Happiness Habit 1: Take in the Good
First habit taken the good. I like to think of this as as a very simple habit it's something that we can do from the comfort of your chair right here and now there's no need to change anything in your life it's simply shifting your attention it's like eric hansen says that we have this like a buffet and it's a banquet and we're sitting up to the table and there's all this delicious food and colors and all this stuff going on it so delicious and great and yet are you actually taking a bite of it? Are you actually just sitting at the table or you are you allowing yourself to enjoy the fruits, the fortunes in your life? And so often we overlook thumb what a tragedy right? So let's collect lift take in let's feel the fortune the good things in our life the positivity that air just waiting for us to enjoy them and yes so often they slip away I love this quote it's if you think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence it's time to water your lawn so let's not get to the end o...
f our lives and say what a wonderful life I had but if only I had realized it sooner, so have a tool for you okay, this tool take just a snap between thirty seconds and three minutes I promise you and I call it the three w's it's very simple it's just three words just three words and it's a game changer it shifts our attention in a second and those three words are what went well what we well it's so simple often we're looking for what goes wrong instead of what's goes right what went well ok so I'm going to ask you this in a moment going to ask you what you are three w's are what went well for you today what went well for you yesterday this small little moments that often slip away and then I'm going to ask you a second question it's going to be the second question is what was your role in creating it what was your role in creating that positive outcome? Okay so you ready think for yourself think of small things okay maybe is the conversation you had with your friend moment of laughter maybe it was that lotte that you were sipping it was so nutty and warm and frothy and delicious maybe it was the hug that your son or daughter gave you before they went off to school. Some people say we have about fifty thousand thoughts per day so they just slip right away but when you write it down slow in town and it gets incorporated integrated more into those long term memory stores which is what we want to impact here so I'd love to hear someone onda actually is there someone who'd be willing to to step up here and just give me a very simple three w's don't be shy ron bags it's step up with me here okay, so what we have well for you so I'm thinking about it especially when you said yesterday I was like, well yesterday was actually a really good day but I think one of the things that really stood out from yesterday was that I went ice skating in the square so and that went really well like I survive dio because I haven't I skated since like seventh grade, so oh my god it took a minute and then I was like, ok got this's awesome, yeah wow so yeah so how did you feel right after it brings us back to that moment just after you you got off the ice so maybe you're on the ice cube no broken bridges you're like, yeah, I still got it I still got it exactly and it felt like, ok, I made it you know, I did my little rounds, I didn't knock anybody over, I didn't fall over, I got off the rail, you know, and got into the ice on and I really felt like I had done something interesting that I hadn't done in so long and then I had even thought about and so long but I was like, I want to do this today that sounds like fun that's great so and a boost in happiness and it's so stimulus in response there's a choice, right? Rhonda you made a choice and I better I'm kind of guessing is a little bit of a stretch that you hadn't done this in a really long time that kind of took some courage I think in my right little italy okay, so bring us into that what was your role and you kind of pointed to it but I want to really bring that into bring it may were explicitly stated. So what was your role in creating this positive outcome? This happiness boosts making this choice to go bring this into your internal experience a little bit where there's some dowd's was there. What did you have to do to make that happen? Well, first I had to actually put it in my calendar because every year when they put up the iceman communions crazy, I'm gonna go and I'm a skater that's going to be fun and then I forget and then it's like february and I happen to be over there like oh yeah I was going to do that back during the holidays so I actually made an appointment for myself and I put it in my calendar so that it would ding and say today is the day you're going to go ice skating don't forget when I got up yesterday morning with all of the different distractions and the stuff that I needed to do and work in this and the other and what all of the things that I had on my plate I was like no today is the day I'm not doing any of that I'm going ice skating that's it and I'll do some other stuff later but I had to go and do that and I was like if I don't do it today I'm going out of town and this the wrinkle be gone and so you know it really had to happen that day so great I love what you're pointing tio is such an important reminder right that we have to make time for these things sometimes it's a priority you made that a priority you could have easily said oh I'm too busy there's work to be done are tours to be accomplished whatever but instead you said you know what like seize the day yes now is when be gone this will not last forever but let's make this the choice the priority right now and it sounds like it was quite life and enriching what today is a wass thank you so much rhonda great round of applause rhonda great and other simple ones just to call them out what are some of your three w's yes joanna bed today you gotta have been today yes and you're here with us right and I get out of bed because my daughter law said you need to go in this class and I thought when I laid in bed this morning and I had to get up early and I'm having some trouble with that I thought I don't want to disappoint her on then I thought I don't want to disappoint myself so I got up and I got showered and I got dressed and got here beautifully stated joanne thank you for sharing that with us look I don't want to listen what she just said that so profound I don't want to disappoint myself yeah that I knew that there was this thing I wanted to do and I could it kind of feels hard right now I'm reading into what you just said but don't we all have these moments