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Trauma Is Wreaking Havoc On Our Lives with Gabby Bernstein

Chase Jarvis

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Lesson Info

11. Trauma Is Wreaking Havoc On Our Lives with Gabby Bernstein

Lessons

Class Trailer
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A Love Letter to Human Potential with Kate Robinson

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How to Build Confidence and Be More Social with Vanessa Van Edwards

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Trauma Is Wreaking Havoc On Our Lives with Gabby Bernstein

51:59
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Take The Leap, Start a Business with Payal Kadakia

58:37
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1:05:47
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Words Can Take You Anywhere with Arianna Davis

53:00
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Master Your Inner Voice with Dr. Ethan Kross

1:06:21
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Accelerating 10,000 Hours to Mastery with James Altucher

1:09:49
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Transform Your Mind in 12 Minutes a Day with Dr. Amishi Jha

1:15:57
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Powerful Habits to Ease Anxiety and Boost Productivity with Mel Robbins

1:15:17
23

The Art of Self-Reinvention with Malcolm Gladwell

1:00:45
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Creative Acts of Curious People with Sarah Stein Greenberg

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Self-Discovery, Activism, and Rock & Roll with Stevie Van Zandt

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1:07:04
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1:05:35
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We're Never Going Back with Harley Finkelstein

1:01:47
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How to Shatter Limitations and Achieve Your Dreams with Steven Kotler

1:08:10
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The Creative Art of Attention with Julia Cameron

1:05:23
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The Path Back to True Self with Martha Beck

59:45
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The Urgent Need for Stoicism with Ryan Holiday

1:11:30
49

Delicious Food Doesn't Have to be Complicated with Julia Turshen

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Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention with Erin Meyer

56:27
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Stop Living On Autopilot with Antonio Neves

1:07:38
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How to Tackle Fear and Live Boldly with Luvvie Ajayi Jones

59:42
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Go from Underestimated to Unstoppable with Jamie Kern Lima

1:05:03
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Hard Work + The Evolution of Self with Priyanka Chopra Jonas

36:36
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The Power of Idealism with Samantha Power

1:34:35
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Pushing the Limits with Extreme Explorer Mike Horn

1:22:54
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1:15:34
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Uncomfortable Conversations with Emmanuel Acho

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1:24:17
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Elevating Humanity Through Business with John Mackey

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The Art of Practice with Christoph Niemann

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63

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65

Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results with James Clear

1:20:55
66

Badass Habits and Making Them Stick with Jen Sincero

1:06:12
67

Break Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs with Dr. Benjamin Hardy

1:09:18
68

Imposter Syndrome, Getting Unstuck and The Practice with Seth Godin

1:13:19
69

The Art of Curiosity and Lifelong Wisdom with Chip Conley

58:47
70

The Lost Art of Breath with James Nestor

1:03:15
71

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1:03:59
72

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73

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1:28:19
74

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75

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1:18:22
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1:05:57
86

Steve Aoki: Creativity, Community and No Days Off

50:57
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1:08:25
88

Know What Drives You with Michael Gervais

1:05:20
89

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59:07
90

Risk, Fear, and the Art of Chill with Jimmy Chin

1:13:51
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Personal Growth and Understanding with Citizen Cope

1:16:21
92

Living Life on Purpose with Jay Shetty

1:20:06
93

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1:08:10
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1:20:50
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1:08:01
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1:00:22
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Workplace Revolution with Amy Nelson

1:05:16
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1:29:31
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Good Enough is Never Good Enough with Corey Rich

1:25:24
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Say Yes To What You Want with Chris Burkard

1:22:54
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Finding Stillness In A Fast Paced World with Ryan Holiday

1:08:00
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Everything is Figureoutable with Marie Forleo

43:50
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The Art of Being Yourself with Elizabeth Gilbert

53:41
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Creativity, Comedy, and Never Settling with Nate Bargatze

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Personal + Career Reinvention with Jasmine Star

1:01:18
108

Stay Creative, Focused and True to Yourself with Austin Kleon

1:12:25
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Ramit Sethi 'I Will Teach You To Be Rich' book launch with Chase Jarvis

1:07:17
110

You Don't Need to Be Rich to Live Rich with David Bach

1:09:51
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Harnessing Your Human Nature for Success with Robert Greene

1:04:28
112

Addiction, Reinvention, and Finding Ultra with Endurance Athlete Rich Roll

1:07:41
113

Disruption, Reinvention, and Reimagining Silicon Valley with Arlan Hamilton

1:12:31
114

The Intersection of Art and Service with Rainn Wilson

1:03:25
115

Your Mind Can Transform Your Life with Tom Bilyeu

1:30:19
116

Do Something Different with Jason Mesnick

1:02:38
117

Less Phone, More Human with Dan Schawbel

1:07:40
118

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1:12:42
119

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1:49:02
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1:11:05
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1:10:56
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Happiness Through Gratitude with AJ Jacobs

