Courage is the thing that I believe, when everyone's going I want confidence, I want con, no you don't, you want courage. You don't want confidence, you want courage. Because courage will push you much further and much farther and much greater than confidence will. Not negating confidence, but it's not the secret sauce for me, courage is. Courage is the thing that you don't know where you're going to go. You don't know what the outcome's going to be. And it is scary, but you go anyway because it's the right thing to do. Because you really want it. Courage is defined as the ability to do something that you know is right or good even if it's difficult or frightening. It's the willingness to take a risk. It's the willingness to bet on yourself. It's a willingness to go into the unknown. And confidence to me is... I'm a little weird sometimes, I know that. I talk about how words and actions have movement. You know, some aren't, they're just solid. Confidence is something to me that's solid...
, it doesn't have movement to it, courage does. Because to have courage you have to take movement. You have to take that first step. Doesn't even have to be a big one. It just can be like the dip the toe in and then put the heel down, and off you go, that's it, you've just had courage, you've just moved forward. And once you open the door of courage there's no going back. It doesn't mean that you don't have to keep calling on that skillset, right, as other things come up, but courage to me overrides fear. Because when you're really scared, and when you don't know what to do and when you feel that paralysis from fear, the courage will actually help you step over the line because it is the right thing to do. Or you want that change. So it actually gives you the momentum to give you the movement. And it is the realm of the unknown. You know, courage is, you don't know. Look at when you think of the word alone, what do you think of? Often you think of people that go and defend the country, right. They defend our country, they have no idea what they're going into, that takes courage. To have a baby takes courage. To raise a child takes courage. You don't know what's gonna happen, but you're going to do it anyway. Right, and that to me is in business, in my business, the risks I took because I had the courage to take that first step to open a business, that takes courage. Right, so that first step, that first action of movement that you take to propel yourself forward in the act of courage can change everything. And the best decisions I've ever made in my business actually, and personally, all took courage. So it has, for me, and again it's for me, but it doesn't have anything to do with confidence. Confidence is great and it has its place and we have confidence. But to be honest what helps me to come and stand here in front of all of you, it's not confidence it's courage. It's having the balls to do it. What helped me succeed with opening a business. I didn't know what was gonna happen. I opened my business at the worst possible time in the economy, it was tanking. It was just tanking. I didn't know if it would work. I just knew that I wanted to do it and I had the courage to take that first step and then work it out from there. And learn from those mistakes. To go on a TV show, I didn't know what would happen, I was just going on a silly competitive show to have a bit of fun, compete with some other hairdressers. I didn't know, honestly, what would happen. And I had no skillset in that so I could have no confidence. I had no idea what I was doing, none. I was not privy to any of the production things. I didn't know what was happening. The only thing that I had was, yes, I had a desire to do it, but the courage to go, sure, what's the worst that can happen? What's the worst that can happen? I may look silly. I may look like an absolute, you know, nutter on TV. People might laugh at me. People might call me names like they did last time. But that's okay, I'll get through it. So it really is the secret sauce for me. And courage is a choice. You know, unlike fear, that kind of crops up from the narrative we tell ourself, you know, the snakes in the head that I like to call them. The situation that we might be in. Fear sometimes is something we can't really control as much, we have a hard time controlling it. Sometimes it comes up with some of the stories I've shared with you. You know, outside of yourself puts you in a fearful situation and brings up fear. So you don't have always control over it, but again the toolbox is designed to work through and know how to control it and know how to move through it. Courage is the thing that actually moves you through it. So if you feel stuck and if you feel like it's not necessarily going the way you want it to go, I would question that maybe you need a little courage. And it is a choice. You choose to be courageous. Fear grabs you, right, it just grabs hold of you. Courage, you go, yeah, I'm scared. Don't know what the hell I'm doing but let's jump. Let's jump. So because of that it actually feels freeing. It actually feels like it's this cathartic, freeing moment. And what I would ask yourself is, what would help you get more courage? If you feel like that's what you need to get where you want to on this journey of what's holding you back, how to be the best version of you, how can you get more courage? For some people it can be as simple as it's really hard for them to break the monotony of driving the work the same every day. Right? There are people that that is how they have to go. So drive to work a different way. There are people that will not go to a restaurant by themselves because they don't have the courage to do that because it feels uncomfortable and it makes them nervous and they get fearful and they don't want to be judged. Do that. Right, to other people that have a hard time with going and asking someone out at a bar if they'd like a drink, or have a conversation with them, go and do that. It doesn't have to be huge. Right, like Paul and I were just talking about jumping into the business, it doesn't have to be that big. But the more you do it the more you have courage in doing something that is outside of the normal of what you would normally do, and jumping in even though you don't know what the outcome's going to be, you build that courageous muscle and it becomes more and more comfortable. And then your self-esteem goes up because you feel better about yourself because oh that was okay. Right? So when you look at some of those examples I gave, in talking about, you know, if you get scared if you want to ask someone out for a drink or if you want to go up and start a conversation, or if you want to apply for a new job. All the things that kind of we think it's fear, and it is because we don't want the rejection, right. We don't want to be told no, it's a little bit of self-esteem, there's a few little bits of ingredients in there. The one thing to kind of dissipate them all and blow them, is courage. When you sit down and have that conversation with a loved one or a staff member that's a really uncomfortable conversation, takes courage. Right, you have to be courageous in it. Because it's uncomfortable. If you're go in, well yeah, like I think you didn't do that good a job today, but maybe we'll work on it next time and talk about it, no, don't know, yeah, well, you know, in the rule book it says, you're never gonna get anywhere. The results aren't gonna change, nothing's gonna happen, there's gonna be no action, your business isn't gonna go forward. Right? So that's why for me courage is the secret sauce of what you need, because it will not only give you action, it will it's this weird thing that I find happens, it may only be me. When I do something that is courageous in whatever way, and it can be something really simple. Like, I know this is crazy, you know I only wear black. I've started experimenting with color. It's very courageous, quelle surprise, right. That took courage for me. Because I knew that everywhere I went, people would go, oh my God you're not wearing black, you're wearing color, that's so weird, what happened? Right, I knew that just because I'm me, there'd be a lot of feedback about it and I would have to deal with all of that feedback. So it took some courage to even do, I know it's a silly thing, sounds silly, she put color in her wardrobe and she thinks that's courage, but it took courage to be able to do that, to make that change. And when you do it, you feel, your self-esteem actually starts to go up. So I would invite everyone to maybe ask themselves, and Cesar, why don't you come up. Is it really courage? Is it really confidence that you want, or is it courage?
