Roadmap: Staying Motivated
So you guys were doing that I just wanted tio talk over you talk over your thinking um that later so in the next couple of days have it by the weekend we'll say the last few pages of your book are kind of filling in more pieces of the road map so we're going to start there and then after we do our baby step then there's some you know toddler steps that we're going to take and there is next steps around each of the categories of things we talked about so will's living wills money insurance making a commitment to have a conversation staying on track of your goals by doing something this holiday season prioritize and that could be anything that you want but what based on on your road map for your values and your goals and in the last two are get help by and filling that in and writing in a date and stay motivated with so this it's really great till like get a great new gym membership and go every day and say you know get really really overly enthusiastic with enthusiasm is great but one o...
f the things about doing new things informing habits is it takes a while and we want to be able to plan for when you get sick for a week or when life kind of comes up or you have a big project at work or something happens and so when you get off a rhythm it doesn't mean that everything's gone and and over you just pull out your list the next week or the next month and do it over again and that after the class I'm going to ask you guys I'm going to make a copy of the things that you want to dio and I'm going to make a copy of the one specific thing you're going to do in each of these categories going email you and a couple of weeks and I'm gonna add see how it's going and just the fact that you know I'm getting email you and a couple of weeks you're going to get it done yeah so can I ask if any of you have figured out what your one thing you're going to do in the legal section is and when you're going to do it by all right uh so the wills the living wills won't do this week we'll probably talk about tonight tomorrow so how that one done this week the will the actual off to the attorney going to take this into her and say here you go I will have by I lost my moment please uh I'll have that done free by twelve six twelve sex perfect so do you know where to go and how to get that done? Do you have the next steps for you have an attorney or interview so you have research and great yeah, so I've got the attorney that I've been working with for my mom's estate. We'll take this and put it on her desk something take here you go great. What was the next category of everything you wanted from financial financial that we actually did a couple of weeks ago? So I was kind of ahead of schedule in that one and so I've got on going with that ongoing. So can I ask you if you found a specific tool or how you're going tio stay on track because it is ongoing and how you're going to stay motivated to do that? Well, I get an email from them about every three weeks anyway um, just on where we are and what's going on uh and because we have a few transitions coming up with her work and my company um those air interactions that air are just sort of mandatory and the things that we have shifting around so our financial planners is kind of with us each other each step, and so is it motivating it is because of the building, but there is that support system there seeing reminder set up would there be a thing that you can think of that would be hell people to be motivating some of some financial people who advise making it visible and celebratory, so if you make a goal, you get something and she's got us um we have a delayed honeymoon that's part of the financial goals is having that so that's in may and then we've got some remodel stuff which is fun and exciting and so we have the milestones that that financial planners helped us to set in place so yes, we do have some motivating thing a honeymoon I know right that's motivating you know I love it it's a lot of fun can tell me where you're going paris and london uh they're still there so they say are people still going there that's so awesome here relation thank you we haven't firmed up the data of the details but it should be april may well look at this I know right it's almost like you have your shit together more than almost every single recently married couple ever again back to the taipei wife that I've got. Thank you yeah we're good god, this is huge help I mean these are these are big things that we didn't have done thanks any other legal or financial. So for me for legal I want all the wills living wills p always everything but I'm giving myself to end of the year because I have traveled over thanksgiving and I need to research a new lawyer and so I think that will take me a little bit of time with the holidays and everything and then financial one of the things that's been on my list for a while I actually need tio look at some investments I have, like my ira and make sure it's where it should be distributions if they're invested in right sort of funds, that sort of thing so that one actually I'm moving up to eleven thirty though, so I haven't seen the end of the month to review, so looking for an attorney. So do you have some ideas of where you can first start? Yes, I have ah either referrals from friends it's life and I actually even have some friends who are attorneys just know the right kind of return. Sure. So, you know, so between either people who have already have their stuff done that I know about or people who can refer me to people who, right? I think that's always one of the things that for me is hard is making sure because it is an expensive proposition and making sure you're spending your money with somebody who is good and viable and knows what they're doing because, like you were saying earlier, you know, you can go to an attorney, but if they're not, um but they're not used to doing wills and that sort of thing, you can end up with documents that really aren't as good as you hope they would be sometimes people make mistakes and it made again that they're a great attorney and other things on but yeah but you want to make sure there is a