1:12:54
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1:03:40
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1:09:10
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1:02:02
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134

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135

Persevering Through Failure with Melissa Arnot Reid

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56:18
151

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1:21:07
152

The Intersection of Art and Business with AirBnB's Joe Gebbia

1:19:56
153

Build a World-Changing Business with Reid Hoffman

1:19:31
154

How Design Drives The World's Best Companies with Robert Brunner

1:05:33
155

Why Creativity Is The Key To Leadership with Sen. Cory Booker

53:06
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1:16:14
157

How To Build A Media Juggernaut with Piera Gelardi

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158

Transform Your Consciousness with Jason Silva

1:08:02
159

The Formula For Peak Performance with Steven Kotler

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160

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161

Overcoming Fear & Self-Doubt with W. Kamau Bell

47:44
162

The Unfiltered Truth About Entrepreneurship with Adam Braun

1:21:36
163

Build + Sustain A Career Doing What You Love with James Mercer of The Shins

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164

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33:40
165

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1:29:39
166

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1:19:52
167

How iJustine Built Her Digital Empire with iJustine

1:08:05
168

How To Be A World-Class Creative Pro with Joe McNally

1:05:19
169

How To Stop Waiting And Start Doing with Roman Mars

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170

Gut, Head + Heart Alignment with Scott Dadich

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171

If Not Now, When? with Debbie Millman

55:31

Lesson Info

Trauma Is Wreaking Havoc On Our Lives with Gabby Bernstein

Hey everybody what's up? It's Chase, welcome to another episode of the Chase Jarvis Live Show here on Creative Live, where I sit down with amazing humans, unpack their brains with the goal of helping you and today's guest is Gabby Bernstein. Now, you may be familiar with Gabby's work, if you're not, you're in for a treat and if you are, I know you're gonna be fast forwarding through this intro to get to the meat but I'm gonna just do a super short intro here because Gabby's work is transformational. It works on those invisible doors that we all need to open in order to create the change that we seek in our lives. If you've ever wondered why you wake up with anxiety and how to manage it. If you've experienced some trauma that you're aware of, how do you start to take that on? Her new book here, which is called, "Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace." Is an amazing path that bread crumbs you with tools, with concepts and with direction for your life...