right I kind of don't want to do it now right and yet I know that this would be serving something greater for myself something good wonderful thank you again it kind of comebacks to to the priority right to making turning to positivity creating possibility a priority giving it attention and making that conscious choice one more anyone at work and he's three w's at work yeah jennifer thank you I walked here from after I got train I decided instead of getting an uber taxi I'm just gonna walk because I wanted to get moving and be active and there's this beautiful day and it was need to notice things more toe walk the walk rather than to make that conscious choice to do that that's really what I want to do this that's what I did great. So again that conscious choice to walk could have taken the easy uber right and instead giving yourself an opportunity for for feeling the rain in the air and the clouds and all of that these air so simple right it's such a simple thing we're not talking about like oh, I made this choice to, like, change my career and go into this fabulous direction these air simple choices, simple choices that we make a day to day basis every moment presents us with an opportunity we have the opportunity to choose our response. What the research shows is that when we do this practice of shifting and recalling reflecting, focusing on the positives on what's right instead of what's wrong, it changes things for us. There was a study that came out of martin seligmann's lab who's, a foremost psychologist and positive psychology and the science of happiness and what he and his his team found is that after just one week of doing the the three w's asking a very similar question like this what went well and what was my role in creating it that there is an increasing happiness levels and a decrease in depressive type symptoms after one week ok that's pretty interesting but there's an even more surprising part of this study the's participants are and give you a background first they're online they're just logging in doing their three w's what was my role in creating in logging out that's all they're doing for one week that's it take some like what? Few minutes, right? No contact whatsoever with the researchers six months later the researchers call him up like a assess their happiness assess their depressive levels and what they found is that those same participants had it maintained their gains and happiness and they're diminish levels and depressive symptoms how can this be right? No contact after six months if you're doing this very simple thing oh I took a walk instead of taking a cab like you know it's such a simple thing um we're ice skating like how can that change happiness levels? Well, the researchers conclude is that they made it a habit they made it a habit of taking in and turning to the positive and notice the second part of this question what was my role in creating it that's where the power is that is the question that enables us to say, oh wow, you know what? I have some control over my positive outcomes I can actually do things that are going to improve my life and prove my relationships that have a good time and improve my health and well being the I own some of that that's a radical responsibility, right? And by doing this practice over and over again they were training their brains towards positivity they were creating the mental habit tow asked this question to scan for the positives, to not let the positive just fall under the radar and not be collected, but to be noticed so it's probably not that they did this on lee for a week it's that it took a week to create the habit, and they continued doing that and that's why their happiness levels maintained. So guess what? This is your home mark now three w's s so let's think about getting creative. How could use this tool in your day today lights again, we want to weave these practices into things you're already doing so that it fits into your life rather than creating extra stuff so one you can do it as a house daily happiness workout justus these participants did in the study, where you're intentionally wanting to cultivate the mental habit of positivity of turning to the good the future three w's this is one of my favorite ways to do the three w's you can ask yourself in the beginning of the day or before a hard project or whatever what do I want to go? Well, what do I want to go? Well and what could I do to help make that happen? Right that's so cool I use this a lot of times when I'm laying in bed in the morning I wake up and I think what I want to go well today and what could I do to make that happen? You can use it at work with your teams ok? What did we do well or what do we want to go? Well, and what could we do to make that happen? I was working with the client and from facebook and she told me that she now bring with us into her team so they have a little signal now for the three w's so when they're in a team meeting and when things were starting to go south, they do the little q they're like time to do the three w's and then people go around the table and express their three w's, so get creative with it if you are a parent could do this with your children and they love doing it. I love calling at three pedals in a thorn three pedals what are three good things that happened to today? What was your role in creating it? And yeah, what would didn't go so well where there was a moment of disappointment or whatever for you but watch out if you're a parent because kids love this and they will not let you not ask them this has so parents tell me at least okay and when you're having a bad day if you're having a bad day and just like sucks turn your attention and say all right, well there was a pretty bad day yeah ok I'll give it that and what went well super powerful so I'm going to be thinking about how you're going to use them any ideas how you going to use the three w's what could you imagine? Yeah jennifer so I have two kids in school and usually it's just a matter of like how was your day at school and the obvious answer is it was lame or it was good and I like what you're suggesting here because it's specific asks if you say what went well you have to answer what it was that actually went well not just it was good yes I like that great wonderful anyone else yeah kelly I could see catching myself in a moment that I'm kicking myself for something it just happens like a client session then it goes well or something and in that moment be ok well what went well a swell yeah great love also using this in relationships when you like really kind of like oh so frustrated any right now and let me think about what you do right