Your Network Defines You
You're gonna wanna name five individuals, you don't have to get all five right now, but I think you probably should have them top of mind, the five individuals with whom you have spent the most amount of time in the last three to six months. And no fair being like, well, they're my family, so I can't write them in. Write them in. You all know you got a stinker in your family. Most of us do. And then when you're done with that, name two individuals with whom you would like to spend more time. It doesn't matter if you don't even know them yet. It'd be great if you did, but you don't have to. Name two individuals with whom you'd like to spend more time. One you should at least already know. The other one can be aspirational if you want or they can both be people that you know. And what we're looking at here is we wanna make sure, after you write this in, in fact, is there anything else online while these guys get a little bit of a chance to write?
What about the fear of rejection? I thi...
nk that's also a big thing with networking and connecting people, "I'm afraid of getting rejected when I try to make these connections."
That's a great question, and it's a really profound one in that everybody listening is probably going to have that or has had that and they're going, "Oh, he's just gonna tell me to suck it up." And that's not what I'm gonna do. With the double opt-in, which we show you in the bonus materials which you have in the workbook as well, in the worksheet. With the double opt-in, the point is to get rejected some of the time. And what this means is if I say, pardon me, what's your name again?
Tim, I'm like, hey, Tim, I'm gonna introduce you to this guy. He's a friend of mine, he just got out of the military. He was in Saudi, his name's Travis. You're like, "I already know Travis." I'm like, "Shoot, that's right, I'm sorry." That's a rejection that's totally okay. And you're like, "Yeah, it's no problem." Unless we all three met yesterday and then it's weird. But if you already know him, then it's totally normal and it's fine. It's not really a big deal that you rejected me, so to say. Or I might say, "Hey, you know what, this guy just got back from the military. He was in Saudi." And you go, "I know that guy, I cannot stand that guy. I'm gonna pass on this introduction." And I go, "Well, okay, you guys have history. I don't wanna get in the middle of that." That's a fine rejection, too, it happens. It's not my responsibility to know that. If I wanna connect you two and you say, "I'm just really busy right now. I just had a baby and I can't, just can't do it. I'm just too busy." Well, I don't look bad for having tried. So all of this fear of rejection that a lot of us seem to have, it really comes down to it means something that they said no to me. And it doesn't mean anything. It has nothing to do with you. The rejection comes from them not having time, them not wanting to do this. In fact, if you don't try to create this social capital and introduce other people to each other, you're, of course, never going to create that social capital. You're never going to create that goodwill. If you get rejected a few times but you did it in a way that doesn't cause any embarrassment because you did it with the double opt-in, now you're doing well. If you use the double opt-in formula, the rejection isn't embarrassing. The rejection becomes embarrassing if I go, "Hey, Tim, meet Travis, you're on an email thread right now." Then Tim's like, "Bro, you're killing me. We already know each other." Or "Oh, crap, now I gotta answer him. I've been avoiding Travis for three months. You're throwing me under the bus, Jay." That's what we don't want. We wanna ask you first and you first if it's okay. That's the double opt-in. And then when you both say yes, then you make the connection.
So what if I reply with, "Why are you doing this intro and what's in it for you?"
You won't have to because what's going to be in that introduction on the double opt-in example is "Hey, I want you to meet Travis because you both lived in Saudi Arabia." Or "You're going into the military and he just got out of the military. You're both doing something in the Middle East." Or "Actually both you guys are fluent in Moroccan Arabic, how random is that?" You might wanna talk about those things. But it doesn't really matter because you're the one who gets to give the final approval. But if I'm asking you if it's okay and you go, "Man, I'm drowning in Moroccan Arabic speakers. I don't want another one." Then you can just say no. Or if he says, "I can't speak another word of Arabic or I'm going to have to run my head through a wall. I'm so sick of it, I've been around it for too long. I'm back in the States, I wanna re-learn English now." You guys can both say no. You can both reject it at any time. I don't look bad for having tried. I only look bad if I don't try at all and I'm selfishly accepting or if I'm sending you an introduction every single day and none of them are a fit, it's because I'm not thinking about why there's a good fit. I get a lot of bad intros. You can imagine what my inbox looks like. And a lot of it is something like, it's either me on the thread with the other person, and I go, "I'm just gonna reply, "Sorry, I don't have time." And now you look bad because I just rejected the intro. And I'm not even gonna say hi to the other guy 'cause I don't want dialogue here. I might say, "Hey, man, I'm really sorry to both of you but I can't do this." Now it's embarrassing 'cause I didn't do the double opt-in. However, if there's a reason that that person keeps sending me bad intros, I might privately reach back out and say, "Hey, if you wanna do an introduction, what's the actual value that you think there might be?" And it doesn't have to just be value for me. If somebody's well-connected or has something of value to another person in my network, I'll take that intro and then pay it forward. And that's yet another reason. So the idea that you might get rejected, it might happen, but it's not going to reflect poorly on you unless you are just completely not thinking about the value that's in it for the people you're introducing. So it's always about what's in it for them. And that goes back to the pitfall of keeping score and looking for what's in it for me. If I'm introducing the two of you because I secretly want something from you guys, same crap with the covert contracts and the bad agreements and the keeping score. All that stuff ends up being toxic. It has to be completely ABG. I'm just hooking you guys up. If it never comes back to me, it's part of the game, and it's okay. So flip to the back of the worksheet. Are you happy with the influence those people have had on you? That's the surprise question, right. Are you happy with the influence those people have had on your life, those five people you've spent the most time with. The answer often is not so much. This is a big block for a yes and no answer. So I think you could write one sentence in there. And you could write more. Yes, but dot, dot, dot is fine too. And the other question, what positive influence would you expect to gain from spending more time with some of the other people that you wrote in the blocks below. So if somebody is a fitness guy, really fit, always doing stuff. And you're like, "I wanna spend more time with him, man. The guy is jacked. He's always cycling and swimming, man. I wonder if he would show me how to surf." That kinda thing. You can write in there maybe I'll learn how to surf. Maybe I'll learn how to bike. Maybe I'll learn Iron Man stuff, I don't know. Whatever you're into.