on how to get started. I'm gonna stop talking and let you get into this episode. Yours truly and Gabby Bernstein, how to guide from trauma to a fulfilled life. (bright upbeat music) (crowd cheering) They love you. Gabby Bernstein you're back. Thank you so much for being with us today. So good to be back with you. This is definitely one of my most exciting podcast I'm rejoining. So happy to be with you. Thank you for your time and for your wisdom. We've been, as you just alluded to, we've had had you on the show before and incredibly popular episode. It's not the least of the reasons we wanted to have you back other than this new book you've got, which is called "Happy Days." I'm dying to get into that but before we do, for the three or five people who are listening and watching and might not be familiar with you or your work I'd love to start out these episodes with asking you to just share a little bit about who you are, where you fit into this world, what you've been working on and how people might be familiar with your work. Yeah, well, I am a mom to a three year old and to a kitten. I am. Which of that kitten scratches at the door. She's coming in, no, Okay, please do. I'm gonna, not only that I'm gonna go get her halfway through. Do it. (laughing) And I'm also a wife to my husband, Zach and I like to lead there just because the... I used to lead with, with my credentials, right? This is what I do. And like I'm just so overall that now (laughing) proud of the work that I do, but proud of the person that I am first but as it relates to the work that I do for the sake of today, I am proud to say, I'm the author of nine books. The ninth book now is "Happy Days." Yeah, 42, I wrote nine books. I feel pretty good getting a lot done in this lifetime. So nine books, "Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace" is my latest book. And I have been a motivational speaker for 20 years. that's my art speaking publicly. I am the host of the show called Dear Gabby podcast called Dear Gabby, which is so fun to do and I do a lot of other things in my life. I love to cook, I love to exercise. I love the Gabby Cooking Show. I love the show. I've been like really on the down low for the Gabby Cooking Show I got to bring it back in the biggest way but yeah, and I love to take saunas, which is like another thing that I'm addicted to and obsessed with. So it's a little bit about me. Well, I can't believe that many books like that's bonkers. One of the things that I loved about, we've known one another for a number of years and have a lot of this similar friends and yet every time a dear friend of mine puts new work out there in the world, I try and devour it, pre-order the book and just check in and in that process in advance of our doing the show today, there was a line in your bio that captured my heart but also my brain as it relates to the show and that line is for over 16 years, Gabby Bernstein has been transforming lives, including her own. And so that's where I wanted to start our conversation today with this idea of transformation and specifically the difference between transforming it as in individuals doing the work you Gabby versus sitting outside and prescribing. So, and to get one level more specific what are the ways that you feel like you have transformed your life? You opened this most recent book, "Happy Days" with the story of sitting in your car. So that might be a place to start, but. Yeah. In what ways do you look at your own life as a transformation? And then we'll shift gears after you answer that question and what are the key ingredients for helping others transform theirs, but start with you first. Yeah, I think about the girl that is in the car in the first of this book, I don't wanna give too much away 'cause the stories are good. It's a good book. They're good. Really, like it's a movies. The page story. Definitely, I'm like I said to my therapist, I'm like, who do you think is gonna play you in the movie? 'Cause she's a big character here but I'm in the car and I'm listening to the this cassette tape. Yes, I'm talking about like almost 20 years ago, 17 years ago, I guess and I'm sitting in this beat up white Toyota Corolla and I keep replaying this one message coming through from a psychic reading that I had had the five or six months prior. And I'm hung over in the car and I haven't slept the night before and I'm adhering to alternate side of the street parking rules. So I'm sitting there just waiting for the street cleaners to come so that I can go back into my apartment and crash. And I just keep listening this audio over and over and over rewind the cassette press play, rewind, press play and the cassette audio is, the voice of the psychic saying to me, you have two choices in this lifetime. You could stay addicted and that's not gonna be good or you can get clean and make a major impact on the world and I keep repeating this audio over and over and I keep rewinding it and listening to it and rewinding it and listening to it because in that moment I can't contemplate what it would be like to make a major impact on the world. I can't even contemplate what it would take to get out of bed later that day but I listen and I'm continuously returning to that prophecy that there is some other life for me and that was a very big point in my decision to not stay addicted to not stay in the repetition of behavior that was going to kill me and to choose a path that would indeed make a major impact on the world but most importantly, make a major impact on my nervous system, on my psyche, on my ability to be a human in this lifetime. So this is a book about transformation. I have spent the last, I mean really, I say like it took me 42 years to write this book (laughing) because it's a life story of transcending the traumas that we pick up along the way. And how do other. Yes. People do that? That was the follow up question, right? How do other people do? Yeah, that's and that's like, and maybe we don't have to do all of the different steps because your book serves that purpose but where's. Correct. A good place to start like for you, that was a recognition that you needed to get out of the party scene. That might be something else for someone else. So, how do we identify? What's the start for someone who's on a trend mill right now, or sitting in traffic or on the subway listening to this and because my hope is that there's probably a smaller distance for most people between where they are and where they want to be to get on this path and so where ought they look to start? That's a cool concept. There's actually no distance at all. It can happen right here right now with you and me while you're listening. It's all about your willingness, your willingness to choose a different path. You could literally be sitting here with us right now having a quantum shift, listening to maybe you've never heard my voice before but you're gonna have a quantum shift with me right now because you're looking at your life and you're saying, well, it has to be better than this or there has to be a gentler way or I need a miracle and that statement of any kind there has to be a better way is enough to begin the journey. It's enough to have you keep listening. It's enough for you to pick up the book. It's enough for you to go listen to another podcast with Chase. It's another, there's just invisible doors that will open for you when you become willing to change. So that's the first step and it starts right now. So here we are. We hooked our listeners like, all right? I'm signing up for more. So, we turn a few pages into "Happy Days" and the first chapter is about freedom and are you open, are you willing to become free? And the second chapter is about bravery. Now it's not an accident that there's, that step one is sort of the desire and step two is bravery, right? Because this is not easy work. So when faced with the idea of doing hard work or staying on the couch, or maybe something less sort of a than that, just staying in the status quo, which is sort of like a bad relationship, right? It's is it bad enough for you to leave or at what point