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The Art of Networking

Lesson 4 of 19

ABG: Always Be Giving


The Art of Networking

Lesson 4 of 19

ABG: Always Be Giving


Lesson Info

ABG: Always Be Giving

Always be giving. You've heard of always be closing? "Always be closing!" Right, remember that guy? Alec Baldwin hammering people with closing the deal. This is ABG. Always Be Giving or Always Be Generous. Boom. Giving was shorter than generous so it ended up on the slide. But this is important, right? This is an extremely important principle, because if you're always trying to close, you're always trying to get, right? That's what you said before about well, somebody always wants something from me at the event. Well, people feel that. What they're not ready for a lot of the time is for you to be generous with your resources, your time, your expertise. So we wanna always be giving. We wanna be giving to other people without the expectation of anything in return. And this is important for a few reasons: one, opportunities are usually over the horizon, which means you can't see them right away. It's not the literal horizon, of course. You can't see them right away. These are opportunitie...

s, and I've got a story to illustrate this, but they only show themselves when ABG is applied. So here's a little vignette that illustrated this for me. When I moved to L.A., aw man, probably seven years ago or so, there was a time where I basically got off the plane, threw my luggage in the new apartment, and immediately got a toothache. And if you've ever had a toothache, that pain is like it's in your brain. It's the worst. You can't think, you can't work, you can't do anything. This is pre-Uber, so I couldn't just grab a car and go somewhere. Taxis in L.A. might not even show up. And I couldn't find a dentist that would take my insurance because I didn't have insurance. And so, I just felt like, "What do I do?" I'm calling these dentists like, "Hey, can you help me?" And they're going, "Look, I don't take new patients," "Well, I don't take people from your area," "Oh, I'm not open on Tuesdays or Wednesdays," or whatever. And then they kept saying things like, "Hey look, just go to the E.R., man. Just go to the E.R." And that's not an option, right? 'Cause when you go to the E.R., they probably tie a string around it, and then have the other guy slam the door, and they're like, "You're welcome!" No thanks, I need to have this taken care of in a legit way. So in desperation, I post on Facebook. I'm like, "Who's got a dentist for me? "I cannot walk there. Somebody's gotta come pick me up. "I don't have insurance. Wah!" And this guy I don't even know, 'cause I had my privacy settings on incorrectly I guess, posted and was like, "Hey, my aunt's a dentist, "and she's in your area. Let me give her a call." So he did. I go in, I get my tooth taken care of. Awesome! I got my tooth taken care of! I'm a happy camper, and of course, a few days later, I sent him a message, "Hey, let me know anything I can do, "you just helped me out huge. I really appreciate that." And he goes, "Yeah, you know I'm a graphic designer. "Right now I work at this dumb café slinging coffee. "I hate it, but eventually I'll get a break. "Do you know anyone who needs graphics work?" And I said, "Well we handle that in-house, "but I'll keep my ear to the ground for you," which is a fancy American way of saying, "Whatever. I have no way of helping you. "It probably won't happen, but thanks for offering." And keep my ear to the ground, at the point, meant that. Now, of course, it means something else 'cause that's what we're teaching you here. But at the time, I just had no idea. Well, luckily for him and luckily for us, 'cause this is where the concept comes from, a few days later another entrepreneur said, "Wow, "your website is amazing. Who did it?" The answer is AJ, who you'll meet in a few minutes here. But he's not for hire. He works for Art of Charm. He's not gonna make your website, I'm sorry. But I sent him the portfolio from this graphic designer. I said, "This guy seems nice, "and he just sent me his portfolio. "If you're interested, I'll introduce you." And the company, the whole side, they were like, "Yeah, my boss is interested." His boss said, "Yeah, sure. Let's do it." Make the intro, they end up hiring this guy for about 70, 80-grand, full-time. I mean, not immediately, but he gets his dream job, quits the café, does graphic design, now has his own graphic design company doing this for entrepreneurs who are building websites and things like that. This came from him giving me a dentist that was his aunt. He didn't fix my tooth, his aunt did. So, if he had sent his portfolio to every person that he had met in his entire life starting from birth, he would still would not have met this particular person, most likely. And had I wanted to make an introduction to a graphic designer, and I'd sent every single person that I know a message, "My friend needs a graphic designer," it might not have ever gotten to him. Most likely, it would never have gotten to him. So what happened was, since he gave me a dental appointment with his aunt, he got a full-time job with a niche that he wanted and could quit his dreary café job. This is a really amazing story to me because at the time it didn't mean anything. But now, it's so clear that you cannot find these opportunities that lie over the horizon unless you are giving to other people without the expectation of anything in return. If he had said, "I'll give you a dental hookup "if you give me a job," I would not have any clue how to do that. If I had said, "Look, I'll give you a full-time job "with this entrepreneur," which I couldn't have done, "if you give me a dentist," how would I know how to ask? I wouldn't know who to ask, I wouldn't know where to ask. So these opportunities, they all lie over the horizon. The only way to reveal them is ABG. Always Be Generous and Always Be Giving. And it's a numbers game. Obviously, every person you meet is not going to get a job from you, just like you're not gonna need a dental appointment from every single connection that you get. But you're gonna play this a hundred times, 99 times, nothing's gonna happen, and one time you're gonna end up with the dream client or a new business partner or a significant other or a hairstylist or whatever that's gonna help you in a way that you never expected. Okay? And there's always, always, always going to be something like this that you don't see. Now, we can't predict the outcome of relationships. So that's why we have to be doing the ABG always. All the time. Now, this