your company basically need anything like this my pitch sucked but uh he introduced me to his boss which thankfully they love doing video but they were worse than I was and they hired me and I got uh telling them last night I got a flight to why is my first job amazing let's take a couple from the web all right uh be lives as finding an awesome open mic to start performing again that took a lot of bands really that way uh pascal made a really good friend at a make up artist meeting awesome haber just met her husband that's right through her neck a meeting a friend on denmark met up with his friend in belgium and finally is able to stay with him when visiting seattle for a company visit over a year and a half later anybody remember dean from yesterday remember how he had his friend who I was like no we're not gonna give you a deal and he just called his buddies like yo what did I do wrong his friend told him that and he raises rates to ninety dollars an hour which he has subsequently raised one hundred fifty dollars an hour he did that because of a network and by the way let's even let's even create an alternate scenario let's say that dean wasn't friends with this guy but he had taken him out to coffee a couple of times so we had a relationship with him right? Like he you know, he maybe had texted him a couple times or whatever what did have been more likely for him to actually send that note saying, hey, I noticed I didn't get the deal I'm totally cool with that, but I'm just curious what was there was something I could have done? You think it's possible you could have sent that yeah, because he had just taken the time to build the relationship. Okay, so, um there's massive power in networking I'll give you some examples from my own life positive and negative positive examples are you know, some of my okay, I'll even think back teo uh to elementary school I told you I was terrible at math it's not a joke. I'm really horrible. I was the only kid who failed my ap math test in my class. Um I got to thank you very much. And uh when I was in elementary school or yeah, our elementary school there was like you could take a math test to determine if you're on the fast track math class or not and I totally bombed the fast track math class but my teachers were like, all right, this guy's smart because I was I was like a pretty good writer back then, so they actually came to me quietly and they're like, all right, well, we know you messed up the test, but we're gonna give you a second chance. All right? So then I took the test the test again, aren't they changed it for me or not, but they put me in the fast track math class. Now that may have been to my detriment because I ended up failing my ap math test on on and on. But that is the powerful relationship, right? They can cut you some slack, right? Give another example. When I was applying to grad school, one of my professors sent a quick little note uh, where he said, hey, you'd be lucky to grab this guy. You should you should accept him actually got rejected for that program, but it meant a lot to me that he sent that note. On the other hand, on a positive note. One summer I was looking for internship and I had gone and I talked to some people in one guy he had interesting position, but he said, you know, uh, I'm gonna hire you, treat you like any other intern I paid twelve bucks an hour and the twelve bucks an hour I was you I'd made more money before but I didn't really care about the money but I didn't like that he said I'll treat you like any other injured because I felt like I'm not like any other intern so that was a friday afternoon I called my friend this is a friend from seventh grade she was working at a company I called her and I said, hey, I'm kind of looking for an internship do you know anything like what are some interesting cos she said don't you come work at this company? I said, oh really it's a pretty interesting cos she's like send me your resume so I sent to the resume monday afternoon was a friday afternoon monday afternoon I had an interview I walked into the interview it was a done deal I didn't have they just asked me so what do you thinking of working on here walked in there nailed the job there wasn't even an interview then went outside in the back to negotiate my salary with my seventh grade friend that's the power of a network now would she have hired me for recommending me so strongly if I sucked at what I do no she knew that I was gonna be a top performer so she went at bat for me and of course when I got to work I wanted to overdeliver to make her proud I don't want her to look bad in front her boss because she went to bat for me but if I had sucked in the interview even though the interview is almost pre ordained I would have gotten far so the network can get you far in that case really far but you still have to perform does that make sense the power of the network is fast absolute best it allows you to sidestep all these sort of pointless tactical and logistical maneuvers that everybody else is concerned they're concerned with things like what size is the fun on my resume what color paper what size paper appointments deeper stuff the stuff that post people don't talk about are the things that actually make a difference okay? And of course ironically, most people don't know how to do it so I wanted teach you some techniques, scripts and even an exercise in person right here to show you how powerful networking is done at the highest levels. Okay, I could give you many, many examples of how I how friends of my people I didn't even know got twenty five thousand dollars worth of time of mine for free or how I host a dinner and all these relationships have been built out of it but we'll just go straight into a technique to show you how this technique works by first describe sara you said something really interesting you said uh people who are really socially skilled are great follower I think that's like right on um how many of us have, like met someone really interesting and then we just never followed up I know I have I think all of us have and had we built that relationship, who knows what could have happened, right? Maybe you could have helped them get a job maybe they could have helped you get a job maybe you could just become amazing friends it's hard enough to make friends in this world you met someone you kind of liked and yet we just let this get in the way we tested this technique because so many people were saying things like alright, ramin that's great but you have a book so people will listen to you they they always come with all these things you have this so so they'll listen to you and I was like, okay, maybe you're right maybe it is just cause I have a book so I'm gonna test it with a bunch of people who are not authors and who have nothing uh these people they're chief concern was like why would anyone want to talk to me? I'm just twenty three years old I don't have anything why would it be? I want to go out to coffee with me so we're gonna talk about how to add value to a pipe of vips is the person we're trying to meet, right, to kind of get to know, hopefully add some value to them, and maybe one day they'll add value back to us. Okay, they're going to give us advice and stuff like this. I'm gonna show you what this closing the loop technique is, but it is one of your secret weapons. I'm just giving a handy little tactic today.