does it get bad enough for you to leave? Because when it's good, it's okay. So, help gear us up for, we're gonna do the work. We're gonna do this work with you, Gabby, what ought we expect? Yeah. Well, there's something that you're mentioning that I think is kind of interesting. I often look back on be being a drug addict and I was a cocaine addict, so that's pretty rough. It's a rough one. And I can look back and be like, I'm so glad I was a cocaine addict and not just like, a casual drinker, because it brought me to my knees, which made it easier to be brave because there was no other choice. I mean, there was another choice which was death, frankly, but if I wanted to live, there was no other choice but for that person, that's just on the couch, it could be even a little bit harder to tap into that bravery because you're kind like, well, it's okay, I'm not gonna die from this. I'm not gonna die on the couch. So I just wanna acknowledge that some of us that have the privilege of hitting a really hard bottom might even be easier to become brave enough to change for those of you out there that are like, well, I'm in this relationship it's just not really serving me or I'm in this job and it's just taking me down or I'm in this old pattern I just wanna change it. I guess the question you'd have to ask yourself right now is what are you gonna do with this one life? I'm like quoting, Mary Oliver right now, but like, what are you gonna do with this one precious life? And when you ask, that's a brave question to ask and the bravery can be scary to contemplate like, oh, how can I face the dark corners of my past? How could I possibly go to the places that scare me? How could I feel into that feeling of inadequacy or being unlovable or whatever it is that you may not even be able to have words for are today. That the bravery comes with the desire. So like you said, "We start with the desire and then we move into the bravery" and it also comes with the faith that there's a better way. And so throughout the book, I think one of the greatest spiritual messages that's consistently infused used throughout this book is that there is indeed a gentler softer way and while this is a book that touches on a lot of therapeutic practices, it's a spiritual book at heart because there's no way I could have come from where I was to where I am today and sit in the seat right now of this grace without having that spiritual connection by my side. So, with bravery comes this faith that you can free fall and to trust also that if you're reading that chapter or even if you're listening to us and you've continued to listen that there's a part of you that is willing to jump' is willing to take that leap to trust that there is grace on the other side and to trust that in this book, I will guide you that I will really gently and compassionately be there as a source of love as you carry it through the journey and that's actually my biggest intention of this book is for any human who recognizes the traumas in their life. Traumas with a big T or traumas with a small T, were all traumatized, any human that wants to feel better, any human who wants to heal the past that they come to this and they feel the infusion of my self energy, my love energy coming through to act as a conduit through which they can take this brave step towards recovery and towards healing. I want them to feel as though they have my presence and my guidance by their side. That is an amazing intention and as someone who I mean, just to tell you guys how much of a page turn this is, I'm reading this thing via PDF and if you've ever read a book via PDF, like you gotta really want it and it's excellent. I can feel your guidance and your presence. Let's touch on trauma. I mean, it's in the subhead and I think it is for good reasons, the phrase in part due to you and your work in part due to, I think the zeit guy starting to understand the concept of trauma and so you use the phrase, throughout the book and here just a moment ago, capital T trauma, little T trauma and yet that we all have it now for someone who this word might be new, or the concept might be new, or someone who might be experiencing some resistance right now. Like, no, no, my childhood was fine. I got along with my parents and we were cute sweet little happy family. I just set the stage for trauma and maybe, dabble in both capital T trauma and small T trauma, but let us know how we all have it please. We all have it. You can't be alive right now without having experienced trauma. You can't be sitting in March, and your government says, "Go home" and you're like, what the fuck without having some kind of PTSD, you just can't. The PTSD of living through a pandemic of fear, living through the divisiveness of these times, living through the horrific visions and images that we see on our daily screen. You can't live without experiencing trauma today. Now, the big T traumas versus the small T traumas is really are based on how much our nervous system is affected. How repeated the behaviors, the experiences were and most important need to point out how much recovery we had on the other side. So typically when we have trauma as a child, whether it be sexual abuse or violence, or a really divisive divorce or feelings of just not being cared for neglect, okay? Whether repeated or not as a child, we would not necessarily have the resources to regulate and follow up with that experience and heal from that experience and so ultimately it becomes a neural loop in our brain, and we stay in this consistent state of fight flight where we take the adult experiences in our life and we replay those childhood fears in every adult experience that triggers us. So simple things can reactivate those childhood traumas. If they are unresolved small T traumas, it's still the same thing. We can have an experience that causes a energetic disturbance and it can continue to replay and repurpose. The difference may be that it may just be easier to move through. It might be easier to undo but it's still present and every method in this book will address big T and meet small T trauma the same way. Let's go back to something you said a moment ago is like, it's almost you're sort of presented with the awareness more clearly in the capital T trauma as you were with say, cocaine addiction versus sort of lightweight, ongoing low grade stressors or partying a little bit too much and so for the person who maybe doesn't have a lot of experience with capital T trauma, is it fair to say that this small T trauma might be sort of as damaging or potentially as insidious because you're not aware of it and I guess I'm trying to get people right now who are I believe that most people are, who are listening, are aware of their own history and can point to things that have had a dramatic impact on them, use the concept of affecting their nervous system but I also believe there's a whole section of people who are still closed or resist the idea that doing work is not for them or they don't need it or, and I'm trying to open those doors. So give me some tools to be more articulate here and/or just take the stage and help people understanding or listening who might not say, okay, cool. I like Gabby's work I'm fine though, I'm good. Yeah. Wherever you are in your journey, whether it be identifying a small T trauma or a big T trauma, we have to come back to the place that you're at right now, because right now, whether you know about it or not, you can't really identify the problem unless you're willing to look at it. So I'm sorry, but I'm coming back to willingness. Yeah. Or that you are safe enough to even recall it because in my case, in the book, I talk about remembering childhood trauma that was dissociated, right? So you may think like, oh, a small T trauma might be, harder to recognize. Well, actually sometimes big T traumas are so hard to recognize because they've actually been disassociated from, we literally can forget because we leave, we are soul parts or we leave our body in the moment. Our brain has a beautiful capacity to dissociate so that we do not have to feel that suffering