Get Out of Your Own Way & Create the Life You Want
Hi, I'm kim murphy on welcome to creative live. I'm the head of the money in lifestyle channel here and today I have a very special guest. Gabrielle bernstein. Gabrielle has been named by oprah as the next generation thought leader has appeared on dr oz and has made a number of onstage and on camera appearances. The new york times is named her a new role model, and she teaches coaches, spiritual leaders and healers heroic sense of online training and her writings were really happy to have her join us today, gabby think gabrielle, thanks for joining us. Yeah, happy to be here, so just diving right in gabby. You know, we're talking today about leading the life that you want to lead, what are the biggest dilemmas or pain points that you see people facing when they're trying to lead the life that they want? I think that they're probably the biggest pain point is that people are not actually believing that they can live the life that they want. And so my teachings in my my own personal prac...
tice is all about really owning the belief systems and the commitment that we have in our inner world to own what it is that we want to create in the world, and so if we are out of our belief system in disbelief in any way, then we are creating a world that we do not want to see. So the first step in really creating manifesting the life that we want to live the life beyond our wildest dreams is to, first and foremost, believing it, identify all the reasons and and fear based beliefs that are holding you back from dwelling in that place of true belief and doing whatever it takes to heal those belief systems insured today on this interview will start to talk about some of the tools that we can use to start to clear that path. Yeah, for sure on dso, you know, talking about leading the life that we want to lead, what does that mean to you? You know, how did you get to the place today where you're actually living, living your truth and living what you're supposed to be doing? What that means to me is to live with a sense of freedom and to feel a sense of certainty that the choices that I'm making are the choices in the path that I can create, that I can follow, and so freedom has sort of been at the forefront for me wanting to really live with a feeling of freedom live with experience of being able to create choices from a place of freedom. And the way that I've been able, tio really set myself up to live that type of lifestyle has been through staying, committed to being authentic and being riel, being deeply committed to the service of others, making that a huge priority in the work that I dio and walking my talk. So I'm going to teach people something I have to be able to walk it, and so really being craned in my authenticity, my capacity serve, and in my capacity to walk my talk fully and completely, I've been able to really help others step into that ownership and rough recognized that in themselves, but those three key ingredients have given me a sense of freedom and a sense of living the life that I've always wanted to live, because I'm feeling like I'm living with a sense of purpose. And did you have a come to moment where you realized this is what you were supposed to be doing? You know, because I know there's a lot of people that probably you think, ok, this is where I need to be leading my life. This is where I need to be going, but are kind of stuck, and you know what, like, how do you get that jump from knowing where you need to go and getting there, you know what? What kind of pushed you or what? What pushes people is it that makes them want to take that next step to actually kind of go, like, get about beyond that fear and go into a life that's of their purpose there, you know, and then lead. There are ten off authenticity. I was probably living for twenty five years of my life, disconnected from that place of purpose and really looking for that sense of purpose outside of myself looking for it in my relationships or in my career credentials or in my social status. And as anyone that's listening that may have fallen into that truck, mostly everybody does in some way, shape or form. We're living in that way really set me up for failure and set me up to feel disconnected. Tio people in my life could set me up for negative relationships and set me up. Tio tryto, surgeon search insurgents stay like a hamster on a wheel, constantly searching for the outside world approval so that I could feel good enough. And in my early twenties, I really had a good quarter life crisis where I was able to just decide that this was not the path that I wanted to be on. And commit to choosing mice my life to see my life completely differently. And this is when I really became a self proclaimed spirit junkie. This is when I fell into the path of personal growth that I fell into the path of that fell into it chose the path of personal growth. I chose it turn down the worldly beliefs that I had become addicted to and she's a path of spiritual recovery. And so through my commitment to my inner life, my outer life has expanded, and that that that learning that and living that in the first hand way has given me the authenticity to be able to teach people how to do that and what that means and how to get there yeah that's great. And I know that a lot of people are constantly change like chasing titles and chasing money and chasing things, but no it's not it's nice to hear that it's you can get there and that you have actually done it. And it's really great to see who do you think really benefits from the lessons that you teach, you know who do you who do you talk to and who could benefit from this type of work of inter work? Theo people that benefit most from the work that I teach in the books that I write in the talks that I gave her the people who want it so spiritually work, personal growth work, being on a path of of of shifting your perceptions about your life can only occur when you want tio and so I can't I have to preach that have to preach to the choir because I can't I cannot preach to the unconverted because they don't necessarily want to be converted. And so it's it's a blessing that many people today are really waking up in rising. I've been wanting to really show up for their lives in a different way, taking taking that and realizing that you're going to live an authentic life and lead the life that you want. You know what are some steps that people can take to turn that passion into a paycheck? Because, you know, some people might be stuck in a