specialized yeah yeah so I would at some advice that was given to me was spend as much time interviewing an attorney who's drawing up important papers for you as you would a baby sitter or contractors for a remodel right right um that's a big decision and we spent a lot of time investigating you know like what's gluten free options for something so um absolutely referrals from friends him talk to them interview them ask them a lot of questions right? Yeah well because one thing just because they work for someone else doesn't mean they work for you right it's that communication and level of comfort and you know that sort of thing so so that's why I'm giving myself the end of the year yeah yeah it's gonna be done yeah. Good. Um well, what I want to do is I want to have a conversation with my parents my family about will's living wills before kind of draft them up you kind of get the conversation going so we can all talk about it and then start you know, getting the details in there one thing I liked about it was the woman who came on the sandy sandy yeah her bucket counts a little tiny amounts like I want to start some bucket accounts and start putting little bits of money in there for a certain things yeah yeah great yeah do you have anything I need to revisit life insurance because obviously things have changed and just I mean even if things hadn't changed it still sounds like some planning to do and also look into the disability I hadn't really thought about it much before but um definitely want to do that um then that's probably by the first twelve december first night um and I want to get wills and living wills in order fairly quickly privately into december and then a conversation with I'd like to have those done before have of this conversation with my parents just so I can do that thing where like I got this together and I have a good reason I can say oh you know I got all this together because the baby's coming and I think you should know this and you know how about you guys all right hi how are you doing on that so and that would be my mother is actually coming the beginning of january so it's a good time toe will be just be sitting around waiting so go ahead and bring it up waiting casting the plant says I think what somebody called it waiting waiting another conversation was guardianship and that's one with my husband um and then later on with family members and that's gonna be twenty one we'll see you know, one of the things that I've heard from different people and I hosted a few would've called high functioning happy hours so really it's all about taking this to where you're at making it comfortable and making it fun and sometimes if you can crack a joke about a will yeah and do it with a glass of wine and all the better I mean yesterday we somehow managed to talk about what was it like prostitutes and you know, like waiting for hookers yesterday so like there's a way that this is important life stuff that we all need to do and we don't have to do it in a stuffy office with like sweeping views or leather couches and like we're dusty things all around us right? So do it with a happy hour do it with your if you're in a berthing group or a pet what I have to good girlfriends who I've been thinking about this whole time like I'd like to share this information with all this with them but it's also a good opportunity have those conversations that you would have like with your mother or your father or whatever and talk to them about like lay it on the line kind of with them ahead of time and you know together yeah just to get feedback on how how it'll go I guess that's great yeah yeah hit four birds with one stone but also good for those people like that are around you to know those things right? You know right well, you could even get them all done together. Yeah. Is that clear over a shuttle one yeah, one happy hour? Yeah, someone bought the course and got all this they can take it to their whole family. They could do it together. It's a great idea because you need teo I mean, there are people you need to pull into the conversation anyway, so you might as well just getting your scene together at the same time. Yeah, exactly. And the same way people will dio book clubs? Yeah, or financial fine tuning groups or happy hours there's ways that you can get groups of friends together who also need to get this done. That's the nice thing about this all of us need to do something over half of us don't even have the basics done right? So there is everyone else if you say, oh, I like writing my wills people like that me too we have to do that. And so he's staying on track by and keeping motivated by or with sometimes it's a tool like I'm going to have a little reminder thing pop up in my calendar system sometimes that's enough for you sometimes it's setting up a group of people from a birth class or a family and scheduling three meetings at three new restaurants you want to try or copy jobs or somebody makes brunch um every month for three weeks and you come over and you pull out your stuff and you keep each other on track yes it's an accountability thing well it's a writing it down it's a deadline thing and then it's an accountability thing, right? Yeah, absolutely because you don't want to be the one who shows up without anything done right? Right, right. And then since we all love to be competitive you can even put some money on it if you want squares again, get in the game get the oh somebody's going to not finish right then if you make sure it's you the loser or the laster maybe we'll call him the last e the red lantern if it was a european bicycle race would have to buy dinner for everybody else out so you know that they will never achieve their financial goals. That could be a reasonably priced center. Yeah or you could make it so I keep thinking about making it a positive all the time too tony's point earlier about positive reinforcement and keeping it fun and making it fun that doing all the stuff in isolation kind of thinking about it in isolation same way they were talking about wandering through the woods, smashing your head against trees or finding a nice campfire that looks cozy and