Confidence or courage.
Confidence, or courage? You don't work out much, do you?
Just a little bit. Actually now that I've been sitting here listening and watching I feel like I have confidence. I feel like I have courage. I feel like I need to work on my self-esteem.
Okay, tell me more. How did that conclusion come, come about, help us.
Well like other people said, kind of just have that, that presence, and I'm educator so, I get up in front of groups all the time. I'm an introvert, I'm very shy, actually. So being up in front of a group is actually frightening to me, so.
So that takes courage to be able to do that. Especially when you're really shy and an introvert. It takes a lot of courage.
Yep, and I really felt a connection when you said how, earlier how you were saying those emotions kind of show themselves physically. So when I first started as an educator oh I would get sick just at the thought of having to get up in front of people and have a conversation. I would run to the restroom, I would literally get sick. But I kept coming back every single day, every single day to do it. And I've kind of built up that confidence to get in front of everybody and do it and nobody is the wiser. Until I tell them. They're like wow, I never would have expected that. So, what's lacking is the self-esteem, honestly. I can get up in front of people, I can force myself to do it but I'm not seeing the worth in myself.
Okay, so would you like to tell me why? Do you have an idea why?
Maybe I have an idea.
I think it all stems from, you know, like you were saying everything stems from when you're younger. So parents got divorced, young age, about four, and I have a huge family. There's about 10 brothers and sisters. Including me there's 11 of us.
Yeah, huge. And having a huge family you'd think I would grow up with a lot of people but I actually grew up on my own. After my parents got divorced I moved in with my grandmother and I've kind of been on my own, forging that path by myself.
So that makes sense.
So what can you do to work on your self-esteem so that you realize that you're of value?
Just accepting those gifts like you were saying. Because I'm the first person to deflect. But accepting those gifts and just taking them for what they're worth, and then building up that worth in myself.
Yeah, I can guarantee you because I know who you work for that every single one of those young professionals that you stand in front of and teach, value you. I mean, I just know that because I know them and any teacher, right, it's always great to have a mentor, which you are to them.
And you are to me.
Well thank you, but it's getting you to believe that.
So, see how interesting it is, and thank you for sharing that.
It's interesting because we do this all the time, right, I'll go back to kind of how we started the day, perception. Peoples' perception of me. Because we look at one dimensional. We don't often get the chance to get to know people on a three dimensional layer and get to know all of them. So we look at the one dimension. Right, we look at, people would look at me, ice queen, bitch, strong, right, whatever they want to see, they're perception, it's fine. Look at you, as you said it, the first thing I said to you. You work out, don't you, right? Jealous that I don't work out, but you know, you look, and great shape, you know, physical, look really good. Wouldn't expect that you don't feel that way about yourself. And again part of having empathy is just acknowledging that because we all have that within ourselves. But we need to rewrite our own stories to rewire it and to really believe it. That of course you're of value. And if no one else thinks you're of value, which is impossible because I know your students do, you should think you're of value, because that's the most important thing. And as long as you value yourself other people will actually start to value you. Because as soon as you put your boundaries up and value yourself, it is a different way that you carry yourself. And there are different boundaries that you expect from yourself and other people, there is a different expectation. And you need to keep doing it every day. So that you can believe it even if it's uncomfortable. Thank you.
Thank you. (audience applauding)
So, most of the time, and the people that I speak to and I go into their businesses and I work with people, it is typically depending on where they're at in their career confidence can be an issue. So when you're younger in your career and you're trying to, whatever that career is, that's where confidence really comes in because you're still trying to, you know, find your footing, you haven't been doing it long enough so it doesn't feel quite natural. It's like a new pair of shoes, right, they're not worn in enough yet. So confidence feels like it's lacking. But with a lot of the owners I work with and the other business people I work with and the coaching clients that I have, what starts to come up is really self-esteem and holding themselves of worth and of value and where they should be, and courage. And because we don't talk about our feelings and we don't sit down sometimes and open up our awareness to them, we don't realize that it might be a little bit more courage we need. Or it might be a little bit more self-esteem we need to cut ourselves some break and make ourselves a priority, right, so that I do take care of myself, so I can feel better. So the circle kind of loops all the way around. But again, for me I feel that courage is the secret sauce. It's the ingredient that probably gets me through a lot of the situations that I go through. And you all do, because I don't know what the outcome is but I'm willing to take the jump and try and just have faith. Sometimes that faith is in me, sometimes that faith is in something greater. Sometimes that faith is someone else's hands, right, but it's that step because it gives me action.