gig or corporate gig or doing something that that's kind of just on that hamster, like, he said, but you know what? We're like concrete steps that people can take to turn that passion into a paycheck and, you know, actually be ableto sustain their life by doing what they love. I think the first step is to really be willing to do that great work for free, right? So I'm a today a motivational speaker and an author, but for the first five years of my career, I spoke. Free I would speak in university that speaking women's organization that would show up but I would just speak because number one I need to get my chops they needed to get you know really get confident and comfortable is as a speaker number two it needed to build a resume and say I've spoken and while you are at t or the women's organizations or the national federation for this youth group or whatever it wass and so I have this long list of places that I've been speaking I was getting my chops and then most importantly manifesting it to become my reality by doing it by being it the greatest way that we can manifest our visions into form is through our venus through being in the experience of what it is that we want to create and so if we're pushing against that experience or avoiding that experience or waiting for somebody to give it to us then it ain't gonna happen so really showing up just doing it so if you're a writer and you are wanting to get that book published blawg start blogging I was blogging for years before I got my first publishing deal I before I was ever invited to be on anyone's platform to do television I was doing my own tv show right here on my computer you know, just saying that high I have something to say in creating television content on before I was being paid to be speaker, I was out there speaking so I believe in the just do it mentality and I was out there speaking even when I still had a full time job running a pr business and doing something entirely different. I was moonlighting as a speaker and author on the weekend tonight, so really just showing up and doing it is probably the best way to get into your body into your energy and and to get you to a place where you believe that is who you are remember it's our belief systems or what create what we want to see and we have to be in the experience of doing something to believe that we can do it it's like ripping a band aid off just make this happen. Yeah, we have a question from kelly green on and she says, what are some of the ways to share your path with others who may not immediately understand the value or importance of creating a new life? I find my struggles establishing in the life I want tends to make my partner worried about where I'll end up. Yeah, I hear this a lot and I think that we there's two answers to the question first, you know, not all of our partners, particularly our romantic partners may not necessarily be on the same path that we are are on they may never be on the same path that we're on, particularly if it's a path of personal growth or spiritually practices they just may not share those beliefs and that's okay, our work is to be the experience of what we want toe show into the world be sure dwell in the police systems that we're creating show up for the practices that we believe in and not push them on to others. The beautiful thing that happens is that when we live in the truth of what it is that we believe in, other people start to pick up on it and they start to get a sense that what it is that we're doing feels really good or is making them feel uplifted those see that were happier, they'll see that we're that life is easier that thing's air flowing more naturally and likely what will happen is that partner come to her and say, hey, what is it? What is it that you're doing? But I often tell people not to be a pusher because it's attraction not promotion we can't be pushing these principles or our belief systems on two people we have toe show up for them in our own world and believe in them for ourselves and trust that being in the expression of the truth that we truthfully no to be real to us will allow other people to recognize themselves in our transformation yeah, it's, great it's almost lead by example, if you will exactly very cool um, on that note, like, how can you can you tell us more about how relationships can be our greatest resource in the sense that you know, when you're when you're creating a life that you want to lead, you know, how are relationships that we have important or imperative tio lead us in that right direction? Well, I believe that our relationships, our greatest assignments for spiritual growth, for personal growth, for any type of transformation, because what are relationships, particularly our intimate relationships, what they do is a mere back to us, a reflection of the disown parts of our own shadow, so the parts of us that we don't want to see her constantly placed right in our face when we're in a relationship, any type of relationship, but particularly the ones that get under our skin. So instead of running from these people, see them as as great divine assignments for growth and healing and start to rather than pointing the finger and saying, no, you do this, you do that instead look at yourself and say, what is it that I need to heal? What is it trying to work through and so really honoring that part of yourself that you can just show up in that way? And taking ownership of your part in all situations and so relationships really offer us that back and forth of being able to see the shadow sides of ourselves, and then also so see through the healing and the commitment to feeling better, to see the resurrection, to see the change and at times, relationships can feel like a very difficult part of our life. But the goal ultimately, is to have a lot of ease and grace as we show up for those assignments and do the work that we need to do to heal our perceptions and the things that we may have been avoiding. Yeah, no that's great. And what do you think about what? The like law of attractions of that kind of thing? Meaning, you know, you were talking about in your response to kelly that if you're living a positive life and you're finding your spiritual center and living a life that's authentic to you, that your partner would see that and just kind of feed off your energy? It's sort of tan gente kel. But, you know, as our relationships, their greatest resource is for us to sort of mirror back on ourselves of the things that we need to grow in the places that we need to change. You