in that moment because if we may not survive. So in my case, I just checked out but my body remembered every single day. So I think that's the same whether you are completely dissociated, whether you're in denial, whether you're nursitizing, that trauma, whether you are avoiding, whether you're totally aware of it but just unwilling to look at it no matter where you are whether it's a big T or a small T trauma you have to recognize that it is wreaking havoc in your life and it is affecting your nervous system. It's affecting your sleep. It's affecting your gut. It's affecting your skin. It's affecting your ability to problem solve. It's affecting your parenting style. It's affecting your sex life. It's affecting your relationships. It's affecting your decision making skills. I mean, each of us have different ways that trauma shows up but it's a disturbance it's an energetic disturbance and it's an inability to be present as Peter Levine. So beautifully says, "Trauma is the inability to be present." And so if you're someone out there and you're like, I don't really think I have trauma and I don't really wanna think about this or talk about this then buy the book for your friend or go read one of my other books on manifesting. I mean, that's fine. You gotta be willing to look no matter how big or small it is. If you wanna read this book right now, I'm not saying you have to, you could go through your whole life totally just like, I don't wanna do and I'm gonna, stay on the couch and I'm gonna drink and I'm gonna date, messed up relationships and whatever or just coast, that's fine. Do whatever you want. This is a book if you want to go big and you want to recover and you want to come out the other side you want to experience, do you wanna wake up without anxiety every day? This is your book. That was a powerful line too do, I think that may have been from the intro, but just this idea of waking up anxiety free. It's a very common when I take questions from this community, either, on the podcast or any at a live event, the idea of waking up with anxiety, you talked about the images that proliferated in our news and sort of a very unsettling time that we're experiencing right now, pandemic, political, economic, lots of reasons to feel anxiety, this idea that everybody, not everybody but it sounds, it feels like everybody, this is a very, very popular question. So this concept of waking up, if we use this as an expression of freedom. Yeah. Or helping deal with this our traumas. When in your recovery process, did you begin to awake anxiety free? What do people have to look forward to? For me, it was, well, I don't want anybody to be disappointed by this, but it's about three or years ago, two and a half years ago. It was seven books in. Exactly, it was like, it was like eight books in, but that's also because so much, listen, I don't think that we wake up overnight without anxiety but when we make a commitment to do this type of work and to look more closely, to shine light on our past, to shine light on our wounds, to do therapeutic processes with a therapy that is right for us to be on a spiritual path, to take care of our energetic system, we have so much grace along the way. So while I didn't wake up one day and it was on, yes, that actually mean that that has been, what's going on last few years that we don't have anxiety every day. I don't have anxiety. I don't have fear, I live with a lot of faith, but along the way, I experienced countless miracle moments of up leveling and many experiences that were even re-traumatizing, but were perfect because they were part of the path. So when you can look at your life and say, oh, I can see why all that happened or I'm grateful that that fucked up experience happened to me because I'm now where I am today or because I learned that transformational lesson that has brought me closer to God or closer to my partner or whatever it might be, then you really are living this life. Then you are really getting squeezing all the juice out of it because you are truly committed to seeing through the lens of love. Seeing that if you are in the pursuit of grace, if you are in the pursuit of inner freedom and that's your goal, then no matter what happens along the way, you're good. And I can really-- Process not the end product sort of thing, yeah? Yeah, I mean, I share in this book. Yeah, I got clean and sober 16 years ago, but how much more did I share in this book of what happened after that? Remembering the trauma of like, so total suicidal depression from postpartum depression, just a lot of tough stuff that I had to face, but I look back today and say, whoa, thank God all that happened and I don't want it to happen again, but thank God all that happened. Why do so many of us feel stuck in patterns that make us unhappy? What's the neurology there? What's Gabby's explication for why most people feel stuck in patterns that make them unhappy and what's your prescription? It's fear, because the pattern is a fear response. The pattern is a way of numbing that fear, the pattern is, I'm trained in internal family systems therapy and I have a way of explaining this that I think would be really helpful. So we have these protector parts of ourselves and you call them patterns, right? I'll call them protector parts. Okay. So it could be the picking up the girl, the part of you that picks up the drink, the part of you that sleeps in way past when you should, the part of you that stays in the bad relationships, the patterns as you referred to them and those protectors, those protective patterns, those protectors are perfectly placed to avoid ever having to face the impermissible feelings of fear, the exiled feelings of fear from our childhood. The exiled childhood parts and so those protectors are on high alert at all times, they're ready to rumble. They are gonna swoop right in the second, that that fear part starts to get triggered. Boo, there comes the protector. I'm gonna control the shit out of everything. I'm gonna, fight back. I'm gonna pick up drink. I'm gonna yell. I'm gonna, whatever it is, I'm gonna sleep. I'm gonna check out. Those protectors are in place and they have been in a repeated extreme role for what could be decades and decades and decades for many of us and the repetition of their behavior becomes a loop. It becomes a pattern in our brain and the undoing of that pattern must happen by focusing on those parts, by befriending those parts, by helping those parts recognize another form of safety by establishing enough love, self energy, as we say, in IFS so that we can become the leader of our systems that we can really be the witness of those protector parts that our higher self, our resourced self can bring them back to safety, can help them step down and help them get out of their extreme roles but the thing is those patterns or protectors, whatever you wanna call them, they're not bad. They have a very valuable, important role. They've kept us safe for a very long time. The cocaine addict Gabby was not a bad part. She did the best she could. The controller Gabby, she's no longer in her extreme role, but you know what? She wrote nine books in 11 years. Okay, there was some good that came out of her. So looking at the patterns, if you wanna call them patterns, the bad patterns you or I let's call them protectors for the sake of this IFS conversation and let's just call those protectors by their name. They're protecting us from something that we are not yet ready to face and when we become safe enough to face those parts and become willing to do the work, then we establish enough safety to start to allow those protectors to step aside or to step down or to be less extreme. Did that make sense? That was wicked. Oh. Amazing. Good. This is sort of what that's part of what I'm seeking to do with the show and have been for now a dozen years trying to unpack the concept of a willingness to do work on ourselves as if you talked about identity early on like desire, the identifying these things and that this willingness it's no longer taboo to acknowledge a part of you that was a protector because that