transactional relationships versus ABG: this little slide probably, yes, okay it is right. Before it was reversed, and it's like, "well, the rocks kinda need to be." So this illustrates essentially the idea that look, transactional relationships they can work. I can say, "Look, I've got a job "for the next person who gives me a dental appointment." How well do you think that would've worked out? It wouldn't of, right? You have to have no expectation of ever getting anything in return. That's really the key, and that's why I keep saying it. Because that's like the one thing you gotta highlight. That network, whatever it means, connecting other people inside it, looking for ways to help other people that you know that don't know each other or that do, facilitating those connections, that is the greatest way to grow it. So since you're making these introductions, a lot of people will say something like, "Well, aw man, I can't just do graphics "for a hundred people. "I'll go broke. I'll go hungry." You are not doing the work. Okay, that is something I wanna highlight as well. You're not doing the work. You are not creating the graphics. You are not removing the tooth. It didn't get removed. I got a root canal. We're splitting hairs now, alright? You're not doing the work. What you're doing is creating the connection, and that's a key point because it'd be really easy to go, "I'll just do a bunch of free websites." How many can you do before your team mutinies? How many can you do before you can't pay rent? What you're doing is you're creating a scalable way to grow your network by making email introductions to other people, or personal introductions to other people. So I might introduce Travis, and I might introduce him to Chris because they have some synergy in some way. I might do that and that takes me all of three minutes to email these guys in the way that we prescribe, maybe four or five minutes. This is not costing me money, it's costing me very little time, and by that way, it is scalable. And other people say, "Well, what if you're doing this "like a hundred times a week?" By the time you're doing this a hundred times a week, you have an assistant, and then they will do it. You're welcome. Because you will have so many opportunities coming at you that you can actually have someone else do this. In fact, I do have my assistant do this all the time. I'll say, "Please introduce Chris to Travis," and then she will get it done because I do this so many times a day that if I did it, it would actually hurt the business. That's how often this is happening. You don't have to do it ten times a day, but you should at least try to do it once. Once a day is tough, but if you start to stretch your brain and figure out how you can do this, you will start to realize, "Oh, there's a lot of people, actually, "that I can introduce to each other, "that may or may not need to know each other." And I know what you're thinking, "I don't wanna waste all these people's time introducing "them. What if they don't need to do this?" We'll get to that. You don't need a lot of money. You don't need a huge platform. The introductions are scalable because they're email. They're not requiring any other resources. You don't need to have a iTunes podcast in order to be able to make introductions. It helps, and we'll get to that platform in a bit, but you already have everything you need to get started especially 'cause of the workbook you're holding, we have a template in there, and in the bonus materials we have another template that shows you what I actually write to people to introduce them to one another. And there are a lot of pitfalls, of course, of not doing ABG, and I know that some people are gonna think, "Aw, well, I like my way. It works fine." Trying to identify the ROI before giving. And this is kinda what I meant when I said, "Look, I'll give you a job if you take care of my tooth." That's ridiculous in this particular example, and yet, when I do business with people or when I talk with other entrepreneurs, they often go, "Well, I just don't see the value "for me here." And it's like, "Ugh! "You're not understanding!" There might not be any value for you here. That's fine! You don't get value. You get to make the introduction. Keeping score: this is an interesting one that a lot of us do subconsciously. It's kind of like... Here, I'll give you a personal example instead of a business example because I think it'll be more ridiculous and hammer home. You pick your friend up from the airport ten times, and then she never picks you up from the airport. And then one day you're like, "You know what? "I'm sick of this! She never picks me up from the airport!" "Well have you asked her to pick you up from the airport?" "No! But you know, she never does! So, I don't even know "if we're friends anymore!" Right? That can happen among couples. It can happen in businesses. It can happen in relationships. And you know this is ridiculous because how is she supposed to know? She's gonna read your mind? This is absurd. And yet, often we'll say, "Look man, "I introduced Travis to like three people. "That punk never introduces anybody to me! You know what?" And the next time I see him, I'm like, "Pssh! "Get out of here, Travis. I'm sick of you!" And you're thinking, "I thought we were friends!" Because I'm keeping score. I built a covert contract in my head that he doesn't know about. He's never heard of this. It's a covert contract: an agreement that I made with him, that he never heard of in his entire life, that he broke somehow, and now I'm mad about it. If you had friends like that, if you had relationships like that, and you were a healthy person, you'd be out of there super fast. Come on, don't do it in your business. Those covert contracts are toxic. And you wanna commit to the habit of making introductions. The more your introduction is a want or a need that both parties have, both sides of the equation, the more social capital this will create. And there's no real metric for social capital, of course, but great introductions, they don't have to be job-related, they just need to be meaningful, and they need to be relevant. And we'll teach you how to check for that as well. There's just never been more ways to introduce people, there's never been more ways to connect with people. Facebook messenger, text, email, phone, in-person. There's a million ways to do this, and you don't have to, again, don't overthink it. That's where a lot of people go wrong with this as well. It's never been easier to create more interesting, easier introductions. In fact, we have a networking, Making