know is there you know, if you make that shift and like leading more of an authentic life do you feel like there's some law of attractive like attraction that happens where you start to attract the people that are on that same path? Absolutely yes so as you grow you begin to attract into your life people who are for lack of a better word calibrating at the same level of energy. So the energy that you put out is the energy that you will receive back it's the energy that you will attract the healthier you get if the partner that's with you is not interested in getting healthier, it will likely fall off it will not work. So if you're in a relationship where you're getting healthier and that partner is willing to do the work of willing to get healthier, you'll see that elevated relationship and you'll see that change in that growth in that commitment come through but we absolutely attract the types of people into our lives that reflect the type of person that we are right yeah, and then that kind of going into making it a paycheck or, you know, earning a living I would imagine what your thoughts on you know, once you start it's kind of the snowball effect from what I'm understanding that you know you create you find your authentic life and then you get on your path and then you know, people either meet you and come up to your level or they don't and you started sort of snowballs into this law of attraction thing and then turning that into a paycheck um, you know, how can people be sort of unapologetic about that meaning like, ok, now I'm living this life that I want to lead and not feel bad about making money off of it or, you know, ok, I think that I think that when you're doing the work that inspires you and brings you joy and in some ways serves the world, then you better be unapologetic about earning for it because of you. If you feel good about the about the service that you are providing in the world, then and it and it brings you joy then then you are magnet for more creation, your magnet for more abundance your magnet teo teo get that raise or to transition that career or to see some tea, do something you never thought you could possibly d'oh and the key components for that our joy and service we have another question from sand to come if you're going through a period of career transition, how it she know or he know what action steps are important to implement in the first phase, so the thing I talk about often with career transition is to not leave too soon so I, as I said earlier, was moonlighting as an author and a speaker for over a year while I was still running my pr business. And I look back at that time. And I'm very grateful for that time because it was allowing me to put money in the bank, feel a sense of financial security and even put put savings away, right? So it set me up to a place where I was comfortable when I made that transition and not going into the transition of my new career with complete financial insecurity. Because if we do that, what will happen is we'll go into our career and will immediately start to feel needy and field pushing and feel manipulative and start trying to control situations. And that does not work that people you know, clients will deflect that new new relationships will not come in actually it's just that that energy is very that deflects new opportunity. So we want to really make sure that we feel finance somewhat financially stable are comfortable before we make that transition. So I think that it's first and foremost being ok that you're in transition being ok holding on to that job until you're ready to go and then knowing when it's time to let go because often I hear people say, well I went I got let go from my job and I usually say congratulations because it's usually those are the folks who have been holding on too long right so really knowing when to walk away knowing knowing that you're you know don't leave you soon but don't stick around too long either and I do believe that if you're sticking around too long and you have a higher purpose the universe will do for you which you cannot do for yourself and somehow you'll lose your job or something will happen on but happened to me when I was transitioning from running my pr business to stepping into this work and one client left it was like this one client that their their retainer was covering my bills it was super awesome I didn't want to let go of them and I remember thinking like ok, I'll just keep this client will be really cushy and it'll help me just you know, make this transition and I have the best pr month I was doing public relations for them that I had the best month I had gotten him the best hits the best present was like the best ever done and at the end of the month they said listen I don't know why but we gotta let you go on I was like, well, this is the best one I've ever had like we have no idea why but we feel it's time for you to go and I remember walking away thinking well, this was my opportunity this is this is this is the universe giving me that kick in the ass saying it's time to go and you can do this and so if you're holding on too long trust me and when I say it will be removed so be ready for that blessing in disguise if you will absolutely absolutely yeah on dh then the second part of her question was are his question what type of common barriers to people usually come up with in that phase? So it sounds like I think what you're saying is becoming really comfortable and and just kind of kind of making excuses for why you're not making those changes is there anything else that you know and also feeling like ok? So being calm trouble not actually giving themselves the frame of reference of the experience of having done that work and that's where that working for free piece comes in really well it's like maybe they could get that internship where they could do that project on the side that gives them the experience of knowing they can do that transitional work, the work that they want to step into so often if they're not stepping in fully it's because they don't know that they can do it yet or they don't believe that they can and so you need to get that into your being into the belief system another thing the big one is fear just I'm not good enough how dare I do this uh there or there's another huge one I see is people comparing it's already being done so and so is doing it already you know my my response that usually is that there's plenty of people doing great work in the world but there's far more people in need of more great work so we