What is holding you back?
I don't care what it is. I don't care if it's your purpose that you're trying to find, if it's making a change in a job, a relationship, setting up boundaries, trying to deal with a staff member that you can't deal with properly. What is holding you back? You have to answer that question. You know, if you aren't already living your purpose, then you have to ask yourself, why aren't I doing it already? If I know, if I know what it is and I know what I want, why aren't I doing it already? And that's what is holding you back. That's what you have to answer for yourself. Because until you can answer what's holding you back, you don't know how to move forward. We tell yourselves it's money, it's time, right? It's education. I don't have the education for it. I'm insecure. I don't have the right amount of knowledge yet. I'm gonna learn more. I need a better resume. I need more credentials. We tell ourselves all of these things that we need to get us moving forward and to take action. But do ...
you really need those things? Do you really need them? Or can you do it now and then work on bettering your credentials, right? Work on the experience that you already have. So most of the time the things that come up in many different forms when you try and answer that question what is holding you back, fear, insecurity, right? Lack of control. That's a big one for a lot of people. Being complacent, which we talked about. And lack of commitment, because you don't want it bad enough that you have to suffer for it. You don't wanna have to sacrifice or suffer for it. You want the fairy dust. You want the magic sprinkle. And those emotions show up as so many different things because they do show up with saying, you know what, I don't have enough money. I don't have a better business plan. I don't have enough hands-on experience. I don't have, I don't have. Instead of what it truly is when you start to strip it down, which is typically fear, insecurity, lack of control, or not having the commitment to actually follow through on what it is you wanna pursue. You know, when you, I don't care what it is. I don't care if it's starting a business. I don't care if it's changing careers. You don't have to do it all by yourself. That's where the control comes in. When you try and control it all, and you're a control freak. I know, I can put my hand up. I am learning and actively working on relinquishing control. You think, well, I have to do everything. I have to take care of all of it. All of it's on my shoulders. Sometimes it is true because you're a sole proprietor or you're by yourself, so you do take the most of it, but it doesn't mean you can't look outside for help, right? For something, whatever it is, whether it's someone painting the walls, marketing for you, doing your logo. There are a million things that you could look for outside of yourself to take that pressure off your plate. So then what's the next excuse you're gonna come up with? That's my point to it is that looking at what is holding you back and thinking you have to do it all, listening to the dream killers, the people that, nah nah, poo poo, never gonna happen, you're never gonna be able, do you really wanna do that? It sounds so hard. Do you really have the time to put into that? Do you think it's a good idea to spend that money? Right, they're the dream killers. They're the energy vampires that just wanna suck the dream right out of you and squash it like a little bug. But we get caught up in listening to them. So we put it on our list of what is holding us back. Or we tell ourselves, you know what, we'll never change. I'll never change. I'll never be able to have that relationship because every other relationship's been crap so why would the next one be different? It's never gonna change. That's just how it is. I'll never find the right staff because they're just not out there. I just can't find them. I've never had the right staff. It's never gonna change. They're all the things that we plow over in our head and all they do is put those drops of glue that I talked about, and every time you take a step, right? Well, I'll hire this. Ugh. And then you try to lift your foot up and go to the next one, and each time you try to step it gets harder and harder 'cause the glue gets stronger and stronger, and all it's doing is holding you back. Assuming that you know how the end is gonna be. How many times have you done that? Haven't even started the journey and you're already telling yourself what the end is going to look like. Have you done that? I've done that. Telling myself it won't work, it's gonna be too hard, you're never gonna find this, this will never work out. I haven't even gotten in the car yet and turned it on to start on my nice little dream road and I'm already telling myself it's gonna be a disaster. That will hold you back. And fear of getting hurt. Fear of being embarrassed. Fear of being rejected. Fear of failing. Sometimes fear of success. Sometimes although we want to be successful and we crave it and we think it is the answer to everything, we're actually really afraid of being successful, because it changes everything. Sometimes we say I really want to lose weight. I really want to. This is the time I'm going to do it. This is the time I'm going to make sure that I can lose whatever it is that you wanna lose, and it doesn't happen, 'cause you've never explored your why. Why are you afraid to do it? Is it that you just don't wanna put the work in? Are you scared that if you're thin somehow, or lose weight and you're thinner, somehow that is going to change your relationship with your friends, with your peer group, with your partner? If you become really successful and all of a sudden you start making a lot more money, you're gonna be making a lot more money than all your friends are, is that gonna be awkward? Are they still gonna like you? Is it gonna be weird because all of a sudden my lifestyle's gonna go up like this and theirs is still gonna stay here? That could be really uncomfortable. Maybe they won't accept me the way they do now. That makes us scared. That holds us back and we stay stuck. So looking at what is holding you back and working it through and trying to find out what is your sticking point. So where does your fear come from? Ask yourself where it comes from. We all have it. We all have fear. Where is it coming from? What is it holding you back from doing? How is it sticking you in that glue so that you can't move to take the step and go any direction that you want to go in? That's a good question, isn't it? Jeffrey. Jeffrey? Let me grab you a microphone. What...
