Happiness Habit 3: Show-Up
So that brings us tio are we have one habit taken the good to connect and we have two tools for connect because connection is so very important and our third happiness habit you're ready for it this one takes just a moment show up and yet so easily for gotten think about it for a moment your body is here but where is your mind so often our mind is in the past it's in the future or it's in some other virtual reality who knows where so our imagination right being busy is so epidemic right? I was like oh how are you busy? You know, like we'll have things been going they later what's up for you oh great but I'm busy it's like reinforced multitasking is praise right? Oh how many things can you do it once? But what we know is that multitasking is actually a myth it's a myth we can on ly multi task the simplest of things otherwise we are toddling our mind we're toggle ing between things so yes we can to gum and walk at the same time. But can we even though we think we can can you email and ha...
ve a conversation at the same time? Can you talk on the phone and drive at the same time? Well, mostly yeah except for when you're talking your attention away from the road at a really important moment right, the problem is that we think were really good at this stuff. The research shows that the better you think you are a multi tasking the worst you are, and I love the way the ellen langer suppose describes this. Langer was my advisor when the grace mentors have ever had in graduate school and what she says is that we aren't there to even know that we're not there, right? We're on autopilot, we are somewhere else in the virtual reality of our minds we and we're like on vacation for a moment and we don't realize what's going on here and yet we think we're really good at it and what we know from the research is that mind wandering, being not here not showing up for our moments is actually normal is normal is that common? And yet it decreases our happiness levels. There was this study that was done at harvard university by my killingsworth who said that the mind who found that across many, many people in there, a couple of thousand people in this sample, the amount of time that the mind is not in the present moment is guess what do you think you are so right? Joanne ha about forty percent forty seven percent of the time was with the researchers found that our mind is not here our bodies air here, but our mind is somewhere else the problem with this is that when the mind wanders, our happiness levels decrease so when we're thinking of other things we is not is good even if we're thinking it is not as good as in this present moment so the more that we can show up to be present to the moment of our lives the better chance that we have to engage with what's really here with that relationship with that person with that conversation to and get to be effective to know in that moment that there's a stimulus and there's a response I could make and I have a choice. So the conclusion of this study is that the monitor what the wandering mind is an unhappy mind and if you want to work on your happiness be present so I'm going to give you a really simple tool to bring yourself into the present and you can use this in many different types of situations are you ready? It's called just three breaths just three breaths to do this along with me please just wherever you are stop what you're doing for a moment stand sit pause dropper close your eyes and center yourself feel the air as you draw into your body feel the sensations of the in breath the texture, the warmth, the coolness feel the air is that enters your body fill in your body expanding your chest center in just this breath to release on the next exhale release release any tension negativity stress allow it you just release on the x on the exhale imagine as a sensation that all the attention a stress and just a bit of that residual doubt negativity of whatever sort releases from your body soften and three draw in on this next inhale draw in positivity draw in confidence draw in connection joy draw in love draw in some version of positivity draw in as if it's filling your body with whatever emotion new shoes or overall general sense of positivity now that string it all together just three breaths on the next inhale center unjust this breath feel the sensations on the exhale release and on the next in hell draw in positivity and possibility thank you it's just that simple how can you use this can use it as often as possible, right? Just three breasts to get centered to release if there's anything you want to release and to draw in just three breaths could use it daily you can use it right before a big challenge to help center your mind gain clarity of mind gain that confidence that that the have the priority front and center of what you want to do with the most important thing for you to do right now focus on that to gain focus and clarity of mind you can do when you're having a bad day to kind of like a reset right release reset recover to give yourself a break for a moment from the anxiety from the chaos from the stress to just take a break and you can do it too in fact gain clarity of mind even when you did that in just thirty seconds or so right did you gain a little bit more clarity of mine I bet if you were actually doing it that you did just a little bit of stillness just a little bit of clarity of mine how do you think you could use this tool? Just three breaths no one can say they're too busy for that one. How could he is just three breaths or some version of it would ever make sense for you right make it your own get creative with it own it yeah joanne when the squirrels air always running around in my head I just can't calm down and that would be three breaths yes, perfect. I love that I got this imagery when the squirrels are running around and they are they're like these like feisty little squirrels right really busy collecting in corns and screaming at each other when the squirrels are running around a break just take a break just three breaths kid centered release connect yes, thank you beautiful we could all do that we all do with iran is planning to dio could be ahead of the game right? What else? Yeah alexa when you're in a moment of um like for me it's when I'm traveling often the trip goes by really quick um so when I'm in a place that is beautiful or something that I really want to remember appreciate just take a moment to kind of breathe it all in and remember it great so is a way to show up to your experience right you're there to feel in to where and how and what we're doing right to feel the presence of what's around us to show up to our experience is beautiful so there we have it the three habits of happiness one taking the good he's the three w's or some version of that right get creative too connect just connect we are social animals and relationships are at the heart of our world mean three part appreciation is a tool you can use gift of relationship it's a reflection that you can use or even do it as a meditation really soak in those emotions three show up just three breaths that's all it takes sometimes to get present so now I'd like to challenge you to make a commitment okay to make a commitment of one habit one tool one application that you're going to apply this week when are you going to do it what you gonna do? What which one is it and I want you to commit to and I might even say this like I commit to do what do you commit to because their final gift so that when you go forward this wasn't just a talk this wasn't just some ideas but their change his transformation that happens and it can start with just one step so what is your commitment love to hear them online think for yourself too at home audience what is one thing you commit to k courtney and I really want to hurt you I commit to you with conviction okay uh I commit to showing up you commit to showing up and how are you going to do that was what's the action going toe look like um I really liked what elisa said about really just being present in the moment and I don't want that to just be on my vacations I wanted to be wherever I am and so just to really take in a moment when I feel my mind wondering just taking three breaths even if it's two three seconds on dh just getting back in the moment of where I am yes you're going to show up by when you notice your mind wonder you're going drawback take three breasts or take one breath right and feel where you are beautiful I love it courtney what else rhonda I commit to connect you commit to connect and how will you do that? Give us one example um just even in social environments where there's a lot happening and everybody is sort of partially involved but mostly on their phones yeah to keep my phone in my purse and talk tio the humans in the room you are going to talk tio that's great you know, keep the phone in the room and talk to human beings awesome ok, so you have homework to do right? But it's fun homework it creates an upward spiral of positivity so make it a habit think about what you're going to do when you're going to do it. How long you're going to practice for is if three breasts is at one breath we're going to you know, do this for a week or my going to do this for a day and how are you gonna work around obstacles because many of us have probably intended to do this before? How are you going to work around those obstacles that tend to get in their way? Great so thank you for being with me today and really at the heart of this the reason why I'm here is because I have a belief I have a belief that we all can create an extraordinary life. This is a moment here I'm actually on an expedition boat with my mother and antarctica and this was an extraordinary moment there was fear, silence and icebergs and stillness so extreme, so magnificent but what I believe is that while it's amazing to have those types of extraordinary moments extraordinary life is built from the ordinary moments. It starts within so ordinary a day today in her actions, the conversations, the ice skating, the same. Hello, the decision to get out of bed and make it a great day. That is what makes for an extraordinary life. But the question is, do you have the eyes to see it, the ears, to hear it in the heart, to feel it?