really as people in the inn in any field where you can show up and do good work there's always much more of a need than there is of a service so we really need to show up to do that service and ticket that service to the world. So I have another question from amy claire what if you have multiple passions what's your advice for combining them without totally sacrificing the relationships including the one with yourself? So I talked to a lot of multi passionate people in my career and I've been blessed just experience that we witnessed them and I think that there is nothing wrong with having multiple passions as long as they serve the overarching vision so if you know that your overarching goal is to, uh create transformation in the world, you know, help people coach people through your transformational ideas, and you have different weight, different passions, finding how all those passions conserve that top umbrella. And if everything is serving the corps, the corps intention, the core message, the core vision for your work in your life. Then it will all find a way to work together, support the overall goal and some cases you may not really be able to see. How can they all work together? Well, and good example is a young woman named ariel in my community, and ariel was, ah, health coach, and she was in jewelry maker, and she loves throwing parties, and she was like, how could I see? How can they see all of these different visions and desires and passions and make them one one, one overarching career path? So she started creating inspirational jewelry that would support her health clients and then taking her event, planning skill set and applying it to the health, the help health world, that she's. And rather than seeing private clients, she made it group events or large one ofthe workshops. And so she was using her jewelry designs killed to infuse into this health coaching business and sort of begin a buzz around the messaging that she was putting out into the world now right around new york city everybody wears her little I love me rings everywhere and the second piece was about really owning that she could use her skill set of about planning in this current career path that she had I'm very similar it was like I had a lot of a lot of passions writing, speaking publicity throwing events and truthfully all fallen under the main umbrella of the work that I do, which is to inspire people to create change and so that I use all of my multiple passions to get there. One more question how can you move the block for from fear? I have a hard time this is from omni inspiration how can you remove your block from fear? I have a hard time to think I'm not worthy of money and success which keeps me hindering to move on I guess is that same, you know, fear question again there's a number of questions about fear I don't won't I think everybody has has many fears that play you from continuing to move forward in your life and whatever former area that may plague you and for some people it's money and some people it's their physical body and some people it's relationships and it's very crippling at times the pathway out of fear is the the main topic of all of my books, and so I've written five books on the topic, and I you know, I really believe that there's aa lot of answers to this one question first is to just really feel and and honor the feelings of inadequacy and discomfort that live underneath the fear and as long as you can start to get comfortable in the feeling, you can allow the belief system to subside because we're often avoiding feeling the feeling of fear and then we get over think it, you think over it, we work over it, we avoid it, and we stay stuck in it, and so we get his allow ourselves to meditate in the experience of the feeling you're just breathe into the feeling you can see the shift in the pattern you can see that you may not run to avoid it may not pick up that drink or you may not call that person that you know, is it good for you that you could just be in the experience of the fear to allow it to dissolve, to feel it and breathing into it for ninety seconds can really just let it dissipate and create a new pattern for you. Another step is to really re program or thinking, and I have a book called may cause miracles that really takes you through a process of just unlearning the fear and reprogramming that fear and and there's a lot of books out there on unlearning fear there's a lot of programs and courses and it's quite heavy lifting, but it's, it's, or even going with therapist or having a life coach to take you through a process to really reorganize and reprogrammed your your addiction to fear because it truly is an addiction. And so, like any addiction you have to, you have to practice being abstinent, you have to practice finding spiritual solutions and that's the other big piece to is that there is a spiritual solution to fear, which is we're in the presence of fear we're relying on our own strength, but when we surrender that fear that's when we start to rely on the strength of a sense of inner wisdom or inspiration or a power greater than ourselves that we choose to believe in and so that surrendered state is one fear can disappear. How do you, gabby conquer your own self doubt what that is from someone in the audience? You know, I don't know that it's necessarily about conquering it it's about having compassion for whatever that doubt, maybe that day and just really accepting where I am in that moment and accepting that maybe I haven't out and and honoring myself for exactly where I am in that moment and doing whatever I can do to I think my way out or breathe my way out or using any one of my many practices to find my way out, but more importantly, to just be very compassionate and loving towards myself because we're in a place of self doubt were to place himself attack and so that self attack is keeps us in the spiral of judgment, and we continue to turn back to it and turn back to it. But compassion is the antidote to judgment. Compassion is the is the pathway back to a place of of faith and belief in yourself. And so maybe even just speaking kindly to yourself, just simply acknowledging, all right, I'm out of alignment again. I've chosen to see things in the wrong direction, and I'm feeling the feelings of inadequacy, and I used to just accept where I am right now and love myself back. Yeah, that's, great advice, this one's a little bit more related to the career part of it all. G mary eddie asks, how can you figure out your career and creative purpose? I'm