having some smores weaken keep on it in the same way and you can keep it fun and you can bring your people in on it and you can bring your family and, um the people who you work with and your you know, new parent group and people are relieved often when they don't have to get started when somebody kind of hands a prepackaged starting point yeah to you as well it would be great. So on the emotional front is there anything that you were thinking about conversations that you wanna have little things that you want to write on a piece of paper and drop them into the fire kind of clearing the way for the new year and getting rid of some things or even following up on a conversation that didn't go well that you need to follow up on or would like to follow up on so you don't have to think about it anymore? I'm incredibly blessed this year has been brutal, but my mom's illness and passing really took all that holland and everyone's got a little bit, but I mean a lot of this this conversational stuff was like thrown into our family space, so a lot of the uncomfortable has been moved aside because it doesn't get much more uncomfortable than where it wass so I'm really fortunate that I don't have those things hanging over me but it's going to be really liberating to go toe what family remains and say look at what I've done there's I'm so excited to do that good yeah well it is interesting when often it's some big event or some big milestone that's the thing that kind of kicks in the pants and I'm constantly fascinated by the ways in which we conduce those small steps all the time even if they're not fun you know, like changing the furnace filter right? Changing the oil in your car you know, getting a mammogram or going to the dentist or there's there's certain things we do all the time that are way less present pleasant and you know, like having a child is one of the most gorgeous things one of the best things I've ever done in my life and for a long time there's lots of puke in pooh to clean up and you're we're happy like miers my baby and like there's throw up in my hair again and I'm late and I haven't slept in we happily do these things that make our lives better even though in the moment we're not exactly enjoying the actual task that's associate id with paris acting or home ownership or having a pet in your life and technically cleaning up poo in the yard for twenty minutes is far less it's it's a yucky or task than sitting down and filling out a document and balancing your checkbook for twenty minutes and it's interesting how well we will avoid the checkbook and are clean and comfortable home and we'll go out in the yard and all of this started and I've done that so many times he avoiding in the avoiding in the avoiding and and so how how might you normalize a thing that you've been procrastinating? I mean, maybe you could just say to yourself, balancing my checkbook isn't as bad as picking up dog poo or unpleasant thing or two in your life that you do either by habit you do without thinking about it or you do willingly because it brings you something else, so it's just like bring it to a riel moment in your life and a real mantra of setting up a bank account. So I have my buckets filled and maintaining that once a month is not as bad as e I have two dogs and picking up after them is not a whole bunch of fun video every day, but I mean, what I love about this is if you look at this list, most of these things are not like I've got to do this every month, I don't have to draw will every month, I don't have to do a living will everyone, I don't have to give the details to my wife every month and so that quantum are one offs or once a year exactly. So picking up who's a daily event? Yeah, and it's really unpleasant, I still, after years, do it don't like it, theo, everything. I think this is not exactly answering your questions, but I know a lot of these things we've talked a little bit about, like, taking the first step, taking a small step, and I I have this thing that if I could do that a couple of times, pretty soon, the steps get their own mo mentum, right? And especially when you get to, like, halfway and all of a sudden, you know, you're almost there and then it sort of draws you to finish whatever it is you're trying to get do right? Because you're closer to finishing them to starting, and so it sort of has its own it sex you along on its own without and so sometimes it's really, um just putting it on your calendar to make sure that you do it on whatever day it is. And then after a while it's like, oh, yeah, I look forward to that because it makes me so much closer to actually crossing the finish line and my family's really competitive the oh yeah, my gun first to, well, then maybe the last one last ones iran magpies dinner, yeah, or makes dinner or does the dishes and being the first story I know you just you just the best yeah, you're the best the first one doesn't gets a big prize, right? Everybody puts, you know, ten bucks and pool or whatever you never get to them first gets the pool it's a good way to go. Also right here, it's just you know, yeah, usually enough with the blessings of of the day and age we live in is like the money thing that you talk about saving. And when you put all of that on autopilot, right on auto draft into savings or, you know, automatically putting something into an investment account, you can turn that on and leave it exactly. And so once you do it, then it's either becomes easier, you become more of a motivator because it's closer where you don't have to do much. Besides, make sure that it's still working to get it yes, that's, right, but that's a whole other workshop. Excellent. Excellent. So one of a couple of things that I wanted tio hit at the end was there's a little calendar at the back. And this is just something to get you started there's the calendar for the end of november for the last couple of weeks and then there's a calendar for december and so not only writing it down, what you're going to do and by when but visualizing in the calendar making a big star and we all generally have some date keeping system whether it's a big wall calendar or we have