part of you developed in order to keep you safe and this idea that we all have trauma capital T and small T, and you are not responsible for that trauma, whether it was child abuse or rejection or neglect, or any of the long list of traumas that we all have experienced but as an adult, you're not responsible for that but as an that you can take responsibility for your own healing and in fact, it is an incredible journey and one that you have documented in all of your books, so profoundly and vulnerably and for that, I thank you. You that is your superpower, right? Your ability to be vulnerable to talk about loving Gabby, the cocaine addict. So thank you for that. I need to keep pulling on this thread though, because there are, you... In the book, we realize that you've done work on a bunch, you just mentioned IFS. There's just, talk therapy. There's so what are the tools for someone whose interest we may have peaked here, like, okay, cool, I'm down to do some work. Yeah. In a world where seemingly we have more tools than ever before, access to those is obviously all over the spectrum based on such economic status, based on willingness, based on family custom, cultural awareness. Talk about the range of things that you've used and maybe give some advice on how to ferit those out because in a sea of choices, right? It's like you walk up to, I hate those restaurants and there's like 11 pages. Yeah. Just gimme a one sheeter. Yeah. So, what's our one sheeter to get started on this also valuable Yeah. internal work that you've written about. So, I wrote this book to vulnerably share my experience of transforming from trauma and becoming free so that other people could recognize themself in my story no matter how different it is because they're similar and all of us and then also to give someone the sense of they're not alone and that they have this guide by their side as I said earlier. But then the next intention is to introduce my readers to the spiritual therapeutic processes and I start with spiritual because every therapeutic process that I write a but in this book is a spiritual practice. It was like God given to the people who brought them forth and they're also very rooted in spiritual faith. In my opinion, in my interpretation of them though they're widely used in the clinical space they're very spiritual practices. So I share through my recovery journey, what my experience was of returning to the body through somatic experiencing therapy or befriending all of my parts and letting connecting to self through internal family systems therapy and getting out of the fight flight state through MDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocesing through I talk in this book about just so many, even spiritual and meditative practices that are designed to help you self sooth. I share. You're tapping and releasing time. Yeah, tapping. I'm at that right now. That's really interesting way that chapter on connecting to your body. Yes, the body chapter is really profound and helping you recognize that you're psyche in your body are not separate, that it all is interconnected and the end of the book, I even go, as far as teaching some of the parenting methods that I've learned from Dr. Dan Siegel and applying them to ourselves in a chapter, I called the re-parenting chapter. Peppa Pig plays a role. Exactly, yes. Yeah, there you go, babe. It's so nice to have these beautiful readers and really care and my hope is that while I've had the financial abundance to have the privilege to practice these principles with experts, while I've had the privilege of being in the field of personal growth and like having like the best people on speed dial. I wanna acknowledge that and call that out because someone listening is like, screw you Gabby. How could I afford to do this therapy and this one and this one and have a. So a big goal of this book is to one, give you tools that you can play, right now. Methods that you can safely attune to and use on any given day to start to regulate your nervous system and calm yourself down and to also throughout the book and in the resources that I offer with this book to really show you that there are real human angels out there doing this kind end of work at very affordable rates and in some cases for free and in some cases for just trainings that you can get from me for free or whatever it is that you are guided to that there is help but we have to and also that investing that help like sure would I have loved to have spent all the money I've spent on therapy on like handbags or something. Yeah, probably but-- Different kind of therapy. Exactly, but I wouldn't change. That investment is the greatest investment of my life. It's the greatest financial investment of my life. Let's talk about that as a concept of investment because I do believe that that resonates having, had hundreds of guests on the show and spoken to maybe hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people and the idea when I say, would you like to invest in yourself? I have yet to have an anybody say, no, I'm good. I think there's a genuine desire to do work. When you think about the resources that go into that you talked about I would I love to have had that money to spend on handbags. Yeah, so there's a money, right? There's the time that it takes to read books and listen to podcasts and there's, it's easy to look at everything it takes but what role does the heartache and the pain that process uncovers. That's what I think people don't want, right? I'm like, I'm willing to throw down some money. I can join Gabby's inner circle for free or for a monthly stipend or I can do all these things but how much of this perpetual people say yes, but don't do it is because it's gonna hurt. Oh, I mean, it's all of it, right? So coming back to the parts of us the parts of us that sign up but don't follow through are protectors, right? It's like, nah, I don't really wanna, like, I want it but like I don't wanna go. No, once it gets to. One with a small w, right? Exactly, if it gets too squarely, if it gets too scary, I'm out. You have to trust your system. You have to trust your system's willingness and steadiness and there's times in life when we are... When I remembered my experience of being abused as a child when I remembered that in therapy, actually I remembered that in a dream and then it came out in my therapy session. I asked my therapist, I said, why did it take me 36 years to remember this? Why or however long it was happened when I was young. So I was 36 when I remembered, why did it take, 30 something years to remember this? And she said, "Well, because you're safe enough now to remember, your system is safe enough now." I'd had decade of therapy behind me. I had her support. I had my husband in that attached connection and so it was the safety in my system that was able to go there. So we don't go there until we're ready to. And so trust your system, don't force it and all throughout the book, you've read it all throughout the book I say over and over, come back to this chapter. If it's activating, do not do this now if this is too much for you remember this in 10 years, whatever it is because some of it is just not right, right now, I spent decades just performing for my therapists straight up. Like, let me tell you all the great things are going on with my head and they would just sit there, like literally, like when am I gonna break through? And then the breakthrough was like a bursting through. So it's not for nothing if you're feel like you're just sort of like going through the motions that's enough right now. Even the small steps are enough right now. Yeah, I have a concept of no effort is ever wasted. Like you said, you needed to hit rock bottom in order to have it itself as a problem that need to be solved or if indeed that's true, no effort is ever wasted. Were there any signs that you're getting close? Because I think most people want, we want an easy fix and what you're hearing from this podcast right now is not gonna be easy and it's not gonna be quick. So is that the right way for us to think about it? I mean. Well, it's