sixty years old. Well, I often suggest that people look at the things that they do by choice in their life. So what are you, what are the things that you love? What are the things that you do by choice? Andi you could pick up those hobbies at any time in your life to make him your career when I look back when I was in high school all the things that I did by choice are the things that I do today I was leading a regional youth group in my temple and teaching people inspirational stories and that's what I do today I was performing and getting on stage is whether it was acting or being on stage doing something this is this is what I do today give me a microphone and that's my career and I was promoting things I believed in and that's what I do today so really looking at the things that you do by choice can give you a lot of insight into what it is that is your passion, purpose and your potential profession if you choose to make it back yeah it's interesting I was reading an article the other day about you know that same idea when you were a child you never questioned why have you liked baseball or what not? And you know whether baseball is good for you you just kind of did it and if you had fun doing it, you did it and if you didn't, you dropped it and so it's totally a very similar way to think about it and you know it's never never too old too to realize your passion um, so earlier you talked about co creating with the universe and asking the universe for signs. What advice do you have for someone? That's asked the universe to show a sign, and they don't come. Um, sometimes when we don't get the signs, that is a sign, so you're like, I want that boyfriend where is he showed me my sign, you'll get the sign. It means that that's not the guy for you, move on. Yeah, that's ok? And so I believe that there is that a sign offers you direction and no sign offers you direction, so doesn't mean that you're not loved or supported. It means that the direction you're seeking isn't the right direction and to surrender to something better than your ideas. Yeah, maybe no sign is the sign no sight is the site makes a lot of sense. We have a great comment. I just wanted to read lovely observation about how we need to live, what we believe and teach by modeling rather than lecturing that's a tough one. I know that from working to be a from working to be a mom who lives my truth so that my children learned to live theirs. Thank you for your observations. Yeah, I think you talk to the biggest lesson for moms and parent dads is to really be it. And that the greatest way you could teach your children is by being yeah, that's. Great advice again, that lead by example kind of idea. Um, robert wants ask you know what your what? Your daily meditation routine. Um, and and how do you meditate? And how do you incorporate that into your your daily schedule? I practiced trends and until meditation, which is meditation with the mantra, and so you practise twenty minutes the morning in twenty minutes in the afternoon, and you use your mantra and you repeat the mantra, and when your mind detour is in the opposite direction, you would come back to your mantra and come back to your mantra. And so it's, just a very beautiful, beautiful, gentle meditation practice to keep you back in the in the single point of focus and to lower your stress levels and to bring to a very center in place and create sustainable energy throughout the day, I also practiced kundalini meditation about kundalini yoga and meditation teacher and kundalini meditations come with a lot of breath work and chanting, and they could be quite wild at times, but they're amazing they're truly amazing and they activate you, so but and then I practice other types of guided meditations and visualization meditations, but predominantly on my daily practices by transcendental meditation and do you feel like it's best to do that in the morning or at night or is there anything you only have one time of day do it in the morning got it and is there a way that people could get started? Is there anything that you teach personally about you know, on your site or through an online learning beginner meditation is to use a mantra called sutton up and sought non means truth identified truth is your name and so you could take your four fingers and place them on your wrist and find your pulse and was he listened to your pulse coming and going you would repeat the mantra sut nam sut nam set none with the beat of your pulse that's a great beginner meditation I love it oh that's great it's a great practice and is easy to and you can do it anywhere and you do it anywhere yeah except when you're driving um all right so we have one more question how do you deal our block people that like our family member someone that's close to you you know kind of dealing with people whether it's you know as this person asks sarah in your family or if it's someone you work with or maybe it's a client that you have in the future that is kind of negative and then there's just bad energy think what's the compassionate, thoughtful way to approach that situation so I think there's a lot of answers one is to send them positive energy no set said positive intentions for them and the more you send them a living perspective the more you have the capacity to really elevate them what do they realize it or not? But I also believe that if someone hasn't such low energy that it's tucking you drive sometimes not being in their presence is the most is the most healthy way tio approach those relationships if you can avoid them if you work in their office and you are near them all the time through the best pathway to dealing with their negativity is to send them our love and to be more compassionate and to be less judgmental the more judgmental hate hate hating a negative you are towards that in the more you feel the fire and the more you create and it's extraordinarily difficult to be loving towards someone who's annoying or bringing you down or or causing you harm but it's it's a practice that can change your life and it can change your experience of these people so once again compassion is the pathway back it's being really loving and compassionate towards the people that make you the craziest yeah that's sometimes tough and hard to dio but I imagine it's like a muscle that you build when she started to do it it gets a little easier every time thank you so much for taking time out a daily. Really appreciate it. And thank you for everyone online for joining us for the chat. Bye, everybody by everyone.