Introductions worksheet here that is right after the other one. That's good organization isn't it? Building Social Capital, Making Introductions. You're gonna introduce two people who you know that have not already met one another. And a way that you can check for that is you can ask them. Again, don't overthink. Pick three pairs of people to introduce. Ask each person individually if they're comfortable with it. We have in the bonus materials, something called the Double Opt-In. So when you check those out, which you guys will get, it shows you how to create an introduction that's not annoying for either party and avoids a lot of the common pitfalls that bad introductions have where you might end up embarrassing yourself or embarrassing the other party in the introduction. So grab the bonus stuff and put the pairs down here, and then beneath that you can create a reason why these two people should meet. And if you can just do one pair now, that'd be great, 'cause I know some people need to rack their brain. Pick one pair of people. Pick one reason, and we will move right along, 'cause I wanna make sure you guys get all this delicious content for the time being. And you wanna repeat this every week. This isn't like, "Oh good, I did this thing "at CreativeLive once and it worked." Do this every week. In fact, I have this on my calendar on Mondays. I have it scheduled. There's just a half hour block that's like, "Make an introduction that's useful." And I actually end up doing, I do it probably several times a week, but it has to happen on Monday in the morning. Chris, we doing good online? Anybody with anything urgent or confusing? No, nothing that's urgent. But I'll get your take on this question from MJK who just says, "What if I don't, "I feel like I don't know anyone worth introducing "to anyone else?" Like do you ever think, "Ah, I know all these friends, "but what are their values? What do they do? "What could they offer to my other friends?" Does that ever come up when you're trying to connect people? It does. It does come up, and what I want people to really understand here is that it doesn't mean like, "Hmmm, well, MJK can't introduce this coffee-maker "to this coffee-importer, "so I guess I'm not gonna create any million-dollar deals." Often, it can be like, "Hey, you know that my friend loves escape rooms." "Really? We love escape rooms. Well, I'd love to talk "to him because he lives in a different area, "and if he knows all the escape rooms in that area, "and we know all the escape rooms in this area, "we can trade recommendations." Useful introduction. "Oh, you know, I'm going to work, "and the office is in another part of town." "This person works over there. "They probably know a lot of the restaurants "and coffee shops. You should meet." Everyone knows people that they can deliver value to other people in their network. The problem comes when we set the bar too high. We gotta lower the bar. Lower your standards! That's always the answer, right? Set the bar lower. You don't have to create, "Well, you know they got married, so good work, Jordan!" No, just how 'bout, "This person told me "about a good coffee shop that actually has usable Wi-Fi "in the area." Useful valuable connection, that is still useful and still valuable. So don't, again, don't overthink it. Set the bar lower, and you will find plenty of available introductions in your network. Your network is unique to you. If I'm looking for your network, it's a rare commodity. If I'm looking for your pocketbook, your ten thousand dollars is just as valuable as my ten thousand dollars, which is just as valuable as his ten grand. So, if you wanna be more valuable than say, your checkbook if you're in business, or a commodity that you sell. If I sell rice, and you sell rice, our rice is probably substantially similar. Maybe there's differences in rice. Maybe petroleum's a better example, right? This network is the one, it's really one of the only things that's unique to us, because it's the only thing that we have that can't be readily purchased or replicated by somebody with more resources. Because it involves time. It involves time and energy, and that's something that you really can scarcely purchase. And so, if you have a bank account, you don't have any money, this is taking the money excuse off the table for a lot of the young folks out there who are watching and listening. A lot of people go, "Well, I don't have "any money, so I can't do any "of the stuff that you're teaching, Jordan. "I guess I'm gonna go online and play World of Warcraft now. "See you later." You can be irreplaceable to an organization, to a circle of friends, social circle, to a relationship because you are making connections. And you can make, since we know we can make connections by introducing other people, I don't have to have anything that valuable, right? I could be a 20-year-old. In fact, this happens to me all the time. People who listen to the Art of Charm podcast, they say, "Hey, I met this amazing author, "it's my favorite author, at a bookstore, "and I got their publicist's email address. "You should totally have this person on the show." And I go, "Great, I would love to, "and now I don't have to look up the right contact? "Meh, make an email introduction." This kid did that and he goes, "Alright, "I know I might be asking too much, "but can I come and watch you interview this person?" And I said, "Sure, but I'm doing it in my house, "so you gotta drive here." This kid drove down, sat with me and his favorite author, and he submitted some questions before we started talking, and he got to hang out, have lunch, watch me interview his favorite author, and ask questions of his favorite author because he saved me the trouble of writing an email, and got his butt down to my studio to do the show. That's really valuable to me. You just saved me time. You got me a warm introduction to somebody I might've had to dig for a while. I might never have bothered. That's the value you can offer. And so you don't, again, don't overthink this, and don't set the bar too high. Business fundamentally is just people selling things to other people that they know and like. And I think that there's a popular cliché out there, I know there is, in fact, called, "You only go as high as your five closest friends." This is a Jim Rohn quote, I believe, and it's true. If you're hanging around with a bunch of scumbags, you might end up a scumbag. Take it from me, right? I know this from first-hand experience. But don't ditch your friends. This is not a motivational class. This is a soft skills course here at CreativeLive.