not, let's look at it like this. It's a lot more difficult to sit in your discomfort and live in your discomfort and live in the perpetual patterns of chaos that we create that's much more difficult. So what I mentioned earlier, the grace along the way, you're not gonna wake up tomorrow without anxiety. Maybe well, you could have a quantum shift. You absolutely could but you will wake up tomorrow, maybe after listening to this podcast and downloading the audio book later and listening to the first chapter, waking up, you may wake up and be like hopeful or you may be like curious that feels better than then stack. Yeah. So each step along the way leads us up that ladder of that emotional scale as Abraham Hicks lovely talks about the emotional scale of just getting out of that depression and getting out of the hopelessness into a better of a vibration, into a better belief about our possibilities and so while yeah, you may not be like perfect overnight, each step that you take towards your own personal growth is a step towards a better vibration, a better feeling and so you will feel relief along the way. Which of these step... Personal question here which of these steps was hardest for you? (inhales) The period between. And hardest, I always hate when I get asked, like what's the most, the best, your favorite. No, no, no, I can really answer this. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. I mean, because there's really so much tough stuff along the way but like my drug addiction and alcoholism, like was nothing compared to remembering trauma, like nothing, it was cake. Remembering childhood sexual abuse at the age of sent me back into it. I was walking around kind of re-traumatized having flashbacks and dream and that went on for a few years. I mean, it really went on hardcore for at least a year and then I did a lot of EMDR, which is really soothing to the system. When you have a recollection like that, I would really recommend EMDR for trauma, but that was the toughest absolute toughest time my gastro issues just were all time high because my body was just like so inflamed from the memories I had like gastritis and then SIBO and it was just constant, I was like a hundred pounds. It was a really horrific time in my life but even in that horrific experience I actually felt some hopefulness because I had some answers now I could look and say, oh, well, that is why I was a drug addict. That is why I lived with so much fear, that is why I'm so controlling, that is why I became a workaholic. That is why, why, why, why, why the answers to the question why we're now there? So it was horrific and difficult but it was also relieving. Yeah, the human brain, we often need why's, right? We need the answer. We need a rationale to go on and this discovery of this it's one of the reasons I like becoming aware of a problem is the first step in managing it. I feel like use the word just a second ago that I wanna linger on and it's an idea that I would like to close the show with today and it's you use the word hope and what role did hope play in your personal journey and what role do you think hope will play to the listener who has decided today to take the first step or maybe the 800 step, but to keep going, what role does hope play and how do we cultivate this idea of hope? I mean, the book is called "Happy Days," right? That there's just a hopeful title in and of itself. So talk to me about hope for a moment. Hope is a vision for a better future and we cultivate hope when we have the desire to see things differently because with that desire comes answers. The universe is always responding to us whether it's coming back with a yes for something we don't want or a yes, for something we do want and when we start to say in our own ways, through prayer, through intention, through thoughts, through just showing up and listening to a podcast like this, those are messages to the spiritual presence within us and around us that says, yeah, I'm ready to go. I'm ready to change. I'm ready to and when we make that kind of statement energetically or literally we open up these invisible doors for hope to step in, because that vision of a different future that acceptance that things could be better that slight, as they say, in the 12 steps, the mustard seat of hope is enough. The slightest slightest bit of hope is enough, because it keeps you curious. It keeps you aligned with a God of your own understanding, a spiritual connection of your own, keeps you coming back. If you were free from fear, who would you have the freedom to be? That is the question that your book, I think does an excellent job of helping us come to our own answers. Congrats again, "Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace" What number is it? Nine, 11, 26? Nine. I'll come back at 10 we'll have a party at 10. We'll be in person for 10. We'll be in person. God, please make it so. Please make it so. Yeah. Thank you so much and congratulations. This community is really good at supporting authors buying their book during pub week. It's a thing that we know and practice together as a community. So I highly encourage it again. I read 108 page PDF, 106 page PDF. I'm getting a hard cover out to you to. Yes. Right this minute. First of all, I just wanna acknowledge you in front of all of your listeners that I go on a lot of podcasts and not everybody reads the book. not everybody reads the book and it's so meaningful and it makes for such a beautiful conversation when somebody has experienced the content and I particularly with a book like this that is so vulnerable and took so much of my heart and soul to put out. I just wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to respect the work and to show up the way you did today. It makes for a really lovely conversation. I just adore you. Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much. I will graciously accept and also say I enjoy your work deeply. It's so well timed as we were chatting before we started recording it seems like the awareness of the trauma that we all have experienced. I think you used that word 10 years ago it doesn't land and now that we have new profound example with the pandemic and shifting of culture I'm sure it was no small undertaking. So thank you for doing the work and putting that work out there for us to consume and share. Where else would you steer people obviously, check out if you can get it from a local bookstore, great wise Amazon or any of the other online we'll be able to deliver "Happy Days: The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom and Inner Peace" comes out in February 22. So if you're listening to this, you're gonna be listening to this, the mid-February but at any time you can hop in and grab it. Where though, would you steer people outside I know you have a bunch of programs through your own platforms. Give us a 92nd tour of where you'd steer people to outside of just your newest book. The best place where I can be a resource for people right now, if you're like, oh, I can't get that therapist. Or I don't know I just wanna dabble. I need a little bit of help is on my podcast Dear Gabby. On Dear Gabby, I workshop people and they come on and I just riff and take them through different topics and different stuff that's up and it's where I can use the tools that I have applied in my own life that I've created, that I've learned and really support others and so you'll recognize yourself and my audience and the folks that come through and it's a beautiful place to get that free council and guidance and so I would probably just say, go listen to Dear Gabby right now and just let me love you up. Sweet, subscribe. Thank you so much, Gabby. Good to catch up. Congrats on the book and on so many of your other successes. Thanks again for being on the show. You're always welcome every time you got new work out, we we'd love to love to have you. So thanks again. Thank you. And thank you to everybody else out there in the universe I hope you have an incredible week in signing off until our next time together. Gabby and I bid you haju. Thanks man. (bright upbeat music)