are our mobile things thinking with some other thing or we send ourselves meeting requests but one of the things to do is to put it in with the rest of your life. So it's not the separate list of of things that's over there but coordinate you know, merge your life and with your life there's a title for a book, right? They heard you you live your life with your life and get in front of your face so it's there look at it that it just becomes normal and frequent and habitual and neutralized and then for the next year the last thing on here is a big wide open campus. So what are the things that you want to d'oh for next year? And so while you're thinking of this getting your first baby steps done, I'm going to tell you it becomes kind of addicting like like sandy was talking about you fall in love with your money and you're like oh my god this is really great look, I took this and now I made it to be this this is amazing what else can idea what else can I do here so when you start clearing the way and getting rid of the noise of the stuff that we're just dragging behind us, like, you know, old cans, there's a lot new space and open space, um, and fertile space for new awesome things to start, and so, um, b, for example, I haven't I love pottery, I haven't done pottery in ten years, the last thing I did was when I was pregnant, and I was like, you look as pregnant as I did when I was like, a day and a half president, I don't know what might be, oh, joy, enormous forever, and so I was made a, um place setting as the last thing I did, I was getting very home in her earthy, so I made a big table place setting, and by the end, I literally could not almost get my hands on the little thing to do the and, um, I have a pottery studio now, and I'm prioritizing time to spend time doing something that I haven't in ten years and that I've missed, and a lot of it is because I've taken a lot of the stuff out that's hard and get rid of it and make decisions about setting up the rest of my life in the way that I wanted to be that's in line with my values and my missions so is there I want you guys to think about and or what's that thing that you want to dio and how might you make that make that happen when you kind of car open some space with the rest of the crap that doesn't need to be there anymore like an extra piece of awesomeness for the next year you already know what that is you've been like reading ahead of class you like I already did that two weeks ago I already read that down I love it I love it and that's something that I know I'm so glad I'm only joking with you because you can because I can't yeah yeah go with it but that's a great thing to always think about so what is the what is the thing that we have to get done and what is that opening up space for so you can have more of something else? Yeah, so I would like to take that and let you guys similar on it and I would like to take an extra second really just to say thank you and I will first say thank you to tony in sandy who aren't here both of those have been great inspiring people in my life and I've learned a lot from the work that they dio I'd like to thank you just for being here and sharing your story for the amazing way work that you d'oh and for it's, always amazing and inspiring to find somebody who's enthusiastic about the work that they dio. Thank you. So I really want to acknowledge that. So thank you for that. Thank you. It's. Been a real honor to be here. That's been a lot of fun. And brenda, I want to thank you for really teaching me about grace with which we can handle advocating for our parents and the best way possible. So really been a huge inspiration. And and I asked you to bring your you mentioned yesterday that you had some old wills? Yeah, from ten years ago and that you wondered if you even knew where they were. And you told me during lunch today that you brought them in the f I brought them so my last real and testaments, two different powers of attorney and my directive to physicians right there on you know, I think as I was printing these off, I was thinking, this is what makes people scared, so, you know, really figured filling out the way we did it the way you've set it up, it's just a few questions, and I think people see these and I think these air pretty small because I'm pretty. I have a pretty simple life, but people look at this and I go, oh, my god, well, it's going to take so much work and there's all these legal terms and everything, and I think you've really showed people that the lawyers do the legal terms. The part we have to do is really pretty easy. Yeah, also, so yeah, good. Thank you. And there you also mention that there was nothing digital in that at all. Nothing digital at all. Nothing at all. Digital almost like lincoln's journal. Yeah, I'm not a technology being crazy. I know. I didn't think five years ago, I still left my phone in my purse, right? Like we didn't have we just we didn't how it was for emergencies. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it wasn't really a tool, right? Exactly. Thank you for bringing those. Yeah, and thank you for being here. Yeah, yeah. Chase I would really love to thank you for being one of the trailblazers of a younger generation advocating early for older generation that's still probably decades away from having to have this done. So really? Thank you for that. And c c u r a. You are like a young new mom, unlike the verge of a brand new awesome adventure and, like being a camera person and a freelancer like you're bold and brave in these ways that I knew nothing about growing up. So I just want to say, like you as a role model for women, like not having to do it all. But doing what you want is really, really inspiring. Thank you, boy or girl. I didn't mask I will after the break, and I want to know, um, thank you for doing that, and jim and susan, you guys. This would not be the same at all if you guys weren't here, really, you've been a part of this with me the whole time, and I just want to thank you both for all of your amazing grace and for being a conduit between our conversation and extending that out to anybody else who might care to listen.