Class Description

Do you go to networking events and not have the confidence to approach people?

You arrive at an event and your heart is beating quickly and your palms get sweaty. Soon enough all of your charisma and charms go out the window. You try to lock eyes with someone so that you can find a someone to lean on in what can feel like a sea of strangers. But everyone looks happily engaged in conversation.

This is what many people feel when they enter a networking event. These are completely natural reactions, even for the biggest extroverts. The great news is that people go to these events to meet strangers, so you’re in the same position as everyone else.

Jordan, AJ, and Johnny, hosts of one of the Top 50 iTunes Podcast, The Art of Charm, will teach you how to no longer feel like you lost an opportunity.

They will teach you how to no longer be a wallflower and start making the most of the events that you attend.

At the end of this class: 
  • You will be able to walk up to anyone at a networking event and make a connection.
  • You’ll have new found confidence in yourself. You’ll be able to connect in business and real relationships with anyone.
  • Be able to authentically sell yourself. No matter what your product is, you will be able to do it.

Set yourself apart from the rest and learn how to maximize your networking potential.


Melissa Dinwiddie

Not only are these guys entertaining and fun, but the material in this class is stuff you can take action on right out of the gate. Even if you do that with just one or two of their suggestions, it could make a world of difference. And if you follow *all* of their advice? You'll be a networking rockstar! Thanks, Art of Charm crew! Great class!


Great class! It focused on the basics of human interaction and how to make actual connections, not just collecting a bunch of numbers. The instructors did a great job of delivering really solid information. Educational and entertaining!