Often as a coach, you have a special role. It's almost like they're inviting you in. "Help me, give me feedback." But that also means sometimes you have the responsibility to point out things that other people won't in their life. So, just remember giving context, what is the thing that's going on? What's the top, what's the area? Here's what I'm noticing, in this case, you're, with Lauren, she was making it a we, instead of a you and I, because there was a fear of putting it on them too much, being too direct. The pattern was, when you're talking, you actually say the word we, and then you said the word "my" later in this interesting way. That was the pattern, what was the impact? Now, someone doesn't really know whether it's their job or your job. So that, again, we're just getting really clear. It doesn't have to be big. It's just, what are we talking about what's the area? And in this case, with Christine, you're going on a little too long, trust yourself. And the pattern was you t...
rail off and you had less confidence in your voice. And the impact is, then the flow of the conversation doesn't keep going. Kind of, don't, can move it along. Then, make sure you add your intention. So I'm always as a coach telling them, "Here's are my intentions, I'm trying to make you better. "I'm pointing this out to help you. "I'm here, I'm on your team, let's do it." They should know my intention, there should be no doubts. Hopefully all of my clients and all the people I interact with could tell you Cory's intentions. Like tell you a whole story about that. Does anyone remember any of my intentions from the beginning of this session? Sam, you got one?
Some frameworks, some tools that we can use in the garage, the metaphorical garage of coaching.
And do you remember why I cared so much about giving you those frameworks or tools?
Because they're effective and because they make us better communicators and they would make the coaching relationship more positive and more productive, for both the coach and the receiver of--
Absolutely, and I'll just add to that. Looking for that intention just 'cause I want you to be able to go out immediately and just do stuff and be better, right away. I want you to leave here and be better. Knowing what you need to do, great. So that's kind of, I try to incorporate that in everything that I do and I encourage you, as well, in feedback. We talked about this, but you have to have both poles as a coach in feedback. You gotta be kind and caring, which we're calling friendly and compassionate. And you need to be direct and firm. Gotta have both of those. And know when to slide and how to be eloquent between them. And don't forget to recognize, this is actually, probably my biggest area as a coach. I'm so shiny and like, "Hey." And people feel that I care about them, there's a lot of love in it. But I can sometimes forget to stop and recognize people's progress and how well they're doing. And I'll just be on to the next thing. Ooh, you've got that one now, what's next? And sometimes it can get exhausting if you don't stop and celebrate with someone. That goes back to the ignition. So I've gotten a lot better, I've grown in pausing and be like, "You know what? "Let's celebrate you." Someone comes in they should, Cory, I did this thing. And I go, I freak out, we celebrate. We talk about it, we might even spend 20 minutes of a meeting just celebrating them. 'Cause in that meeting, what I needed to do is cultivate their ignition not their technique, not their deep practice. And it wasn't, it's not a waste. It's like an oasis, they're drinking, okay, it's worth it. I get to celebrate with my coach Okay, I'm ready to now go back on and camel on, (laughs) right? So cadence of this, think about, can you brief and debrief with people to be a coach, for big things, big events. Or even small ones, small meetings, small events. Normalize the discomfort of feedback. I do a thing sometimes when I'm coaching, I'll say to someone, I'll be like, "Let's role play that." And I can see they're like, (grumbles) "Role play." No one likes role-playing. But, and I'll say, it'll be very tempting to not do that, 'cause I know it's uncomfortable. But it'll help us get better to do it, so let's go ahead and do it. I'm normalizing the discomfort. "Hey, this is uncomfortable, I get it, let's do it anyway." Think of it like sports. I like to think of feedback as watching the game film. You went out there and played the game, well, it's amazing to have someone, it can be uncomfortable, but it's actually amazing to have someone who will rerun the tape for you and watch it and celebrate your successes and help you get better. That revolutionized sports, when we had video tape finally and they can video games or video plays. And be like, "Hey on the basketball court "or on the football field or in the pool, "notice, you did that, that really was great. "Do more of that or you did that, don't do that." It's like, you watch on basketball, it's like, "Hey, you scored the basket and now you're celebrating "and your whole team's getting back on defense "and you're not and your man ran down the other court "and dunked it on your team. "So, maybe after you score, get your butt back on defense "so your team doesn't get dunked on. "Rockstar." So, we can do it kindly. And that's why I think about sports, designs one on one, again, that's what we talked about. So, accountability. It starts with you. If you don't feel like you're great with accountability, you gotta grow your relationship with it. Design a plan with someone that has a chance. If you're coaching me, if you give me too much structure, I will freak out. I'll leave, I won't, (groans) a little structure goes a long way for me. But other people like a lot of structure. So, design a plan that has a chance for that person, but also you gotta push me. If we designing a plan and I don't have enough structure, you could look at it and be like, "That is not a good plan." (laughs) So you gotta use your intuition and work with the person. Feedback helps us stay on course. So, it's like being in a ship before we had radar, GPS and all of that. We have a North Star we're sailing to. If we start sailing to that North Star and we never correct our course, we're gonna end up way far away from that. Because there's so many factors that are gonna push us off our course. Using the metaphor, there's the currents, the winds, it might get dark, the waves, there's so many elements. And in life, there's so many elements that push us off our path. You're working with a full human being that has their whole life and they struggle. And they're trying their best. And they get distracted. They have doubts, they have challenges, they have demons they're fighting. We're all fighting demons. We don't always talk about them, but we are. So, this is what helps them stay on course, is continuing to call things out and to be honest. Radical honesty is our key on this one. Can you be radically honest and eloquent in order, so really, can you be radically honest and graceful? Does that make sense? And the key there is eloquence. Can you really be clear about what is going on with someone and not pull punches, but do it in a graceful way, so that it can be received. If you can do that, people will flock to you and want to work with you and be around you and be supported by you. And what's gonna happen with that is not only are people gonna get better around you, you're gonna feel like a million bucks because, again, if you go back to the needs, you're gonna have growth, contribution and love and connection in your life by doing that. So these are not only skills to get outcomes you want, but to live a life that's more satisfying, especially for someone who cares about serving. Which I think most humans do, if they get the taste for it.