(mumbles) by the way. As always, as always.
Aww, Jeffrey, you could stay all day. Thank you. (audience laughs) Tell me, what do you think's holding you back?
Probably maybe fear, fear of the unknown, and like you had said, working out an endgame, saying that something is gonna happen, it's gonna be this way, it's gonna be that way, when you haven't even initially tooken the first step. Instead of thinking positively, always thinking negatively, and kind of have wanting to change that thinking.
Do you know what you're afraid of?
Probably just failure. Failure in general, failure at life. You know, not, yeah, being able to amount or make it.
So, thank you, Jeffrey. A lot of people feel that way, right? It's not... I'm not saying you're not rational, but it's not rational. It's not sometimes rational, right? Our fear. We're writing that end story of how it's going to come out, but it hasn't even begun. So here's what I would suggest to you. I could've missed my copy because my mail is really bad, but is there a book of this is how your life is supposed to be, Jeffrey? 'Cause I didn't get that version. Did you get that copy? Have you read it?
I think I have the Cliffnotes.
Because we tell ourselves this is what life is supposed to be, right? This is how life is. Sometimes the life we're telling ourselves that it's supposed to be is someone else's life, right? It's the life that our parents had, or it's the life that our friends have. It's not our life. Our life is different. It's ours. So we write our own narrative of what our life is supposed to be, and if you let fear hold you back, you will never live up to the full potential of the amazingness of Jeffrey. And I'm yet to find the book that's told me how my life is supposed to turn out. Sometimes I wish I did 'cause maybe there wouldn't be so many road bumps. But it's something, we all do it, right? I'm scared to do this. So let me ask you why. What are you scared of? Worst case scenarios. What could happen? You fail, right? That's the biggest one, fail. Beyond hurting, right, beyond anything that physically creates harm for us or really truly threatens your life and puts you in true harm's way of being life-threatening. So your business fails. Start again. Say change direction, twist in the road, right? It wasn't quite the direction you thought it would be. Look at how it could turn into that direction, because you can't let fear decide your future.
We hear it all the time: In order to take charge of our lives and succeed, we’ve got to be bold, honest and authentic. We have to be our best self. But how do we do that? What’s the secret formula for getting in touch with our true selves, understanding what we want out of life and ultimately making it happen?
Tabatha Coffey has the answers and wants to share them with the world. She’s made a name for herself as a smart, savvy, straight shooter who isn’t afraid to ruffle a few feathers in order to speak the truth. Not only has she built her own business empire of hair salons, popular television shows and best-selling books, but she’s got the unique ability to help others in their quest for success.
Coffey will explore what it means to be honest with yourself and others, and the importance of understanding how we perceive ourselves as well as how everyone else sees us. She’ll then help participants identify their goals, face their fears and build the resiliency needed to overcome adversity in our lives.
In this class, you’ll learn how to:
- Figure out who you really are and how you present yourself to the world.
- Own your attitude and live it.
- Identify your fears and what’s holding you back.
- Learn from your failures and mistakes.
- Deal with adversity and unwanted change.
- Build resilience so you’re ready for life’s unexpected challenges.
- Avoid settling and always push forward.