Class Description

Each week here on The Chase Jarvis Live Show, CreativeLive Founder + CEO Chase Jarvis sits down with the world’s top creative entrepreneurs and thought leaders and unpacks actionable, valuable insights to help you live your dreams in career, hobby, and in life..

Subscribe to The Chase Jarvis Live Show on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Play, and Spotify.

First aired in 2010, the show has featured guests including:

Richard BransonArianna HuffingtonMark Cuban
Jared LetoMacklemoreAdrian Grenier
Tim FerrissGary VaynerchukSir Mix-A-Lot
Cory BookerBrené BrowniJustine
Daymond JohnLewis HowesMarie Forleo
LeVar BurtonGabrielle BernsteinRyan Holiday
Amanda CrewJames Mercer (The Shins)James Altucher
Ramit SethiDebbie MillmanKevin Rose
Marc EckoTina Roth EisenbergSophia Amoruso
Chris GuillebeauW. Kamau BellStefan Sagmeister
Neil StraussYves BeharVanessa Van Edwards
Caterina FakeRoman MarsKevin Kelly
Brian SolisScott HarrisonPiera Gelardi
Steven KotlerLeila JanahKelly Starrett
Elle LunaAdam BraunJoe McNally
Brandon StantonGretchen RubinAustin Kleon
Scott Dadich

Ratings and Reviews

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Reviews

Dream Focus Studio
 

By far the best classes on Creative Live!! Thanks Chase Jarvis for bringing so much greatness to the table for discussion! Just LOVE it!

René Vidal
 

@ChaseJarvis - love chat with Gabby about hope and the "relentless optimism" you share at the end of Creative Calling. Many thanks. -- René Vidal McKendree Tennis

bob
 

Excellent interview with thoughtful questions. Thanks!!