So there's three types of boundaries I want to give you. And they go from level of like severity. The first one is energetic, so it's just having the energy of this is not mine, or this is where my boundary is. So if you feel it in your body, people can feel it. So if I'm asking questions, I'm doing Q and A, and I'm really open to questions, you're gonna see this big open face going like, who has questions? If this is the last question I want, I'm gonna start shutting my energy down and moving my energy toward, like, we're coming to a close. And you'll feel that before I say we're coming to a close. So get to the energetic piece first. If you can own and lock down energetic, your energy, have an intention of that and have that boundary, that's gonna make a huge difference. Then you can go to verbal, saying it to someone. Hey, I'm not gonna do that. Hey, I will do that. That's like, hey this is too much for me, or hey, you know, that didn't work. And the last is physical. That might be ...
not showing up to a place, like if there's a task that you don't wanna take on, maybe don't go to the meeting for that project. That's a physical way of setting a boundary. If you need to close your door to your office and put a little note up for your creative thinking time, you might make a funny sign that says, hey, lab, you know, experiments in progress. Come back in 60 minutes. Right? And you pull the paper off your door when you're done. That's a sort of a physical boundary of separation. Could be, go and leave the office and take a walk. Do your thinking in a park. Go to a coffee shop. Separate yourself. Move your feet. That is huge. These are ways to really be able to uphold the expectations or delegations that you've done. Okay, so quickly, let's do a quick demo. What I want people to do is to be able to understand how to say no to things, but not be a no person. We're all yes people. Okay, so how do you say no while saying yes? It sounds something like this. The recruiting team is asking me to help them with sourcing candidates. I'm a leader, right? They're like, can you help us go find people out there? And, from my perspective I'm like, ehh that's kind of your job, and I'm busy. I don't really have time to source candidates. I can interview them. I can decide on them, but I can't source them. So here's what I would do. I might say something like, I appreciate the offer, and thank you, so if I understand you clearly, you're asking if I can help you source candidates. Is that right? Yup, that's what I'm asking. Great. Well, you know, right now for me, I'm really committed to the top three goals for our team in this quarter, as it's Q four. And it's an important time. And in order to do that, I have to leave space in my calendar for strategic planning time. That's the time that gets eaten up the fastest and I don't really cultivate it and I really focus on defending that. So in order to be able to keep that time on my schedule, I'm not gonna be able to step in and work on sourcing at this time. So that's just really where I'm at. Boom. Something like that. Then, you're a yes person while you're saying no. How's that sound? It's like a little safer ay? So then what I want you to look at is, like, here's some things you might need to say no to: Recurring meetings, draining tasks, unnecessary one on ones. A lot of people are like, can I just get some time with you? Non-essential work, just all the stuff that's not gonna lead you to your big goals. You gotta get it out of the way. Random chatting. Oooo, guilty. So if you're kind of a friendly person, you've got to watch yourself. That turns one minute into five minutes into 15 minutes into 30 minutes.
So how do you build relationships if you don't do random chatting?
That's not random chatting. I would say, that's a good question, I would say that's intentionally conversation or rapport building or networking. If it's networking, boom, do it. If it's just random, frip frop chatting, and there's been chatting times, like, you're just chatting about the weather, and the b s and all of that. Networking times you're really connecting. You're talking about real stuff in your life, asking them questions. It's dedicated time. It's not just kind of in passing. People are really focused in that moment. That's the time you want. So here's what you might want to say yes to. Strategic planning, we've talked about that. Project check-ins. You've got to leave time for this with people, and it takes time. Managing up. Oooo yeah. For your team's sake and for your own sake to have the impact you want. We just talked about networking. That's good stuff. Cross-functional collaboration. Trying to herd and organize everyone. Understanding people. And this last one. This is not an afterthought. Mental and physical health is very, very important. If you don't leave time for this, everything else degrades. We talked about like showing frustration, yelling. Leave the office, go to yoga, take a walk. The work will be there for you, and you'll be better at the work when you come back. Okay, so expectations and boundaries, it takes stealth reflection, clear communication, and sustained effort. You've got to have time to thing about this stuff, communicate around it, and make it important.